Oreo Pancakes

that hum he does when he’s reading comments

Gotta keep a straight face u guys

based on this post

HP theory: Salazar Slytherin left the basilisk to help the students, not attack them.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about Salazar lately, and his Chamber of Secrets, and the basilisk. And I think it’s possible that the common perception of why he built the Chamber might be way off base. 

First, let’s start with what we are told about the Chamber. I’ll preface this by saying that I’m discounting information from the movie and focusing on the book because…well, movie. In then second book, Prof Binns tells the class that “Slytherin, according to the legend, sealed the Chamber of Secrets so that none would be able to open it until his own true heir arrived at the school. The heir alone would be able to unseal the Chamber of Secrets, unleash the horror within, and use it to purge the school of all who were unworthy to study magic.”

This has always struck me as odd–the founder of a school wanting to kill children? Yes, he argued against admitting Muggleborns, which he saw as a serious security risk for the other children. But killing them is a very different thing altogether. In fact, on this same page, Binns dismisses the tale as “ludicrous.” There is no written evidence of Salazar’s reasoning; instead, all that’s left is a legend that has traveled by word of mouth, supposedly for a thousand years. Students are likely to twist even the most banal stories into legend, so the idea of “purging the unworthy” doesn’t seem very reliable. Plus, most important of all–who’s the one student who knew most about the Chamber, who talked about it to other students? Tom Riddle. It seems to me that there is a very good chance that “purging the unworthy” was really HIS motive, not Salazar’s. 

Next, let’s look at the animal itself. The basilisk is an incredibly unusual animal, and not because of its ability to kill. There are literally countless other ways to kill wizards, especially wizard children, a large number of which are much easier and would arouse less suspicion. Additionally, the basilisk can only kill or petrify a limited number of people at a time–assuming only one person can look it directly in either eye at once, that means it can only kill a maximum of two students at a time. This is highly ineffective for a large school. Spells would have been better! Blood curses would have been better! Simply jinxing the sorting hat to mark muggleborns would have been better. But he doesn’t do that. His reasoning can’t be because he’s a Parselmouth and can speak to snakes, because, remember, he never planned to use the basilisk himself. He never DID use it himself. In addition, the attacks are easy to prevent: looking through lenses or using reflections can foil an attack, and a 50-foot long snake is easy to see and attack (don’t forget that at the time of Hogwarts’ founding, there were no pipes for the snake to move around in. It COULD NOT have been Salazar’s plan for it to use the pipes.) This thing would never have been able to kill many students before the professors found it and stopped it. A “purge” of a large portion of the student body seems almost impossible. 

In addition, we know that basilisks do not answer to every Parselmouth. This is clear in book 2, for while Harry can understand the basilisk, it does not answer to him at all. Leaving a creature behind that might not respond to his own Parselmouth descendants, and could therefore attack even purebloods, is completely illogical and out of character. Everything that we have seen of Salazar speaks of him striving to create a safe place for his chosen students, not put them in danger.

Then there’s the fact that the basilisk had been put into a kind of suspended animation. It had lain dormant for centuries. Put that into Salazar’s own timeline. We know he had children, because we know he has heirs. We know they were magical. We can be reasonably sure they attended Hogwarts, as it was the only school in existence at the time. If Salazar really intended for his heirs to purge the school…why didn’t they? If that were his intention, he absolutely would have told his own children or grandchildren about it. Even if we try to explain that away by saying he feared the other founders, there’s no reason why his grandchildren wouldn’t have taken up the cause. But they don’t. For TEN CENTURIES. His descendants spread far and wide, they even go on to found magical schools in other countries (!), and not a single one opens the chamber until Tom, who was raised not by wizard parents, but in an orphanage. 

To me, there is only one explanation: Salazar did not intend to wipe out Muggleborns. He did not tell his descendants to awaken the basilisk and purge the school. That cannot have been his plan. If it had been, why on earth wouldn’t they have done it, and why would he have have chosen an animal that even his own children had at best a 50/50 chance of being able to control? Why not a curse, or a jinx, or an animal that would kill of its own accord? Why take this animal and deliberately put it into a stasis in which it can’t hurt anyone?

