Saying Goodbye To Someone You Once Loved Hits Differently—it Feels Like You’re Losing A Piece Of

This isn't because of insomnia, it's the trauma.

I’m not in a hurry but it’s just so fucked up lol

No I love yous

The Marcos family’s return to power is one of the most tragic ironies in Philippine history. After decades of suffering under Ferdinand Marcos Sr.’s dictatorship—marked by rampant corruption, human rights abuses, and the plundering of the nation’s wealth—his son, Ferdinand "Bongbong" Marcos Jr., now leads the country. This is not just a case of political resurgence; it is a glaring symptom of how easily truth can be rewritten and how collective memory can be manipulated.

For years, the Marcoses have engaged in an aggressive campaign of historical revisionism, distorting the brutal realities of Martial Law into a golden era of economic prosperity. They have leveraged social media, disinformation networks, and the public’s disillusionment with post-EDSA governments to paint themselves as victims rather than villains. But the facts remain: the Marcos dictatorship saw over 70,000 arrests, 34,000 cases of torture, and thousands of extrajudicial killings. The economy, far from being at its strongest, was driven into massive debt due to unchecked spending and corruption, leaving future generations to shoulder the consequences.

Bongbong Marcos himself has never acknowledged the horrors of his father’s rule. Instead of seeking accountability, he has evaded questions, refused to apologize, and even suggested that the past should be left behind. This refusal to confront history is not just dangerous—it enables further abuse of power. His presidency symbolizes the normalization of impunity, where stolen wealth, privilege, and political dynasties thrive at the expense of ordinary Filipinos.

The Marcos family's wealth, estimated in billions of dollars, remains largely unreturned, despite multiple court rulings declaring that much of it was ill-gotten. Meanwhile, many Martial Law victims have yet to receive full justice. The very people who fought and suffered to restore democracy now witness its slow erosion under the leadership of a man who owes his political survival to deception.

The fact that the Marcoses are back in power exposes the deep flaws in our political system—where patronage, misinformation, and historical amnesia dictate electoral outcomes. But it is also a wake-up call. If history has taught us anything, it is that tyranny does not die easily. It disguises itself, adapts, and waits for the moment when people forget.

But we must not forget. We must continue to remember the lives lost, the voices silenced, and the wealth stolen. Because the moment we stop remembering is the moment we allow history to repeat itself. And if that happens, the tragedy of the Marcos regime will not just be a chapter in our past—it will be our future.

Reading 1984 by George Orwell felt like a gut punch, and imagining it happening in the real world—or even in my own country—made it even more heart-wrenching. The way the Party strips away not only freedom but also the ability to think and feel independently is terrifying. As I turned each page, I couldn't help but cry, feeling as though my heart was being torn apart, especially when I thought about how easily such a regime could rise in any society if we're not vigilant.

In Orwell’s world, the total control over truth, history, and even relationships is brutal. If something like this were to unfold in my own country, it would mean the end of everything we hold dear—freedom of speech, connection with loved ones, and our sense of self. The idea of being watched constantly, never being able to trust even your closest friends or family members, is suffocating. Winston’s struggle against this control was a flicker of hope that I desperately clung to as I read, but when that hope was crushed, I felt an immense sense of loss, as if it could be our future, too.

If the government in my country ever wielded such total power, where dissenting opinions were erased and loyalty to the state became more important than truth or love, it would be devastating. The betrayal Winston experiences—both from Julia and from the world itself—felt personal, like it could happen to any of us under similar circumstances. The worst part was Winston's final breaking point, when he surrendered to Big Brother. I couldn’t help but think of how our humanity could be torn apart in the same way if our thoughts and emotions were manipulated to this extreme.

1984 made me cry not just for the characters but for the possibility that such a future could exist anywhere, even here. The thought that people could be forced to betray their own hearts and minds is terrifying, and it left me questioning how strong we would be in the face of such oppression. Would we resist, or would we, like Winston, eventually break?

I just had to take it easy. So much for rushing. Good night!

A list of items that I take for granted, which might not be available to people in other parts of the world.

Wow. This is tough. Just thinking about it makes me realize how unappreciative I am of the little things that would mean a lot to other people if we were to trade places.

House - I own a house, though it's not entirely mine yet. This place is where my trauma began, and every visit brings back painful memories. As a result, I often find myself in other cities, feeling out of place. While I am thankful for having a house, I can't call it a home. It's a gift that I dread because of the emotions it evokes. However, through therapy, I've started to adjust and view it from a different perspective.

Food - I sometimes skip meals intentionally, driven by my concern for my weight due to scoliosis. I feel guilty about not eating regularly, knowing that many people struggle with hunger daily. I should appreciate the privilege of having food readily available and make healthier choices.

Water - Clean, running water is something I seldom think about. I can turn on the tap and expect it to be there, but many people around the world have to walk miles for access to water, and even then, it's not always safe to drink. I'm grateful for this basic necessity that's so easily accessible to me.

