Latest Posts by leftinblasphemy - Page 5

“Find meaning. Distinguish melancholy from sadness. Go out for a walk. It doesn’t have to be a romantic walk in the park, spring at its most spectacular moment, flowers and smells and outstanding poetical imagery smoothly transferring you into another world. It doesn’t have to be a walk during which you’ll have multiple life epiphanies and discover meanings no other brain ever managed to encounter. Do not be afraid of spending quality time by yourself. Find meaning or don’t find meaning but “steal” some time and give it freely and exclusively to your own self. Opt for privacy and solitude. That doesn’t make you antisocial or cause you to reject the rest of the world. But you need to breathe. And you need to be.”

— Albert Camus, from Notebooks, 1951-1959

Ocean blues.

Explore places

That oceans hide

Beneath our feet.

-t.f.s.

Scary nights.

Fears enter my room

air blows my way,

odd scent comes,

dead men haunt

to capture me.

-t.f.s.

Source: apocalypse dream.

Mind.

Fulfill a destiny

in your hands,

there is no end

there is only death.

-t.f.s.

Motivation.

She is a friend,

desire, create

new elements

of worlds in place.

-t.f.s.

“When we lose certain people, or when we are dispossessed from a place, or a community, we may simply feel that we are undergoing something temporary, that mourning will be over and some restoration of prior order will be achieved. But maybe when we undergo what we do, something about who we are is revealed, something that delineates the ties we have to others, that shows us that these ties constitute what we are, ties or bonds that compose us. It is not as if an “I” exists independently over here and then simply loses a “you” over there, especially if the attachment to “you” is part of what composes who “I” am. If I lose you, under these conditions, then I not only mourn the loss, but I become inscrutable to myself. Who “am” I, without you?”

— Judith Butler, Precarious Life

Oddest places spent,

darkness in a hand,

shades of grey stand

in the palm of my head.

Falling down,

coming around,

there's fallen ash

under my pillow heart.

-t.f.s.

Distortion.

Waves crash me in your inner self,

Helpless, finding your angles,

your voice doesn't have a tune,

deeper than ocean blue,

your desperation hides under

waves of separation, compassion.

-t.f.s.

Feels like home.

Do you know why you feel like home?

Because when you're far away from me

I feel lost; I'm hopeless and homeless man

without your endless and sweet love.

- source: someone i love.

(In honor of Chester Bennington-1976-2017)

20th of march;

Today is used to be your birthday..

-Lost in the echo.

• I promised the waves whenever I am away, to let them sing

for the other lonely souls,

promised that I'll be happy and I'll let my smile

and others smiles collide

in a circle of precious time

where my mind could be a whole paradise.

Life is not fair but as long as you're here with me,

our light matters in a place where our hearts would shine,

where we would be as important as everything that's meant to be.

A moment is all we ARE and we'll be. Together forever. We're living for the music,for the feelings, for the love, for ourselves.

Somewhere,someday I'll be a lost star in a cloud, with a blurry flicker,

crossing the world, life's like a dream trip.

Promise me, whenever I am away to let your heart accept my past mistakes, accept me as I am.. lost in the echoes of ocean waves.

— t.f.s.

My feelings are not just a phase,they are valid. My existence is a value, and It needs to be heard especially when people try to act awful and selfish on you. What's your goal? If you have one,then you're already going there. Because no one can stop you. And no one ever will. Tears are a privacy shelter from other faces and honestly beauty can be found in pieces. But i know,one day or one year I'll truly understand what made me feel to be unwanted/unrealized personality character from a movie that's never real.

-t.f.s.

I know.

I know that when I try to take my pain, It's temporary feeling and It still hurts like a thousand times of breaking. My breath leaves my body and It won't let me think properly. It's taking too long to go back to my stable mode. It just burns my whole skin like sun, and gravity is no needed in my head,it just throws my oxygen away. But I need that oxygen. I need that life like I need the homemade bread in the morning, the sweetness...it's taking me back where I used to have a comfort zone. And happiness- just me running down the garden with flowers in a sunny day,having a place to seat on and watch the smiley sky.

And I need that..that patience that takes too much time on my self-improvement,because I still am not blooming yet. I'm trying..I'm learning to stay alive.

-t.f.s.

Smile.

Chaos, words

In

my mouth.

Screaming,

nowhere to shout.

It sucks

to stay at

place where

I don't belong.