Because there’s another important characteristic of basilisks: their venom. It can destroy horcruxes. Basilisk venom is one of only two things in the entire wizarding world that can do so. This makes it incredibly important in the fight against dark magic, perhaps the most important tool there is. Out of Voldemort’s seven horcruxes, a whopping five of them were destroyed by basilisk venom–the cup and the diary with fangs, and the locket, ring and Nagini with a sword that had been imbued with the venom. The fight against Voldemort could NEVER have been won without that basilisk and its venom, especially since basilisks had not been seen in England since the 16th century. Without Salazar’s basilisk, there is a very good chance they would not have found another one. And that venom could even have been extracted from the basilisk while still dormant. 

It is because of Salazar Slytherin and his basilisk that Voldemort was defeated. Because Salazar did not purge the school of muggleborns; because he did not instruct his children or grandchildren to do so; because he did not place a conscious monster in the school. Instead, he took the most valuable tool in the fight against the dark arts, placed it in the safest stasis he could, and stored it in the safest place in the wizarding world. He left that tool as a precaution against any dark wizards that would ever threaten Hogwarts. 

And it goddamned worked. 

Noelle Build Guide

Noelle is a character that everyone has access to and is a fan favorite. She’s also been on several rate ups recently so I figured I’d go ahead and do a guide for everyone’s favorite shield maiden.

Role

Noelle is an interesting case because when you read her talents and kit she screams support, but she’s actually much better as a DPS....if built right. This is in large part due to her not regenerating energy well on her own. Generally, supports need good ER to be effective at their role. It’s one of the main reasons Bennett is so good at what he does. When a support can’t contribute energy particles to the rest of the team it makes them feel very clunky to play and outclassed by other supports.

Basically, Noelle is a support character that needs to be supported, so it’s honestly easier just to build her as a DPS.

She can be a bit challenging to build at c0 for this role, but doable. If your Noelle is c6 then she’s a monster.

Noelle can still be a great support, especially at c1+. She just needs other supports that can help her regenerate energy so she can keep her ult up.

Gameplay tip: When using her to heal use her spin charge attack to get the most healing per second

Talents

As a DPS prioritize Noelles normal attacks first, her Burst second and her shield last. As a support do the exact opposite!

Noelle’s talents ascend with books of Resistance, Hilichurl Masks and at higher levels, Dvalin’s Claw.

As a support Noelle is fine to stop at Lv70/80. As a DPS take her to Lv90

Weapons

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Redhorn Stonethresher; The Unforged; Wolf’s Gravestone; Skyward Pride

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - Serpent Spine; Whiteblind; Blackcliff Slasher; Litchic Blade;

Redhorn Stonethresher is BiS. If your energy recharge is high enough, the BP weapon Serpent Spine is second best for main carry Noelle because she can abuse its passive. If ER is low Skyward Pride can be better than SS. If you don’t want to spend the $10 and don’t have any of the 5⭐️ listed above there are other options in the blackcliff and litchic claymores. Keep in mind that Atk% claymores like the Unforged and WGS are better than *most* 4 star options, but not as effective as the other options listed since Noelle scales off Defense, especially with c6.

The craftable weapon Whiteblind is BiS for support Noelle. It’s not really recommended for DPS as much as the other listed options though.

Artifacts

Overview - DPS

(4pc) Husk of Opulent Dreams; (2pc) Husk, (2pc) Archaic Petra; (4pc) Retracing Bolide; (4pc) Gladiator

If your Noelle is c6 Husk of Opulent Dreams is without a doubt the best set bonus to go for. Even prior to c6 It’s still the most consistent option.

