““I Think I Wait For People To Hurt Me,” She Said Quietly, “and When They Do I Feel A Certain

"Caught him myself, but cameras aren't a bad idea," Leyla joked. Her qualifications for what a snacker was was admittedly rather low, since she had never been much of one. "Ah, you're a smart man, sounds like you've had some experience hiding some tasty things," she replied with a small laugh. It did sound nice, like this whole week was turning out to be. It was strange how comforting the small town had become, how well it seemed to suit her. If she'd grown up in a place like this, she had to wonder what else could have been different. "I'll have to do that then," she wittled down her thoughts to one non-committal phrase. Her smile brightened as he mentioned his dog. "Oh, are those people annoying? I've always dreamed of being one. What's your dog's name? I've sort of adopted my roommate's dogs for the moment, he's just not fully aware of it yet. But if one of us moves out, I might need a lawyer." She was joking...mostly. Nodding as he mentioned his girlfriend's children, she asked, "how many does she have?"

Josh found himself laughing as she outed one of her roommates as a snacker. "Do you set up cameras to catch them rooting through the fridge, or are they more obvious about the things that they're sneaking out of cupboards or cabinets?" Josh liked to snack, maybe not so much to a level where someone would label him as a snacker… but he liked to have a good treat here and there, enjoy something tasty. "Just find a box of some food that you know no one else in the house likes, and tuck it into that in the fridge. No one will touch it," surefire way to turn them away from a food was to disguise it as a food they didn't like, after all. "I think so," he nodded his head eagerly, "the wagon ride out there alone is nice, get to see some pretty sights, and then the actual pumpkin patch is really well done, too. If you don't get there during Creek Fest, I recommend coming out after," gathering up all of the pumpkins she might need in time for Halloween. Smiling, he shook his head, reaching for the next drink sample and downing it, "I don't. I'm one of those annoying, 'my dog is my child,' types. My girlfriend has children, though."

It took her longer than she wanted to get here, but the fire for her goals had been there after all. It just took the lowest point in her life and the climb out of it to inspire her again. "I did!" She exclaimed, "and it is amazing. The town has seemed to really love it, the location really has been everything." She was so used to having her guard up, that she forgot how freeing it felt to have someone around that didn't need the wall.

"But there is a family farm, so you can go up there and see if some rugged farmer needs a big city girl to help him save the family farm," Leyla replied, laughing a little at the absurdity of it and how realistic it actually sounded in this setting. Though she was pretty sure the Newman Family Farm wasn't in danger. Just because a shirtless hunk was destined for her movie, love had long lost its meaning, she would support her friend in her dreams. She nodded, remembering she had brothers, so it made sense. "So you probably know more than I do about this place," she admitted, smiling as Cemille mentioned the dance studio. She always had been an exquisite dancer. "I haven't been out dancing in forever, I might need a refresher or do you not teach club dance?" She was teasing, but she really didn't think it would be the worst idea to find a place to go dancing sometime. "They don't seem real," she agreed, "everyone is almost too nice. I like it though...in a weird way." Even if she didn't always act like it.

"You did?" Her eyes lit up, but Leyla was the type of person who always went after what she wanted, so she shouldn't have been too surprised. "Wow, congratulations! I have to be sure to stop in to check it out. I'm sure with you running it, it'll be amazing." She nodded, earnestly. She couldn't think of anyone who deserved it more than her. She was just one of those people Cemile felt at ease with, and she thought small-town life suited her.

"Bummer about the lack of shirtless lumberjacks though, I was hoping one would sweep me off my feet. But I guess that fantasy is tabled." she joked, a slight grin on her face at the thought. Though she understood what Leyla meant, this place did remind her of something out of a made-for-TV movie. "Well, I spent summers in Merrock so it's not a new town. But my brothers have been here for a few years, and I figured it was time to make an effort with the family. So mainly for them, but I'm also teaching dance at the local studio which is a nice change. Everyone here is so," she struggled to find the word, without making it seem like she was being cynical. Because in reality, she was starting to like this place once again. "Wholesome, but I guess I'm making things work. Maybe once people stop being so overbearing I'll finally like it here."

She still hadn't quite gotten used to running into Dr. Lane, and every time she half-expected him to yell 'hey, I know you from therapy!' Which was ridiculous because he was a professional as all her many therapists had been, and this only had to be weird if she made it weird. "The Autumn Spice is probably my favorite. The cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg really make it taste like the holidays," she suggested, "but we're also doing a special for Creek Fest. It's a flight I've curated, it's just $5 and has that one, our Pumpkin Pie, Apple Cider Mule, and Ginger Pear mocktails. And we're actually donating those proceeds to Harmony Healers this week."

