Latest Posts by lowkeyspawnofloki - Page 2

Historical context is of course very useful for important things like Politics and Science and everything, but will also open your eyes to things like, uh... the way the clothing/textile/crafting industries try to use the word "natural" as an excuse to sell shoddy and bad quality goods and make you think that's normal.

God knows there are worse things going on in the world, but it really pisses me off when I see companies advertising "Real Shell/Pearl buttons!" like that's supposed to be some upscale selling point, and the buttons in question are the thinnest, roughest, most crudely-made buttons in existence... 🙄😒 "But they're made from Natural Materials! You can't expect Natural Materials to look refined and consistent like synthetic ones!" They are lying to you. THEY ARE LYING TO YOU! And I know this because I've seen "real shell buttons" from 100 or even 50 years ago. And most of them are sturdy and smoothly polished, of a consistent thickness, and sometimes even finely carved. The buttons on nice men's dress shirts? Those are the cheap, plastic IMITATIONS of what people expected actual mother-of-pearl buttons to look like! "Natural" isn't an excuse! Your product is cheap and badly and lazily made! And I'm so sick of this, because I see it EVERYWHERE. "Linen-look" has become shorthand for "coarsely woven fabric with visible slubs" and that drives me CRAZY because do you KNOW what kinds of linen I have seen??? Antique linen so light and fine and smooth you can't even SEE the weave unless you magnify it!!! A fragment of a linen damask tablecloth so smooth and glossy, it looks like SILK? 😭 (On that note, "dupioni silk" is so roughly woven that it would have been considered hardly fit to sell a century ago) "This fabric is woven of Natural Materials, so imperfections will be inevitable!" 🙃 No! 😀 You just made it cheaply and sloppily, and that was your choice! 😊

Added the promised second part y’all!

omg you can make it look different :0

"the magnus archives sounds cool! what are the content warnings?"

both sqqs use their fans asian-mom-slipper-style

I’m working on my own DCA x Reader AU and here’s the concept doodles for the trio. The idea, as of now, is a rival to friends to lovers (because who doesn’t like that…)

It’s set in a fantasy landscape plagued by monsters and Monster Slayers are hired similar to bounty hunters to protect towns and kingdoms and take out potential threats that are monster shaped. I do plan to write and post some more details and then maybe the first chapter soon after I get some things sorted so if anyone is curious… anywho~

Sv au where everything is the same but it's like a reality tv show (the system takes interviews)

airplane sketchpage

best thing abt svsss fandom is the fact we've fully illustrated the headcanon that no matter what form shen yuan takes, binghe will always fall in love with him. ive read fics of shen yuan transmigrating into one of binghes wives, gongyi xiao, a fantasy creature, sha hualing's demon brother. ive seen fics of binghe coming to modern china and loving shen yuan in his original body. that man was put into the body of shen qingqiu - destined to be binghe's most hated person - and clawed his way into being binghe's most beloved. they are SO this audio

From an anonymous freeform prompt for SVSSS Action, may I present to you... Delicious in the Abyss! A SVSSS x DunMeshi AU!

More info about the different characters (with some sketches) under the "read more" :

In Delicious in the Abyss, we follow various groups of adventurers as they explore the "abyss" a mysterious place filled with various fauna and monsters. No matter their race or age, most of them have the same goal: becoming the master of the abyss... However, some have a very different idea of how one should explore the abyss. Take for example a certain group led by an elf named Shen Yuan who desires one thing only... eat as many different monsters as possible!

Shen Yuan's party :

Shen Yuan: Elf, 87 y/o, Mage. His wish is to eat and study as many monsters as possible. He started exploring the abyss about twenty years ago, but had to stop abruptly after taking in Luo Binghe. On the surface, his studies seem to merely be for the sake of curiosity... But are they?

Luo Binghe: Tiefling, 63 y/o, Tank (and cook). Thrown into the abyss at the age of 38 (since tieflings are a long-lived race, it means he was about 14), he got stuck in the lowest levels for few years before Shen Yuan saved him. He regards him as his savior (and one true love) and would do anything for him... even if it means cooking the monsters (he hates it, he hates it so much).

Shang Qinghua: Gnome, 87 y/o, Healer. Shen Yuan's oldest friend and the author of many infamous books. He stopped writing them about twenty years ago though, after he started to explore the abyss with Shen Yuan. He seems to be looking for something in the abyss, or rather: someone.

Liu Qingge: Tallman, 26 y/o, Swordsman. One of Shen Yuan's friends. He used to be part of the Cang Qiong guild but left it after a disagreement with one of his colleagues. Now he works for Shen Yuan with his younger sister, Liu Mingyan. "Uh? My goal? Get stronger. Mh."

Liu Mingyan: Tallman, 24 y/o, Swordswoman. Liu Qingge's younger sister, she accompanies him on each of his missions. She got an offer to work with Cang Qion mountain once but refused it once she learned her brother had left the guild. She's quiet but efficient, however, Shang Qinghua suspects that she might stick around for other reasons...

Cang Qiong Guild:

Yue Qingyuan: Tallman, 48 y/o, Tank. The leader of Cang Qiong, he's a respected individual amongst adventurers. However, he seems leniant on the vices of his vice-leader: Shen Qingqiu.

Shen Qingqiu: Tallman, 40 y/o, Swordman. Vice-leader of Cang Qiong. He's the reason Cang Qiong is exclusively made of tallmen, as he has a strong distate for any other races, especially elves. The only exception to this rule is his adopted daughter: Ning Yingying, a dwarf. He's the one who abandoned Luo Binghe into the abyss after discovering his true nature.

Mu Qingfang: Tallman, 29 y/o, Healer. The group's medic.

Qi Qingqi: Tallman, 31 y/o, Swordswoman. She wanted to create a branch specifically for women in Cang Qiong Guild's but because of Shen Qingqiu's veto on recruiting other races she couldn't make it work.

Ming Fan: Tallman, 19 y/o, Mage. A cowardly young adventurer. He has a crush on Ning Yingying.

Ning Yingying: Dwarf, 51 y/o, Tank. Despite being older than him, she's Shen Qingqiu's adopted daughter whom he took in when she was merely 30 y/o. She likes her father a lot, however she can't forgive him for what he has done to Luo Binghe. (She'll leave Cang Qiong to join Shen Yuan's part at some point).

(Side note, Cang Qiong is still specialized in cultivation, hence why most of them look so young)

The Tieflings hideout:

Tieflings are a race that I made up for this AU specifically, inspired by D&D. They're inhabitant of the dungeon, tall and sturdy, with pointy ears akin to elves, horns of various shapes and tails. They can also use magic like elves, tallmen or gnomes, however their magic rely on its own set of rules.

Mobei-Jun: Tiefling, 92 y/o, King of the Northern tribe. Leader of one of the numerous tiefling tribes hidden in the abyss, he met Shang Qinghua twenty years ago in the abyss and has made him swear his loyalty to him since then. He has sensed change in the abyss since Luo Binghe's arrival, and decided to trust Shen Yuan's party to solve this issue... With the compensation of Shang Qinghua.

Sha Hualing: Half-ogre half-halfoot, 15 y/o, Princess of the Eastern tribe. Adopted daughter of the king of the eastern tribe, she's a bastard born from the forbidden union between an ogre and a half-foot and was abandoned into the abyss at birth. Of short stature, with a short life spawn, she makes up for it with her keen senses and her strength. She later on joins Shen Yuan's party.

The first Tieflings:

Tianlang-Jun: Tiefling, ??? y/o, Master of the Abyss. The master of the abyss, his powers are beyond anything imaginable. He claims to have eaten what has given him those powers and since then has known hunger beyond what any mortal could endure. He has once fell in love with a tallman woman by the name of Su Xiyan, but she has left the abyss years ago, and he doesn't know what her whereabouts are... The only thing he knows is that she's the only one capable of satisfying this hunger that eats him from the inside.

