Dvstybuns​:

zccming​:

.

“a shrink.” max echoed with a laugh, “boys are so dramatic.” and it was true, not about his feelings, but for believing there was something wrong with them. big hypocrite thing of her to say, but the rules were different when placed on his shoulders. she didn’t think cole needed a shrink, not for what he had with adam, and not for missing it. sometimes, max felt like grief was her best friend in place of el, so she couldn’t judge how it’s cruelty made anyone feel. but she was high, and she was curious, and it was cole. stuck in her head, max remained laying on her back even when he flipped over, but she still eyed him closely when she spoke, “moving here really sucked for me…” she opened up, something must have been in the air. “and mike and lucas and dustin and will are all really awesome, but it hasn’t always been like that. you know i mean, they’re guys, it’s different. i had to weasel my way into their circle. but then el came along and everything clicked and just like that she was gone again and now she’s back and–” max started feeling like she had never said so many words at once, so she stopped her stoned ramblings, closed her eyes tightly, and forced herself to reset. 

max thought back to the conversation her and cole had at blue quarry mall, how he’d come clean on accident, and how relieved he looked when he had. max wondered what that felt like, to let it all go and free fall for a moment into the arms of someone she trusted. she opened her eyes, then slowly turned onto her side to face cole, “i’ve been really confused about my feelings lately.” she admitted, sure he was familiar with the feeling. “and you’re a shithead but not about this stuff.” max added, then revealed, “i think i’ve always known i’ve liked girls.” the air left her lungs as she waited for a response. thanks to the weed, this revelation didn’t feel so world ending, in fact, max felt calm, ready for cole’s reaction. she was so mellowed in fact, she added, “but with el it’s different…what you said about missing adam… when she was gone, that’s how i felt.” max couldn’t really explain to cole how she spent half the time speculating eleven was dead, but she hoped he could feel her sincerity. stupidly, she concluded, “but i don’t know what that means.” 

xx.

Cole laughed, allowing himself to flop onto his back and stare at the ceiling. Max had a point, but he found that it was easier to joke about the pain than to sit with it. He remembered right after Adam died, when he went to visit Adam’s sisters. He’d snuck into Adam’s room and stolen a few shirts, a photo, random artifacts that proved to him that what they had was real. He thought about that now, wondered if Max felt the same way when El was gone. Cole offered a sad smile, he knew completely how that felt... well, up to the him coming back part. “Honestly? I think some connections are like that. There’s a distinct before and after... people you’ll never be the same after meeting and loving them,” he mused, blowing smoke into the stale air. 

He couldn’t help the smile that took over his face; he was glad Max felt safe enough to tell him the truth. He reached over and took her hand in his, squeezing it to show that he understood. “What’s there to be confused about, then?” he asked, not in a prodding way, but gently. Cole took another drag and passed the joint back. “What do you want it to mean?” he asked, figuring she already knew the answer. Cole tucked a hand behind his head, lost in thought for a moment. “Did I tell you that Adam broke up with me before he died?” He’d been thinking about that a lot lately, about how Adam was completely different the days before the fire; how his eyes were even different, darker somehow. He knew he would never get answers, but he had never shared it with anyone and figured now was as good a time as any.

backtowheeler​:

— ✎ —

Nancy let out a laugh. “If I’m going to be stuck here all summer instead of the Virgin Islands then I’d like to keep her as pleased as can be,” she explained. Nancy had always had a complicated history with her own mother. Karen Wheeler could be a sweet woman, she cared about her children, she tried to be there for them as much as she could, but there were stark differences in Nancy’s raising compared to Mike or Holly’s raising. Nancy was the first born meaning she set the precedent for the rest of her siblings. She was also the first girl which, with a father like Ted, meant that she had to adhere to simple rules (even as a 21 year old). It was a difficult life to lead, one that she didn’t quite like at all, but she’d play the part and just pray she didn’t end up like her parents.

I bummed a ride off Harrington. That statement sent shivers down Nancy’s spine. She should have known Steve would show up. He was close to the Wheeler’s whether Nancy liked it or not and even though she was currently in a state of avoiding him, they were friends… at some point. “The deal is that Steve and I are currently in Splitsville,” for whatever bullshit reason he gave Nancy instead of outright saying, ‘I’m having trouble with my sexuality’. “And I’ve been seeing this guy. His name’s Thad, business major at Emerson, his parents own a summer house in the Hamptons,” would you look at that! Nancy Wheeler was all about letting another guy dictate her life! “So, things are going much better than anticipated.”

xx.