WHO: Josh & @leyla-tehrani

WHERE: Creek Fest

WHEN: September, 2023

"So, what do you recommend?" Josh asked as he looked over the menu, eyes scanning the drinks. Not much of an alcohol guy, Josh had to admit that he was pretty excited to see the Mawk Tales set-up, liking the idea of having something booze-free to drink, but still feel fancy about. Other than the eighteen million hot apple ciders he planned on drinking that week, on top of the hot chocolate, coffee and tea, since they were bound to find their way to him, too. "Honestly all of them sound good, I'm not sure where to start!"

Leyla knew she wasn't the only one who ever had bad life circumstances or a far from dream relationship with parents or family, so it was sort of an innate learning one had to do: find the good. It just wasn't always so innate. "Exactly, like riding a bike, I guess," she mused. As she suspected, he could go when he wanted. "Do you think you'd ever go back and live there or are you here to stay?" It was a question she asked herself a lot, especially with the idea of being known in such a small town. It made her want to run. "That's the dream, though, to have something that large that you can call your own. I used to watch Shark Tank all the time when I was younger, just wishing I could be in one of those seats someday."

Rafael's smile was lopsided, but sincere. He knew what she was talking about; if you could take one good thing out of a bad situation, it hadn't been for nothing. And sometimes even those bad situations had their reasoning for happening, whether or not you realized it at the time. But that was neither here nor there, and his thoughts shifted seamlessly to the idea of languages, nodding his head, "I can understand that, sort of all comes back to you." Listening to his mother talk to herself in Italian, or his father speaking Spanish on the phone, sometimes shifted things in his brain, as well. "Sometimes," he nodded. "But I'm lucky enough that I can take the trip when I like to, and there is the beach here, even if it's not quite the same," he grinned, at that thought. Different worlds, really. "By now, I'm used to it. But about the time that I got into real estate and realized that I had really, actually created something quite… large, it absolutely felt surreal."

"It's one of my mocktails," Leyla explained giddily. Talking about her business and the drinks she made always brightened her day, "it's sort of space-themed. I call it our Galaxy Mocktail. It's got a blue curaçao syrup, grenadine, lemonade, and an orange & sweet lime simple syrup. You make it in two layers, so the purple and blue can sort of swirl together like a galaxy, hence the name. We serve it at Mawk Tales if you ever want to stop by and enjoy one while you read a book or something. What did you bring to read?"

"I'm not sure what you're drinking but it looks absolutely delicious!" She'd been eyeballing the drink in the other person's hand for the majority of the time they'd been sitting next to each other. "Did you make it? And if you didn't do you know what's in it because I wouldn't mind remaking a batch of that. It's almost too pretty to drink." @leyla-tehrani

"Right. So you do remember?" She said with a warm smile. Good for him. As someone in the customer service business, she always found that to be a highly valuable trait. "I heard about that," she admitted, "I'm considering it actually. I've always wanted one, but I do share custody of my roommates' dogs and I work so much...I'm never sure if I'll have the time." She was really saying too much to the guy just trying to make her coffee. "I think there was worse things to be than a crazy cat lady," she replied with a small laugh, "oh, you definitely shouldn't have! So is the dog Blake Lively or Hugh Jackman?"

Chandler nodded. "Still want that hot and medium, right?" He confirmed, keeping himself busy behind the bar as he continued to talk to her about the pets. "They actually have some adoption event coming up at the end of this week." He informed her and nodded as she commented it was hard not to adopt all of the cats. "Yeah, I also have a dog at home so I'm keeping my limit at one of each 'cause I'm not gonna turn into the crazy cat lady in my neighborhood. But his name is Ryan Reynolds - that was what the shelter named him and I couldn't possibly de-Reynolds him, you know?"

"Oh good because I do," Leyla admitted, not in a rude way--well, maybe sometimes in a rude way. Just not aloud. She also didn't have the most faith in people, so maybe that was part of it. "I feel oddly at peace with them, there is something about them, which is probably why equine therapy is a thing, I guess." Her interest piqued as the woman beside her brought up dressage. "I always thought that much be such fun. Nostalgic? So you don't compete anymore?"

"You can always judge for taste," Elise said, a bit cheeky. She had cultivated an image for herself that veered just an ounce into snobby territory, but never too far. "Yeah, it's an awesome place, and an awesome opportunity. They're the coolest animals out there, and Harmony Healers does such a good job." She patted the horse's neck. "We do, when we can. We both did dressage growing up, so it's kinda nostalgic."

