𝐌𝐘 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐘

God gave me the greatest misfortune: meeting you, needing you, loving you.

(Matilda)

cassieconrads​:

It was almost a relief to hear that Cole had been experiencing the same kind of insomnia that Cassie had. She wasn’t sure what that meant for the group that had been at the cemetery overall, if they were doomed to be repeating the same dream-like vision over again and again. At least she didn’t have to worry about any physical injuries, like Cole and Lucas had sustained. Cassie wasn’t known for being the most careful person, and she was honestly shocked that she hadn’t wound up falling herself.

Cassie shook her head at his question, beginning to flip through the catalog on the counter as they spoke. “Me neither. Every time I close my eyes, it’s like I’m seeing the same dream all over again.” Maybe it was more than she should’ve admitted, but she somehow she felt more comfortable telling Cole about what she’d seen than Nancy, who hadn’t been there.

xx.

Cole busied himself, re-sorting the metal section. Why was it always the metal section that got ransacked? He glanced up at her, alarm in his eyes when she mentioned a dream haunting her. Was that a coincidence? Was that even possible? “Dream? What kind of dream?” he asked, dropping the record he was holding into its rightful place.

Until now, Cole had chalked his recurring vision up to the head injury, thinking that maybe hitting his head that hard had brought up some sort of unprocessed trauma. It made sense, or rather it was the explanation that was the least terrifying to think about. 

“elio elio elio elio elio elio elio”

zccming​:

.

“the grave had nothing to do with me.” max reminded cole. she wouldn’t try too hard to defend the idea she wouldn’t yell at him for using sign language too loud, or that she hadn’t indirectly been the cause of his broken finger, so she’d settle with acknowledging the one thing she could deny. while it was evident that cole was joking, she couldn’t seem to pick up the pace and get into the mood. instead, her voice came out as a surprising lecture, “you and lucas need to be careful. seriously.” the heeding was unexpected, but sincere. since childhood, max felt like her life was moving in a rapid, downward spiral. she didn’t want to think about how much worse it could get if anything happened to lucas or cole. her concern and care wasn’t often displayed so openly, but in this moment, she locked eyes with cole, expressing the full force of her love.

“lots?” max laughed in his face, shaking off the seriousness of the prior conversation. “fine. name five. go.” she demanded, a smile ghosting across her features. she wasn’t sure if cole could give her a genuine answer, but whatever he came up with was sure to ease the mood towards normalcy. 

still, max couldn’t find herself fully present. not about adam, not about cole’s smile. he didn’t know just how bad things could get around here and she hoped it would stay that way. she wouldn’t burden him with her feelings about billy or urge him to be more skeptical about adam. it was like interacting with a child who hadn’t been able to comprehend what atrocities their parent had just watched on the seven o’clock news. max could tack a lot of adjectives to cole’s name, but she never thought she’d use innocent. 

with the flick of her cigarette, she shrugged at cole when he dug a little deeper about billy. “i’m wondering the same thing.” vague as ever she took another drag and stared off into the night. max hoped if they left it at that though, maybe he’d understand a flash of her misery and leave it be. if there was anyone she felt she could allow herself to be miserable with, it was cole. god knows it was one of the foundations of their friendship. wanting to show she had been listening to him too, she asked, “what about adam? how’s…that?”

then of course, there was the matter of el and her’s kiss, which was an entirely different layer of stress. “well, not like i hoped.” the kiss itself had been good, really good. so good it scared her. but the events that followed tainted the memory, “she like, ran away from me.” max sighed, “i guess i must’ve been bad or whatever.” she joked wryly, gaze falling to the blooming cherry on the end of her cigarette. “i think she might hate me.” she truthfully didn’t know and she wasn’t sure what she was seeking to gain by sharing this with cole, but the more they talked about it, she thought maybe she merely wanted to share. 

frustrated with her own moping, she shifted gears and asked cole, “so what are we getting up to tonight?” implying, im not feeling up to sleep. 

xx.