Electricity - From charging my phone to lighting my home, I rely on electricity every day. Power outages are rare inconveniences, whereas for some, electricity is a luxury they can't afford or only have sporadically.

Healthcare - Access to medical care is something I often take for granted. When I'm sick or need a check-up, I can see a doctor without worrying too much about the cost or availability. Many people don't have this privilege and suffer from preventable or treatable conditions due to lack of access.

Education - I had the opportunity to go to school and pursue higher education. This has opened many doors for me, but for millions of children and adults, education is out of reach due to various socioeconomic barriers.

Internet Access - The internet is an integral part of my life, providing endless information and opportunities for connection. Yet, there are many areas in the world where internet access is limited or non-existent, cutting people off from these resources.

Clothing - I have a wardrobe full of clothes for every occasion, while others have to make do with the bare minimum. Having adequate clothing for different seasons and activities is something I often overlook in terms of privilege.

Transportation - Whether it's public transit, my car, or even a bike, I have multiple options to get where I need to go. In contrast, many people have to walk long distances or rely on unreliable and unsafe transportation methods.

Safety - Living in a relatively safe neighborhood is something I take for granted. The peace of mind that comes from feeling secure in my environment is a privilege that not everyone experiences.

Freedom of Speech - I can express my opinions and beliefs without fear of persecution. This freedom is not universal, and many people live in fear of speaking out due to oppressive regimes or societal norms.

Job Opportunities - Even though I have faced setbacks and challenges in my career, I still have access to job opportunities and the ability to seek new ones. Many people struggle with unemployment or underemployment, unable to find work that provides a livable wage.

It's true that life can sometimes feel overwhelming, but taking a step back to appreciate what we have can bring a lot of peace and motivation. What are some things you're grateful for today?

Why Some Men See Accountability as an Attack Instead of Growth

Accountability. A simple concept, right? Own up to your actions, learn from mistakes, grow as a person. But for some men, being held accountable feels like an all-out assault on their very existence. The moment they hear, “Hey, that wasn’t cool,” they react like you just questioned their entire identity. So why does accountability send some guys into full-on defense mode instead of helping them grow? Hmm. Let’s break it down.

1. The Ego Can’t Handle It

For some men, being wrong isn’t just about the situation at hand—it’s a hit to their ego. Admitting a mistake feels like admitting they are the problem, rather than just something they did. Instead of just saying, “Yeah, I messed up,” they’d rather go into mental gymnastics mode, twisting the situation until somehow, miraculously, they’re the victim. Wow. Just wow. 😆

2. The "Alpha Male" Complex

Somewhere along the way, a lot of men were taught that taking responsibility is a sign of weakness. They believe real men should always be confident, always be in control, and never admit to screwing up. The irony? True confidence comes from owning up to mistakes and learning from them. But try telling that to someone who thinks growth is just for plants. 🌱

3. The Victim Mindset

Rather than taking accountability, some guys flip the script and play the victim. "Why are you always criticizing me?" "I can’t do anything right." "You never appreciate what I do." Suddenly, what should have been a simple conversation about their actions turns into you having to reassure them that they’re not a terrible person. It’s exhausting. 😤

4. Emotional Maturity Levels: TBD

Some men never learned how to handle criticism without shutting down or blowing up. If they weren’t raised in an environment where accountability was seen as a normal part of growth, then any form of critique feels like an attack. Instead of processing it, they either lash out or retreat into silence—neither of which help anyone.

5. The Art of Deflection

Rather than addressing the issue at hand, some men master the fine art of dodging responsibility. “Well, what about that one time you messed up?” or “I only did that because you made me.” Anything to shift the focus away from them and onto someone else. It’s not about solving the problem; it’s about escaping it.

6. Society’s Low Bar

Let’s be real—men have been praised for doing the absolute bare minimum for so long that even mild accountability can feel like an attack. “I said sorry, what more do you want?” Actual change, maybe? When society expects so little from them, being asked to do better feels like a personal insult.

Accountability isn’t the enemy. At the end of the day, accountability isn’t about tearing someone down—it’s about helping them grow. If someone truly cares about becoming a better person, they’ll listen, reflect, and make changes. If they see accountability as an attack? That says more about them than it does about you.

So if you’ve ever had to deal with a guy who acts like accountability is some cruel punishment, save your breath. People who want to grow, grow. The ones who don’t? That’s on them.

Sprinkle sprinkle.

Thank you everyone for all the birthday greetings! 💗

April 6, 2024

Day 3:

Grief is a relentless companion, haunting every corner of my existence. It lurks in the shadows, waiting to pounce when I least expect it. Today, I found myself reaching for the phone to share a funny anecdote, only to remember that the one I wanted to call is no longer here.

It's in these moments of solitude that grief truly rears its ugly head. The silence is deafening, echoing with memories of happier times. How do you fill the void left behind by someone you loved so deeply?