I AM SOBBING 😭😭 THIS BOOK

I AM SOBBING 😭😭 THIS BOOK

In my mind palace/alternate history to the alternate history, Robin goes home with Ramy.

He travels with him all the way to India just to meet his family, to enjoy their hospitality, and to explore Ramy's home through his eyes. It is joy, because they never imagined that this luxury would be afforded them. Freedom. Solitude together.

Escape from Oxford doesn't exactly change their relationship, but it somehow magnifies it. For all that they know about each other, there are parts they can never quite see clearly, living in a city where Ramy is always performing, and Robin is always hiding.

Mischief, stubbornness, native tongues, old songs, memories, irreverence, childhood passions they laugh to remember, it all bubbles to the surface.

It is the first time Robin understands the word home in a very long time. The lightning and thunder between them rumbles. It transforms. It explodes into fireworks that Robin can hold in his hands, for just a moment.

In a quiet moment under a banyan tree, Robin scoots close to Ramy and says softly, without looking at him, "If I ever lost you, I don't think I could go on".

Ramy says gently, fondly, "There's no need to be morose, Birdie, we are young and free, which means that we are immortal," and he slings his arm around Robin's shoulders.

Robin wiggles closer, against his warmth, and insists that he means it. He can't say what he means, but inside he knows that he has lost so much, he truly thinks that his soul is too damaged, he wouldn't be able to weather it. Ramy is the embodiment of love, the very definition. He is home. He doesn't say it, though. He sits tongue tied. Ramy was always the brave one, not him.

Ramy looks at him quizzically for a moment. Then he promises with a gallant grin that even if he ever dies, he won't leave. He will haunt Robin in his dreams. They laugh, and somehow Robin is reassured. And then after a moment of peaceful silence, Ramy leans over and kisses him.

Brave Ramy.

Beautiful Ramy.

It is Robin's first kiss. Ramy's too. It doesn't matter that it is wobbly and awkward. It is soft and warm and it is love.