Cccc Au We're After The Events Of C4 Darrel Goes Through Cacophony

A little vent I did with a bit of a happy ending (don't worry btw it's just nice to write about it)

 I look into the mirror, and a tight knot is tied into my stomach. A bubbling starts in the depths of my gut and crawls up my body into my chest. It was very similar to how I felt when I got car sick on summer road trips as the feeling of throwing up grew inside me. The big difference is that it’s much more concentrated and there's a lower likelihood of throwing up. Much lower but not none. There was the obvious fact I’m quite fat or “chubby” if you didn’t want to be too blunt about it. Maybe I could deal with that if it was distributed more femininely, but I guess it makes sense why it wasn’t. My stomach bulged out, and the fat pushed out the side, messing up my back as well. There’s a unique torture in understanding you’re trans but not being able to do something about it. You have a need you can not fill. A hunger while the apple’s branch pulls upward every time you reach for it. Having no mouth and an intense need to scream. My family might be accepting, but there’s definitely the chance they’re not, especially with some things I’ve heard dad listen to. Even if I came out today and they embraced me as Kathrine fully, the next problem is the problem of money. The idea of insurance covering HRT is almost laughable, and even with how it would improve my well-being, it would be selfish to ask for it while we have more pressing payments and medical problems. Just two more years, I suppose. Two more years of hating the name everyone but my friends call me. Two more years of cuddling in my bed pretending to be a pretty girl to soften the blow of reality. Two more years of feeling like a creep when I imagine myself as that girl. Two more years of making social media accounts under Kat to feel any amount of euphoria. Two more years of telling my friends to call me that horrible name around my parents. Two more years of hiding my google searches and YouTube recommendations from my family. Two more years of hating every atom of me when my grandma calls me a nice young man or a fun boy. Two more years of writing stupid words in a google doc to vent. Two more years sound like a long time when you put it like that, but I've been doing this for a while, and a lot changes when you take a different perspective. Two more years till I can tell everyone to call me Kat. Two more years till I can take the magic blue pill to feel more like me. Two more years with great friends that help me. Two more years to save up money to not only be able to buy HRT but hopefully much more. Two more years of getting better at writing. Only two more years till I can be me. 

Not nearly enough likes on this

I decided to make an official reference for how I like to draw Heart.

(W/o notes and tears under cut.)

(I drew this man’s face eight times until I was happy with it.)

Trans visibility day you know what that means

+10 bragging rights

-15 TRANSparency

*laughs to self*

If I must

Mind drawing I did today

Sometimes, I wish I was more narcissistic because my emotions are either that or saddened disassociation. Yeah

It's weird being perfect and the main character and probably a God or something, but I got to wait for my character growth before then. God, you guys don't know how lucky you got it

I did not know I needed Chonny and Heathers

*throws this* HEATHERS AU LMAO Really just for an excuse to draw to draw them in outfits that realistically none of them aside from Stratos would WEAR LOL

Also a ghost Stratos in Chandlers bathrobe lmao. @socialc1imb is the main proprietor to this by HER THREATENING TO GHOSTIFY SOUL ANYWAY LMAO

Pelted by an image in my brain I needed to draw

This is a fucking nightmare

They're right there

Thinking about doing Jashtober but as writing prompts instead of drawing ones. Thoughts?