Thieves In Time Redux Characters

Thieves In Time Redux: Rewriting the tutorial

You guys likely already know how Thieves In Time Redux begins. Penelope gets dragged into the events of the game against her will. Let's go over how she does during the story's opening...

We open near the museum, same as in canon. The only difference? There's four figures instead of three. The opening exchange now includes Penelope.

I'll just go ahead and show you the entire thing...

"Okay, you three remember the plan, right?"

"Of course! My mind is like a steel cap!"

"Uh, that's 'trap', Big Guy. And everybody relax! We've been over it a million times. What could possibly go wrong?''

"Famous last words! Look, we're only going to get one shot at this, so we can't mess up!"

"Alright, no messing up allowed. Now stop worrying! This is gonna be a piece of cake!"

"Question. Is it too late for me to back out?"

"I'm afraid so. You're coming with me, remember?"

"...Fine."

"We won't be out here forever, Sis! All we gotta do is take that dagger, do our thing, and clobber some fools into next week!"

"...Right. I'll keep that in mind."

"And with that, I'll see you all inside. Now let's get going!"

Penelope will be joining Bentley in the sewers. Before the opening, she had been targeted by kidnappers. She told Bentley about them in a panic, and... that's why she's here. She doesn't get enough time to vanish without a trace. Oh, and her blueprints for Le Paradox's blimp went missing.

Spoiler alert: They were stolen.

Sly's section is identical to canon, save for a few new lines. Same deal for Murray.

Bentley's section is changed up to accommodate Penelope. She'll only be following him for now... at least until her segment begins.

Just like in canon, Bentley falls deeper in the sewers... and gets separated from Penelope.

"How's that security system coming, Bentley?"

" Uh... Great! Perfect! I'll be done in a jiffy! *moves forward, only to realize he didn't land where he was supposed to* H--how did I...?"

"I thought you said 'no messing up allowed', old friend."

"I'm... taking the scenic route tonight!"

"Uh-huh... *short pause* You haven't forgotten Penelope, have you? Aren't you supposed to be watching her?"

This leads to a tutorial section for our favorite mouse girl. Her objective is finding Bentley. She's also given a title: The Wild Card.

"Sorry, I'm a little nervous. Nearly losing you to kidnappers does that."

"'A little', you say? You've been a nervous wreck ever since we left HQ."

Since this happens to be Penelope's very first solo outing, poor Bentley is freaking out. Penelope, meanwhile, isn't nearly as uneasy. She's just annoyed that she's been dragged into this adventure against her will. Not that she can tell Bentley why...

She instead tries to reassure him that yes, she can take care of herself... only to immediately follow that up by trying to run off. Bentley, of course, thinks she got lost and turns her around. She plays along and evades suspicion.

Since running off is no longer an option, Penelope goes off to find Bentley... When she does, he's in the process of almost getting jumped by a guard. She responds by knocking said guard out... because nobody touches that turtle except her.

Now reunited, they move onward to the same control room from canon.

Everything after that is nearly identical to vanilla. Yes, even Murray's segment. And yes, even Carmelita catching Sly in the act of thieving around.

The only difference is Penelope now being in the van with the boys as they all drive into a time portal.

Not a bad intro, huh? I've already talked about everyone's character arcs in previous posts, so here's a quick recap...

Sly learns that maybe ditching his friends on Kaine Island wasn't the best idea.

Bentley learns that he needs to not be overprotective of Penelope, but rather supportive.

Murray... doesn't go through much of a arc. He's focused on being a good older brother towards Penelope.

And Penelope? She's got a lot to learn about friendship. I bet you can't wait to see how she goes from distant and not wanting to be here to willing to take responsibility for what she's done. Because yes, she is still responsible for the Le Paradox incident in this rewrite.

I won't be writing Penelope as a sociopath, but rather as someone disconnected from her friends and what she actually needs.

I kind of neglected to mention that since Penelope is still behind the events of this game, she's going to be a bit confused about how Le Paradox's evil plan has gone ahead without her.

Lastly, I want to address how long it's been since the end of Sly 3. It's been roughly 19 months since Sly started faking amnesia.

At the beginning of this rewrite, Sly and Bentley are 22, Murray is 23, Penelope is 21, and Carmelita is 25. No clue about Dimitri or the villains.

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sometimes you need dialogue tags and don't want to use the same four

I want to believe Penelope was kidnapped and impersonated. She still designed the blimp. Her impostor (an evil robot) did everything else. Even her motive was fabricated.

Here's something that could happen in Sly 5.

