First Off, Congrats On Finding Asexuality!

First off, congrats on finding asexuality!

Everyone finds where they belong in their orientation in their own time. I was 25 when I discovered I was asexual.

On the topic of virginity, don’t ever feel like you need to force yourself to meet a deadline. Virginity certainly doesn’t have a time limit. There are plenty of asexuals who have never had sex and don’t ever intend to do so. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, from sex positive aces to sex repulsed aces. Everyone is going to experience that part of a relationship differently. The key is to clearly communicate with your partner or partners exactly what you are comfortable with.

I wish I could say that the ‘x year old virgin’ stigma goes away. The majority of people in the world identify with a sex positive orientation (even some aces). Unfortunately that puts a lot of weight on the subject. Movies, music, and literature are full of it. Not a lot of media is made with the Aces in mind. However, sex isn’t a life goal or hurdle everyone has to cross if they don’t want to. Love can and does exist without sex.

This goes without saying but don’t ever let someone manipulate or force you to have sex if you don’t want to. If even the conversation regarding virginity and sex makes you uncomfortable, say so. Good friends/family should understand and respect that. Sex and virginity are a very personal subject, you never have to discuss it if you don’t want to.

Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈🌈🖤🤍💜

Asexuals!

I’ve been wanting to post this for a while to see if anyone else has had the same experience.

I’ve been unsure if my sexuality for a while.

When I was at school all of my friends joked that they thought I was asexual, even though I didn’t know what that meant, because I couldn’t never see anyone as “sexually” attractive, when they asked my opinion on boys or girls.I never dated anyone in highscool, or even flirted or kissed anyone while I was in highschool because it just didn’t come naturally to me.

I’m 21 now and I have been in 1 relationship that lasted for about a year. The time in that relationship had to be one of the hardest times of my life. While I liked the person my boyfriend was, I hated when my boyfriend tried to touch me or kiss me or do anything romantic with me, like celebrate Valentine’s Day or hold hands. He once tried to put his hands on my waist when we was kissing and I remember how tense and uncomfortable it felt for me. The best times of that relationship was just doing the platonic activities like shopping together or seeing a film. I never wanted to have sex with him and I never did. But I told myself that I couldn’t break up with him because I had “no good enough reason” to. Because I thought that me having this internal struggle wouldn’t justify.

Eventually I think he realised how I felt and he broke up with me. And I was surprised at what a huge relief it felt to me.

While I’ve begun to see myself as asexual and I feel happy being on my own now, with a great group of friends that I love so much, I still feel like I have this constant pressure to have sex and lose my virginity. I feel like 21 is “too old” to be a virgin and I feel embarrassed to tell people this when they try to talk about sex with me. I wanted to know if anyone has felt this too and what did they do? I haven’t told anyone about this, not even my family or best friend because I’m not sure if they’ll understand.