Zhuzhi-Lang: Beastman (snake), ??? y/o, Guardian of the abyss. Tasked by the Abyss' Master to protect its inhabitants, he'll kill anyone who gets in his ways indiscriminately at the exception of Shen Yuan, who saved him years ago when exploring the abyss for the first time. He only obeys the Abyss' Master orders, and because of that, has forced the Tieflings deeper and deeper into the abyss regardless of how they felt about it. As a chimera, he's more snake than the tiefling his soul has been mixed with.

Other groups:

Huan Hua's guild (the governor's guild): The one guild financed by the governor of the state in which the abyss is located. Its members are from various races. Despite the guild stating they're open to anyone, only those from a wealthy background can become a part of it.

Zhao Hua's guild: Specialized in magic. They have rounds to reanimate unlucky adventurers in the abyss.

Tian Yi's guild: Specialized in training new adventurers.

And that's it for now! What awaits them in the abyss? Many adventures and delicious cooking, that is, if Luo Binghe can handle it.

"Freed from the abyss at long last... Forced to cook the monsters with seasoning this time. I've been cursed there's no other way to explain it... Damn it, it's good though, I really am a great cook."

lego monkie kid doodles ^^

MOOOONKIE KID! FAMILIAR TALES! NEW ADVENTURES!

anyhoo yeah I’ve been rewatching LMK since I haven’t seen S4 or S5 yet so I just decided to watch it again from the beginning to get a refresher. (On s4 rn no spoilers please)

Forgot how much I loved this show! Definitely needed to draw fanart for it

Wukong went a ''little'' overprotective mode during a fight. Good thing MK was there to calm him down.

Wukong acts like a monkey in his war form and u are not taking that from me!

shoutout to this person for requesting Wukong in War Form and ended up in a whole thing!

Undivided attention

They’re passive aggressively cleaning each others faces in the banana bed rn

OKAY. I maaay have went overboard.

I got the tiniest scrap of praise for my idea of Monkey King not knowing that mortals don’t die when they get sick that I wrote a whole fic.

Also, I’m not 100% sure what I’m doing but eh when has that ever stopped me?

Word count: 4,672

Magic Fruit

Endurance training sucked.

That was the only thought racing through Mk’s mind as he trekked up the side of flower fruit mountain. On the surface, scaling a mountain didn’t seem too horrible, but it was pouring rain and Mk had weights strapped to his arms and legs.

“You’ll be fine bud! A little hike won’t kill you. Plus, I’ll be around just in case something happens.” Monkey king had assured him just mere hours earlier.

At this point Mk wished the hike would just kill him instead of dragging out this new breed of suffering any longer.

It had all been going so well until it started to rain. Rain made things a hell of a lot harder. It was slippery, it was cold, it was wet, and all around not ideal for someone with weights strapped to their limbs.

In the city, rains were scheduled. On flowerfruit mountain however there was no such thing.

Pushing himself up on the top of yet another ledge Mk groaned and rolled over, letting droplets hit his face as he worked up the energy to continue. He could almost taste the finish line.

Ever since the Macaque incident, Monkey King had started upping the training. Whether it be sparring or learning new techniques of how to outclass his enemies, Mk was absorbing this new knowledge like sunlight into a flower.

This lesson had to be Mk’s least favorite however.

Looking to the left, his gaze fell onto a winding tree growing from a crack in the cliff face. It’s branches extend above where he lay, it’s leaves providing the smallest protection from the downpour.

Mk thought back to what Monkey King had told him

“Once you find the only birch tree on the mountain, you’ll be less than ten minutes from the top! So look out for birch trees and you’ll be fine.”

Relief made Mk’s shoulders sag as he let out a shaky laugh.

After a few more moments of blissful respite, Mk hauled himself upwards. Sparing one last glance back at the birch tree before turning towards the way onward. If he rested too long he was just going to fall asleep and that would be a problem.

Jumping up onto a boulder that lay at the base of the path, Mk took a second to map out what the easiest route would be. The rocks were steep and he didn’t have his staff, so he’d have to be careful.

After a bit of quiet musing, Mk jumped from one rock to another giving all of his remaining energy to scaling the steep slope that stood before him. Not noticing the little sparks of yellow magic dancing on his skin as he bounded upwards.

Finally, FINALLY, Mk’s hand slapped down on the highest ledge of flowerfruit mountain. Gasping with relief, Mk pulled himself upwards. He looked up to see a familiar cloud floating just above the ground. What wasn’t familiar though, was Monkey King soaking wet, his fur almost covering his eyes completely.

Oh he HAD to get a picture. Mei would love this.

“Monkey king?”

The great sage looked startled and shook himself vigorously, not unlike a dog that had fallen off a pier.

“Hey bud! You did it.”

“Can I please take these off now?” Mk gestured at the straps on both his arms and legs.

“I don’t know, can you—“

Wukong’s dad joke was cut off by his successor throwing one of the weighted bands at him with surprising strength all things considered.

“HEY! That was rude.”

Mk was too busy undoing the rest of them to even reply but Wukong saw a small smirk spread across the kid’s face. It was nice. It reminded the great sage of a simpler time.

“What’s with the hairdo?” Mk finally asked.

“I’m not made for water”

“I can see that”

“You’re just mad that you don’t have hair as luxurious as mine”

“As if”

Mk tried to get up, but his overworked muscles decided otherwise, so Mk fell backwards, butt first into a puddle. After a moment of silence Monkey king started to laugh and Mk’s expression softened from annoyance to exhaustion.

“You know what? This is fine. I accept my fate.” Mk decided, sprawling out in the puddle.

“Bud. You have to get up. You can’t sleep there.” Monkey King snorted.

“Why?”

“It’s not comfortable. Trust me kid, I’ve slept in the rain before, the next morning you get all soggy”

“Maybe that’s just ‘cause you’re covered in fur like a hamster” Mk teased back, it was a random animal but Mk was in a random mood.

But nonetheless he found himself looking up for the reaction Monkey King was inevitably going to have.

The offended gasp from the monkey was worth whatever punishment would follow. Mk started laughing as he was lifted effortlessly into the air by Monkey King’s tail which was now wrapped around his ankle.

“I’m taking you home.” Monkey King decided, swinging his apprentice under his arm.

“Wait what? Nononono it’s okay I can vault back—“ Mk argued trying to squeeze his way out from his grasp, to no avail.

“Too late already decided!” Monkey King exclaimed. The cloud was already moving and Mk could object no longer.

Flying through the rain was a nice change of pace to climbing in it, but nonetheless he was cold.

“I know you’re probably going to be tired tomorrow, but you can pop by any time for some easier training.” Monkey King said out of the blue.

“Really?”

“Really. Anytime.”

“Alright then, I’ll take you up on that promise!” Mk beamed. Maybe Monkey King would show him some cool magic stuff! Or maybe they would work on shapeshifting? Either way, Mk was excited.

A piercing light filtered through the veil of restless sleep Mk was currently hiding behind. There was a flash of annoyance that was followed by a wave of fever. Pulling the blankets over his head the best he could, Mk curled tighter into himself and tried to go back to sleep.

*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*

*beep* *bee—

The alarm clock was viscerally destroyed as it was thrown against the wall with enough force to leave an indent. It wasn’t even a clock anymore, it was just broken scraps now sat pathetically on the floor.

Mk grumbled to himself and resettled into his cocoon of blankets. Satisfied that the most aggravating sound in the world was dead by his hand.

