Nadia Waheed, "after Rego," 2022, Oil On Canvas

Salomé 1919 by Max Oppenheimer

im filled with so much sadness inside of me and i dont know where to put it all

oh and i hurt. i hurt everyday and every i ever said to you feels like a lie and a part of me dies because i feel like a fool for being vulnerable. i wish i never opened myself up and showed you how the blood in my body flowed

new year, consistently corrosive me

They joys of being a normie passing gay is that you can hear the conversations the straight people are having in your life absolutely uncensored. I feel like KGB spy strolling around in the US during the Red Scare

thinking about that quote by anne carson, "I am someone who did not die when I should have died." and yeah. im wandering the earth with an empty heart and a filled mind like a sick little ghost. it hurts even more when i dont fit into the atmosphere around me and everything feels drowsy and unsettled. im not meant to be here i was meant to disperse and dissolve and disappear years ago and u can tell because i dont fit into this world. im not part of this world like everyone else. im too empty to care and live and love

i need to hug my mother and cry into her neck because i miss the warm embrace of her womb and this bed is too cold for me; i just wish she held me. i just want her to care for me forever, no matter how bitter and painful loving me is

miyazaki hayao is my role model

i wish i had an older person to take care of me forever. someone who'll kiss me and care for me and tell me that everything will be alright. someone that will tell me what to wear and what to eat so my mind will remain clear and i don't have to worry about anything other than suffocating in their smell and their warmth and i can just follow them and do what they want because the thought of following my own mind scares me and i am worried i'm going to be the reason for my own demise because i am evil. i want a heroine to sleep with me forever and kiss my neck so i can remain sane. is that codependency

sometimes i just feel this crumbled up piece of paper in my stomach and it wont go away and instead my mouth gets dry and im scared of everything and the next day seems so far away and im choking on my own fears and not sure if ill make it through