The First Birthday Sirius' Remembered Was Their Third Birthday, When Nothing Was Wrong And Their Hands

the first birthday sirius' remembered was their third birthday, when nothing was wrong and their hands were small and regulus was still wobbly on his feet, when their mother never screamed at them and they still saw their father from time to time.

they did know that nothing much happened, because they were still young and they didn't remember much, but one memory stood with them from then onwards, and every birthday it played in their head over and over again.

walburga picked them up in her arms and they remember they giggled. walburga smiled to her son softly.

"joyeux anniversaire, mon fils chéri." walburga said, barely over a whisper, those words only meant for sirius to hear.

it was the last time sirius would hear those words from her.

-

their twelfth birthday was quiet. it felt different, because it was different.

regulus wasn't there, sirius was away. they were apart for the first time and it hurt. they didn't know if it hurt for regulus, but it hurt for them.

no letter came from anyone from home. ever since the black family had found that sirius wore the red tie instead of the green all of them did, something changed. and it made sirius scared to go home for christmas

"happy birthday, sirius!" james smiled, putting his hand on sirius'.

it felt warm, a weird warm that sirius had never quite felt before. it felt... homelike.

"we didn't know what to get you..." remus shrugged, "so we just wrote you a letter. well, peter wrote it, because if either me or james did you wouldn't understand anything." he added with a smile.

peter grabbed his bag ceremoniously and put it on the chair next to him.

"here you are, good sir." peter nodded, handing sirius the letter, who almost snatched it out of the boy's hand due to excitement.

dear sirius,

hi and happy birthday. you're cool. we love and cherish you, dear roommate, you're also cute.

the boys

although it was short and seemingly unimportant for anyone else, tears welled up in sirius' eyes.

"thanks, friends." they said, and they hugged.

and sirius found a new home.

-

sirius' fifteenth birthday was an emotional rollercoaster.

first of all, they woke up next to remus. and they didn't remember how it happened.

"happy padfoot, birthday..." james muttered groggily from his bed.

"did you mean happy birthday, padfoot, james?" peter snickered as he was scratching his neck. "happy birthday, bestie. swear on merlin i'll give your gift later."

he glanced into remus and sirius' direction, then grinned.

"james, let's go, give the saps- uh, i mean remus and sirius! some time together. yeah. let's go."

james looked confused as he was dragged out of bed by his friend. peter looked at remus and sirius and winked, then closed the door behind them.

"good morning." remus smiled sleepily. "happy birthday, sirius."

and before either of them knew, they were kissing, softly, like it never happened to sirius before. they knew they could get caught, but they didn't care, because both of them knew what they hid from each other.

they had each other, in that moment.

them and no one else.

"is this good?" remus asked, but the purpose of the question was a whole other, that sirius understood.

"yeah." they smiled, butterflies erupting in their stomach.

-

non arguably, sirius' seventeenth birthday was the best one they ever had.

they got away from their family and, at last, they were free.

"happy birthday, fuckface." remus groaned in the crook of sirius' neck from his spot in his bed.

"happy birthday, pads!" james yodeled and sirius covered their ears their ears with the thick pillow.

"fucking hell, mate, thanks," they sighed, smiling. "but merlin's tits spare me of the screeching."

"asshole." james rolled his eyes and threw a box right next to sirius, who opened it.

inside was a black watch with stars, almost as old as time.

they knew it was fleamont's, and they rubbed their eyes in an attempt to not let a teardrop fall out of their eyes.

it was a real gift from a real family.

-

Sirius,

I haven't written in a long time, Mother has hidden the parchment ever since you left so I couldn't write.

I wanna start off with an "I'm sorry.". I should have been stronger, I should have said something, I should have done something but I never did. Because I was scared, unlike you. And for that I have always been bitter, of how you could stand up to someone like Mother and Father. I wish I could have been more like you.

It hurt after you left, it was hard, but you did what was right, because that house has been rougher on you than on anyone else. I understand why you did it and I have never been mad at you for leaving, because you did what you had to do. I was lonely ever since, though, and no one could light up the house like you did.

The little box contains your gift. It'll remind you of me. Don't forget me in your new, perfect life, Sirius.

I hope you're ok.

Happy birthday, big brother.

I love you,

your little brother, RAB

-

"happy bi'thday, pa'foo!" hari squealed from his father's arms.

"you taught him that for this special occasion?" remus asked, looking at his now fiancé, a soft smile lighting up his features.

james nodded, giving his friend a grin. "had to, hari loves them."

"hey kiddo!" sirius cooed. "did you miss me?"

hari nodded frantically, holding out his little hands, trying to reach sirius. they put their finger out and hari's little hand surrounded sirius' long finger, who smiled.

"bravo hari."

and everything was still normal.

-

"prisoner three-hundred nine."