People Calling Kevin Toxic For Andriel Are We Reading The Same Series???

nathaniel wesninski had been dead for years before they left him buried in baltimore. he had been dead, but he’d also been ever-present, pacing in the muffled beat of alex’s footsteps, crouching beneath the hooded circles under stefan’s eyes, twitching at the base of chris’s trigger finger. pulsing in the pit of abram’s throat as he stuck a lighter to the hood of his mother’s car. he crawled into bed at neil’s side when he tucked away his brown contacts and pulled out his binder. but neil, abram, alex-stefan-chris, weren’t the only ones he haunted, because he haunted evermore too. he was the silhouette that sat on the edge of the bed opposite jean’s when zane wasn’t in the room. he was the phantom that drew cold fingers over the number that should have been his scrawled on the face of the boy he should have been able to save. he was the speck of light jean saw when he opened his eyes underwater long enough he forgot how to breathe. he was the glinting edge of a box-cutter and the creaking floor of a wooden box and the stale air in jean’s lungs from 48 hours in hell. the point separating 11.9 from 1.19. misplaced forever partners united by being haunted by the same ghost.

About how Kerejeandreils cope with their traumas

Jean often has nightmares on his bad days. When the boundaries of anxiety grow to an exorbitant size, he go to Jeremy.

Neil's triggers can be triggered by any little thing (words; sudden movements). Of course, he won't admit that he's not okay, but Andrew doesn't need to say anything. He himself will take Neil away from everyone, where they will smoke in silence.

Kev may not eat for weeks and lock himself in a room, but that doesn't mean the guys won't find a way to get to him. Their sunny boy just picks the lock, but no one comes in until Kevin himself lets them in.

That's how they find out that Jeremy didn't have a sweet life either. And even if his teenage riots and escapes from home are not the nightmare that the guys had to go through, his problem are not devalued.

Andrew never talks about his bad days. He is a defender, and it behooves him to be strong and not show weakness. This delusion, which he has convinced himself of, doesn't suit Knox, so Minyard can no longer ignore his condition.

Jean asks Andrew to teach him how to fight with knives. This is far from the best way to deal with trauma to rape, but Minyard agrees to help with the only condition: Jean will sign up for a session with Bee. If necessary, they will go to it together.

Neil's "I'm fine" eventually loses weight completely in their company. Everyone understands that this is utter nonsense.

One day, after a grueling interview, Kevin just finds Jeremy and lies with him in silence for several hours. He was tired. It infuriates him how journalists try to get into his personal life. He feels bad. But next to Jer, everything gets a little better.

Evenings Andrew barricades himself in the kitchen, devoting himself to cooking. Maybe it's stupid, but that's how he calms the demons in his head.

Neil, stepping over his fears, takes Jean by the hand, and runs his palm over his scars. He doesn't avoid touching, unlike Andrew, but this is also an important step forward. Especially after what happened in the Nest.

They're not fine, but it's okay. They overcome their demons together.

A list of things kevin does for neil post-evermore

Wakes up on the raven schedule with him so when he waits in his dorm he isn't alone and kevin can help him figure out the time

Casually reminds neil of the time, so he knows he isnt losing time anymore

Let's neil be extra harsh on him in team practice when hes cleared play, cause none of the others would understand raven playing.

Helps ease neil back into non-nest food (I hc they had ridiculously strict diets there)

Mindlessly shares clothes & food with Neil because ravens share everything

Helps him take care of that tattoo - ensure it wouldn't get infected

Right after Neil gets back from evermore he finds himself looking over his shoulder for jean everywhere he goes and his vaguely anxious when he finds no one there. Without out saying anything kevin falls in to place right behind neil on his left side right behind him. Close enough that if neil leans back he can feels Kevin's chest and not for the first time since evermore he is grateful.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it."

A very quick doodle because @wymack was talking about Kandreil and now I have a mighty need

his swagless breakdowns have captivated me

Neil & Jean

HOW IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

SHE SAID THAT THEY WERE DATING, MY BABIES ARE IN A FUCKING SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP

Synchronization of horrors.

It had to happen one day. Jean sees flashes of other people's hands in front of his eyes, shying away from Kevin's soothing touch. All he can do is squeeze out a pathetic "no" on the verge of hysteria rising to his throat.

