I Just Opened Tumblr, I Did NOT Expect To Be Slapped In The Feelz Like That😭

*doubles over in agony*

The Shape of a Lack

You like a woman shaped like an absence / You like a woman who you can read like a mystery / You like an actress, ready and willing to recreate your favorite pornography / You like a good gander at your own reflection / You like a woman who is a mirror / She's flat, and bright, and all about you / You like a woman like a deer in the road / Crushed beneath your careless wheels / She's a mangled mess of thin, knotted limbs / But it's her own fault / She saw your lights and she froze / You like a woman like a blunt instrument / She's an implement to inflict injuries of your own self-hatred / You like a woman who you can put in a trophy case / So that you can invite other men to come have a gaze / So that other men can look at her and pat you on the back / So that other men can covet what you have / And just maybe that will heal the wound in the shape of your dad / You like a woman in the shape of a lack / She's a beautiful gap for you to fill / She's a handy little rag to clean up your spills / You like a woman you can burn through as quickly as striking a matchstick / You like a woman you can grift / After all, what use is having her if it says nothing of your own cleverness? / You want a woman like a party-trick / That, or a dog you can kick / You want to toss your stick out into the wilderness / Sit back and watch as she faithfully runs off to retrieve / You want a woman who won't ask you to stay / You want a woman who will never leave

"And I don't even care if it's just a summer fling" (lies) "if it's all experimental and you go back to safer things" (more lies) "but i swore hand were made for fighting, i swore eyes were made to cry, but you're the first person that I've seen who's proven that might be a lieeeee" ( truth) "so don't leave me hanging" (a threat)

We are connected to eachother through legend and myth.

"We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories."

–Jonathan Gottshall

Thinking this way changes everything about life. Whenever I align my mindset with what I want I can feel it moving closer.

“i need to organize my bedroom so my mom won’t complain to me” -> “i deserve a clean and tidy bedroom”

“i hate my body so i need to work on it” -> “i deserve a healthy body that i like”

“i need to study so i won’t be a failure in life” -> “knowledge is power and i deserve to be successful”

“i did something wrong and i hate myself because of this” -> “this is my first time living, i’m allowed to make mistakes and grow from them”

love and compassion >>> hate and fear

and remember: mindset is the key.

Life is a gift. Don't slap away her outstretched hand. Show that you are grateful by being kind and gentle.

Why so often must

"deserving"

be used as a cudgel we wield, blunt and unwieldy, against our own hearts?

No one "deserves" anything --

The world just is, and things just are.

If it is offered and you wish for it? Take.

If you desire to give it, then offer it without fear --

You are valid simply for being --

Worthy of being seen as who you are --

Maybe it's alright to reach out for the things that you desire,

without forcing your way into guilt for things you have not done and have not yet happened --

Maybe it's alright to just be.

"affirmation to self, letter to a friend." V. Rue, 2025.

I think running in a place like this would feel like freedom

Golden Haze across Fells. The Lake District

Freddie Ardley

Intriguing...

Have any nightmares lately?

This figurine represents the Baku (獏 or 貘). The baku’s story originated in Chinese mythology as the mo (貘), believed to resemble a giant panda. It later evolved into a nightmare-warding figure in Japan.

Early depictions illustrate the baku as a chimera with the trunk and tusks of an elephant, the ears of a rhinoceros, the tail of a cow, the body of a bear, and the paws of a tiger. While this version was said to ward off pestilence and evil, its dream-devouring ability emerged later in Japanese culture. By the late 18th century, the baku as known as the guardian of sleep. One legend describes how a child waking from a bad dream could call out, “Baku-san, come eat my dream,” repeating it three times to summon the baku.

Folklore warns that calling the baku too often could have consequences—if left unsatisfied, it might consume not just bad dreams but also the person’s hopes and desires.

Image: Baku, Mythical Animal. 18th century. White porcelain (Hirado ware), H. 7/8 in. (2.2 cm); L. 1 7/8 in. (4.8 cm). The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

If the fantasy book I'm reading doesn't have a super ominous and quite foggy forest of impending doom, I don't want it

Ok but what if I want you to "bother" me? What if I want you to send me 12 msgs back to back? What if I'm waiting for you to come curl up next to me on the couch while we watch your favorite show?

i’m such a “i want your attention” but “won’t bother you” kinda person

I was watching Spiderman: far from home the other day. When Mysterio told Peter "you're not selfish for wanting a normal life" I almost started bawling my eyes out.

One thing I noticed is how Iron man brings out the worst in many people. There were multiple times when someone wanted to present him with something that they thought could change the world, and instead of trying to make the best of it, he ended up being dismissive or completely ignoring them, resulting in a traumatic event that triggers the worst aspects of their personality to come forth. Now ofc I'm not excusing their own bad choices, but I thought it was interesting how it seems like Iron man has inadvertently sabotaged Peter in several ways.

Mysterio could have been the perfect mentor for Peter. But he chose to be a terrible person. And that just makes me so sad.

Even still, a broken clock is right twice a day. And that speech "you're not selfish for wanting a normal life" means alot to me.