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They get affirmed one (1) time because turns out one of the girl scout leaders was using it as a cover for drug trafficking because no one suspects the thin mints box to have heroin in it, and suddenly they act like they're always right. It is very annoying.

My firm and very sincere belief that Tim Drake and Damian Wayne are the brothers that completely affirm each others paranoia fuelled contingencies for really inane situations. Its the most irritating thing ever. Like Damian will say “what if this girl scout is really just a means for someone to poison us” and Tim will instantly say “you’re so right, we need to do a homeland security level background check on the entire girl scouts chapter in gotham immediately”. The definition of bring out the worst in each other.

They’re not allowed to be in any living situation together without supervision because the last time they were left alone in the manor together, they literally created such stringent security measures that not even Alfred and Bruce could get into the house.

Regretting it less, standby.

Ah, time for my most least favourite thing: a party. Don't you love standing in a crowd and yet feeling entirely isolated? Stay tuned for more incurable introvert and socially anxious thoughts.

It becomes a repeat occasion. The mysterious video taker shows up in a villains lair, lays a trap of some kind, takes of video of them falling into it, and uploads it.

Captain Cold in a bathrobe shuffles along and slips on a patch of ice that definitely wasn't there before. All of his cursing is beeped out, so the next thirty seconds of video is one very long beep.

Lex Luthor walks through a door and get a bucket of glue dumped on his head. When he goes to open the bathroom door to clean up, a bucket of Superman red and blue glitter dumps on him. The ensuing tantrum goes viral.

The filmer has a laser pointer. Cheetah is filmed batting at it idly before going full cat and chasing it around the room.

The internet holds its breath for the next video. The Justice League holds it breath because HOW IS THIS PERSON NOT DEAD YET. (Jokes on them, Danny is dead already.)

What would happen if you poured blood blossoms into a Lazarus pit?

Danny is having a great time. Sometimes they summon him for movie nights. It's the most relaxation he gets beyond Sam, Tucker, and Jazz. But none of them have power and can sympathize like Wonder Girl and Superboy. They can't FEEL Time pass them by like Impulse. They don't know the late nights, the nightmares, they way that coffee doesn't just keep him awake sometime it keeps him SANE, but Tim does. And if he sometimes falls asleep with them, and his invisibility drops? Well, come morning no one mentions it.

Short DP X DC Prompts #14

Danny getting summoned by a teen titan/Batfamily member by an Ouija board and just going “fuck it why not” and messing with everyone.

I love that identity reveals between Jim Gordon and Bruce in fic almost always go the same way. Bruce goes "How did you know? Was it my acting?" and nine times out of ten Jim says something along the lines of "No, your acting was phenomenal. You gave yourself away by caring too much, Mr. Wayne."

Because the billionaire playboy cover was perfect and damn near airtight until one Bruce Wayne leapt in front of someone else during a holdup at a gala and "accidentally" got shot. No self-involved airhead with that much money riding on his life would ever -- ever -- let himself think of someone else in that moment.

did "i dont need him to hurt. i just need him to GO. DOWN!!!" rewire anyone elses brain chemistry permanently or was that just me

Dick: OMG Bruce, you got his number??

Bruce: H egave me this sigil to contact him.

Dick: Okay, so you got his magic phone number. When do I get to meet my new father in law?

Bruce: We have barely had a conversation.

Dick: Okay.

Bruce:...He'll be over for dinner on Friday with his daughter.

Dick: Hah, knew it. I'll make sure everyone is there.

Bruce: Wait-

Dick: EVERYONE.

Spirit Halloween Meet Cute AU short

The ritual was well underway, and Bruce could see Dick choking on a strange liquid the cultists were forcing down his throat. It was the same liquid that filled the small pool he was restrained in.

It was Lazarus Waters.

As if that wasn't enough, drawn in blood on the ground was a strange sigil, presumably for invoking something or someone.

And Bruce knew he was out of time; if he wanted Dick to survive, he couldn't wait for a JLD member.

He had to move.

He broke the skylight and crashed into the middle of the enemy, trusting his team to follow. The fighting was mostly a blur, with Bruce's sole focus on getting to a now-limp Nightwing.

And then the sigil lit up.

From the Lazarus water Dick was resting in, a figure started to emerge.

It appeared to be a man around the same age as Bruce, a little taller than him, with snow white hair and glowing green eyes. He was haloed with an ethereal light as he picked up Dick's unconscious body like it was nothing.

Bruce did not think.

Only vaguely aware of the cries of despair behind him, Bruce launched himself at the strange being and decked it in the face.

The being reeled back, and Bruce used its distraction to rip Dick out of its arms.

Bruce darted back enough to hand Dick off to a swearing Jason, and readied himself to go after the being again.

But the being just stood there, hand to its face as it stared at him in...awe?

"You're a human," it-he-said, appearing amazed, "And you actually managed to hurt me."

Bruce bared his teeth in a facsimile of a smile.

"I can make it hurt a lot worse, too-"

"Marry me."

...

"...What?"

"Wait, did I say that outloud?"

"I can't...I don't even know who you are. So. Marriage is not. Uh." Bruce fumbled, unsure of how to handle this turn of events.

"My moniker is Phantom, my name is Danny, and I'm going to disappear now and act like I don't exist."

There was an overwhelming pressure, his ears popped, and Bruce's opponent was...gone.

"Tt. He is clearly not good enough for you."

"Cute."

"Black Bat, no; watching out father figure flirt is not cute. B, if you're done swooning, we need to finish mopping up the cultists."

Bruce, busting in: WHERE IS HE.

*Batfam proceeds to tear down the entire GIW in epic cross country road trip full of red herrings, false leads, cold leads, and emotional breakdowns*

Jason, in Gotham, still forgetting to contact his family: More pancakes?

Danny: Yes please.

Short DPXDC Prompts #657

It was supposed to be a basic bust. Get in, beat up the goons, alert the GCPD of the illegal goods, get out.

This bust wasn’t the same. The strange men in the white suits overwhelmed Nightwing and Red Hood and knocked them out. Nightwing woke up still in the warehouse. Red Hood however, was gone.

Red Hood didn’t know what these Ghost Investigation Ward guys wanted him for but a sinking feeling in his gut said that it wasn’t for anything good

Alfred has several industrial dishwashers. Everything is in and out is 30 seconds. The ventilation is great in the dishes room (yes there's an entire room dedicated to them) because the steam is so intense.

sometimes I feel like fics inadvertently overlook how much food the Batfamily, as a team of fully active vigilantes running on minimum sleep cycles and constantly getting into fights (and situations where they need to lift heavy items, hold onto buildings, sprint/jog) must need to consume every week.

like yes, Alfred cooks and Bruce has his smoothies but do you know how many calories they must all need just to be upright? How much protein? Add in the fact that half of them are still growing/in puberty and I just cringe thinking about how many dishes and grocery trips that must be.