The cutest™

There was a peace in a small town life, but Leyla wasn't sure that meant she had to be out in the crowd. It let people too close to her, and while it was important for her business that people like her, she wasn't sure she wanted people close enough to see her. She saved herself in the end, and she didn't need anyone trying to help anymore: she didn't need friends, she didn't need saviors, she didn't need anyone.

A book kept some away and others to nothing more than a brief exchange of pleasantries, so she kept it on her like a shield. Maybe that's why she immediately held it to her chest when she heard that voice. It sounded so casual--like the first she'd heard it--she thought she might hurl right here. "No, for you, I don't," she finally managed, feeling that old familiar rage she was sure she'd already worked through rise again like a phoenix from ashes. "You have no business in a small town, Vitus." Hasn't he broken enough people?

@leyla-tehrani Beach Bash: August 26, 2023

A life powered by caffeinated beverages and nightlife meant Vitus had no trouble staying up late into the evening, which was exactly what he'd done after setting up his tent last night. The downside, however, was that he often stirred around 11 or noon, and missed most of the morning's festivities. He popped out to discover the sun already blazed high overhead. It bathed the whole beach in dazzling yellow-white, the sand glowing like small embers beneath his feet. The water reflected the light, too, shimmering and sharp against his unadjusted eyes. The circumstances were enough to disorient him, leaving him standing there like a sleepy, stranded sailor.

Luckily, though, there was someone sitting only a few feet off from his tent, her nose buried in a book. "Hey, sorry to bug you, but do you have the time?" Yawning, Vitus rubbed his eyes free of sea salt and blinked, trying to clear his vision.

Leyla had spent years, before and after him, trying to believe that, and it was one thing she still struggled to accept. She would hear her parents sigh when they had to pay for another treatment, even when her mother had always been the first to comment when she looked comfortable. She was a lot of work. But at the end of the day, it was love that wasn't enough. Love: the invisible concept that was supposed to make the world better. But it didn't. It was empty. Empty words, empty hopes, empty rooms. "Only you could say that after what you've done and I still believe you," she mused. When he said it, she felt a strange sense of comfort as if it were true. As if she weren't difficult or exhausting, as if she were worth loving...

It was good while it lasted, from go, he was magnetic. He was her hero, swooping in to save her at the right moment. Back then, when she had believed in love, she used to love with every part of her being. Like an electric current that kept her alive. Even through all their troubles, they felt possible to overcome. Because they were together. She may not have survived without him, and she was almost surprised she did when she lost him. Her anorexia fueled anew by spite, and it was almost a blaze that consumed her entirely. The memory made her weak, fragile heart start to pound in her chest. No one could save her that time, she had to learn to save herself. Maybe he deserved some thanks for that.

Suddenly, she was hyperaware of the busy world around them: laughing children, people splashing in the water, running around, happily chatting about how great the day was. It was hardly the place for this, especially by the exhausted looks of him, so she nodded, "okay. Maybe you can come to Mawk Tales after closing sometime--I don't live alone." She looked over at him, not sure what to say, "enjoy the rest of your day, Vitus." Then she paused and added, "I think I mean that."

"No. It was never exhausting," he said, his voice sturdier despite his lingering tears. This was one truth that hadn't changed in all the years that had passed between them: "Loving you was the easy part."

It was true—he'd tripped over his clumsy feet and fallen straight into her when they met. Some nights were more difficult than others, certainly, but Vitus attributed that to their circumstances more than any personal faults. His love for Leyla had known no limits in its intensity. It had burned through him like wildfire, scorching every inch and edge of his skin, dizzying him with head-smoke. That all-consuming heat had lit him up during a time in his life when everything else inside him felt wholly, horribly dark. Vitus had fled to California after he lost her, searching for anything else that burned like she did, and what he found in Los Angeles almost killed him. It would be a lie, to say he didn't utterly regret losing Leyla the way he did.

"I'm sorry, I'm just—" At a loss for an appropriate adjective, Vitus gestured at the all of himself. Sleep still dragged at his eyelids. He was battling a weed-and-liquor hangover, and his hands had begun to twitch in search of a cigarette, any kind of reprieve from discomfort. Vitus rubbed his face and sniffled again, grateful the tears had begun to slow, at least. "Can we—if it's not too much to ask. Can we meet somewhere else, please? Somewhere private. And I can answer every question you have then." No way would he be able to give her anything close to satisfaction, caught off guard on the middle of a beach like this.