It's Too Powerful I Just Wanna Die.

A list of items that I take for granted, which might not be available to people in other parts of the world.

Wow. This is tough. Just thinking about it makes me realize how unappreciative I am of the little things that would mean a lot to other people if we were to trade places.

House - I own a house, though it's not entirely mine yet. This place is where my trauma began, and every visit brings back painful memories. As a result, I often find myself in other cities, feeling out of place. While I am thankful for having a house, I can't call it a home. It's a gift that I dread because of the emotions it evokes. However, through therapy, I've started to adjust and view it from a different perspective.

Food - I sometimes skip meals intentionally, driven by my concern for my weight due to scoliosis. I feel guilty about not eating regularly, knowing that many people struggle with hunger daily. I should appreciate the privilege of having food readily available and make healthier choices.

Water - Clean, running water is something I seldom think about. I can turn on the tap and expect it to be there, but many people around the world have to walk miles for access to water, and even then, it's not always safe to drink. I'm grateful for this basic necessity that's so easily accessible to me.

Electricity - From charging my phone to lighting my home, I rely on electricity every day. Power outages are rare inconveniences, whereas for some, electricity is a luxury they can't afford or only have sporadically.

Healthcare - Access to medical care is something I often take for granted. When I'm sick or need a check-up, I can see a doctor without worrying too much about the cost or availability. Many people don't have this privilege and suffer from preventable or treatable conditions due to lack of access.

Education - I had the opportunity to go to school and pursue higher education. This has opened many doors for me, but for millions of children and adults, education is out of reach due to various socioeconomic barriers.

Internet Access - The internet is an integral part of my life, providing endless information and opportunities for connection. Yet, there are many areas in the world where internet access is limited or non-existent, cutting people off from these resources.

Clothing - I have a wardrobe full of clothes for every occasion, while others have to make do with the bare minimum. Having adequate clothing for different seasons and activities is something I often overlook in terms of privilege.

Transportation - Whether it's public transit, my car, or even a bike, I have multiple options to get where I need to go. In contrast, many people have to walk long distances or rely on unreliable and unsafe transportation methods.

Safety - Living in a relatively safe neighborhood is something I take for granted. The peace of mind that comes from feeling secure in my environment is a privilege that not everyone experiences.

Freedom of Speech - I can express my opinions and beliefs without fear of persecution. This freedom is not universal, and many people live in fear of speaking out due to oppressive regimes or societal norms.

Job Opportunities - Even though I have faced setbacks and challenges in my career, I still have access to job opportunities and the ability to seek new ones. Many people struggle with unemployment or underemployment, unable to find work that provides a livable wage.

It's true that life can sometimes feel overwhelming, but taking a step back to appreciate what we have can bring a lot of peace and motivation. What are some things you're grateful for today?

I just had to take it easy. So much for rushing. Good night!

Today, I blocked someone on Instagram.

I had already cut him off before because he said something I didn’t like. My old self would have tried to understand where he was coming from, rationalizing why people say the things they do. But not anymore.

He’s not the first guy who has told me he wanted to sleep with me. I get plenty of indecent proposals—random, unsolicited messages from men like him.

In the past, I let it slide. I never gave in, but I also never pushed back. I shrugged it off, ignored it, and stayed friends. I even gaslit myself into thinking I was overreacting when their words made me uncomfortable. I told myself it was fine because boys will be boys.

But this? This was too much.

Lately, one of them has been trying to reconnect and meet up. I’ve told him no, more than once. I’ve given excuses, politely declined, and outright refused. But to men like him, no is never enough.

I finally lashed out after he had the audacity to tell me that I “shouldn’t judge people for who they were or what they did.” Sure, I get that. But my reality is different. The things they did made me feel cheap, like I was nothing. Like I wasn’t even a person.

So yes, I will judge people based on how they treated me. And I will return the favor by shutting them out completely.

I don’t care who they are now. I’m in therapy because of what they did to me. The way they viewed me back then shaped the way I saw myself.

Never again.

So here comes the tummyache. That was fast.

This summer, I’m heading to Iloilo... alone. My best friend was supposed to join me, but she has important things to take care of, and I don’t want to get in the way.