Stats

Timepiece: Atk% or Def%

*Run Atk% unless your Noelle is c6, then run Def%

Goblet: Geo Dmg Bonus

Circlet: Crit

Sub Stat Priority

(~180%) Energy Recharge > Crit > Def% > Atk% > Def > Atk

Overview - Support

(4pc) Maiden Beloved; (2pc) Maiden, (2pc) Husk of Opulent Dreams; (2pc) Maiden, (2pc) Retracing Bolide

Any of the above sets can work depending on what you want to get out of Noelle. For more healing, Maiden is the best bet but it can also be paired with Husk for stronger shield or retracing Bolide to make her more tanky during sweeping time. 🧹

Note: Defenders is better for overall stronger shield whereas Bolide is better if Noelle is on the field a lot. Bolide only affects the wearer, not the entire team.

Stats

Timepiece: Def %

Goblet: Def%

Circlet: Healing Bonus

Sub Stat Priority

Def% > Energy Recharge > Def

Support Noelle keeps it simple with stats. Stack DEF% and ER and she’s good to go. Shoot for at least 180% ER

Team Comps

BiS teammates for Noelle are other geo characters that can help her regenerate energy particles. This is almost a necessity as a DPS to keep the uptime of her ult. Gorou is her best support as DPS.

Beyond Geo Resonance Noelle doesn’t really have too many limitations as far as team comps go. As a DPS she pairs well with sub DPS who can battery her to keep her ult up. Gorou, Zhongli and Albedo are amazing options if you have them. Bennett and Fischl are good partners for their shield breaking capabilities and Fischl’s off-field damage. Xingqiu is also a great battery. As a support you just swap Noelle in to tank damage and heal her your teammates with her charged attacks so really she works with anyone, but she will need a battery.

Team Samples

F2P - DPS

Noelle + Geo MC + Xiangling + Fischl

DPS

Noelle + Zhongli + Albedo + Gorou

Noelle + Geo + Bennett + Fischl

F2P - Support

Geo MC + Noelle + Xiangling + Fischl

Kaeya + Noelle + Fischl + Geo MC

Support

Ningguang + Bennett + Noelle + Xiangling

Zhongli + Bennett + Noelle + Fischl

TLDR

Noelle is a really cute character that comes in clutch if she’s built right. She is much better overall with her constellations but still viable even at c0. Her talents ascend with books of Resistance, Hilichurl Masks, and Dvalin’s Claw. Serpent Spine and Whiteblind are her best weapons for DPS and Support respectively. Husk of Opulent Dreams is her best artifact set.She relies on her teammates to regenerate energy for her since she can’t do it on her own.

If you’re a Noelle stan hopefully this guide was a bit useful :)

Beidou and Xinyan are up next!

Bruce was ready to throw hands the second Luther started badmouthing his kids and that’s exactly how it should be.

any room can be a panic room if you just give me a fucking second

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

Taegi, Jikook, Namjin, Yoonmin, Taekook Fics

What Can I Do? Your Eyes Became My HomeQue rant:

oKAY GUYS

There is this absolutley brilliant author who goes by SOFTAGUSTD on AO3 and is @phanadox on tumblr and I felt the tremendous need to reccommend you every single one of her stories.

Settle Down and Let Me Know If You’ll Stay // Taegi, Namjin, Jikook “I can grant you three, no wait it’s four. Four wishes! Just say the word!” “What?” Or the one where Taehyung is a genie who found himself in the company of a drunk with a wicked personality and can’t help but want to make him happy. (FREAKING AMAZING (although legit all of them are))

You Were Beautiful On A Sleepless Night // Yoonmin, Taekook, Namjin “So you’ve been eavesdropping on my conversations with my family?” “Yes, now, listen. About that rash you’ve been talking about, I looked it up and found some medicine.” “Fuck off!” Or the one where Yoongi can’t sleep so he goes out into his balcony to smoke and listen to the family upstairs talk. And the Park’s family doesn’t know how to shut their balcony door.

It’s Still Beautiful How You See the World // Jikook, Namjin, Taegi “Wait, you promised him that if he graduates from high school, you’d date him?” Or the one where Jungkook confesses to Jimin in middle school. Jimin thinks Jungkook is too young to know what “love” is so he promises to date Jungkook after he graduates from high school and starts college. Now that Jungkook has graduated from high school, Jimin starts to back out of their promise.