When the boys (Sly, Bentley, and Murray) eventually find out and take her back, she's going to be a guilt-ridden mess hell-bent on destroying her impostor and her creator for breaking Bentley's heart and making everyone hate her, with several measures of self-loathing for nearly doing the same thing herself.

The reunion scene would need to happen early in the episode in which this story takes place, during the second mission, and no later. That way, the player can get used to her being fully playable for the first time ever before the boss fight.

All three boys, while elated to have Penelope back, will quickly notice that something is seriously wrong with her. They think her impostor did everything, including designing the blimp. When they ask her what's wrong, she refuses to elaborate.

Bentley is especially concerned, but incredibly proud of his reinstated girlfriend for her enduring loyalty.

Cue Penelope pulling her weight several times over during her return episode and defeating her impostor, only to be consumed by all the guilt and confess to none other than Bentley about her treachery by the end. The only thing she doesn't reveal is her motive, saying it doesn't matter because what she did was wrong.

And because I love a good, happy ending, she will be forgiven. She's already spent the entire episode proving herself in spades. As for Sly and Murray's reactions? I'll leave that for you to decide. Would Sly drive himself crazy over not knowing her motive? I think he might.

I realize she will need a very sympathetic motive for this idea to work.

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Penelope- One last Glance by Moon-Shyne

Sly has such a way with words

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Some Editorial Vocabulary

definitions of terms during the writing, editing and publishing process

Acknowledgements: Text in which the author thanks those who’ve supported them.

Action beat: Short description that comes before, between or just after dialogue.

Adjective: A word that describes a noun.

Adverb: A word that describes a verb.

Adverbial phrase: A group of words that describe a verb.

Afterword: A concluding section, often reflecting on the book’s creation or providing additional context.

Anaphora: The deliberate repetition of words or phrases at the beginning of successive clauses for artistic effect.

Antagonist: An adversary. The character who creates obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, or behaves in a hostile fashion towards the protagonist.

Anti-protagonist: A protagonist whose own actions create opposition and conflict, often within themselves or against their own goals.

Apostrophe: A punctuation mark used to indicate possession, omission and, occasionally, a plural.

Appendix: Space in a book for material that doesn’t fit comfortably in the main text.

Asyndeton: Literary device through which a sentence’s structure follows the following pattern: A, B, C.

B-C

Back matter: Also end matter. Elements reserved for the back of a book, including appendix, glossary, endnotes, bibliography and index.

Beta reader: Test-reader who provides feedback on book.

Bibliography: List of all works cited in book, and any other work of interest to the reader.

Chapter drop: The space above and below the chapter title.

Character arc: Narrative that shows how a character changes and develops.

Characterization: The process of revealing a character's personality, traits and motives through actions and dialogue.

Colon: Punctuation mark that introduces additional/qualifying information about the clause it follows.

Comma splice: Two independent clauses joined by a comma rather than a conjunction or an alternative punctuation mark.

Conjunction: A word that connects clauses or sentences (e.g. ‘and’, ‘but’, ‘if’, ‘then’)

Copyediting: A review of grammar, punctuation, and spelling, ensuring consistency and accuracy in the manuscript's language.

Critique: Also manuscript evaluation. Report analysing a book’s strengths and weaknesses.

D

Denouement: The final part of the book in which all the plot strands are brought together and resolved.

Deuteragonist: A sidekick or confidante character who has the most influence on the protagonist, often helping them solve problems and overcome obstacles. Can be critical to driving the plot.

Developmental editing: Also structural editing. The improvement of a manuscript's structure, content, and overall narrative, focusing on big-picture elements. Attends to plot, characterisation, narration and pacing.

Dialogue tag: Also speech tag. Words that indicate which character is speaking (e.g. John said).

Dialogue: The lines characters speak in a book.

Diversity reader: Also sensitivity reader. Test-reader who checks for misrepresentation in books.

Double-page spread: Also DPS. The view of a printed book or PDF when opened so that the left- and right-hand pages are both visible.

Drama: The conflicts, emotional intensity, and impactful events that drive the plot and engage readers emotionally. The focus is on character relationships, motivations, and the consequences of their actions.

Dropped capital: Decorative first letter of the first word on the first line in a chapter. Larger than the rest of the text and drops down two lines or more.

E-F

Ellipsis: Punctuation mark that indicates a trailing-off or a pause.

End matter: Also back matter. Elements reserved for the back of a book, including appendix, glossary, endnotes, bibliography and index.

Endnote: Additional useful information at the end of a chapter or book.

Filter word: Verb that tells rather than shows (e.g. ‘noticed’, ‘seemed’, ‘spotted’, ‘saw’).

Folio: Somewhat old-fashioned term for page number. Also used to refer to a page.