Cole chuckled, nodding in agreement. While his mom and Karen Wheeler were similar-- washed-up former "it" girls-- Maggie Montgomery was decidedly less... invested in her son's life. They both liked it that way, and Cole couldn't imagine being Nancy, having her entire life on display, under the watchful eye of her mother. It was no wonder she would up dating Harrington-- decidedly her polar opposite. "Cheers to keeping Karen happy," Cole clinked his bottle to her plastic cup and took a swig.

"Thad." He repeated, looking at her with a quirked eyebrow. "Just going off his name he sounds..." searching for the right word, "like he might have a giant stick up his ass." Cole pre-emptively ducked out of the way in case she tried to swing. "But, who can blame you, using the poor guy for his summer home," he teased.

goldenboyrichards​:

Adam wasn’t ready to process something like that. How could anyone ever be? Being faced with your own mortality - knowing that you’d died - it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t possible. Adam couldn’t believe it because it just couldn’t be real. Dying and coming back three years later wasn’t something that could just happen. 

He knew it had been summer, the last time he really remembered anything. Adam had been working at the pool with Billy Hargrove and Heather Holloway. He remembered talking to Billy after work one night, something he wouldn’t usually do, and then… then mostly nothing, until he woke up in the woods a few days ago. A brief flash of a fight with someone, maybe. Adam didn’t remember. 

It was the not remembering that scared him the most, besides the thought that he could have died. How did someone forget three years of their life? 

Before he could spiral too far, Cole was grounding him back to reality. Whatever had happened had happened years ago. Right now, in this moment, he was safe because he was here with Cole. And Cole wanted him to stop apologizing for leaving him. Adam leaned into his touch, choking back a sob when Cole forgave him. I know it wasn’t your fault. It didn’t fully relieve Adam of all of his guilt, but it did make him feel a bit better. “I wouldn’t have left you.” He agreed, slumping against Cole. “I don’t know what happened, but I didn’t mean for it to.” Adam pulled him close again, needing to know that this was real just as much as Cole. “I love you too. I always have.” 

They could talk about it when Adam was ready. But… what if he was never ready? He hoped to be at some point, but right now, he just wasn’t. He had never been the sharpest knife in the drawer - his teachers had never accused him of being smart. But this just wasn’t something Adam could rationalize. He couldn’t understand it. Maybe Cole knew people who could, and maybe they should talk to them. Just… maybe later. Adam squeezed Cole’s hand, nodding his head. “Let me tell Mom,” He replied, pulling Cole with him to the front door. 

“I’m heading over to Cole’s. I’ll be back,” Adam promised as he ducked his head back inside the house, ignoring the panicked look on his mother’s face at the mention of him going anywhere. She was so scared he’d run away to the woods again, Adam knew. He hated that he’d ever made her worry that much. 

xx.

Cole hated seeing Adam this upset. Before, it was rare for Adam to be upset about anything. He can’t recall a time when Adam was angry, and he can’t recall a time when Adam was this sad. The Mindflayer had broken part of him, and while Cole was confident that he could and would heal, he was still angry. He kept caressing Adam’s cheek, though his hands were shaking. Why Adam? Of course, it wasn’t just Adam, but... why not Cole? He would rather it be him coming back, dealing with all of this, than Adam-- Adam who was always the first to crack a joke or include an outsider or show kindness to the most unlikely people.

Cole had never been like that, he’d never been like him: naturally kind, easily trusting. From birth, it seemed Cole had a chip on his shoulder-- and that was okay with Adam. It was okay that they were different, it worked. And it still worked, it would always work. But Adam was never supposed to hurt like this. As Adam choked back a sob and slumped against Cole, Cole wrapped his arms around him and buried fingers in Adam’s hair. 

I love you too. I always have.

Tears stung Cole’s eyes and relief flooded his body hearing Adam say it. He figured it was part of the Mindflayer’s possession, but the last fight still echoed in Cole’s mind. Leave me the fuck alone, Adam had yelled, and Cole was relieved to be able to dismiss his fears that Adam hated him once and for all. “I’m so glad to hear you say that,” he admitted, his breath hot against Adam’s neck. He hadn’t planned on telling Adam about the fight-- there was too much else going on-- but he couldn’t help the pent-up tears from years of heartbreak. 

