I Am Still Stuck In A Reality That Doesn't Exist Anymore...

30.12.2021

3Am Thoughts

" if I start writing down everything that goes inside my brain....there you go xD "

I live with the fear of having to ask myself if I gave up too soon , and somehow that's all that keeps me going...

Maybe there's more to me than what they wanted , and I must've kept some secrets only to grow through all these wounds of mine...

I wonder if missing you was a mistake

What have I been staying up late for ? Why couldn't I sleep ? Maybe I should want myself more , maybe longing for you is killing me ...

I have monsters swirling through storms inside me , but I might as well look fine ...

Vulnerable yet dominant

I wish to fill myself with answers to questions I've never asked, for my mind is a hesitant colossal of chaos and mysteries , and it demands , but wouldn't dare , to know , more...

"I slept, and slept, with my brain alive"

"I mistook a broken mirror for anonymity, and pared a hundred "me" within"

- Astha, "my two week old butterfly days" *a random collection of my 2am monologues*

00:18

I want to disappear

//Fulminare//

I seem to have fallen for grey skies as I see myself running past gushing winds ,laying flat on the grass  humming quotes from my favorite books,those I seem to have etched onto my skin , into unknown,  poetic , compositions of music, misery and love. And oh my! running through storms , hysterically laughing , barefoot , with my hands in the air , trying to capture this feeling for I wish it to last forever.

I have dreams,

big enough,

to be buried within...

I didn't know of people being placid yet devoured ,in times of uncertainty, writing prophecies of each other's doom...

:(

- "Autumn", Astha