Footnote: Additional useful information at the bottom of a page.

Foreword: A recommendation of the work written by someone other than the author.

Fourth wall: In books, the conceptual space between the characters and the readers.

Free indirect speech: Also free indirect style and free indirect discourse. Third-person narrative that holds the essence of first person thought or dialogue.

Front matter: Also prelims. Includes part title and title pages, foreword, preface and acknowledgements.

Full point: Period or full stop.

Full stop: Period or full point.

G-L

Glossary: Alphabetical list of important terms with explanations or definitions.

Habitual past tense: Uses ‘would’ or ‘used to’ with a verb to indicate events that happened routinely in a time past.

Half-title page: The first page of a book with any text on it; in a printed book, always a right-hand page. Contains only the main title of the book.

Head-hopping: Jumping from one character’s thoughts and internal experiences to another’s. Indicates viewpoint has been dropped.

Imprint: Publisher’s name.

Independent clause: A group of words that contains a subject and a predicate.

Index: Alphabetical list of all topics, themes, key terms and cited author names covered in the book, and the corresponding page numbers.

Information dump: Also word dump. Information that’s necessary to the story but isn’t artfully delivered, or weaved creatively into the narrative and dialogue.

Line editing: Also stylistic editing. The refining of a manuscript's language, focusing on consistency, clarity, flow and style at sentence level.

M-O

Maid-and-butler dialogue: Dialogue in which one character tells another something they already know so the reader can access backstory.

Manuscript evaluation: Also critique. Report analysing a book’s strengths and weaknesses.

Narrative arc: Also story arc. The structure and shape of a story.

Narrative authenticity: The believability and truthfulness of a story so that the characters and events feel real within the framework of the novel’s world.

Narrative distance: Also psychic distance. How close the reader feels to a character’s thoughts, emotions and experiences within a story.

Narrative: Story. The part of the book that’s narrated, excluding the dialogue.

Narrative style: The author's unique manner of storytelling, encompassing language, tone, viewpoint and other structural choices.

Narrative voice: The style, tone, and personality through which a narrator or character tells a story to readers.

Numerals, Arabic: 1, 2, 3 etc.

Numerals, Roman: i, ii, iii etc.

Omniscient: All-knowing. Refers to a viewpoint style in fiction writing.

Overwriting: Using too many words on the page. Often characterized by repetition and redundancy.

P

Page proofs: A file that’s reached a stage in the publishing process where the text and images of a manuscript have been laid out in their final format.

Pantser: A writer who doesn’t outline or plan story structure, but flies by the seat of their pants.

Period: Full stop or full point.

Perspective character: Also viewpoint character. The character through whose eyes the story is primarily told. The narrative lens through which readers experience events, thoughts, and emotions within the story.

Plot: The sequence of events in a novel.

Point of view: Also viewpoint and POV. Describes whose head we’re in when we read a book, or whose perspective we experience the story from.

Polysyndeton: Literary device through which a sentence’s structure follows the following pattern: A and B and C.

Predicate: The part of a sentence that contains a verb and that tells us something about what the subject’s doing or what they are.

Preface: An explanation of the purpose, scope and content of a book, and written by the author.

Prelims: Also front matter. Includes part title and title pages, foreword, preface and acknowledgements.

Pronoun: A word that replaces a noun (e.g. I, you, he, she, we, me, it, this, that, them those, myself, who, whom). Pronouns can act and be acted upon like any noun.

Proofreading: The final pre-publication quality-control stage of editing where any final literal errors and layout problems are flagged up. Comes after developmental editing, stylistic line editing and copyediting.

Proper noun: A named person, place or organization. Always takes an initial capital letter.

Protagonist: The leading character in a novel, often facing central conflicts and driving action.

Psychic distance: Also narrative distance. How close the reader feels to a character’s thoughts, emotions and experiences within a story.

Purple prose: Overblown, poorly structured writing with strings of extraneous and often multisyllabic adjectives and adverbs.

Q-R

Quotation mark: Also speech mark. Punctuation that indicates the spoken word. Singles or doubles are acceptable.

Recto: The right-hand page of a book.

References: List of all the works cited in your book.

Roman typeface: Not italic.

Running head: Text that runs across the top of a page (e.g. title of the book, chapter title, author’s name).

S

Scene: a distinct segment or building block where specific actions and events unfold in a setting.

Scene technique: The use of dialogue, action, setting, and tension to craft compelling moments in the story.

Semi-colon: A punctuation mark that indicates a stronger pause than a comma between two main clauses.

Sensitivity reader: Also diversity reader. Test-reader who checks for misrepresentation in books.

