I Lost So Much,

"Lover's rage" by Astha Kesri

- "the dead soldier's quest back home", Astha || 27.2.2022

I wish to be held close , curled up in bed, with someone whispering " it's alright, everything will be alright " , as I cry with outmost uncertainty and numbness / I wish to feel the warmth of their breath , as I lay with clenched fists, tears rolling down my cheeks , my nails etching moons on my sweaty palms / their hands slowly slipping into mine, asking me to hold on for a little longer, promising me that they'll never leave me / I wish to feel the prevailing silence mixed with a sense of belonging / I wish to live these moments with someone, I wish to not be left alone...

- my autumn soul, dying beautifully everyday...

I wanna be a cat so bad

3Am Thoughts

" if I start writing down everything that goes inside my brain....there you go xD "

I live with the fear of having to ask myself if I gave up too soon , and somehow that's all that keeps me going...

Maybe there's more to me than what they wanted , and I must've kept some secrets only to grow through all these wounds of mine...

I wonder if missing you was a mistake

What have I been staying up late for ? Why couldn't I sleep ? Maybe I should want myself more , maybe longing for you is killing me ...

I have monsters swirling through storms inside me , but I might as well look fine ...

What if I loose myself while trying to figure out why you left me ?

Been painting all my favorite stormy weather pictures from pinterest and I so wanna be a part of them x

"I slept, and slept, with my brain alive"

"I mistook a broken mirror for anonymity, and pared a hundred "me" within"

- Astha, "my two week old butterfly days" *a random collection of my 2am monologues*

00:18

Awake , to make sense of everything...

I want to...runaway