Wait. That was his alarm clock.

He only has his alarm clock set if he’s about to sleep through his shift!

HIS SHIFT

Scrambling out of bed, Mk falters and grabs his dresser to steady himself. The world was dipping under his feet and his head was light. Sinking to the floor, Mk hid his head in his knees, taking some deep breaths.

“You’ll be fine. I’m fine! I’ll feel better after some breakfast.” He assured himself

But Mk didn’t want breakfast, his stomach churned just as angrily as the floor underneath him. Nevertheless, Mk hauled himself up to get dressed.

After way too long of a time to take to get clothes on, Mk slinkes downstairs, gripping the handrail like his life depended on it.

He could hear Pigsy humming to himself while he cooked, causing Mk to stop. Maybe he won’t notice? It’s just a cold after all, he can power through a cold.

Pigsy notices on sight.

Mk was never one to sleep in, and the kid practically stumbled downstairs looking spacey and feverish.

“Hey Mk, you doing alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine, sorry I slept in. Training with Monkey king ya know?”

“Mhm.”

“So do you have any deliveries yet or…?” Mk felt Pigsy’s stare go right through him with a silent judgment of ‘we both know you're sick’

“Nope. Go back to bed.” Pigsy looked away from him and back to the kitchen.

“But I’m fine! Seriously!” Mk argued leaning over the counter, hopping onto one of the stools.

The bells above the entrance chimed, signaling that a customer had arrived. Mk barely even looked up, there was only one person who could time his morning walk to the exact moment Pigsy’s noodles opened.

“Mk, you look dreadful.” Was the first words out of the scholar's mouth.

“Hello to you too Mr Tang.” Mk grumbled, pushing himself upright.

“Anyways guys, I’m fine! It’s just a cold. I can work through a cold!”

Pigsy and Tang shared a silent look. Pigsy tilted his head towards Mk and gave a subtle nod, to which Tang sighed and rolled up his sleeves.

“Whatever you two just agreed on, don’t do it.” Mk slid himself off of the stool he was sitting on and away from Tang who was being scarily quiet at the moment.

It was a common occurrence for Pigsy and Tang to converse without even opening their mouths, but almost every time that Mk was the subject of said almost telepathic conversation, it ended in him having to take care of himself either by force or the sheer terror of what would happen if he didn’t.

This was one of those times.

Lunging forward with speed Mk didn’t know the scholar could muster, Tang grabbed his arm and started pulling Mk towards the stairs that lead up to his apartment.

“I’ll bring medicine and some easy food after the first rush” Pigsy called after the two.

“THIS IS TREACHERY!” Mk screeched back, still surprised that Mr Tang was successfully dragging him upstairs. Maybe he was sicker than he originally thought, if Tang was overpowering him.

If Mk was going down, he wasn’t going down without a fight.

In one last act of rebellion, Mk let his body go fully limp in Mr Tang’s grasp.

What happened next was a series of thumps, a scream from the scholar and Mk’s cackling as he lay at the bottom step of the stairway.

Mk’s laughter only dimmed when he looked up to see Pigsy looming over him menacingly.

However, the look on Pigsy’s face, the nervous snickering habit he picked up from Monkey King, and the high fever, were all more than enough for Mk to dissolve into uncontrollable giggles.

Pigsy let his expression soften before shaking his head and grabbing Mk by the waist. Carryinging him up the stairs himself. Passing by a mortified Tang who has stayed unmoving since he dropped the kid.

They were over halfway up the stairs when everything went fuzzy and Mk closed his eyes.

Next thing Mk knew, he was waking up in his room. The curtains were drawn and the little sunlight he could see gave away that he had been sleeping for at least a few hours.

Everything felt hazy and his throat was dry. A million things flashed through his mind, each one canceling the others out. He almost felt worse than when he woke up the first time.

The mind fog lifted somewhat when he heard two pairs of footsteps ascending the stairs. One was slow and purposeful while the other pair flat out sprinted towards his room.

“Mk!” A familiar voice called out.

Before he even had time to respond, the door slammed open and there stood a concerned looking Mei.

“Oh my god you look dead”

“Thanks.”

“Hey. What did I tell you about bein’ quiet? He needs his rest.”

“Sorry Pigsy.” Mei whispered, stepping out of the way of the cook entering the room. Balanced in his hands was a tray full of medicine, a bowl of noodles, a thermometer gun, and a can of ginger ale.

“Aww Pigsy you didn’t have to, really. It’s just a cold”

Both Mei and Pigsy deadpanned at him.

“You were deliriously giggling after falling down the stairs, it’s not just a cold anymore.” Pigsy huffed, setting the tray down on the nearby nightstand.

“Tang called me in for reinforcements,” Mei mused, settling herself down on the ground. “The way he described it, he made it sound like you were on death's door. And honestly? It doesn’t look like he was too far off”

“Wow okay. I see how it is—“ Mk cut off his own words with a violent coughing fit. It was as if the universe was proving Mei’s point.

Pigsy shoved the thermometer gun at Mk’s temple whilst he was hacking up his left lung. A quiet beep sounded and the cook grimaced when he read the temperature.

“What is it?” Mei asked, leaning over to better see the result.

“103°”

“…is that bad?”

“Somewhat. He’ll be fine, but we need to bring the fever down. Otherwise—”

“Guys”

A gravelly voice interrupted the train of thought the two were going down.

“I’m fine”

“No you’re not!” Mei argued.

“Yes I am.”

“Not.”

“Yes”

“No”

“Yes I am”

“Mk, you couldn’t get up if you tried.” Mei huffed, crossing her arms before realizing that challenging Mk probably wasn’t a good thing to do right now.

Mk loved proving people wrong with a passion. as soon as the words left her mouth Mk hauled himself out from bed, gripping the side table as he balanced himself.

“See? I’m fine—AGH OKAY” Mk began but never finished his sentence as he crumpled back into his bed, rubbing his temples.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? What’s happening” Mei asked frantically, shoving her way towards the bed.

“Dizzy” Mk mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You’re going to be more than dizzy if you try that again.” Pigsy muttered before sighing.

“Tang will be up with some cold water and a washcloth for your head. As long as you take the meds, drink the ginger ale and eat, you’ll be fine in no time.”

“Even the gross syrup?” Mk whined with desperation gleaming in his eyes.

“Even the gross syrup. I’ll be downstairs, and Mei?”

The dragon girl perked up

“Get him to take his medicine by any means necessary.” Pigsy said with a smirk before closing the door behind him.

Mei’s evil smile spread across her face as she turned towards her best friend.

Pigsy just chuckled when he heard sounds of fear and varying amounts of pillow violence from upstairs.

-

It was a typical morning on Flowerfruit mountain. (Well aside from the fact that it was late afternoon.) and Sun Wukong had woken to a soft breeze brushing past him. That and the fact that his phone was buzzing.

Slamming his hand on the side table, he blindly felt around for his phone. He rarely used the thing but Mk had shown him how to work it, and he can’t say he didn’t like texting his successor or browsing social media.

Finally locating the slim hunk of metal, he pulled it towards him.

Mk’s contact had texted him.

“Hey monkey king! This is Mei. Mk is sick and can’t train today. He’s out of it so I’m texting you for him. He wouldn’t rest unless I told you. Sooo bye! :) ”

“Oh also Mk says hi”

Monkey king read the text a few times over not believing what he was seeing.

Now, Sun Wukong may be powerful and have lived for thousands of years, but he never really got the hang with how humans work. He himself had not been sick since he left his staff for a successor to wield all those years ago. He had almost forgotten what it felt like.

When he had been sick, he swore he felt the icy claws of death piercing his skin, ready to finally drag him to the beyond. Even though a certain grumpy monkey had told him he was being dramatic and that it was the “common cold” or something like that.