Don't worry,

smile,

breathe when

they choke.

-t.f.s.

Silence.

Every night I come back,

to feel the silence of the night.

As I go deeper in it,I can't hear

anyone's laugh or joy.

In the night I am lost;

Thats where I belong.

It develops the tears

running down my face

so I can say "Finally"

to myself..

...

...

"Just another tiring day from work"-I say.

-t.f.s.

(For a friend who deactivated).

Don't pull off your skin,

It's not late to go and sleep.

Your eyes seem crushed,tired;

I don't want them to break me.

Don't go and dance alone

your ghost is chasing you home.

Pick your body up with middle finger out,

don't close the curtains, don't fall out.

When I listen to you my throat aches,

my fingers bleed, too cold to take;

Where's your home now?

What time is your NOW?

Open the door ,

wishing to see you

but your body is unstable.

Where are you?

Don't lose your soul!

Take another day, lay on!

-t.f.s.

Urge.

The way their voices jump through high notes–

It makes me go nervous;

Realizing that hearing their voices out loud

scares you a little bit, because it's maybe

the way they sound in sex fantasy.

-t.f.s.

Hiding

Danger greets us

To when we find attachment,

Relationship between me and you

Is that we're both so ignorant.

Story begins with "US" ,

but ends with "I".

How can I run away?

Powers perish me

It's what I used to be.

- t.f.s.

Increasing

Soft spots in forgiveness,

Love runs in between the ashes.

That's where we're meant to be,

completely unpredictable,

playing chess for free.

-t.f.s.

If I'm being honest, I can't even begin to properly channel alot of my anger

But even then it's barely visible, barely recognizable not taken seriously

Be it the hatred I feel, or my off bloodthirsty thoughts that dance around the back of my mind or the inessential lust for violence

To act on these thoughts and feelings would be wrong

But to leave them as they are

At least to me seems so utterly disappointing

Life is a line you shouldn't cross when you're downwards. As if in matter of fact you've already given up. It's not your fault for being who you are,it's your fault for not seeing the best part of it because YOU make it the best. When sun rises,you go down and think otherwise "what else is left for me now?" And when moon rises, your inner self just rises with night too. You create sudden conversations with yourself seeing the case of the problem that's gotten into your soul and it's making your skin tremble nervously. When your thoughts play chess and don't give up on hitting you, your dreams seem to be a broken mirror. But they aren't because it's an illusion. Your mind develop your self-mirror in which everything is illusion but one is real- yourself. You're alive with heart still beating. Don't give up to have another beginning. Don't waste time for useless thoughts. Don't give reason for illusion to eat you up.

-t.f.s.

Title.

My life? It has no title.

It has edges that I have

to break through.

-t.f.s

I miss you like I miss my old self,

Being proud with who I was,

but nobody craved for my love anymore

so I took care of my spirit

just like watering a plant.

-t.f.s.

Self- rejection.

I could hear my own silence

Deep down my throat it hurts

To take mistakes in one sip.

-t.f.s.

Trauma. Horrific catastrophe

of disease fullfiling my body

as I tremble and can't wake up.

My body can't take exhausting

desire to take medication- numbness.

Do I want it or do I need it?

It's something my soul continues to overthink.

-just a chaos made by t.f.s.

Diary.

Hey,pain. Are you still knocking on my front door?

What time is it already? Is it time for me to go?

Hi,pain. I'm calling you to stay away from me,

I wish you to vanish, I don't wanna be afraid anymore,

go away, don't stay beside me, you'll make me burn.

Hey,pain. Are you awake?

I wish you never return.

Sometimes you come at me

and it's a good feeling, but

I don't wanna have one now.

You broke my healthy spirit

and now it's all gone,

you went through my windows

and now all I see is blur.

I hope you don't come back,

I want to be alone by myself,

I wish to go elsewhere

without you,negativity.

Without you,sadness,pain and darkness.

Don't follow me.

-t.f.s.

“Overthinking does kill your happiness”

— Unknown (via neckkiss)

“With such a hell in your heart and your head, how can you live? How can you love?”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Feelings.

Tired or not, who cares?

Sad or happy, who stays?

Harder to be sad sometimes

is like harder to be happy,

who else sees the other picture of me

trying to be someone else to chase?

In order to complete, we run in chaos

giving it a try to full ourselves,

happy isn't a gift, nor sad to be

we deserve to live

just like places in us

deserve to be free.

-t.f.s.