“I didn’t claim it did,” He corrected, though he was teasing. For all of his young life, Cole had desperately wanted a sibling; someone to talk to when he was home all day. Max had filled that void in a lot of ways-- she was always around, it seemed, and always ready to argue with him. Except today. Today her concern for him, the affection she usually buried way down deep, was on the surface. “Yeah, I’ll be more careful. Promise,” he said, her expression reason enough to save his snarky response for another time. Cole reached over and squeezed her knee, perhaps the only display of affection he could give without fear of being hit. 

Cole smirked, took a drag of his cigarette, and shrugged. “This stays between us,” he said, an air of faux-seriousness glancing over his features. “But... I have it on good authority that Steve, Eddie and Adam think I’m pretty irresistible,” he paused, not meeting her eyes for the next confession. “Also... Nancy’s boyfriend. And this guy Luke from college.” He couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous it sounded. He and Adam hadn’t talked about it yet, but Cole hoped he wouldn’t be hurt. He’d thought Adam was dead after all, surely that gave him the right to at least try and move on? And it’s not like any of these flings compared to what he and Adam had, what they would always have. “I know that I can trust that this will stay between us,” Cole reminded Max, raising an eyebrow. The last thing he needed was to be the person who had outed Steve or Eddie or, worse, Thad. 

Settling back into a relaxed position, Cole watched Max’s face out of the corner of his eye. At once, he knew that her feelings about Billy returning were the exact opposite from his feelings about Adam being back. Warranted, based on what he knew about Billy. It felt strange; for once, Max’s misery was something Cole didn’t share. Not that he couldn’t relate, but he couldn’t commiserate like usual. He felt a pang of guilt, not wanting her to feel alone with him. “I know you’re not asking for an apology, but... I am sorry about Billy. Where is he living?” Cole asked, worried about the answer.

Cole couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his mouth in response to Max’s question. It really was insufferable how in love he was, but he tried to tone it down-- it felt inappropriate to be over-the-top right now. “It’s been really good. Obviously really confusing... But I’m trying not to focus on that. Maybe that’s dumb, given everything, but...” Cole shrugged. If anyone would understand, he figured it would be Max. At least, she would try to understand. 

God, Cole desperately wished Max could say that the kiss was everything she’d wanted, that it had been received well. He wished Max could catch a break. Breathing out a cloud of smoke, Cole was reminded of his experience with Thad. How Thad had kissed him and run, and the look in his eyes when he left; anger, sure, but beyond that, it was fear. “I don’t think she hates you,” Cole said. “Maybe she’s scared,” he offered, his voice soft. “Maybe... she didn’t know what it meant and it was easier to run from it right now. Not everyone can be as self aware and well-adjusted as us,” Cole added with a joking smile. He shrugged and lifted his cigarette to his lips, as if to say we don’t have to talk about it. 

“I thought you’d never ask,” Cole jumped to his feet and stuck his hand out for Max. “I don’t know... wanna break into Melvald’s?” He smiled mischievously, remembering their Memorial Day antics. “Unless you have a better idea.”

@zccming

“I sorta spent the last few days hangin’ out with Elliot.”

goldenboyrichards​:

Adam wouldn’t have blamed him if Cole had told him to leave. Because Adam didn’t know what he had or hadn’t done - especially to Cole - but he knew it couldn’t be pretty. He was just so fucking worried that his nightmare really was a memory, that he’d said those things and shoved Cole up against a wall and nearly choked him. He wouldn’t be mad at Cole if he was scared of him, because until Adam got some answers, he was pretty scared of himself.

But his chest ached when Cole called him Sweetheart, voice rough but so Cole. That alone made him want to cry and hold him and tell him that he’d never ever ever want to do something to upset Cole again. And when Cole asked him to sit with him? Adam had no choice but to walk closer, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed, farther away from Cole than he would normally. As much as Adam wanted to seek comfort from his boyfriend, he didn’t want to jostle any of his injuries.

“Are you sure?” Adam asked urgently, blue eyes studying Cole closely. He knew he wasn’t physically okay - he had broken a rib. But how was he handling all of this emotionally? Cole had a tendency to be in denial of things, to want them to be perfect even when everything was falling apart around them. And Adam needed to know that he wasn’t doing that right now. “Baby, you have to tell me if you’re not okay. Please. I can’t,” He took a deep breath, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I can’t handle it if you’re not honest.”