But Monkey King knew what he felt. After all, the only human he had ever seen sick, passed away shortly after. He was certain, if he hadn’t been immortal, he would’ve died from the “common cold” or whatever it was called.

So the knowledge that his very much mortal successor was sick did not go over well with the Monkey King.

Immediately he scrambled out of bed and basically flew for drawers where he kept trinkets he found over the years. Where he began frantically combing through the various shiny things he collected.

“Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?”

Monkey King’s searching became increasingly hectic with every drawer looked through.

Finally a small familiar item caught his attention. In the last drawer he checked in, there sat inconspicuously, a wooden box. beautifully carved with tales of the distant past. Monkey King opened the box and grasped the old key. With a sigh of relief, he chucked the box carelessly over his shoulder.

Not pausing a moment more he whirled around, sprinting towards the living room carpet. Folding it over, Monkey King pulled up the three loose floorboards he had placed years before.

There, in a small hole, lay an even more intricately carved box. Except this time it was a chest with jewels and gold paint detailing all too familiar stories.

Monkey king as gently as he possibly could, picked up the chest as if it was alive.

Pressing it close to him, he summoned his cloud.

-

Mk was on the verge of sleep.

After trying and failing to pretend he was okay, he finally admitted that he was sick. Especially after Mei had held his stuffed monkey hostage until he had taken his medicine and eaten some noodles.

Mei was watching vine compilations next to him as a distraction. But with the medicine, yesterday’s training, and plain old illness, he was drifting off.

Until of course a familiar bird slammed full speed into Mk’s window with something held tightly in its claws.

“You know what? I’m going to sleep.” Mk declared as his mentor ever so slowly slid off the window.

There was hesitatence in the air.

“Was that…?” Mei started to ask before the same bird from before unceremoniously scrambled it’s way back up the windowsill.

“Yes.” Mk mumbled into his blankets.

Any other questions Mei had were drowned out by the high pitched frantic chirps coming from the other side of the glass.

“You should probably let him in”

“I was thinking the same thing.” Mei supposed, rolling out from where she sat next to Mk, she stepped towards the window. Unlatching the locks, she heaved open the window. Subsequently standing aside.

The now seemingly recovered Monkey King tumbled into his successor's bedroom, shifting into his natural form, still gripping an object that Mk could now see was a box of sorts with a lock on it.

“Monkey King what’s—”

“Nope, shuddap. Here.” Monkey King darted towards him and shoved one peach flavored snack or other into Mk’s mouth. While he fumbled with a key.

“Uhm okay I'm going to get Pigsy…” Mei trailed off, sensing the storm to come, she quietly stepped outside the bedroom door before sprinting down to the floor below.

Monkey King didn’t even look up. He sat at the end of Mk’s bed and placed the box down in between mentor and student.

“What are you doing here? Is it because I couldn’t go to training? ‘Cause if that’s the case I can make it up I swear—” Mk’s hoarse ramblings were cut off by a shake of Monkey King’s head.

Wukong gingerly unlocked the ornate lock on the small chest and opened it carefully, almost like he was afraid just by touching it would turn it to dust.

MK, who wasn’t sick enough to not be curious, peered over from where he lay under two blankets.

And there, atop a beautifully embroidered pillow, sat a peach. It almost seemed to glow with all the colors of the sunset.

“Is that....?” MK wanted to ask more of a coherent question, but it died in his throat.

Monkey King picked up the peach with such gentle movements his successor almost couldn’t believe his mentor was capable of, confirming Mk’s suspicions of what exactly this was.

Monkey King looked up to meet Mk’s gaze for the first time since he entered Mk’s apartment and paused. Then, he started to shove the peach towards his successor's face.

“woahwoahwoahwoAHWOAH HEY LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS”

“No, you’re sick! Eat it!”

“Monkey King, it's just a cold!”

“Mk.”

“Okay! fine. It’s a little worse than a cold. but I’m not deathly—STOP TRYING TO SHOVE IT IN MY MOUTH”

“But if humans get sick they die!” Monkey King blurted out, looking serious for the first time since Mk had met him, his face veiled in worry.

No??” Mk struggled out, his grip on Monkey King’s arm lessening. “Usually it’s nothing and all we need is rest for a few days.”

“What? But I-”

Monkey King was cut off by the door slamming open. In all the commotion neither student or teacher heard the gruff cook storm up the stairs.

“Uh oh”

“Heyy Pigsy!” Monkey King greeted with a familiar smile.

“If you don’t stop trying to feed the kid a magic fruit we’re going to have a problem.”

“Magic fruit? Uh…”

Wukong, realizing he was caught red handed in what he was rapidly putting together was an obvious blunder, did the only thing he could and hid the peach behind his back.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

There was a moment of silence from Pigsy, the only indicator of his inner dialogue was a twitch of an eyebrow.

“…If you’re the bird that flew face first into the door downstairs and cracked the glass just now I swear to the gods, you’re as good as dead.”

Monkey King’s smile widened, accompanied by a nervous twitch of his tail.

“No?” He tried to deny it but faltered when he saw the chef's expression.

“Go. Fix it. NOW.” Pigsy seethed.

“Mhm, yep, on it.” Monkey King agreed.

“Oh! Wait, give me one second..” And In a blink of the eye, the peach was safely locked away in the chest once again.

The chest was now safely in Monkey King’s arms as he guiltily shuffled past the gruff cook and down the stairs.

Pigsy looked on until he no longer could see the Sage’s feet before turning to Mk.

“Old fool doesn’t know anything about mortals—woah, you alright kid? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Mk was frozen. Sitting dumbfounded on his bed.

“Kid?”

“He thought I was dying.” Mk whispered.

“Uh, yeah but you aren’t.”

“Remember Mr Tang’s stories? Monkey King stole the immortal peaches centuries ago.”

“Yeah?”

“After saving it for centuries, he would’ve given me his last immortal peach if I was dying.”

Mk murmured in disbelief.

Pigsy paused for a moment. “I guess I didn’t think about it that way.”

Mk was processing the weight that came with this new realization. Not saying a word as he stared where his mentor had sat on his bed, unbelieving of what had just occurred.

His existential crisis was put on pause by a sneeze, shortly thereafter followed by a coughing fit to end all coughing fits.

“HeLP mE” Mk wheezed lightheartedly between the coughs, beginning to laugh when he saw Pigsy’s disgusted expression.

“Ya know what? I’ll send Tang up with tea.” Pigsy huffed as he made for the door.

“Will you send Monkey King up too?” Mk asked. “If he’s still here of course.”

Pigsy nodded and softly closed the door behind him.

Tang was up a few minutes later with honeyed tea for Mk’s throat. The window, which had never been closed, was doing wonders for it as well. Something about cold air was so refreshing to breathe.

“Oh and..Monkey King left.” Tang had informed Mk before taking his leave downstairs.

“Aww I wanted to say bye” Mk grumbled

“I wanted to make fun of him.” Mei giggled from the end of his bed.

“Why?”

“How does someone not know that not all sickness kills humans?”

Mk hesitated for a moment.

“Wait a second, how did he not know? He’s been alive for thousands of years!”

“That’s what I was thinking! He must really not get out much.” She mused.

“Okay I resent that.” A familiar voice sounded from the open window. There on the cramped windowsill sat Monkey King.

“Monkey King!”

“You resent it because it’s true.” Mei teased.

“Hey, I get out!” He argued.

“When was the last time you went to the city that wasn’t to fight a demon?” She retorted.

There was a pause and several nervous sweeps of a tail before the monkey king mustered out a “toché” and settled down on the floor.

