How I Feel About The Recent Season Quest

reading sex is sooo much more fun than watching sex

the calendar was not kidding when it said september

and in between all the cooking and dishwashing, i let myself take a breath but i just get reminded of how empty i feel inside and nothing is okay for a while

i shouldve lied about my age on here

i hope i sleep and wake up in a dream where i'm a jellyfish that floats forever without a thought

i want to sit in the lap of a pretty girl and kiss her stupid. intertwine my hands with hers and watch her smile and pull me closer. i want to wrap my hands around her shoulders and feel her arms around my waist and trace her lips and be lost in her warmth forever. i want our noses to bump accidentally so we pull back and look at each other and laugh over what we have. i want to kiss her lips and cheekbones and neck and jaw and forehead and eyebrows and everywhere. i want her to hold me and trace kisses down my neck and touch me in ways i've never touched myself. i want a girl to lay me down on a bed and make me hers

i guilt myself the most i am the one with the bugs that crawl around my stomach and make me cough my heart out so i dont have the strength to live as a real person who feels moderately and all my emotions are leaking over themselves and sinking me in im not sure how ill survive adulthood

under pressure

AFTERSUN 2022 dir. Charlotte Wells

going on a walk to clear your head is OUT. going on a walk to make yourself upset on purpose is IN