He reflexively tried to reach for the water for Cole, to take care of him without even being asked. But Cole could do it himself. He didn’t need Adam to smother him right now, no matter how much Adam wanted to. He slowly lowered his hands back to his lap, clasping his knees tightly. “Not from the carnival,” Adam admitted sadly, biting his lip. “Just riding the Tunnel of Love, and then I woke up to you being put into an ambulance.” He finally let himself lean a little closer, needing physical contact to ground himself. His hand slipped into Cole’s, squeezing it gently.

Adam hated seeing Cole cry. If he could do something to make it better, to shield him from whatever pain he was facing, he would. Adam would shoulder any burden if it meant keeping Cole happy and healthy and safe. He would do anything in the world that Cole Montgomery asked him to do - something that had been true since they met in early high school. Gently, he leaned forward and wiped away Cole’s tears with his free hand, touch feather light against his skin.

And then Adam’s world collapsed.

“I…what?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice. That didn’t make any sense. He had been possessed? By…by a demon, or something like that? For one gut wrenching moment, Adam worried that maybe this was God’s way of punishing him for being who he was. For who he loved. But Cole called it the Mindflayer, and that didn’t sound like any demon he’d ever heard about in church on Sunday. “So I really died?” Adam begged Cole to lie, to tell him that he was kidding. But something in his eyes said that this was true. He didn’t even try to stop the tears that were flowing down his cheeks now, letting them hit the starched sheets of Cole’s hospital bed.

“What if I am?” He asked, lip trembling at the thought. Adam didn’t want to die. He was still so young - there was so much of the world he wanted to see. He wanted to live with and love Cole for as many years as possible, not die before he’d even turned 25. Right now, he needed to comfort Cole though, and he leaned forward to sob on his shoulder, free hand wrapping around his neck as gently as possible. In the nightmare he’d wanted to do that out of anger, but now the only thing Adam felt for Cole was love. Love and guilt for putting him through this.

“I do remember… something from before. Or maybe it isn’t a memory, maybe it was a - a nightmare, or something,” He rambled, tears continuing to fall as his thumb rubbed over the back of Cole’s neck from the uncomfortable position he was committing to. “I…or, it wasn’t me but it was me. It was my body. I was so mean to you, and I shoved you against a wall and told you to leave me alone. I thought I was going to kill you, Cole. But I…I stopped it. I don’t know what I did, but I stopped it.” Adam told him, sobbing into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. Maybe this wasn’t fair - maybe he shouldn’t be acting like this when it was Cole in the hospital, not him. But fuck, Adam needed comfort. Adam needed to know Cole was alive and that they could get through it together. That Cole didn’t hate him or blame him. “I love you.” He whispered when his tears felt like they might begin to subside. “I love you more than anything, Walden.”

xx.

Of course Cole wasn’t okay. How could he be? His broken rib was nothing compared to the way his heart was splintering and cracking with every tear Adam shed. Losing him had been the worst pain Cole had ever felt, but sitting next to him and watching him break was a close second. The confusion and fear in Adam’s eyes, while expected and completely understandable, made Cole want to take it all back-- say it was just a joke-- beg for forgiveness. 

But now, Cole couldn’t avoid it. He couldn’t avoid the truth, and Adam wasn’t going to let him avoid his feelings. Since Adam came back, Cole felt like he was walking around with a bomb strapped to his chest-- like it was only a matter of time before he’d be destroyed again. As if he hadn’t cried enough, Cole’s eyes welled up in response to Adam’s urgent tone, the way he was peering into his soul.

“No,” he choked out, wrapping Adam’s hand into both of his. “I thought I was going to lose you again.” Cole’s voice was barely above a whisper, and his hot tears fell onto their hands. Saying it out loud took Cole back to that place-- the moment at the carnival when Adam started acting different. The terror in his chest at the thought of attending another funeral for the love of his life. Cole didn’t realize he was having trouble breathing until he felt Adam’s hands on his shoulders, willing Cole’s chest to stop constricting. “I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life. I can’t do this-- life-- without you... that’s the truth,” he lifted his gaze to Adam’s face and squeezed Adam’s hand tight, as if a tight enough grip would save him.