Pulling away just far enough to lock eyes with Adam, Cole angled his chin upward and cupped Adam’s face. “We’ll never have to be apart again. I promise,” he paused, taking in the view of Adam’s face. He was really here. “We’ll go to San Francisco, like we always planned,” Cole’s face broke out into a nostalgic smile.

It was a small thing, but Cole was glad Adam hadn’t let go of his hand to go to the door. Cole needed the physical reassurance that this was real, and he fully intended to hang on to Adam’s arm for the next year, at least. “Wait!” he called, grabbing the VHS from its discarded position on the floor. Cole ducked his head inside, still holding Adam’s hand behind him, and placed the tape on the entryway table. “Could you give this to Cindy? Tell her I’ll come by and watch it with her tomorrow, if she wants,” Cole flashed Mrs. Richards a smile, more genuine than any he’d produced in the past six months. “I’ll watch out for Adam,” he stated, hoping to ease her nerves.

Shutting the door behind them, Cole turned to Adam once again. “I don’t really have a car right now, so.. you up for a walk?” He looked at the porch swing with Adam’s hat and sunglasses. “Want your disguise?” he teased, bumping Adam’s hip with his own. For a second, things felt simple like they used to be. Cole breathed in the feeling, giving Adam’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

rcbinbvckleys​:

⚢

“i think some faces are just, way more noticeable than others.” it would have been much easier to pretend that she didn’t know him at all, but words had escaped her mouth way quicker than robin’s mind working to figure that one out. hopefully, she’d just managed to pull it back. if cole ever actually found out… she’d practically beg the ground to swallow her up. 

“truthfully if you said that you didn’t know him, only then would i be surprised.” it felt like steve knew everyone, and they all definitely knew him. he had been known as king steve, after all. “and he was so obnoxious back then, right?” it wasn’t surprising that cole and he were friends, even if robin felt like there were some other details she didn’t know. “it was truly some crazy fucked up shit. i’ve never been more scared in my life.” until the events of 1986, but that was a whole other ball game. “if it wasn’t for steve and that stupid hair of his, i honestly don’t think i’d be here right now.”

xx.

“If this is your roundabout way of calling me pretty, I’ll take it,” he teased, trying to ease the tension. Hawkins High was a small school, anyways, so it shouldn’t be surprising that they’d seen each other around. He needed to let it go, but was used to being on the defensive with his classmates.

Cole laughed, nodding knowingly. He didn’t believe there was anyone who’d gone to Hawkins High in the last... six years, give or take, who didn’t know Steve Harrington. “Was, past tense?” he joked, “As far as I can tell, he’s still obnoxious. Less of an asshole, though.” Cole’s teasing quickly subsided into a sad smile. “I can’t imagine being here. It’s fucked up enough that I knew people who died, you know? Like, I can barely deal with that.” Deal with it was generous, as he really hadn’t, but Robin didn’t need the details. 

rcbinbvckleys​:

⚢

“i don’t think we made it up either. when i usually make up or think out scenarios in my brain they’re always just a little bit fuzzy and out of reach. but this was totally different. because i was there, and i felt everything. did you- have that?” robin had considered that maybe she’d just been thrown back into a memory from long ago which went completely haywire.

but herself and barb had only gone swimming when they were kids, and in this ‘vision’, barb had looked older. as in, the same age as when she first went missing. and it had been night time. and then there was the pool… “i just wish we’d still been friends. i wish i could have helped her.” although robin logically knew that there wasn’t much that she could have done. the two of them had still been friendly, but they had drifted apart. it wasn’t anyone’s fault, sometimes that just happened, right?

“i don’t know.” the only real running theory was one that she didn’t believe cole could possibly know — that the upside down stuff was happening again. “i think — we might have disturbed barb’s grave.” it was what robin had initially believed too, before realising everything had been far too much of a coincidence.

xx.

“Yes! Yeah... it felt like a memory, only I know it wasn’t a real one; I wasn’t there when he died, I know that,” Cole said, relief washing over him in waves. They had both experienced the same thing. As the relief came, so did a growing sense of fear; why had they both experienced the same thing? 

