i'm such a slut for when a character is morally evil, but worshipped by another character as a deity of some sort. like i love me an absolute freak who doesn't really see the value in human life at all, and there's another, more masochistic freak, jerking off to their aura of inhumanity. a real two-hit combo of "whatever's wrong with this guy is clearly incredibly appealing to this other guy"
"It's like a hole in my life, an eight-year hole. That's what I find interesting in people's lives, the holes, the gaps, sometimes dramatic, but sometimes not dramatic at all. There are catalepsies, or a kind of sleepwalking through a number of years, in most lives. Maybe it's in these holes that movement takes place."
—Gilles Deleuze, On Philosophy
to all the victims of csa who have never told anyone. to all the victims of csa who don't remember, clearly or at all. to all the victims of csa who struggle with understanding if it was "bad enough". to all the victims of child on child sa. to all the victims of csa who are still repulsed to sex or even to all physical touch. to all the victims of csa who don't wish to "overcome" their repulsion to sex or physical touch. to all the victims of csa who freeze, who dissociate, who cry and rage easily. i love you i love you i love you. they don't know you. you know you. trust yourself. trust your body. you decide what to do with what happened. you decide how you feel. keep going
Your parents are lying to you. You do have what it takes to survive. They're not intrinsical to your existence, but to the sabotage of it. Without them nothing could stop you from figuring it out. All you need is already inside you. They do not get to decide what you're capable of.