Some Scary Things Are Worth Doing. Going Outside, Talking To People, Public Speaking, Trying Out Something

7, 8, 9 billion people I’d still chose you, why? I don’t know, I just know that I would, if wishes came through, we’d never be apart, all my anxiety wouldn’t exist, and I’d love you even more than I do now. It’s not just about you, it’s about us, I am scared of the hope, the tiny voice that keeps saying maybe this isn’t the end, maybe we’d chose different. Maybe we are still young, still figuring it out, still trying to have conversations, still t r y i n g t o s a y I l o v e y o u. If wishes came through, we’d hold so tight nothing would pull us apart but the high is high and reality slowly walks in, we both stand as still as we can not breathing, so we are invincible, maybe that’s what it’s all about being delulu until it becomes the solulu

Very much okay and it’s also okay to be uncertain about it from time to time, there are no rule books anyways

Source: kitten.foster.corner

via radiantsomatics

I am a sensitive soul and sometimes it understands on some level the struggle of others unspoken and there is an itch to help drag them out of the hole they can’t seem to come out from

But It also knows you can’t really drag another person out of their hole, only hope they get the strength to drag themselves out and letting them know, you are standing right at the exit holding out your hand

On the verge 

This is not a poem or poetry, it’s rambling, I feel close to tears not for anything in particular but because I think I feel everything and nothing all at once, i want them to come get me and make me feel better, i want them to call but i know I don’t want to pick up, I want them to stay and I want them to go, I want the opportunities but I don’t know if I can manage, I want ice cream, berry blast and suya, I want to be home so bad, I want to close the door of my room and disappear, I want to ball my eyes out.

I want to not care so much, while simultaneously caring about everything, I wish I had more bandwidth, I feel loose at the hems, I feel too overstimulated but somehow bored, I want to not exist, I want to not feel, I want to sleep so deeply and only wake up when necessary, I want love, I want to be wanted but also not care about being wanted, I want to move out but stay put.

Nothing helps, nothing helps, should I have fought harder, why does life have so much to do with fighting, even plants fight each other for sunlight, can being alive even ever be categorized as peaceful, I think to be alive is chaos, living is chaotic, the entire universe is chaos with everything hanging on a delicate balance.

This too shall pass, Abi is that this too shall end, anyone Sha, social media is shit, the economy is shit, can I manage my life, myself. Knowing there is something special about myself doesn’t make me feel special, does anyone feel so uncomfortable being seen as I do? I don’t want to need anyone or anything, why do we all need sustenance, why can’t life be just a little easier, to be Nigerian feels like you drew the short straw, do you think we draw straws for the kind of life we get to live?

I passed out once, I think about it sometimes the simple and quiet emptiness of not being conscious or could we also say of not existing, I feel nothing but a low buzz of everything, I know it’s there, I am just disconnected

This might be an unpopular opinion but:

I'd rather start the romance all over again

I'd rather fix the problems

I‘d rather work on the triggers

I'd rather find out what went wrong

I‘d rather go through the hardships

I'd rather go through more fights and arguments

I'd rather go on more dates

I'd rather work on winning you over a million times

Than to start all over again with someone that won't be the same