“What are you doing here?” Mk asked, wincing at how creaky his voice sounded.

“Hanging out.” Monkey King responded, pulling out a seemingly normal peach and a pocket knife.

“I had to pop by the mountain to bring the—how did Pigsy put it?”

“Magic fruit?”

“—Magic fruit back where it belongs.” His grip shifted on the peach as he continued to skillfully slice it.

“That was an awfully sweet thing to do Mr King” Mei taunted, a smug grin spreading across her face.

“CEASE” mentor and student said in sync.

“Alright alright! Sorry for pointing out that you obviously have a father son dyna—HEY OW”

Monkey King smirked at his student’s good aim with a pillow as Mei pouted.

Satisfied with the wedges he cut into the fruit, Wukong grabbed an unused plate from the array of sick offerings on Mk’s nightstand, setting the peach on it and gently handing it to Mk.

“This isn’t a Magic fruit is it?” Mk croaked.

“Nope! I got it from flowerfruit mountain. I swear.”

Mk hummed and tentatively popped a slice into his mouth. Immediately lightening up, he shoved another in as well.

“Is it good, Mk?” Mei teased from the foot of his bed.

Mk nodded before eating another slice. Monkey King once again sat near the window, tossing the remaining peach pit from one hand to the other.

“I have to ask…how did Mk even get this sick?” Mei questioned. Mk made vague gestures with his hands before returning to the call of the fruit.

“Uh well…” Monkey King began awkwardly, tail swishing on the ground.

“Endurance training…?”

Mei raised an eyebrow.

“He told me to climb a mountain with weights on my arms and legs for endurance training and it started to rain halfway through.” Mk explained, his plate now wiped clean.

Mei’s expression morphed into that of judgment.

“That sucks. Maybe don’t do that in the rain.”

Mk tried to muster up an argument but instead decided to let flop deeper into the pillows.

“You should’ve seen him with wet fur.”

“You’ve peaked my interest”

“Hey hey hey there’s no need to talk about me in the rain. Guys?”

But alas, the great sage equal to heaven’s attempt to derail an embarrassing conversation failed.

“Did you get a photo?”

“Who do you think I am? Of course I got a photo.”

Mk didn’t even have to open his eyes to know that Monkey King was already crafting a plan to grab his phone

“—And before you try it Monkey King, I already emailed myself a backup on two accounts”

There was a groan of frustration and two tail thumps on the ground.

Mei grinned, hopping up from where she sat.

“Send it to me when you wake up okay?”

Mk gave a thumbs up.

“Alrighty, I’ll be back tomorrow to check on you.” Mei picked up her bag and strided to the door.

“Goodbye Mei”

“Bye loser! Oh! And it was nice to talk to you, Mr King!”

Mei called from beyond the door. Swinging closed, the door clicked shut, leaving Monkey King and his drowsy successor alone.

Wukong signed

“Get better soon, bud.”

He was halfway out the window preparing to shift when he heard Mk mumble something.

He found himself leaning back in the room in an effort to hear his student better.

“Come again?”

“Thank you…for both peaches.”

Silence reigned for a moment.

“You’re welcome.”

And when Mk opened his eyes a few seconds later, the monkey king was gone.

i’m so glad earth only has one moon, if there were more i’d have to pick a favorite and that sounds too emotionally taxing to even fathom

“So mermaids and sirens are two different species?” “Just so. My people, what you call mermaids or merfolk, share a common ancestor to you humans, making us distant cousins. What you call sirens, however, are fish that evolved to look and sound like humans to attract their favorite prey.”

Papa SJ Modern AU: Lil doodle of LQG babysitting SY. He’s…. not as easy to handle as Mingyan. Just wait until it’s time to read him a story. LQG has his work cut out for him!! 😬

Sequel to this

Other installments: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Backstory 8 9

Liu Qingge has HAD IT with these two! Tiny Qijiu are ruining his life and he can’t even complain to his own boss about it!! 😡

Sequel to this

Bonus exhausted babysitter SQH:

Hi! What is your very specific Twilight AU?

okay, so. New Moon.

party disaster, dumping her and dipping, all happens normally.

but THEN. Bella finds out she’s pregnant.

(and I know you’re thinking- pre-marital sex?!?! Edward would NEVER! but listen. I am the author now. I’ve been around Christians my whole life. shut up!)

so anyway after a million pregnancy tests and a lot of googling about vampire baby legends, Bella’s like...well this is probably gonna be a situation,

Nessie doesn’t have an insane growth rate here because I hate that, so she has a normal amount of time to prepare, and she’s very...aware that the birth is gonna be Rough at best. So she goes to Jacob

who is NOT a wolf yet but Is aware of the pack and the treaty, and they are closer friends already, and she’s like ‘hey. paranormal emergency. you’re the only person in this town who enables me. help.’

 and Jacob’s like I’m Fucking Fifteen and goes and gets Leah, since she’s technically an adult and a girl

(ms. meyer How did you make one of leah’s only 3 character traits ‘upset she’s infertile’ and then not have her support bella’s choices in breaking dawn please make it make sense)

 so they start brainstorming solutions and the best they can work with is. Bella’s gotta ride out the pregnancy in hiding. they have no way of knowing whether she can survive the pregnancy and the only clue they have about whether the baby will be a monster or not is from google searches, but they also can’t exactly take her to an obgyn when her uterus feels like it’s calcified and her ribs are getting broken and she seems to be craving blood

So, Leah’s got her own little place. Bella moves in there, telling Charlie she wants to move back in with Renee (she knows her parents would never willingly call each other so as long as she keeps up communicating with both of them they should be none the wiser of her growing a little dracula in Leah Clearwater’s basement).

Leah has already defected from the wolf pack at this point (because...the Cullen’s left and she didn’t really like any of the guys anyway lmao) so they don’t run the risk of them hearing her thoughts while she’s in wolf form. She goes out and hunts animals, brings them back and her and Jake drain the blood from them so Bella can drink it. All three of them find this extremely disgusting obviously but Jake’s loyal and a little bit lovestruck, Leah’s a supportive friend and queen, and Bella’s just trying to keep her and her baby alive, and none of them feel like trying to rob a blood bank

Bella is 100% certain the baby will just be a baby who happens to like blood, like she was in bd, but the tentative plan is that if a crazy soulless monster comes out of her Leah will...handle that...

Which neither are thrilled about, so Bella’s just trying to focus on staying positive. And between that, trying to survive and stay hidden, Bella doesn’t really have time to...Check Out the way she did in new moon. Like, she’s absolutely still depressed, and she’s still getting an occasional Edward hallucination because carrying a vampire baby counts as reckless in many books, but she’s just more...resigned and pissed than anything. She’ll have days like the ‘possibilities’ scene, but more often than not she’s just telling the Edward hallucination to go fuck himself when he’s begging her to find the real him so they can have Carlisle deal with the pregnancy 

at some point, Seth gets roped into the whole mess (he’s prone to just breaking into his sister’s house) but since he’s like, 13 and The Best Baby Boy he’s immediately supportive. He didn’t even fucking know about the wolves and the vampires until he walked in on a six months pregnant Bella drinking blood while his sister and Jacob are hacking away at a dead deer, but he’s like...you know when you were 13 and sneaking around about Anything made you feel like the coolest person alive? point is he’s helpful

AND he can get away with spending a lot of time at Leah’s house without anyone finding it weird, unlike Jacob, so he starts spending most of his free time there keeping Bella company and brightening her day up

HE is the one who enables her when she comes up with the name Renesmee lmao

(just because she hates Edward doesn’t mean Esme ever did anything wrong!)