The knot in Cole’s stomach twisted at Robin’s words. He didn’t know much about what happened to Barbara, but he knew that, with things like this, there was no use blaming oneself. Some things are just out of our control, no matter how desperately we wished they weren’t. No matter how desperately he wished he could change the past, he couldn’t. Instinctively, Cole leaned over to Robin and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. He was pretty sure she wasn’t the kind of person to get the wrong idea from a comforting gesture like this, and he couldn’t stand letting her sit there with that sad look in her eyes. “I know,” was all he said.

Puling out of the hug, Cole nodded. Eyes dropped to his hands, a chill runing down his spine as he remembered the feeling of being in a grave. “It was Barb’s grave?” he asked, “The one me and Lucas were in?” As much as he tried to remember what had happened, the details were fuzzy. “Wasn’t it already... disturbed?” 

mmuscles​:

.

thad hadn’t come to cole for some bullshit heart to heart, he came to level with him. considering what a pain in the ass he had been for the duration of their prior interactions, he was kicked off guard when cole was so…cool about it. he didn’t understand. and most definitely thought it was a trick. “i’m not bribing you, man.” thad ran a contemplative hand through his hair. there was no way he was trusting a guy he just met with a secret this big. “let me fix the car.” it obviously wasn’t out of kindness, but he didn’t have the words to explain what he was trying to do here. the way his brain worked though, was if he actually did something for cole, he’d feel less inclined to spill. thad merely hoped if he pushed enough, rather than articulate, cole would surrender. other than through his parents, that was how thad got most things he wanted in life, through brute force. 

for the record, it’s okay to feel that way. 

thad’s tongue got stuck at the front of his mouth and he gulped down his initial thoughts. how dare he? he didn’t feel any way. not him, not towards cole. “what way?” he asked, aggressively jutting his chin out towards cole. he wasn’t going to hit him or anything, but scaring him wasn’t out of the question. the last thing he needed was some…pretty boy telling him how to feel. 

xx.

It was a good deal... a $3,000 worth of a repair for his silence. But Cole felt weird blatantly accepting it as a bribe, as if what had happened was gross or wrong. It was unexpected, sure, but... Cole had asked for it, hadn’t he? He assumed Thad was just very confused. Either that or Thad had a major lapse in judgement and now thinks Cole is wrong, sinful, a freak, even. With a tentative shrug, Cole gave in. “Okay, fine. Guess I won’t get a better deal than that.”

Cole was torn. He wanted to push the issue, to prove to Thad that there really is nothing wrong with liking guys... but that put him, and by association, Adam, in an extremely vulnerable position. At least with he kiss, the two were on equal footing. Leaning away from the discomfort, Cole decided to lighten the mood. “I guess I have to hope you’re good with your hands, guy,” he smirked. The usual back-and-forth of their interactions was a welcome reprieve from the temporary heaviness. 

Timothee Chalamet by Mark Williams and Sara Hirakawa, 2017

zccming​:

“yeah, and you were only able to fracture it because i saved your ass first.” max huffed. now she understood how dustin felt all the time, no credit paid where credit was due. it wasn’t like she was expecting to be met with high praises or anything, but she had been anticipating a few more thank yous and a few less lectures. cole, at least, wasn’t going to lecture her. he was only going to be whiny, like always. “i’m surprised it isn’t already healed.” max snickered, then condescendingly sympathized, “must be real bad.” then as he made fun of her request for him quiet down, she smiled mockingly at him, “it’ll be quiet enough when you shut the fuck up.” 

despite the hostile words tossed around, max shuffled over to her dresser, grabbed her baggie, and got to rolling. following the mall, she was relieved to find that things seemed to remain normal between them. there wouldn’t be anything weird from her end, but it made her quietly pleased to see cole stand by his choice to share his truth with her. in time, she’d produced a joint for them. moving mostly in silence, max laid staring at her ceiling as they passed the j back and forth until she was lost in her thoughts, the sounds of the radio, and the bugs chittering outside of her thin walls.