Jeremy is at Moreau's side at the same moment. He has seen how him lives through such attacks, and knows what to do. Kevin steps back, allowing Jeremy to sit Jean down on a chair. It is not easy for him to realize that he can do nothing to help his second beloveds who has survived violence.

Andrew and Jean are inherently very similar. They wrest control from the world. On bad days, Andrew only lets Neil in, and Jean only lets Jeremy in. No exceptions. They are their safe place. Fair enough, considering these are the people who managed to figure them out faster than anyone else.

Synchronizing their shared nightmares is maddening. Neither Andrew nor Jean like to show their vulnerability, and these days they try to avoid each other, going in different directions. They literally trigger at the sight of each other.

This day is just one of those when Kevin wants to burst into tears from impotence. The horrors of the past overtake his guys at the same time. Word for word, and Andrew does not hold back with words, in fact, like Jean.

It hurts.

It opens up old wounds.

Neil crawls out of his and Andrew's room. He does not approach them, pausing in the doorway. Jeremy shakes his head, and Neil realizes that neither he nor Kev have anything to do here. He pulls Day away by the edge of a home stretched T-shirt. The sound of shuffling footsteps hangs unpleasantly in the atmosphere of a quiet house.

"How's Andrew?" Kevin asks, and Neil shrugs vaguely.

The exact answer is: in the abyss of nightmares, mired in the swamp of the rolling past. Neil doesn't say that. If Minyard wants to, he will tell everything himself.

Kevin accepts Josten's silence. They curl up together on the sofa in the living room, clinging to each other like drowning people. The Ravens destroyed Jean. The system destroyed Andrew. Their hastily glued fragments cut painfully and without warning not only them.

Neil wraps his arm around Day's waist, looking oceans of pupils into his eyes. The storm hides inside him, infecting Kevin with quiet anger.

"It's so fucked up, Kev."

The muffled sound of French deafens them both. They would give anything not to understand fragments of Jean's panic attacks in his native language. It's scary. Details of the horrors of his past.

Kevin nudges Neil lightly in the back.

"Maybe you should go to Andrew. He needs you a lot more than I do."

Neil isn't moving anywhere. Andrew asked for space, and he's giving it to him. After all, who is he to violate his boundaries? He's much more useful here, next to a completely lost Kevin.

Kevin Day One-Shot

This is a little snippit of Kevin’s first couple of weeks living in dorms after leaving the nest (pre- the foxhole court). I’m just trying to get a grasp of Kevin and Andrew’s dynamic in the beginning and ended up writing a k about Kevin trying to cook eggs for the first time. I’m operating on the assumption that Kevin’s life was pretty strictly controlled in the nest.

CW: Discussion of disordered eating | food insecurity

Kevin was frozen in the kitchen and wasn’t that annoying. The pan was slowly getting hotter, the bottom burning some dark substance encrusted to the stove top where someone, probably Nicky had spilled something without bothering to clean up. The scent made him sick. He knew he should probably pour some oil in the pan or atleast take it off the heat so the non-stick coating wouldn’t be ruined, or at least that’s what Renne told him two weeks ago. The pan was smoking now.

A soft shuffling came from the doorway behind him. The sound didn’t startle him but the presence of another body was enough to break his trance, and he grabbed the pan with his right hand, moving it off the heat. Later, when Kevin met Neil and then Nathaniel and then Neil again, Kevin would learn how to be alone but for now he let himself be relieved at another person’s breathing softening the silence. People were Kevin’s first vice, before the vodka and maybe even before exy. He wasn’t certain that he existed when he was alone, sure that his body would disappear if no one’s eyes were constantly holding it down from slowly seeping away into the floorboards of the court and making sure his body was still made of flesh and bones instead of nylon lace and hardened plastic. The night time glow streaming through the window was an unfamiliar blue instead of red and wasn’t this whole thing annoying.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Andrew’s voice was rough with sleep.

 Kevin turned to him, hyper aware of his muscles forming the lost expression on his face. He was never good at hiding his reactions, especially from Riko, never from Riko. When Keven didn’t say anything, Andrew just stared back at him, unmedicated expression blank. 