They shared a contemplative silence, and Adam finally moved closer to Cole. Relieved, he shifted his legs over to give Adam space to occupy, a way to feel his closeness. Cole’s chest felt heavy in an entirely different way than his head; he knew loving someone this completely was the greatest risk he could take. He always knew it would hurt somehow, but never anticipated this-- the way his entire life lost meaning when Adam died. The way he didn’t feel like himself, much less like a person, without Adam Richards to look at him with a knowing smile or wrap him up in a hug or laugh at jokes that went over his head. 

As Adam wiped away Cole’s tears, Cole leaned his head against the other’s hand, held him there for a second. He knew with more certainty than he knew anything else that if, when he met Adam Richards for the first time, he could see the future-- all the love and all the pain-- he would choose him again. 

When Adam started crying, processing the information Cole had dumped on him, Cole instinctively pulled him closer and rubbed circles in his back. He hated that there was nothing he could say to make this better; he hated feeling powerless to help. At Adam’s question, Cole met his eyes and nodded once, confirming Adam’s fears. Cole carded his fingers through Adam’s hair as the other cried into his shoulder. “You won’t. I won’t let anything bad happen,” Cole whispered into his boyfriend’s hair. 

Cole’s stomach dropped; the one thing he wanted to keep from Adam, the moment he wanted to take to the grave, had somehow resurfaced in his memory. For a beat, he considered denying it, but he’d never been able to lie to Adam. Adam always knew. Cole’s hold on Adam tensed and he pressed his lips to Adam’s temple a few times. “I know, baby,” he murmured, “That was before. Right before you died... I know it wasn’t you.” Cole’s eyes welled up at what Adam was saying. “You stopped it from hurting me. You stopped it.”

Gently, Cole cupped Adam’s face and angled him up, so Cole could see him. He couldn’t stop the smile pushing up his lips when Adam called him Walden. In Adam’s eyes, all of Cole’s fear melted into tenderness and he felt his body relax. It was going to be okay. They would get through it together. “I know you do. And I love you more than anything, Adam Richards. I’ll love you forever.” 

rcbinbvckleys​:

⚢

opening up her own soda, a multitude of bubbles escaped over top. quickly she lowered her mouth to the can and just about managed to avoid them spilling over. robin gingerly moved to take a seat on the edge of her bed, leaving room for cole in case he wanted to join her. in fact, she motioned for him to do so as an invitation. they would probably be here a little while and it was best to have what would likely be an uncomfortable conversation in actual comfort.

“i think i might have seen something. maybe. it’s just all a bit fuzzy, i can’t really make any sense of it.” like cole, robin remembered the fire going out and cole and lucas both getting injured. then everything went dark. there had been the pool, and barb grabbing her ankle and pulling robin down into the watery depths with her. in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a lot to go off of. “and- correct me if i’m wrong, but judging by your face right about now i’d be willing to bet that you saw something too.”

xx.

At Robin’s bidding, Cole sat next to her on her bed. It was comfy, he noted absentmindedly. Adjusting his position so he could face Robin, Cole tried (and failed) to read her expression. At her vague response, Cole’s face fell. Maybe he really had imagined what he’d seen-- head trauma to blame, or something. Taking another sip of the soda, Cole weighed his options: tell her what he saw and risk being institutionalized, or not tell her and have to deal with it alone.

He chose the former. “Yeah... I did.” Cole tried to smile, though it probably looked more like a grimace. “My best friend died in the mall fire, and... I saw him, like, on fire.” Then, since he was already telling her the truth: “It felt really real. Like I was actually there.” He met her eyes again, visibly uncomfortable. “What did you see? If you don’t mind saying.”

zccming​:

“everyone expresses their rebellion differently.” max rolled her eyes at the notion, then took a drag from the joint. this party was objectively stupid, but she was there anyhow. so who was she to judge?  “It’s just… do you ever feel like it should’ve been you? Like, why did all those people die and not me?” “heavy.” she replied. the effects of her indulgence throughout the night were hitting her all at once, so to hell with it. she’d be honest with cole. “yeah. i mean, paramedics pretty much saved me and a bunch of other people. pulled us out.” at least, that was the official police story. not the truth, but it was the closest max could get to saying she watched billy die here.