cole had shared with her about adam, and all max could think about was how she couldn’t stop relating it to her feelings about eleven. of course, they had skimmed the surface over the billy of it all, but this was a new, equally difficult, perspective. it was horrible of her, but that didn’t mean anything weird, did it? maybe cole would know… thoroughly baked, max distantly asked, “do you ever think about how el has like, the perfect face?” did he even know what she looked like? “or how she’s like, the perfect girl. or perfect person even. it’s… crazy.” it wasn’t exactly explicitly emotional, but in her altered state, max was holding out hope that cole might just read her mind about what she was trying to convey. “i really missed her.” with even less tact than usual thanks to the weed, max somehow brutal and awkward, prodded at cole, “how does it feel when you think about adam? like …what does missing someone…like that…feel like…to you?” then she rasped, “it’s different from…my experiences.”

xx.

“It is real bad, thanks for your sympathy,” Cole retorted sarcastically, cradling his finger in his other hand. “I can’t play the piano with this shit. What else am I supposed to do at work?” he sighed, though his eyes twinkling with laughter. Cole blew Max a kiss with his good hand, playing along. “What, did you invite me over here to sit quietly in the corner? You got a dunce cap I can wear while I’m at it?” he teased, though he wouldn’t put it past her to actually sit him in the corner with a dunce cap, for the bit.

Cole gratefully took the joint and lifted it to his lips. “Cheers,” he breathed out, releasing a cloud of smoke. He still couldn’t believe he’d come out to Max. He hadn’t regretted it-- the opposite, he felt an ongoing sense of relief-- but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a tad on edge, waiting for any sign that Max treated him differently. He passed the joint to her and turned onto his side, studying her face. She acted like something was on her mind.

The mystery only lasted a few seconds more, until she started going on about El. Chuckling, Cole took the joint back from her, “I hadn’t really thought about her face. She’s nice enough, but not really my type.” The two grew quiet and Cole dared not vocalize his thoughts, his suspicion that Max maybe liked El as more than a friend. Maybe he was projecting, hoping that she could relate to him in that way. Then, to his surprise, her questions all but confirmed it. He took a drag of the joint, and then another, turning his response over in his head. “Not to be dramatic, but I think it felt like... I was missing part of myself. The part that only he knew, you know?” he looked down at his hands. “It still feels like that. Like I’m a fraud, like everything I do without him is just pretending.” Cole looked back up at Max, wondering, but not wanting to pressure her. “Maybe I need a shrink.”

rcbinbvckleys​:

⚢

the best friend… that had to be the jock she’d seen cole with once upon a time. robin was all too aware of the fact that the jock in question had been one of the flayed, it only made logical sense. which somehow made cole’s vision feel a lot worse than it already was. “holy shit, that sounds horrible. i’m really sorry.” in that moment, robin felt worse than ever considering what actually happened at the mall that night.

cole being honest only gave her the incentive to do the same in return. “do you um- remember barbara holland? it’s not an important detail but she was kind of my best friend in middle school.” a pause, willing herself to continue and explain what she saw. “i saw her, that night. i was standing by someone’s pool, and barb, she-“ voice breaking, robin stopped and took a deep breath. “she was in the water and she just… grabbed on to my leg and started begging for me to help her! like something was trying to pull her down and there was no escape.”

blue eyes met cole’s own, attempting to gauge his reaction and hoping that she hadn’t over shared. “then she was sucked back under and pulled me right in with her.” robin gave a shudder, all of the details still clear in her mind — it was just everything else that was foggy. “and like you said, it felt so real. i seriously haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

xx.

“Thanks,” he said, weak smile not quite meeting his eyes. The worst part, he thought, was that it felt like a fantasy first; he and Adam laying in bed, talking about the future, and then out of nowhere... Adam’s eyes changing, his body ablaze. It wasn’t a memory, so what was it? “I don’t think I made it up? But I don’t know.”

Cole let a breath go, shaking his head and watching Robin’s eyes. When her voice cracked, he put a hand on her knee, trying to reassure her. “I’m sorry, too. That’s... fucked,” he shook his head. 

He’d thought his ‘vision’ was bad enough, but he couldn’t imagine someone trying to pull him down-- kill him, presumably. If Robin was anything like him, she was hearing Barb’s cry for help over and over again in her mind. “I don’t know what happened to Barb, but... I’m sure there was nothing you could do,” he said. Cole paused, searching his hands for something to say. “Why do you think... we saw that?”