((Piccolo Then Choked On His Drink And Had A Coughing Fit.))

“You need to believe in things that aren’t true. How else can they become” - Hogfather, Terry Pratchett

I couldn't help it, that voice is too sexy not to make fun of it.

Oryx and my guardian from Destiny 2.

The Young Wolf, explaining how to capture the various Vanguard's Most Wanted: Had to take on Ghaul and Eramis with brute force. Marched Nokris and Calus here at gunpoint. Omnigul was enticed by the prospect of a singing contest. I chloroformed Praksis in his lab. Variks caved into peer pressure, Spider caved into Glimmer pressure… and I just asked Savathûn nicely.

flirting with eliksni

Meta Knight adopts a feral Galacta Knight.

source: 星カビらくがきまとめ３

artist: ニトロウ (Pixiv)

translation: me (bad) (except for the last one, which was already in English)

Player with a child has been on my mind,, Can you imagine the amount of stress Player is going through?? They would've been completely fine being here on their own, but to bring their child to Nevada has them scrambling to keep them safe. Always keeping their child behind them and out of sight (also to block them from seeing all the gore and blood that tends to paint the place), covering their ears when a gun fight starts, etc. Thankfully, Player doesn't have to worry about protecting their kid because they've got the boys!! I'm sure Hank will have no problem tearing apart anyone who's anywhere near their location. Sanford and Deimos can definitely help with occupying the child (after hours of begging the Player to sleep and convincing them that the kid is safe) I also think the fact Sanford's a mama's boy might help ease Player lol. Doc,,, I have no clue what Doc what do honestly. Might be busy with Player discussing important things like the kid's medical history. Also maybe Phobos doesn't act too different? Just surprised to see his Player happens to have a little god in the making. Player might take advantage of this and make him swear loyalty to the child and prioritize them (and with how serious they sounded it's not like he'll disobey). Maybe he also acts as another parental figure for the kid?? Like showing them around the tower, carrying them around, letting them explore, etc. (may get a few weird looks from the staff but that's ok) I would write for Jeb and Hof but out of brain juices and the ask is already long,, I hope you still enjoy Parent! Player tho :))

!!!!PARENT!PLAYER YES! I LOVE THIS!! This is such a good idea, you're completely right; the Player's experience if their child was ripped from reality with them would be entirely different and their stress level would go up by 10^17. I was originally going to do just a straight answer for this, but I realized I had faar too much to say, so have some unofficial headcanon things instead ig. 😅

(TW: Yandere, Obsessive Behavior)

//-[The Employers]-//

From the moment you were dragged into Nevada, you kept a careful watch on whoever you were around and, more importantly, whoever your child is around. And of course, because they're the ones who brought you there, the Employers were the first to receive your scrutiny.

You didn't trust them with your kid, to put it simply, and they never really gave you a substantial reason to think otherwise. The Employers weren't even that good with other people in general, let alone innocent children, and it showed from how awkward and stilted they were around you when you had yours with you (which was almost always).

It puts them in a difficult position because while they want to shower you with attention and get to really know everything about you, you keep them at arm's length all the time; leveling them with dark glares whenever they get too close or try to give you anything. Showing clear suspicion when they do anything you deem too nice, especially with regard to your kid. You don't care about your own safety that much, but you made it clear that if anything were to happen to your little one because of them, you'd send them to whatever version of hell they go to, no matter how long it took.

If you decide to stay with the Employers (as would likely be the case if you wound up in Nevada before the events of the game), then you begrudgingly allow them some leniency in what they do. But you keep an eye on them all the while, carefully monitoring how they behave around your child. When you're not, you're actually instructing them on it, as they generally tend to treat your kid like an adult when they really shouldn't (speaking to them too roughly, ordering them around, etc).

You don't really rest and let them take care of your kid themselves; you just don't trust them to do a good job with it, so you're still kinda stressed most of the time. But at least you don't have to worry about your kid seeing any blood or gore, since all of the Employers are very careful about what occurs near you or your kid (perks of being on the AAHW's good side, you suppose).

//-[The Main 4]-//

While a part of you was honestly really hesitant to allow the boys to form a bond with your kid (they are wanted murderers after all), you eventually warmed up to the idea from seeing just how hard they worked to get your approval for such a thing. They'd ask you if you needed anything for them, even going out of their way to find little nick-knacks and toys to give to you so you could present them to your kid (it wasn't from them if it was a gift to you originally, they reasoned). Sanford made sure he could make something at least close to their favorite once in a while, to cheer them up. However, once you made it known that they could start helping you out, they put in even more effort.