 “i…still don’t understand why it worked out that way.” she rubbed her temples with one hand, then handed cole the joint with the other. time felt heavy on her shoulders, so she wasn’t going to waste it. “i didn’t like, really know adam…” code for, i always thought he was just a dumb asshole jock. “but since he was your friend, i doubt he’d want you thinking like that.” she was confident in that at least. “what do you think he’d think of this party?” max didn’t know what had inspired her to ask such a loaded question, maybe it was something in the air, or maybe it was the hope that prompting cole to remember would help him feel better. 

xx.

Cole studied Max's face when she told her story. They hadn't ever talked about that night before, not explicitly. He knew the substances helped make the conversation easier. "But it was too late? For your brother?" he asked, the high making him bolder. He could probably still recite all of the names of people who'd died in the fire, and when he met Max he put two and two together. "Maybe we'll never know. But none of it makes sense to me," Cole admitted.

He took the joint and sucked in a deep breath, exhaling with a cough. Leaning back against the wall, Cole cracked a smile thinking about what Adam would say if he was here. Why are you pouting? You know it doesn't look good on you. "Yeah, you're probably right," he paused, passing the blunt back. "Though he was a selfish prick sometimes." His expression darkened, remembering the last days they spent together. The fight. "Hey, listen... was Billy... like, different, right before? Was he acting weird?" He shuffled, crossing a leg underneath him. 

“Just because Adam and I got into this huge fight right before. He kept saying that he couldn't be with me anymore. It's like it wasn't him, and... I don't know, I've felt guilty about it ever since." Cole trailed off. Did he just come out to Max? Maybe she was too high to catch it. Maybe he was too high to be talking about this.

eddiemcnson​:

+++

god, it had been an eventful six-ish hours at the lake,and eddie was more than ready to just fuck it and go home again. he’d even debated sleeping in the van but after what had went down he wasn’t sure if he’d be brave enough to be on his own tonight.

a nice, simple, fun, relaxing camping trip had sounded like a hell of an idea, once he’d found out about it he’d been all game. not to say that the fact that they were camping at lover’s lake didn’t make him uneasy, oh god it did. everytime his gaze fell on the open water he gulped, a ghastly shiver running down his spine as he remembered the events of spring break ‘86. watergate. the upside down.

still he’d come along, because what else was there to do? soon enough the fun had turned sour, when adam and cole had been dragged down in the water, when dustin had started acting weird, apparently some shit had gone down over at the cabin, too, but he could barely even wrap his head around what had happened at the shore. in true hawkins fashion, the paranormal apparently couldn’t take a day off.

he needed a break. he needed some time to clear his head, so eddie had split from the group. to breathe, have a smoke, be alone with his racing thoughts for a moment. though the solitary didn’t last long.

a lopsided grin, eddie awkwardly waved at cole, cigarette between his fingers. a faint blush rising to his cheeks as memories of the day of the mall protest flooded his mind. “nah, not here for nessie. just…. needed a break. from all this.” he shrugged, took a drag. “how’s your ankle, montgomery?”

xx.

As he walked closer to Eddie, he tried flexing his ankle. It was sore, but the soreness was dull enough that it left Cole wondering if it was all in his head. The last few weeks had Cole questioning his sanity more times than he was comfortable with. Pulling Adam’s flannel around his torso, Cole nodded in agreement with Eddie’s statement. “Yeah... it’s a lot. Kind of too much to try and figure out right now, after that keg stand,” Cole admitted with a grimace. Not his brightest idea.

“Can I bum a smoke?” Cole asked when Eddie brought the cigarette to his lips.  Cole glanced down to his ankle and laughed humorlessly. “I don’t know. I can’t tell if it’s all in my head or if that really happened. You’d tell me if you thought I was going crazy, right?” he asked, half-joking. Cole straightened his back and met Eddie’s eyes. 

“So, not to be awkward, but... we’re cool, right?” Cole asked, sincerity written on his face. “I just mean... like, to me, we’re good.” They never had a chance to talk about what had happened, and since then, there was Thad and then Adam coming back. He didn’t think it was that deep, really, but wanted to make sure.

