Ok, But Alastor Being An Old Man That Doesn’t Know Technology Being Boyfriend’s With A Victorian

Ok, but Alastor being an old man that doesn’t know technology being boyfriend’s with a Victorian man that taught himself how to craft lasers and code *his own damn ship computer/pocket watch phone* is so damn hilarious. Pentious tries to teach him how to use a mobile phone and he either locks himself out of the damn thing or he presses too hard on the screen and ends up skewering the damn thing with his talons.

HONESTLY. HONESTLY in the sequel to CDIH I plan on doing so much with the fact that Sir Pent is keeping up and Alastor ain’t.

Like. Like just picture. Alastor gets dragged kicking and screaming into using ~modern technology~. Once he has been dragged into using ~modern technology~, by golly, he’s going to use it to have some fun! He’s going to decide he wants to watch music videos on YouTube, which is a web site that he has heard exists. He is going to go to the URL bar. He’s going to type in “http:\\www.google.com”, he’s going to look at it thoughtfully, he’s going to squint at the two different slash keys on the keyboard, he’s going to leave the room to ask somebody which direction the slash is supposed to tilt if you are trying to go to Google Dot Com—

“you’re sure that’s the direction the slash mark is supposed to tilt SPECIFICALLY to go to GOOGLE DOT COM?” “yes, I know what I’m doing,” “no, you don’t need to come help me,” “no, I am PERFECTLY capable of going to Google Dot Com without you holding my hand, I was the king of the airwaves back before most Americans HAD radios, if I could handle the radio I can CERTAINLY handle an overpromoted typewriter, THANK you”

—and then he’s going to go back to the computer and delete the entire URL by clicking “delete” 21 separate times, he’s going to retype it as “http://www.google.com”, and then he is going to click enter.

(And please… if this is how slow and difficult it is for him to navigate to google, imagine how much time and effort someone must have spent to slowly teach him how to turn on a computer, how to open a web browser, what a web browser is for, how to highlight the address bar in order to type in a URL, what an address bar IS…)

And then he is going to click in the search bar on Google Dot Com, and he is going to type in “Hello! How do I reach You Tube?” and he is going to puzzle over the little square that says “I’m Feeling Lucky” for a moment before deciding, no, perhaps he doesn’t feel lucky today, and he’ll click on the little square that says “Google Search,” and google is going to be like,

An actual link to YouTube does not appear anywhere on the first page of results. Alastor is lost. He’s adrift at sea with no sign of shore. He will never find his way to YouTube.

He looks at the little list of tabs up top like,

and he dubiously clicks on Videos, because yes, the You-Tube he has been shown had videos, that’s kind of its thing. And the results are like,

And he very dubiously clicks on the first one.

First it plays an ad—oh, he succeeded, he found a video!—and then it plays another ad, Alastor has no ad block, the concept of “ad block” does not exist anywhere within his understanding of the universe, and then it starts playing what looks like an old black and white movie like,

Oh it’s a picture show! He found a picture show on the Internet! How wonderful! He doesn’t recognize the movie but it’s in black and white, it must have been made in his time—

And then a minute and twenty seconds into the video it FINALLY starts playing music and he’s like I DID IT I FOUND THE MUSIC VIDEOS I WAS PROMISED. He pats himself on the back, he’s great at using modern technology, he’s got this all figured out.

He’s got a little yellow pad and pencil he keeps next to the computer to jot down the “Internet addresses” of songs he likes so that he can type them into the “Internet address bar” when he wants to watch them or listen to them again later. He’s found that you have to write them down fast, even though they’re very long, because when the song ends it will move right on to the next one—just like the radio when a song ends—so if you dawdle it will vanish and you’ll never find the song again!

Guess what feature Alastor hasn’t noticed exists and doesn’t know he can turn off.

Guess what other features Alastor doesn’t know about.

Making an account so he can save videos.

Back buttons to go back to a song if he missed the URL.

The controls on a video.

If Alastor likes a song and wants to hear it twice, he clicks on the search bar and types in the whole URL one letter at a time and clicks enter to get it to re-load and play again.

And he’s got no control over this mad unhinged machine that is the YouTube algorithm system, its autoplay is like a car with a brick held down on the gas and nobody holding the steering wheel, it’s just taking Alastor wherever the fuck it wants and if it starts ducking into weird fucking videos Alastor is just going to assume that that’s how YouTube works, it’s no different from the radio, sometimes you’re scheduled for music and sometimes you’re scheduled for ads and sometimes you’re scheduled for interviews or a talk show or news or whatever.