After a while, Andrew hummed and walked around the counter into the kitchen. He didn’t look at Kevin as he grabbed the vegetable oil from its place on the second shelf. Kevin didn’t move even as Andrew reached across him, maintaining his prescribed two inches of space between skin, to grab the pan which was sitting uselessly on the cold backburner (And wasn’t that funny) and sit it back on the still hot burner. He turned the knob to medium heat. Reaching into the fridge, Andrew moved aside Nicky’s half full jug of orange juice and a couple beers to grab Kevin’s carton of eggs. It was full - he had just bought it today. 

He hadn’t even been planning to buy them. The Palmetto student athlete contract included full access to a dining plan with a wide variety of balanced nutritional options for him to properly fuel his body for exy. He had no reason to use the kitchen in their shared dorm room, but he had walked past the over priced campus grocery store on his way back from class and stopped. A sickening buzz of adrenaline had clawed its way up his throat when he pushed open the door. Entering a grocery store felt like falling off a cliff, the little door bell his last warning before free fall, and didn’t that just make Kevin want to break something. Instead he bought a carton of eggs at a 200% markup and now they sat on the counter in his dorm room kitchen at 2 in the morning. The nest didn’t have a kitchen.

Andrew grabbed an egg, still in silence, and expertly cracked it against the edge of the counter, then unceremoniously dropping the contents of the egg into the pan. He did this three more times in quick succession. They stood shoulder to shoulder listening to the sizzling cracking sound of the oil, not looking at each other. After about a minute or two, Andrew seemed to deem the eggs as “done”,  though Kevin didn’t know how Andrew could know, seeing as he didn’t even set a timer. He divided the eggs onto two plates. Two for himself and two for Kevin. Andrew walked over to the table and sat his plate in front of himself and then slid the other plate with perfect precision to rest in front of the seat across from him. The plate made sure to make a mocking scraping sound on the way over to its destination. 

Andrew devoured his eggs in seemingly two bites and then finally raised his eyes to meet Kevin’s. In the dim kitchen they were impossibly dark, not a hint of their usual gold. Kevin dropped the eye contact, he regretted it instantly and stared down at his eggs, ears burning. 

The thing was that Kevin hadn’t planned this far ahead. He’d already tried to make eggs twice. Once as soon as he had gotten back from class, still riding whatever nauseating delusion that had caused him to go into the store in the first place. He quickly realized that he didn’t know what temperature you were supposed to cook eggs at: was it a slow cook at low heat or a fast fry at high heat? And once the eggs start cooking, how long do you leave them for? And maybe he should separate out the yolks and just use the egg whites? His neck had started heating up and his knuckles turned white around the spatula, trying to stop himself from snapping it, not that he really cared if he broke the cousins’s shitty dollar store spatula. He ended up watching an old exy game instead.

The second time, he made it as far as the fridge, before he realized he was wasting time. He wasn’t at Palmetto state to make eggs. He went back to his dorm bed to do some grip strengthening exercises and review some outlines he’d made for the team’s Friday practice.

So now he was sitting staring at two fried eggs with round unbroken yokes glaring back at him and for some reason he couldn’t even remember if he really liked eggs. He took a bite anyway, knife scratching against the ceramic plate in the silence. He met Andrew’s eyes again, still engulfed in darkness. Andrew sneered at him. He tilted his chair back, resting on the back two legs and lazily nodded his head towards the kitchen. Bored. Always bored.

“Don’t forget to clean up.”

Kevin scowled at Andrew’s retreating form. Kevin didn’t finish his eggs, simply scraping them into the garbage, but he did clean up. Afterall, Kevin was well practiced at existing in a shared space, even if he could count the times he’s had to wash dishes on one hand.

Andrew didn’t do anything and he didn’t want anything. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. But he made him eggs. Kevin knew he was getting distracted - he’s been unfocused for a while. This is why the nest operated with strict rules and clear outlines with harsh but immediate consequences. Without a structure, he started trying to build meaning out of groceries. He thought about Andrew’s dark eyes and how they looked like dark rooms and he felt nauseous again. After he finished cleaning, Kevin always completed his work, he grabbed the entire carton of eggs and dumped the whole thing in the trash.