Julian: It's really cold outside.
Kit: Just like my heart.
Julian: Now is not the time to debate which one of us is more dead inside.
Gabriel: I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers.
Gabriel: It turns out I'm one of them.
Gabriel: It's a miracle I didn't end up a stripper.
Lucie: He's vanished into thin air. Why is it always the great-looking ones who do that?
Matthew: I'm making an effort not to be insulted.
Lucie: I mean... men.
Matthew: Okay, thanks, that really helped...
Matthew: Welcome to the “I Hate Matthew Fairchild”-Club
Matthew: and I, of course, am the president.
Will: I think I found a way to make money
Gabriel: You'd make a decent stripper
Will: I'd make an AMAZING stripper, but that's not what I'm talking about...
Matthew, violently shaking: I DON’T UNDERSTAND, I’VE FED THEM, WATERED THEM, WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!
James: Matthew, please put the fertilizer down, you’re scaring us.
The Shadowhunters Chronicles x Brooklyn 99
Idk why I made this but enjoy ig
Matthew Fairchild:
Matthew Fairchild:
Isabelle lightwood:
Anna Lightwood:
Christopher lightwood:
Zara: Once I asked Siri why I’m single
Zara: Then Siri opened the front camera
Matthew: Alastair, what do you do?
Alastair: I just travel a bit... I'm a tourist, I suppose.
Matthew: So, you're unemployed?
Alastair: No...
Matthew: Have you got a job?
Alastair: Wha- no, not really, no...
Matthew: So, you ARE unemployed.
Matthew: But yet you still have enough money to dye your hair.
Kidnapper: I have one of your group members
Thomas: Oh, really?
Matthew, drunk in the background: IT’S ME, MATTHEW!
Thomas: You have the wrong number
Why pick one favorite character when you can simply adopt every single one of them (except for the Dearborns, they go straight into the trashcan)?
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