Speech mark: Also quotation mark. Punctuation that indicates the spoken word. Singles or doubles are acceptable.

Speech tag: Also dialogue tag. Words that indicate which character is speaking (e.g. John said).

Story arc: Also narrative arc. The structure and shape of a story.

Structural editing: Also developmental editing. The improvement of a manuscript's structure, content, and overall narrative, focusing on big-picture elements. Attends to plot, characterisation, narration and pacing.

Style sheet: In which an author or editor records stylistic and language preferences, and tracks who’s who, what’s where, and when X, Y and Z happens.

Stylistic editing: Also line editing. The refining of a manuscript's language, focusing on consistency, clarity, flow and style at sentence level.

Subject: The thing in a sentence that’s doing or being something.

Subplot: A secondary storyline that supports and enhances the main plot of a narrative.

Suspense: The tension, uncertainty and anticipation created by withholding information, raising stakes or placing characters in imminent danger. Readers are kept guessing or forced to ask questions.

Syndeton: Literary device through which a sentence’s structure follows the following pattern: A, B and C (or A, B, and C).

T

Talking-heads syndrome: Dialogue that isn’t grounded in the environment or the characters’ responses to that environment.

Tense: The form a verb takes to indicate when an action happened in relation to the telling of it.

Tension: The emotional strain or suspense created by unresolved conflicts, stakes or uncertainties that keep readers engaged.

Tertiary character: A functional character who gives the story realism and depth, but doesn’t significantly impact on or influence the plot or the development of the other characters.

Theme: The novel’s central idea or message about life, society, or human nature.

Title page: Includes full title (and subtitle if there is one), author’s name, publisher’s name, logo, volume number, and edition.

Transgressor: A character who commits morally, socially, or legally questionable acts.

Tritagonist: Third most important character, who often provide regular emotional or physical support, but don’t determine how the story develops.

U-W

Unreliable dialogue: Dialogue that doesn’t match a character’s true voice, mood or intent.

Unreliable narrator: A character whose telling of the story cannot be taken at face value. They may be naïve, confused, or deliberately manipulative.

Verb, intransitive: A verb that doesn’t have a direct object (e.g. ‘I giggled’).

Verb, transitive: A verb that has a direct object (e.g. ‘wrote’ in ‘I wrote a book’).

Verb: A word that describes doing. Can refer to a physical action (e.g. to dig), a mental action (e.g. to wonder) or a state of being (e.g. to be).

Verso: The left-hand page of a book.

Viewpoint: Also point of view or POV. Describes whose head we’re in when we read a book.

Viewpoint character: Also perspective character. The character through whose eyes the story is primarily told, and the narrative lens through which readers experience events, thoughts, and emotions within the story.

Vocative: The form of address for a character directly referred to in dialogue.

Word dump: Also information dump. Information that’s necessary to the story but isn’t artfully delivered, or weaved creatively into the narrative and dialogue.

Source

Cooper Gang members' birthdays (and Carmelita)

Sly: May 20 (Taurus)

Bentley: September 13 (Virgo)

Murray: February 26 (Pieces)

Penelope: December 30 (Capricorn)

Carmelita: October 31 (Scorpio)

Not sure what to give the others.

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Quick Tips for Writing Protective Tension

One character immediately steps in when something happens, overprotective much? The other one is like, “Chill. I got this.”

They stand just a little too close, constantly checking if the other person’s okay, but trying (and failing) to be subtle about it.

“Be careful,” “Watch out,” or “Don’t do that,” every two seconds, like they’re babysitting, but it's all about concern.

One of them puts a hand on the other’s shoulder, almost possessively, like, “Don’t worry, I’m here.”

They instinctively move in front, even if it’s something minor like a crowded street or a heated argument.

Internal conflict writing ideas

Not everything has to be fight scenes

—Losing something of emotional value and remembering its history and why it’s important to the character

—Reliving a traumatic event

—Running into an old friend who’s either completely changed since they’ve last seen each other or far too similar, leaving the character to wonder about how they’ve matured and grown compared to this other person

—Internally deciding if they should voice a fear or concern to the group, even if they might look silly or ridiculous doing so

—Friends vs family in terms of choosing who to follow and listen too

—Feeling unqualified to work on a project or be apart of the adventure

—Romantic feelings for someone they shouldn’t and dealing with how they should proceed internally. (THIS MEANS RIVALS OR FORBIDDEN ROMANCE. NOT ANYTHING ILLEGAL!!!)

—Thinking about mortality and death after being reminded of an late friend/family passing

—Being less talented at something years later when they used to be the best in that field

—Finding an old photo that carries much more emotional significance now than it did X years ago.