“bella I’ll throw you out of this house if you don’t come up with a real name” “leah she’s white you can’t just disrespect her culture like this omg”

anyway these four become the DORKIEST and WEIRDEST little family it’s cute

so then. labor.

it’s less...graphic than in bd because Bella hasn’t been actively dying the whole pregnancy and she doesn’t snap her spine in half, but it’s still. bad.

she essentially delivers a rock that Nessie then begins chewing her way out of. she’s actively bleeding out. Jacob’s having a panic attack. Leah made Seth watch so he would never have unprotected sex and the scare tactic is working. Leah’s covered in Bella’s blood which is not great considering she’s Holding A Rock That A Vampire Is Emerging From

Leah’s been taking classes and researching deliveries so she needs to stitch Bella up and see what else is wrong but Seth is rocking back and forth on the floor crying and Jacob’s screaming and pacing too fast to grab so she’s like. Bella babe I know you’re dying but you need to hold this thing for me ksjdfllksf

so while she’s handling That, Bella’s got this weird little rock in her arms and is watching the baby slowly fight it’s way out like this is a very fucked up egg or something and she’s just. overwhelmed. maybe it’s the blood loss but she’s looking at the messy, scrunchy little face and she’s already in love and envisioning their lives together.

and then, you know, the baby bites her,

she has just enough time to think ‘how did we not think to prepare for that’ before she can feel the venom coursing through her. it’s just as bad as she remembers from James’ bite but somehow...easier to tolerate. she blacks out pretty quickly

the other 3 notice and are like : 👁👄👁

Jacob...literally explodes into a wolf On Spot

Seth darts out the fucking door he’s seen enough for one day

Leah, sole holder of the braincell, realizes Nessie just bit and isn’t drinking from Bella, and deduces this is like...a survival instinct or something. the baby instinctively changes it’s mother first thing. weirdly...touching? 

So she gets the baby and checks that everything is physically okay with Bella (apart from you know. changing species) and is like...guess this is an issue for 3 days from now Leah

more immediate pressing issues: screaming new born baby and oh, yeah, the giant red wolf in the basement,

“Jacob I know this is disorienting but if you break anything in my house I’ll fucking kill you”

she really just leaves the poor boy to go get the baby cleaned up and warm up some of the frozen blood they’ve got in her fridge (RUINING HER TUPPERWARE, BELLA)

she’s not worried about the wolf pack mind meld yet because she knows Sam took the guys on a mission way farther up the coast for a few days and they’ll be too far away to hear Jake. hopefully, by the time they get back, Bella will be awake and they’ll have made an escape plan by then

and as she’s bottle feeding blood to the baby she’s thrilled that it seems to be like...relatively normal and not s horrific monster or anything. mission: unwillingly murder my best friend’s baby has been successfully canceled 

“Oh Goddamn it....Renesmee DOES fit you...”

Seth, from where he’s cowering behind the couch: “told you”

so, Jake eventually calms down, they spend the next few days cooing over Nessie and brainstorming how to handle Bella when she wakes up a vampire, and also nicknaming Nessie ‘Nessie’ because they know Bella will find that intolerable and they feel she deserves karmic punishment for stressing them out so much lmao

so, three days are up. Seth’s upstairs putting on a way-too-elaborate puppet show for the baby with not a care in the world. Leah and Jake are in the basement because they know Bella probably won’t want their wolf blood and their ready to phase in case she gets a little aggressive

but she just wakes up and is like. hey! how’s it going? where’s my baby?

sjdhfksdj they were expecting feral but Bella still has her super self-control. she didn’t even realize she’d changed into a vampire until they told her lmao

Bella’s a little too freaked out to try hunting yet so they give her some of the stored blood they’ve been feeding Ness and she’s like. good to go. Leah’s about to scream like have the elders been exaggerating this whole time or is Bella truly a freak??? lol

So, they spend a couple days just...relaxing, Bella and Renesmee bonding, they’re trying to come up with fun places Bella can move to with the baby so no one she knows finds out, and every now and then Leah and Jake go out and she tries to help him get the wolf thing under control

and then,,,,the pack get back from their mission early

and immediately are able to read Jacob’s mind

so they head over to Start Shit because there’s two bloodsuckers on their land but,

the pack not attacking because Jake imprinted on Renesmee? tired. the pack not attacking because Jake’s Alpha Genes have taken over and declared Nessie and Bella as part of his Pack and attacking would literally start a war? inspired

so they hash the whole thing out....ultimately Sam decides Bella is more of a victim than a threat, and since neither her or Nessie seem to be going on a bloodlust rampage any time soon...he decides to grant them immunity from the whole ‘kill the vampires’ rule. He’ll let her and her daughter stay in La Push as long as they agree to stick to animals and only hunt out of town. PLUS from what little Bella knows about the Volturi, she’s worried about them finding out about Nessie, so they’ll offer protection if that does happen, in exchange for her being able to help them with intel on any other vampire threats in the area (you know like. if a nomad is fucking stuff up in a nearby city, they’ll send her to talk to them first before deciding if they need to intervene. Sam has become acutely aware he has a lot of teens and kids in his pack, so he’s trying to keep them out of fights as much as possible)  

anyway that’s the story of Nessie gaining like 17 chaotic as hell ride or die uncles,

let’s fast forward a bit

it’s like 15 years later. Bella’s not living with Leah anymore, but she’s got a cute apartment in a nearby town, and owns and runs a bookstore on the first floor of it. she got her ged and did college online and teaches night classes at a community college. She’s still in contact with her parents, who Adore the life out of Nessie. She still helps the pack out and they’re all close. Nessie is a handful but in a fun and lovable way. They go on little weekend trips whenever they have time. Bella’s happy.

but then a. Situation. arises.

basically, the Volturi have been made aware of some unknown vampire chasing others out of the pacific northwest and conspiring with shapeshifters. and you know when Aro gets curious he tends to spin things dramatically. who’s to say this vampire isn’t conspiring against all vampires? against them? why has no one’s special talents worked on her? he simply must find out.

Bella and the Pack get word and decide their best course of action for now is to go on the run. they’re not gonna be able to take on a whole army but if they can bide some time and lay low they might be able to figure something out

except Bella is like....I have a teenage hybrid that the Volturi don’t know about yet...it would be EXTREMELY irresponsible to take her with me

but she can’t send Nessie to Charlie or Renee because they don’t know about her...dietary restrictions. She can’t stay with Billy or anyone else in La Push because the Volturi might trace the pack’s scent there and discover her. She’s panicking, they have to leave in a few days max and she can’t find a safe place for her daughter

and then she’s like.....fuck.

she had run into Jasper a couple of years ago- they have the same forgery guy and were heading to his building around the same time as a coincidence. She promised to forgive him for the party incident if he promised not to tell Edward he saw her and that she’s a vampire now. He agreed, but then told her Edward’s been living on his own for a while now and insisted on giving her his number...she never could bring herself to call it or delete it...but now...if she wants to be 100% Nessie is safe and protected...

fuck

So, the past 15 years have been fairly rough for Edward

he’s still convinced leaving in order to save Bella was the best course of action, but like...the vampires canonically mate for life. that’s his soulmate. he’s absolutely miserable without her. he’s thought about cracking and going to find her again but he always talks himself out of it, convinced she’d just tell him she hates him or something

so as stated in his patented Edward Cullen Self Loathing Guide, first thing to do is isolate yourself from all the lovebirds you usually live with. Sure, he keeps in contact, but...not well. he’s currently living alone and posing as a university student. He’s not even really sure what he’s supposed to be majoring in. He’s mostly been in a haze since he left Forks.

and one day....he gets a call from an unknown number. he ignores it, thinking it’s a spam call. but then it calls like 8 more times in a row and he figures answering might be a bit smarter than simply throwing it at the wall

And Edward...swears he came back to life and immediately had a heart attack the second he hears Bella’s voice

He feels breathless and disoriented the whole conversation, trying to figure out if his memory did her voice any justice, trying to rush out 15 years worth of apologies, trying to comprehend she’s actually speaking to him.

