*before That Whole Kidnapping Affair*

Hades: Dude, chill patience is a virtue

Ares: WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE? WHY CAN’T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?

Thanatos fixes the broken copy machine.

Thanatos: There's something I'd like to show you, boss. “Thanatos. crushed. it." It works!

Hades: I've never been more proud of you for anything in your life.

Thanatos: I mean, I've collected a lot of souls for you.

Hades: And yet death has continued.

Thanatos: As your best friend-

Hades: Persephone is my best friend

Thanatos: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND,

Pt. 1 of some backgrounds I made! Feel free to use them!

Pt. 2: https://sarahsspirits.tumblr.com/post/171280697707/pt-2-of-the-backgrounds-i-made-enjoy💕—Pt. 3: https://sarahsspirits.tumblr.com/post/171309650392/pt-3-of-the-theoi-backgrounds-thanks-for-the

Hermes: how drunk is Dionysus? He just left me a voicemail as batman

Greek Gods As Things I’ve Said

Zeus: I may be a whore, but I am a whore with power.

Hera: Denial and homicide- my two favorite coping mechanisms.

Hades: The fact that you all haven’t realized that I am probably going to be your landlord in hell is sad.

Poseidon: The ocean is full of plastic, just like the world is full of idiots.

Hestia: Ah, home. Mine constantly feels like it’s on fire, especially when it actually is on fire.

Demeter: Eat your goddamn grains you whore.

Aphrodite, screaming: JINGLE BALLS, YOUR DAD’S SMALL, I SUCKED DICK LAST NIGHT-

Ares: I’m not saying violence is the answer but if these math problems were people they’d be dead already.

Apollo: At least we have music and memes to dull the pain that is our existence.

Artemis: I don’t want your number you stupid male I want to hunt you down and end you in the woods because it contributes to the mood, now fuck off.

Dionysus: Wish I could just run off in the woods and rip people apart and get nasty.

Hermes: The future is meaningless but the thievery is now.

Hephaestus: If hitting it with a hammer doesn’t fix it, you’re not hitting it hard enough.

Athena: I have come to the conclusion that I will be alone simply for the fact that everybody else is fucking stupid.

Persephone: Fuck you mom, you make my life more like hell than actual hell.

Zeus: Hades, thank you for agreeing to see me.

Hades: I didn't. You just walked in here and started talking.

Same fucking energy

hades: I am above all of you

hades: my eagerness, ability, and knowledge triumphs over all of you

hades: I am more mature and advanced than-

persephone: hey hades your dinosaur chicken nuggies are ready

hades: N i C e

Person: I HATE YOU.

Hades: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Person: I HATE YOUR SONS.

Hades: (ง'̀-‘́)ง