Weight of Playing with Fire // Yoonmin, Yoonseok, Vmin “He’s walking this way, grab my ass!” “But mine’s coming this way too, grab my hand!” Or the one where Yoongi and Jimin fake-date to make their unrequited love(s) jealous.

From Here and throughout the Night // Taekook, Yoonmin, Namjin “We were deceased!” “I think he means deceived.” Jungkook leaned into Taehyung, covering the microphone as he whispered into his ear. “I think you mean deceived.” “Ah, yes!” Taehyung nodded. “We were deceived!” Or the one where Taehyung’s father runs away from his company, leaving Taehyung in charge. And leaving Jungkook in charge of the company and Taehyung.

I Know It’s Over By Spring // Jikook, Yoonseok, Namjin The one where Jungkook has been using Jimin as a slave since elementary school. Then one day Jungkook gets into an accident and suffers from memory loss and instead of feeling bad, Jimin decides to take his revenge.

The Last Scene for Our Dream Night // Yoonmin, Taekook, Namjin “They said they’ll fix it in an hour, which means we’re going to be stuck here for that amount of time. Will that be enough time for you to stop crying or should we tell them to give us another hour?” Or the one where Yoongi is bad luck, Jimin is good luck, and they’re soulmates.

Days Are Numbered So Move On // Jikook, Namjin Vhope Jimin is a spy. Jungkook is training to be one. Hoseok trains the agents to have agility. Seokjin just wants to be Employee of the Month. Namjoon is the leader nobody asked for. Taehyung loves the kids books. And Yoongi is in the wrong occupation. Or the one where Jimin is stuck training the new spies because of his last mission and Jungkook insists on being a nuisance to Jimin.

I Write Songs About Your Stupid Anecdotes // Taegi, Namjin, Jikook Taehyung keeps singing Spanish songs while Yoongi is trying to tutor his students. Jimin keeps “forgetting” his keys at Jungkook’s apartment. Namjoon won’t forgive Seokjin and Hoseok is the glue of all these six idiots. Or the ‘listen i know we’ve been best friends for years but i’m trying to tell you that i’m in love with you so will you fucking stop singing spanish songs’ au that no one asked for. (The first one that I read, that had me hooked! It was freaking amazing, and it inspired some of my writing.)

At 4 O’clock, I’ll Stay // Vmin “I hate him so much, Yoongi, I’m thinking of saying he has rats in his stupid bar just to get rid of him!” “Well, what did he do?” “He said that I was the best soccer player and shouldn’t talk shit about myself!"Or the one where Taehyung goes to Jimin’s bar to talk bad about his latest soccer matches and Jimin waters down his drinks by "accident.”

The Art of Lost Stars // Yoonkook, Vmin “You were supposed to come five hours ago.” Jungkook sighed, handing Yoongi a couple bills. “I know, time got away from me.” “Away from you, my ass. You’re lucky I didn’t walk out on the kid.”“I’m sorry, thank you.” Yoongi scoffed, looking through the money. “Your kid is upstairs asleep,” he pocketed the money. “She kept asking where he dad was.” Jungkook licked his lips, wiping his palms on his pants. He never knew why he got so nervous around Yoongi. Maybe it was the tattoos spread all over his arms, the piercings on his lip and eyebrow, or the fact that Jungkook had the biggest boner in the world.

What Can I Do? Your Eyes Became My Home // Yoonmin “I don’t care if you’re cupid or the fucking Gingerbread Man, I’m not falling in love with that guy so stop shooting arrows at my ass!” Or the one where Jimin has the record for most successful Fallings and Yoongi is a centimetre away at ruining that record.

I haven’t tagged the two KNK fanfics but if you’re fans of them PLEASE GO READ THEY’RE AWESOME AS WELL

jungkook was supposed to play the girl in house of army

a few weeks back i looked up the source of “we deserve a soft epilogue, my love” because it’s such a lovely, evocative line and i wanted to know the name of the poet who wrote it and it was. from captain america fanfiction.