Now Who’s Gonna Tell Me Why I Be Looking Bmi 20+ When Im In The Low 18-high 17 Range 😒😒

HUZZAH the laxatives kicked in and it looks like I’m back down to around the 52kg mark give or take. I mean I still look fat as hell and hate myself so much for letting myself gain but the binge episode has passed and I feel more in control, more like myself.

I’m taking a break from laxatives starting tonight and I’m so anxious because they’ve been my lifeline but I gotta do what I gotta do 😔

God I want to binge so bad I’m not even hungry but the urges are killing me I forgot how hard the first day restricting after a binge was

Debating if I should get sushi & miso soup before work or just stick to my regular toast hmm hmmmm

God I’m so disappointed in myself, I ate over my calorie limit. I mean to be fair I haven’t binged and I’m still under 1000 calories so it could be worse but I’m still upset I feel so fake and undisciplined.

Oh fuck oh no oh no oh no purging isn’t working nothings coming up fuck fuck fuck

I’m fasting until I reach 48kg or until I can get enough of this fucking fat off me my life has gone to shit rhis is all I have

GUYS YOUR NEVER GONNA BELIEBE WHAT I GOT MY HANDS ON, A WHOLE 6 PACK OF CADBURY CHOC CHIP HOT CROSS BUNS HALLELUJAH (now I just gotta make sure not to binge on them, I think I’m gonna try give a couple away and then OMAD the rest for the next couple days)

All I wanted was to OMAD a hot cross bun but ofc they are all sold out smh😔

I love my therapist she’s chill as but my god does she not know how to deal with eating disorders, like I’ve opened up to her about it in the past but I don’t think she understands the severity of it. Like she dismisses it really easily and whenever I decline food in our sessions she says “are you dieting again?” in a very laugh out loud way if that makes sense. Like I know she’s not intentionally trying to dismiss me I don’t think but it makes me feel like I’m not disordered enough and that she must think I’m too fat for it to be a problem. It’s whatever though, just gives me more motivation to get worse. I’ll show her “dieting”.

Sadly still painfully bloated y’all, my mums gonna get me some medication to try flush it out but if it doesn’t work I gotta go to the doctor #prayforme