With Steve, it had been an unspoken agreement: Steve will bring it up if he wants to. But with Eddie, he wasn’t sure. With the frantic way things ended at the mall, it was impossible to know what Eddie had been thinking, what he could be thinking now. Cole felt drawn to him as a friend, and he hoped what had happened hadn’t ruined that from the start.  

Besides, Cole was very curious about what he’d seen between Eddie and Steve. It was glaringly obvious to him at the shore that something had happened, and when it clicked in Cole’s mind, he’d wanted nothing more than to congratulate them. Obviously, that was out of the question, but now that he’d found Eddie alone, he hoped it would come up. 

The Wheeler family barbecue wasn't exactly Cole's first choice as far as Memorial Day festivities go. He would much rather be by the lake, pretending to read a book-- away from all the prying eyes of Hawkins' very own helicopter parents. But one chance run-in with Steve Harrington can derail even the strongest man's plans for the day. And Cole didn't mind, he sort of liked the twitch Karen Wheeler got when he was around.

See, Karen and Cole's mom used to be friends-- best friends, as Cole understood it. But best friends in the girl way, where they secretly hate each other and are always competing to be the prettiest, smartest, funniest, whatever. And then Maggie Montgomery got shipped off to New York and Karen won prom queen and that was supposed to be that. Until Maggie came back with a son, born around the same time as Karen's oldest, and suddenly the competition began again. Whose kid would be the smartest? The most athletic? The prettiest? It was amusing to Cole, especially in the last few years since he and Nancy have become friends.

So, he matched Karen's polite smile when he greeted her and raided her kitchen, making a plate of every feasible kind of chip and dip he could find. Karen watched him the whole time, peppering him with faux-questions used to assert Nancy's superiority. Are you still at Indiana State? Meaning: you aren't at a real college like Emory. How are you liking the Music Center? Meaning: Nancy has a real job running a newspaper, etc etc. After no less than twenty questions, Cole escaped to the front yard and to a cold beer. Glancing sideways, he noticed that Nancy had the same idea. "Prized pony, huh?" He grinned, clinking his beer to her plastic cup. "What would Mrs. Wheeler think if she knew Secretariat was defiling her body with alcohol?" he whispered, raising his eyebrows. "Hey, say the word and we can get outta here. You know I love to see Karen squirm."

𝐖𝐇𝐎: Nancy Wheeler & OPEN

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓: Nancy escapes the confines of Karen Wheeler, spots your muse, and forces them to talk to her.

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄: Memorial Day aka Nancy’s Day!

Nancy had been home from Emerson for approximately five days and eight hours. In that time, she had barely seen the sunlight let alone escape from the grasp that was Karen Wheeler’s perfectly manicured hand. It was thing after thing with her mom. First, they went to the nail salon, then grocery shopping, then to The Gap, and then to her nana’s house for a visit. There had barely been time for her to even sit down and breathe for the last week. Then Karen began talking about how they should throw a BBQ for Nancy! It made perfect sense, in Karen’s mind. The Wheeler’s knew so many people and a cook out on Memorial Day was the perfect kickstarter to reintroduce Nancy to people who she had actively been avoiding since leaving Hawkins. Nancy would protest, looking over at her dad who’s glued to his Lay-Z Boy for some help, only for Ted to grumble and ask, “Do I have to cook?”

There was no use and come Memorial Day, the Wheeler’s backyard had been decorated. Her dad was on the grill and her mom was pushing Nancy along to talk to all of Karen’s friends. Nancy goes to Emerson! She’s a part of Alpha Epsilon Phi! And she’s dating the president of Sigma Alpha Epsilon! Oh, and she’s editor-in-chief at The Berkeley Beacon! Karen was bragging and bragging about all of Nancy’s accolades. It seemed to give Karen a leg up against all of her other friends who’s kids were still stuck in Hawkins. “Hey, I’ll be right back,” she said, excusing herself from the gaggle of moms.

Grabbing a red solo cup, she snuck off with one of the beers she spotted in the cooler, and poured it in the cup. There was no way she could tackle this sober. Taking a long drink, she spotted a familiar face, and booked it towards them. She needed some kind of distraction away from the clutches of Karen Wheeler. “Hey, do you think you could distract me for like… five minutes before I have to go back to being trotted around like a prized pony?”