I’ve already envisioned all the things I want to do in Iloilo. Plus, I’ll be attending a wedding in Capiz, which makes me even more excited for the trip!

I’m kinda scared of being happy for a day, or maybe just for a few minutes. Something may come up and ruin it. 😑

i miss going out.

The 30-Day Love Detox: How to Dump Someone and Boomerang Back into Their Heart Like Nothing Happened

Ah yes, the classic love story: boy meets girl, boy dumps girl, boy realizes 30 days later that life without girl is a bit boring, and voilà, he’s suddenly enlightened. If only all of life’s problems could be solved with this much grace and wisdom! So, for those aspiring romantics out there who want to master the fine art of dump-and-reconnect, I present to you: The 30-Day Love Detox Program!

Step 1: The Dramatic Exit – Make Them Wonder If You're Joining a Cult The first step in this master plan is to make your exit look like you're about to embark on some spiritual journey (cue random deep quotes about "finding yourself"). Pro tip: Try breaking up in the most cliché location possible—maybe a park bench with leaves falling dramatically around you, or at a cafe while you sip on an overpriced artisanal latte. Look them dead in the eyes and say something profound like, “I just need to find out who I really am… without you.” This will leave them thinking, "Wow, maybe they're going to start meditating on a mountaintop?" Spoiler alert: You’re not.

Step 2: Ghost Like a Pro – Silence Speaks Louder Than Words… or Texts Now that you’ve set the stage for your epic transformation (aka, a month of Netflix and scrolling through Tinder), it’s time to ghost like it’s your part-time job. Not a single message. Total radio silence. Make sure your social media presence is carefully curated: post a few artsy photos of sunsets, yoga poses (that you definitely didn’t do), and maybe one of those cryptic "self-growth" memes, like, “Sometimes, you have to lose yourself to become the person you were meant to be.” Deep, right? Meanwhile, you’re really just mastering the art of lounging on your couch.

Step 3: The "Epiphany" – AKA, You Miss Their Netflix Password After a glorious 30 days (definitely not because you’ve run out of things to do or people to swipe left on), it’s time to have your “epiphany.” Suddenly, you’ve realized that they’re the one. Or at least the one who had a really great HBO subscription. So you send the message that every ex just loves to receive out of the blue: “Hey… been thinking a lot. I realize now that what we had was special. Can we talk?” Oh really? It took you a whole month to figure that out? What’s next, he misses your Spotify playlists and suddenly realizes he can’t live without you? Groundbreaking stuff. Because what says personal growth better than completely disregarding the fact that you dumped them for vague, mysterious reasons? Growth, baby. Growth.

Step 4: The Overly Casual Meet-Up – Because We’re Totally Mature Adults Now, suggest the casual meet-up. Something low-key, like grabbing coffee or, better yet, bumping into them “accidentally” at the exact cafe they frequent every Thursday at 4 PM. Apologize for your “growth period,” but don’t overdo it—you don’t want them to think you’re TOO sorry. Let them know you’re ready to “give it another shot,” as if you’re offering a rare, limited-time-only opportunity. Remember to throw in phrases like “fresh start” or “new chapter,” because nothing screams romance like pretending the last chapter wasn’t a dumpster fire.

Step 5: The Reboot – Because What Could Go Wrong? At this point, they might be confused, mildly entertained, or plotting your demise, but hey, you feel like you’ve turned over a new leaf! What could possibly go wrong by giving it another try, right? After all, you’ve had a whole 30 days of spiritual Netflix therapy—totally enough time to rewrite your relationship future. Spoiler alert: The sequel is usually worse than the original, but hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

In Conclusion: Why go through all the hassle of working on yourself, learning from your mistakes, or communicating better, when you can just dump someone, wait a month, and swoop back in with a fresh coat of charm? Because in the game of love, nothing says “I’m serious this time” like making a dramatic comeback after a whole four weeks of soul-searching (or, you know, browsing memes) or as if you’ve just come back from some emotional sabbatical.

Three days to go, we’ll be saying hello to 2021. But it feels like we’re stuck in 2020 because of the pandemic. 

I choked on my pill. 😂 Jesus.