But Bella’s very blunt on the phone. She doesn’t want to let herself get emotional. She’s on a time limit, and she has to focus on getting her daughter to safety

And Edward swears he somehow misheard her the first ten or so times she told him. He had a daughter? that wasn’t possible

“she has the audacity to be your Evil Twin so I’m pretty sure it’s possible”

so she gives him a rundown. she needs to go into hiding, no I don’t need your help with that, gives him details about Nessie, what she’s like, what she likes to do, her diet, her favorite color, how annoyed she is by this whole situation, “Edward I know you don’t love me anymore, but I remember how protective you were, and that’s what I need Nessie to have right now. She needs you right now” and Edward wants so badly to refute Bella’s claim of lost love, to tell her he has absolutely no idea how to be a parent, but...her tone is aching so much he can barely speak. He can’t let Bella down again, and he can’t let this little girl he foolishly created and left down anymore than he already has, either.

So he agrees, she tells him to be at the airport in a few days, and hangs up. 

Edward loses about half a day staring at a wall in shock, before he jumps into preparations.

Bella told him while their daughter possessed some speed and strength, hunting was fairly dangerous for her. She was more delicate than his kind, and had a heartbeat. Reheated blood bags had been their best option, and she also needed human food as well. He also had to get a room ready for her- he wandered around stores for hours, reading young girls minds to see if there was any furniture or decorations that were universally liked- which was of course, fruitless, but he did manage to find a handful of things he was sure Bella would have liked at that age, and prayed for the best. He somehow got himself covered in purple paint that was a nightmare to get off. Bella had sent him some forged documents claiming Nessie was his younger sister he’d won custody of, and he got her enrolled in a nearby school. He lived every day leading up to her arrival staving off a panic attack.

it wasn’t until he was on the way to the airport that he realized he forgot to inform his family about this life update. they must’ve been on a hunting trip, because he got nothing but voicemails 

imagine being Carlisle and you come home to a voicemail from your son who’s banished himself from the family that’s just like ‘hi. you’re a grandfather now. I’m having a nervous breakdown and might crash my car. call me back at your earliest convenience I suppose” like what would you DO

 after he gets to the airport he starts panicking again, realizing Bella had never actually sent him a picture, worrying about how he’d find her, but then- he sees a tiny girl with untamed, dark red curls, features strikingly similar to his own that are pulled into the expression Bella always made when she was reading, absently chewing on her lip, and before she looks at him with her mother’s big brown eyes, he already knows who he’s looking at, and he’s certain if he was human his tear ducts would be having a fit right now

Renesmee, however, seems less willing to have an emotional meeting. She mumbles out a simple greeting before gathering up her bags and heading for the door, Edward rushing behind her to try and help

listen. the awkwardness of Charlie trying to connect with Bella. but 10000x worse because of Edward’s overthinking, self-deprecating ass and Nessie being like ‘ah yes the guy who broke my pregnant teenage mothers heart, fantastic’ lmao

the car ride is p a i n f u l. Edward’s trying so hard for light conversation and Nessie’s barely giving one word answers. Bella had warned her about the mind reading so she was carefully keeping her mind blocked, which Edward is trying very hard to be understanding about instead of annoyed, but By God does he want to know everything about her

when they get back to his place, she quietly thanks him for the room and then promptly locks him out of it lol. He spends the rest of the day just pacing back and forth until he realizes he should eventually feed her lmao

and that’s...kinda how the first couple weeks go. she only emerges from her room if he bribes her with food, she awkwardly tries to dodge his questions, he drives her to school and then begs her to tell him how it went when he picks her up, he spends his college classes distracted because he’s freaking out constantly about how to successfully bond with her. His favorite time of day now is night, because she can’t block her mind while she’s asleep, and even if her dreams are all nonsense they’re still...part of her that he gets to know.

His family keeps begging him to let them meet her, but he’s pushing back because if she’s this bad at adjusting to one new family member, how is she going to handle six more?

(meanwhile Alice and Rose started a group chat with her and are having a ball clowning Edward lmao)

wait ksjflksd I think this vine perfectly sums up the dynamic im envisioning  https://youtu.be/wQZIUHNORHg

anyway they....very slowly make some progress. much too slowly for Edward’s taste, but hey.

Like he finds out snacks she likes. or jewelry she likes. stuff like that and just...wordlessly leaves it around for her lmao. he thinks it’s like trying not to startle a deer, Nessie thinks it’s more like a cat trying to gift you a dead mouse, but either way it’s weirdly endearing.

He notices she always has a huffy little frown when he picks her up on Wednesdays. So instead of begging her for an ounce of information of her school life, he asks her one Wednesday morning if she’s excited for the day and she admits she has an elective class every Wednesday with a girl she doesn’t get along with.

He gets her school photos (and Weeps) and realizes apart from her room the home is fairly barren of decorations, so he buys a bunch of picture frames and hangs up the school shots, and some pictures of the Cullen’s over the years, and the few he has of Bella that he could never bear to part with. Other than catching her smiling at the prom picture of her parents, Nessie doesn’t say anything- but the next time he comes home from hunting, there’s a pile of pictures of her growing up on the table, and he starts weeping all over again as he hangs them up

(there’s one of her and Bella hugging and looking at the camera with identical grins and joy in their eyes, he can’t help but put that in his room. He hopes one day he’ll get to see a scene like that in person)

He starts trying to get her out of her room a little more- he still hasn’t managed to a get a ‘favorites’ list out of her, so he starts playing movies Bella loved, to see if any of them lure her out. some do, some don’t- he got halfway through a Lord of the Rings marathon, which was Torture in his opinion, but then Ness came out and quietly asked if he could restart it and suddenly they became his favorite movies ever.

Bella’s not able to contact her on a set schedule or anything because of her situation (and you can bet your ass Edward’s contacted every vampire he knows and ordered them to help her out if they come across her or the Volturi), and Edward realizes that’s probably taking a toll on the girl, so he starts telling her stories of her mother when he knew her in Forks. She’s particularly amused by the blood typing incident- the first time Edward hears Nessie properly laugh, he literally starts crying on the spot

could you imagine the sheer panic if she ever gets so much as a cold

And yes, she’s still pissed on Bella’s behalf, and yes, she specifically blasts 70s music because Bella told her he hates it one time, and yes, if he looks at her like he’s a kicked puppy one more time she might claw his eyes out, and yes, she refuses to introduce him to her friends from school because she Knows everyone will then start asking her about her ‘hot brother’ and she can’t live with that and also can’t live with him knowing that so she told him if he ever introduces himself to any of her friends she’ll set him on fire, and yes, she’s homesick 95% of the time but...he’s growing on her. like a mold, or something.

(okay, maybe when Seth tried to analyze why Mamma Mia is her favorite musical, he might have had a point. half a point. quarter of a point. shut up.)