Your boys don't have the luxury of keeping you away from combat at the moment, which means they have to work together with you to keep your kid blissfully ignorant while they gun down your foes from further away. Luckily you've found that your strings can cover quite a bit of distance, so you stick near Doc from a ranged position most of the time. (Good thing Deimos made some smaller headphones to block the noise of the gunfire; you didn't want their ears to be impacted too much from it.)

Hank is especially good at taking out enemies before they reach your sight-line, and you reward this with some grateful praise (maybe even a quick peck on the cheek). Which, of course, only spurs Sanford and Deimos on to try and compete, to his displeasure. But it keeps you and your child safer, which is the most important part.

However, where Sanford and Deimos really shine is with actually taking care of your kid, as you said. Deimos makes little toys and robots for them, even having them "help out" (holding flashlights and handing him things) to keep them interested. Nevada doesn't really have any children's shows anymore, but he brings out some old action movies and tamer things he watched when he was a lot younger. (You also watch along with them, which leads to a lot of inside jokes amongst the three of you.)

Sanford is generally the most "parent-like" out of the four; he worries about their nutrition and if they're getting enough sleep, and speaks with you about how they're doing mentally. He even offers to take you and your kid to go visit his family (his mother and siblings) so they have more friendly faces. He knows that Nevada isn't exactly a good place to raise a child, so he wants you to know that he supports you and that you can rely on him to take care of them if need be.

Doc is a lot kinder to you and your kid than he is with everyone else, and it shows. His tone is less stern and he even leans down so as to not appear threatening, but his behavior is mostly the same. Although, he also tries to go over human health and anatomy with you to effectively "doctor" your child, which will definitely take some time. (He's not even authorized to be a medic for grunts, so he's got his work cut out for him. It's more than worth it, though.)

They also worry about you too, since they can tell this stress is beginning to take its toll on you, so they definitely try to distract your kid so you can get some sleep. Or alternatively, they try to make you both so comfortable that you doze off together, since you know your child is safe if they're asleep in your arms. (However, you do have to admit that seeing your kid all snuggled up in the arms of a grunt four times their size is pretty adorable.)

//-[The Nexus Core]-//

It takes you very little time to realize how much the Director of the Nexus Core idolizes you, and with that comes the opportunity to make your kid more of a focal point for him too. After all, if you're such a God, then of course your own child would be a little godling, right? It made sense to you, and of course, Phobos was very easily convinced. Swearing fealty to both of you made sense, and this makes him adjust the Nexus Cores rules of conduct to show this as well.

The Nexus Core personnel are instructed to be even safer, keeping things locked and clean, and ensuring that anything dangerous is kept in special rooms that require security clearance. It was only a few steps above what they did before, but knowing that the Player's child was the reason was very odd for them. However, they find it weirdly endearing to see you be so sweet to them in the few moments any agents, soldats, or scientists catch you carefully tying your kid's shoes or giving them soft encouragements when they're nervous.

Most of the Nexus' workforce are also clones and didn't have parents themselves, so it's a very new thing to see a kid actually being raised. It makes them appreciate you a lot more, and I can see them doing little things to help you out (finding candy that they can conveniently leave for you, or keeping an eye out in case your little one gets lost).

I think Phobos would desperately want your kid's approval, so much it's actually pretty funny. He does a lot to keep them entertained, and will go above and beyond to keep them happy. Getting them dessert or expensive toys and clothes is pretty standard, but he also wants to have a genuine bond with them. It's really difficult for him because he's never been around kids, but with your coaching, it works out pretty well.

(Seeing your gaze soften as your kid hugs him makes a wide grin spread across his face. He raises an arm to invite you over, and his heart beats a little faster when you lean into his side and whisper a small thank you.)

Jebus and Hofnarr are honestly kind of shocked you have a child, to begin with. (Unless you mentioned it on your stream and Jeb heard it, but Hofnarr is still taken aback.) However, once they see how tired and stressed you are about having to raise someone in Nevada of all places, they try to formulate ways to alleviate some of that burden so you can rest.

Jeb isn't the warmest person, but he's really kind and caring in regard to your kid. It honestly makes the Nexus agents do a double-take, cause it's not like Jebediah was ever rude, but he's never acted quite like this before. You'd also say that he's a good teacher for them as well, since he places a huge priority on making sure their education wasn't very stunted by your sudden appearance in Nevada. Hofnarr also helps with this, if we're talking pre-M:PN times as well.

Octopus filmed changing colours while sleeping.

Everyone stop and read this thread about the most insane parts of Star Wars canon.