Missing Her

An aerial view of one of the busiest cities in West Africa, Lagos, Nigeria

Photographed by Wale Adebisi [@waleadebisiphotography]

Hyper independence and help

These days you feel let down, your therapist says accept help, you don’t have to do it all on your own

Almost immediately you start to realize you get a lot of unsolicited support and then instead of saying no, you try a new approach, you say yes why not

You start to feel good, wow it’s nice to be helped until you get 2 disappointing news out of 3 and you feel so deflated and even more alone than you felt when you didn’t accept help

And you wonder why you tried in the first place but you also know you have to keep trying cause disappointment and handling disappointment is part of the learnings

How to love her.

She is soft

Careful with her

She is strong and quiet

But loves a good laugh

Remember she is soft

Be gentle, patience

that’s her language

Careful intentionality

Is what is required

Be kind, generous and soft

She will reveal herself

Slowly like a puzzle

Patience again and again

She is all you’ll ever need

The scene at Osun Osogbo in Osun State, Nigeria by Adeolu Osibodu (@adeoluosibodu)

A friend once said “the ground is shifting under her”

At first I didn’t quite get it but now I think I do.

The ground shifting is when your sense of safety, be it a job, a house or a relationship is unraveling and definite change is inevitable.

And in those moments, where everything seems so unsteady and uncertain, where do we find comfort?

Some say you should embrace the discomfort and I think there is some truth in that, I think it’s also weird so what else? Radical acceptance maybe? Or finding snippets of joy in what you can and hold on for dear life.

I am still figuring it out as my own ground is also shifting

Love comes back around

Sitting at the airport at 2am

Thinking about love and relationships and how they encompass so much of our lives

How someone you think you’d never love again becomes a life long partner

How a long time friendship turns into a steamy love story

How some people could never really move on from a love that was lost

How two ex lovers, one day, can’t be in the same room because feelings

How we miss our pets when we travel for a bit

How mum’s sometimes live for their kids

We go about our little lives but there is a big part of us and simply wants to love and be loved

romantic lover