And Edward’s still trying to not have a panic attack every time she’s out of his sight- he’s got Carlisle keeping tabs on the Volturi for him, and it’s not exactly hard for him to keep track of her through other people’s minds- but she’s so tiny and her heartbeat is Too Fast and what if she inherited her mother’s unlucky streak??

but they’re toeing the line of co-existing peacefully and Edward’s scared to push it past that

then he has to, because it turns out he sent her to one of Those Schools where the parents have to be involved in the school in some way or another and Nessie’s Annoyed

sdkjfsdkjf she keeps trying to get him to just sign up for like pta meetings or something and he’s like ‘I need you to understand you are the only person in this town I actually know or like I Cannot survive around fundraiser moms I can’t’ 

so she’s like ugh fine I’m in the drama club

listen.....Stage Parent Edward Cullen.......the power this holds...

that’s right this whole post was an elaborate ruse for me to make a musical theater headcanon again lmao

no okay but seriously he starts off just helping build sets and stuff like that but then midway through the year their music teacher gets fired and the schools like begging him to take over because they can’t find someone in enough time that’ll know the music for the show they’re doing and he’s like “I need you to understand Nessie will never talk to me again if I start actually working at her school” and they’re like “She also will never talk to you again if we have to cancel the big musical, though” and he’s like. fuck.

silent treatment for a week and a half

lmao so now he’s trying to juggle being an overly-enthusiastic stage parent who’s making costumes and sets and kinda crying backstage when he sees his daughter in her costume with also being the music director for the damn show and trying to teach a bunch of kids how to read sheet music 

one day he ended up in a coffee shop with the hair and makeup moms, gossiping about the cast’s love lives, and he literally doesn’t know how he got there

is it wrong to pass Nessie in class even though she’s putting all the wrong answers on the test but he Knows she knows the right answers and is only answering wrong to try and get a rise out of him

Bella sneaks into town to see the show- they thought it would push their luck if the pack came, but they sent an ungodly amount of flowers and candy. When she snuck into the house while Ness was sleeping she Was Not expecting to find Edward up to his elbows in sequins, trying to fix a bedazzler he accidentally broke in frustration, muttering under his breath about how if Nessie’s romantic opposite in the show doesn’t keep his thoughts clean he’s gonna kill him- and it just cracks her up. She WAS nervous about seeing Edward again but now she’s assured he’s still a dork lol

So Edward freaks when he sees her but they don’t wanna wake Ness up so they’re trying to be quiet but like. they’re going through it 

Like Bella Wants to be pissed at him but she can’t, she still loves him- and while she can’t just get over what he did to her, it’s also not lost on her that ‘leaving to protect someone I love’ is literally what she had to do to her daughter

And Edward....Edward, who only left to give Bella a chance at a safe, human life, seeing Bella in front of him as a vampire, knowing it’s his fault she ended up that way and she had to go through it alone, had to raise a baby herself because he’d made it so hard to find him...knowing if he’d just pulled his head out of his ass he would have been able to be there for her...would be able to form a coherent sentence around his love right now, would have long and fond memories of Nessie’s childhood, likely wouldn’t have to watch Bella hide from the Volturi...he’s back in a self-loathing spiral already

But they haven’t seen each other in so long and they just don’t want to...deal with the unpleasantness right now, so they just push it aside. Bella helps Edward with the costumes. Edward fills her in on what she’s been missing with Nessie. Bella tells him some stuff about when Ness was younger. They just spend the night talking, and it feels like no time has past between them at all- which just makes the heartaches a little stronger

When Nessie wakes up to her mother there she’s ecstatic- bubbly and loud and glued to Bella’s hip all day, giving her in depth play-by-plays of her school and rehearsals and friends she’s made, bouncing on her toes all morning, hyper, giggly, and- it kind of breaks Edward’s heart a little, even though he knows he hasn’t really...earned this side of his daughter, yet. 

(at least he got his wish of seeing their twin smiles in person)

(he wishes he could see them every second of every day)

so the girls spend the day catching up while Edward mostly feels like a thirdwheel, and then they have to get Ness over to the school so she can get ready

Bella decides to hang out around the school theater before the show actually starts- she leans against the wall next to the piano, the two talking in hushed tones while Edward runs through songs. Bella really missed watching him play- the only thing that managed to drag her away from it was when Nessie called her to the dressing room to help with a hair emergency 

she didn’t talk to him much at intermission, her attention being stolen by the rest of the Cullen family (who had been Very Loudly supporting the show so far, she knew Ness was probably dying of embarrassment backstage)

after the show, the three went back to Edward’s and just...talked. Nessie was gushing about the show and eating while her parents assured her she was the greatest actress ever born, simple stuff like that. she fell asleep sandwiched in between them on the couch 

Bella realizes she’s never going to be able to bring herself to leave again if Nessie wakes up, and tells Edward as much. He clearly doesn’t want her to go just yet either, but...she’s on the run, it’s not like she has much choice 

He has so much he wants to say to her but he just- can’t. it’s not the right time. but he’s hoping she can see that in his eyes

Bella shifts Nessie off her shoulder so Edward can hold her, and she gives him a light kiss and says ‘thank you, Edward’ before disappearing in a flash. she needed to go before she lost her nerve.

Edward can’t bring himself to let Nessie out of his arms, so instead of carrying her to bed he just stays there, holding her, trying his best not to think that that could be the last time for a long time he’d ever see his Bella again, trying not to let thoughts of a life he gave up unwittingly consume him

okay I didn’t mean for this to be So Long so I’m cutting it here uhh...let me know if anyone wants a part 2? sorry lmao

System Possession AU - Masterpost

Howdy Howdy! System Possession is a SVSSS AU born by accident and fueled by brainrot and quick sketches! The AU started because I drew a few pages for @fairsweetlonging System reveal au, and then started going insane about potential system possession with friends.

-The story-

1 - [System Reveal]

The peak lords first notice the system.

2 - [Possession]

The system has taken over!

3 - [First Mission]

Liu Qingge wants answers...

4 - [Mission Complete!]

However, he may not like them.

5 - [Are these roles fixed?]

Yue Qingyuan has a chat with the System.

6 - [Liu Qingge Extra]

These missions cause qi-deviations, Mu Qingfang listens to his shixiong while he checks on him.

7 - [The Plan]

Shang Qinghua comes up with a plan for dealing with the System.

8 - [He's just worried.]

Lou Binghe is worried about his Shizun so he asks for help!

9 - [The room]

Shizun is in his room, reading a bad book about his friend's suffering.

10 - [ -Mu Qingfang- Is a good character!]

Mu Qingfang has a conversation with the System.

11 - [Disciple's Extra]

Moving many disciples is already difficult, even worse if they are too worried to move!

12 - [Mu Qingfang Extra]

Mu Qingfang just completed his first mission! Be nice to him.

13 - [This defective System]

Shang Qinghua's System makes an appearance.

14 - [The Meng Mo Intervention]

Shen Qingqiu may not be in his room for much longer!

15 - [The Breaking Point - Part 1]

Yue Qingyuan comes to a realization during a mission.

16 - [The Breaking Point - Part 2]

wtf zhangmen-shixiong, that's scary.

17 - [Missing file]

System Error.

18 - [10%]

Shang Qinghua would like to know what's going on?

19 - [9%]

[loading...]

-Extras -

[BLINK MOTHERFUCKER]

[Animatic]

[Survey!]

[User01's System]

[Despacito]

[System! Binghe]

[Mobei-Jun and the System]

[Breaking Point Adbridged]

Posted this on twitter/X but it deserves to be here too… my cursed little phone doodles during my down time

Ref:

Something born from a convo on twt

(Bingmei is still The Emperor and The HHP Palace Master but he spends more time with his family and house duties, and working hard into his dream of having a BIG family)

The tweet that inspired this, which I very much agree, omega Binghe supremacy

context:

Smaugust 2024 by Critbit

LAIOS OH NO

I never ever considered that this would happen

I respect lilo so so much, she's such a little cutie, but laios is literally so autistic that if he could abandon everything to become a Littol Guy he would

QUARTERFINALS

SOMEONE PLEASE GOD GET DONATELLO OUT OF HERE HE IS A *MENACE*

QUARTERFINALS