30.12.2021

"I slept, and slept, with my brain alive"

"I mistook a broken mirror for anonymity, and pared a hundred "me" within"

- Astha, "my two week old butterfly days" *a random collection of my 2am monologues*

00:18

//Fulminare//

I seem to have fallen for grey skies as I see myself running past gushing winds ,laying flat on the grass  humming quotes from my favorite books,those I seem to have etched onto my skin , into unknown,  poetic , compositions of music, misery and love. And oh my! running through storms , hysterically laughing , barefoot , with my hands in the air , trying to capture this feeling for I wish it to last forever.

The tragedy of being an artist is having to withhold a thousand souls in one body,

escaping only to conquer or to be doomed...

Such keen observers, how reticent to the naked eye,

yet, overwhelmingly exposed, aggressively honest, spatially present,

as if to mock oneself...

How January of a month to birth a poet in me ~

- Astha, "I should've painted my face blue", 18.01.2022

I lost so much,

I thought I had nothing...

- "Self portraits, roses and her brain...on fire", Astha

3:33am

I've dreamt of better days, I still do...

I should've cried less, back when I could...

Take me...away.......

I need to stop overthinking...

I am 🤏🏽 close to running away to some abandoned palace and secretly live there forever...

I want to believe in myself,

but who the fuck am I??

I am still stuck in a reality that doesn't exist anymore...

3Am Thoughts

" if I start writing down everything that goes inside my brain....there you go xD "

I live with the fear of having to ask myself if I gave up too soon , and somehow that's all that keeps me going...

Maybe there's more to me than what they wanted , and I must've kept some secrets only to grow through all these wounds of mine...

I wonder if missing you was a mistake

What have I been staying up late for ? Why couldn't I sleep ? Maybe I should want myself more , maybe longing for you is killing me ...

I have monsters swirling through storms inside me , but I might as well look fine ...