What If I Loose Myself While Trying To Figure Out Why You Left Me ?

I hear laughter in your wailing eyes ,

I see sinners in disguise,

I hear chants of broken prayers,

I see failed and anguished men...

all , as I seek for hope in the worst of times

all, as I seek for hope in the worst of times...

" with love, sir, i wish to serve myself some bread before I serve you a course, for I've starved my own hunger, and now I crave anything alive. "

" apologies, for I have been, scared, but aggressively, aggressively scared sir "

" I've washed dirt, and scrubed your basins white, sir, but I must say, your wine stained shirt remains. It commands me to honor it's poetic wrath with reality "

And how she thanked the world, for it's awaited doom, in casual conversations about flowers,

she'd smile at autumn, for death wasn't new to her, but the after...

" Poetic Betrayals " - Astha kesri

11.05.2022

I lost so much,

I thought I had nothing...

30.06.2021

wildest of desires, serendipitous dreams , fiery fingertips , and unknown prophecies ...

- "the dead soldier's quest back home", Astha || 27.2.2022

Loneliness in Cities

Art Medium : Charcoal Drama : My Liberation Notes (2022)

"I have nothing to say" , and more lies...

The tragedy of being an artist is having to withhold a thousand souls in one body,

escaping only to conquer or to be doomed...

Such keen observers, how reticent to the naked eye,

yet, overwhelmingly exposed, aggressively honest, spatially present,

as if to mock oneself...

How January of a month to birth a poet in me ~

- Astha, "I should've painted my face blue", 18.01.2022

I wish to be held close , curled up in bed, with someone whispering " it's alright, everything will be alright " , as I cry with outmost uncertainty and numbness / I wish to feel the warmth of their breath , as I lay with clenched fists, tears rolling down my cheeks , my nails etching moons on my sweaty palms / their hands slowly slipping into mine, asking me to hold on for a little longer, promising me that they'll never leave me / I wish to feel the prevailing silence mixed with a sense of belonging / I wish to live these moments with someone, I wish to not be left alone...

- my autumn soul, dying beautifully everyday...

- "Self portraits, roses and her brain...on fire", Astha