Which means eventually if he lets this untamed shambling A.I. behemoth keep careening around wherever it wants to go, it’s going to start meandering into the niche/weird stuff. EVENTUALLY it’s going to stumble onto something off of Sir Pentious’s channel, and he’s going to open up the video sounding like a Boomer trying to sound cool, like,

(I told the link to load at 5:33 but I think it’s not going to do that on tumblr, I know you all are capable of going to 5:33 yourself because y’all are five million times more competent with computers than Alastor is, just skip to that time ok cool thanks good job)

Video opens up on Sir Pent like that and Alastor is absolutely flabbergasted that Sir Pentious is on the You Tube and then Sir Pent’s like “so I broke into another church to take a joy ride on their pipe organ, per my last video this is the song all four of my followers requested for me to play!” and he takes off like,

and Sir Pent’s trying to sound cool, ends like “Sssmasssh those like and subscribe buttons if you’d like to sssee me illegally play someone else’s pipe organ! :>” and Alastor is sitting there going I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO SMASH ANYTHING SO MUCH IN MY LIFE BUT I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THAT.

He’s so completely shocked and awed to see a video with Sir Pentious in it that he doesn’t even remember to write down the URL, which means he will never ever find the video again.

So: Sir Pent is extremely embarrassingly trying to sound Hip & Modern while playing a 22-year-old out-of-date meme song and he’s only got four followers… but like, but like, he KNOWS the Hip & Modern lingo; AND he knows how to make, edit, and upload YouTube videos and curate a YouTube channel; and he knows how to read the comments on his videos, at least minimally engage with viewers, and keep up with who’s following him…

And meanwhile Alastor doesn’t even know the comment section exists.

Sir Pentious only looks behind the times and out of date until he is compared with the alternative.

More Posts from Marvelwonderwitch and Others

marvelwonderwitch

3 years ago

This sounds like so much fun to play!

Today at after-camp daycare, we played Life and Death and God.

Basically, it’s the Game of Life but with some alterations created by the six 8-10 year old boys that were there. I was designated writer of The List Of Stuff, aka the list in which anything we currently “possessed” (ie houses, children, pets, spouses, Gifts From God) was listed under our name so we could keep track.

God was played by the one boy who didn’t want to actually play. When I asked him how God was going to fit into the game, he said that God worked in mysterious ways so he could randomly give people News From God whenever he felt like it. We settled that if someone spun a three, they’d receive a miracle, and if they spun a seven, they’d get bad news, and at the end of every round (ie when everyone had had a turn) he could make a new rule for the world.

“Dude, you should’ve prayed more,” God told one boy as he spun a seven. “Your dog got possessed by a demon and ate your baby. You need to get an exorcism. That costs $50,000 and a life card.”

“Aww man,” the unfortunate demon dog owner said. “Not Shark Tooth Junior. She’s my only daughter.” Flips through his money “What if I don’t want to spend money to get an exorcism?”

God shrugged. “Then I guess you can keep a demon dog,” he said, “but it requires a human sacrifice every turn or it’ll eat you.”

The demon dog owner sighed and paid the money, and I crossed off both Shark Tooth Junior and Chicken Strip the dog off his List Of Stuff.

“Congratulations!” God said on another turn. “You’re pregnant!”

“But I’m a man.”

“That’s why it’s a miracle,” God pointed out. “It’s the next Jesus! Also you have to name him Jesus The Second cause I’m God and I say so.”

I was blessed with the ability to turn water into wine at one point, and started a winery as a side business. Both were added to my List Of Stuff.

At one point, not long after he’d had his first child, one of the boys’ mom came to pick him up.

“Come on,” she said. “We have to go.”

“Give me a minute, Mom,” he called back. “I’m dead. We have to read my will.”

Thus proceeded the reading in which I read through his List Of Stuff one by one and he declared who each item/ability/person/animal went to and I then transferred each thing to other Lists Of Stuff.

“Your wife,” I read. “Elizabeth.”

“I’m leaving her to,” he trailed off, tapping his chin as he considered his options. “You, Kee.”

“You can’t give Kee your wife!” another boy protested, one who had already received three of the dead boy’s children. “That’d make her gay!”

“Kee can be gay if she wants to be,” the dead boy pointed out.

“Yeah,” the boy agreed, “but she’s already got a husband.”

“She can have a husband and a wife,” God declared. “It’s called being bisexual. It’s allowed. Plus I’m God, so that makes it double allowed.”

And that was how I ended up receiving everyone’s wives in their wills, and ended up married to my original husband, Lizard, and my four wives, Elizabeth, Lizzy, Eliza, and Shark Tooth (there was a theme that God had declared we had to follow in naming our spouses, a declaration which came after one of the boys had already married Shark Tooth). I had no children of my own, but had eventually received dozens in wills, as I ultimately ended up as the last person left in after-camp.

And yeah. Life and Death and God was definitely a fun time, and I feel like we’ll be playing it again in after-camp tomorrow. It felt a little like dnd, tbh, with God being the dungeon master, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone wanting to spice up their Game of Life. You could probably add in a drinking game aspect if you’re not playing with small children, or make like God Cards or something for people to pull from if no one wants to be God.

The 25 Days of Shit Slytherins Say (Season 2): #2

I have a fun Christmas idea everybody!

We can hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever else is under it!

We’ll call it… Mistlefoe

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marvelwonderwitch

1 year ago

You’re a member of the Z-team. Your team is who they send in when teams A-Y have failed, but that’s never happened before. But to everyone’s horror, that day just came.

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marvelwonderwitch

2 years ago

Tags

batman dick grayson tim drake batfamily jason todd robin stephanie brown Lmao Dick and Jay smoking

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marvelwonderwitch

4 years ago

I cannot thank @katlynne-lyons enough for this stunning commission! This is absolutely beautiful and captures Deckard's character perfectly!

Make sure to go check out the artist's blog and artwork!

I always headcanon Deckard likes to wear dresses and feeling fancy. It doesn't matter if he's wearing a suit or dress, he'll kick your ass regardless!

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marvelwonderwitch

1 year ago

Queer Mexicana 🇲🇽

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marvelwonderwitch

4 years ago

Hey Omni! I was wondering what the Torettos crew reactions would be with working with Owen. How do you think they would feel about the scars they gave him? Do you think they would feel bad?

Oooo! I'm loving all the Owen love recently!

As for your question, the crew has a lot of mixed feelings when it comes to Owen

Letty

When she looks at Owen and sees his scares, she feels a crushing guilt. She wishes her friend hadn't been put through that much pain and grief

But she also knows that it isn't her fault

Owen chose his actions and those were the consequences of said actions. It was an accident, one that nobody saw coming, but it had been a risk that came with the life he lived

Letty keeps that guilt and sense of failure with her when she's his scars, but each time she hears his laughter and is wrapped in his arms, she knows he's alright. He's alive and back in her life, and that's more important than any scar

Dom

He has similar feelings as Letty. He feels a twisting feeling in his gut when he sees those scars on Owen's face, but it's not quite guilt

Regret, maybe. But Dom wouldn't have changed every action he took that faithful night

Owen had terrorized him and his family, even kidnapping his sister. He didn't have much remorse for Owen when it came to fighting him at that time

But Dom does have to wonder if he could have saved Owen

Could he have grabbed him in time? Could he have knocked Owen out and dragged him out of the plane and to safety? Could they have recruited Owen and have him join the crew, and then convince his siblings later on?

There's a lot of 'what ifs' that Dom could swell on, but chooses not to. That's in the past, and while he wishes that Owen and his family hadn't gone through that pain, he's not going to fret over it

Owen is on their side now, almost like a brother to Dom, and from now on, Dom's going to do all he could for him

Roman

He wasn't there when Owen fell and he didn't really think about it when he received the news of Owen being in the hospital

Owen had just been another evil villain in his eyes until he joined the crew

And once they got together, Roman feels extremely guilty

He wishes they hadn't fought Owen. He wishes Owen didn't bare the scars they gave him. He wishes Owen didn't have nightmares about dying in that coma

Instead of dwelling on it, Roman embraces it. He kisses Owen's scars whenever he can and tries to lift his spirits after those nightmares

Tej

He doesn't have many thoughts on the matter. Like Roman, he hadn't been there when Owen fell and he's best buddies with Owen

He feels bad when he hears about Owen struggling with the scars and aftermath of being in a coma, but he doesn't think about it as much as the others

Luke

While he didn't see Owen fall off the plane, he feels his heart break when he sees Owen struggling with the aftermaths

He doesn't like seeing his little brother hurting, but he also knows that Owen wouldn't have stopped. Owen would have kept going no matter what, short of being hurt that badly

Luke wishes, just like Letty, that they could have just locked Owen up and not seen him in a hospital bed and in a coma

~~~

I hope you enjoyed friend!

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marvelwonderwitch

5 years ago

Luke: What’s your blood type?

Deckard: How would I know?

Luke: How would you not?

Deckard: Who am I? Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups?

Luke: You don’t know your own blood type, but you know who discovered them?

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