Diary Entry: October 15, 2024
Diary entry: October 15, 2024
I woke up from a wild dream. You know how dreams work—one moment you're in a familiar place, the next everything shifts. You look behind you, and the scenery changes. You turn to the front, and you're somewhere else entirely. People you know appear alongside strangers who only exist in your dreams. Some places feel real, while others exist only in that dreamscape. It’s surreal.
What really gets to me are the recurring dreams. Sometimes, after months or years of not thinking about a certain place or person, they reappear, unchanged, like no time has passed. But the scariest part? I occasionally dream of things that haven't happened yet—and then they come true the next day. I see signs, premonitions, and when they unfold in real life, it sends chills down my spine.
My mother has this gift of premonition too. For her, it’s a guide—a way to navigate life. I seem to have inherited it, but instead of comfort, it terrifies me. People call it a gift, but I'm not so sure. There are moments when I want to lean on science, to find logical explanations for what I experience. Science can demystify things like this, offering clarity. But then, there are times when I feel pulled toward something deeper—something divine. It’s a strange place to be, caught between wanting to explain everything and accepting that maybe some things are beyond explanation.
So, about that dream—all of a sudden, a familiar face showed up randomly. It was him. He just appeared, casually talking to me, like nothing ever happened. Like he didn’t hurt me in the past. It completely caught me off guard. I’ve moved on, though. We never officially dated, just talked and got to know each other—until the next morning, he pulled the plug because he was pissed. And there he was in my dream, acting as if everything was fine, asking how I was, like we were friends.
You know me—I’m confrontational. In the dream, I was just about to tell him to fuck off, but right then, my alarm went off, jolting me awake.
Groggy, I reached for my phone, turned off the alarm, and checked my notifications. And there it was—his name, lighting up my screen. A message from him on Telegram.
I couldn’t believe it.
Though it's not the first time it happened to me but sometimes I couldn't help but wonder—
What kind of fuckery is this?
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Woke up with a blurry right eye
Friendships are supposed to be straightforward, right? You trust each other, you have each other’s backs, and you keep the big stuff honest. But right now, I’m sitting with a secret that’s tying my stomach in knots, and I have no idea what to do.
My best friend’s boyfriend—someone I never thought I’d have a problem with—has sent me indecent messages after him opening up about his escapades. At first, I brushed it off. Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe it was a weird, out-of-context joke. But it’s clear now that it wasn’t. His intentions are blatantly wrong, and I feel trapped.
Do I tell her? Do I risk being the one to ruin everything? I know how much she loves him. What if she doesn’t believe me? What if it blows up in my face and our friendship never recovers?
But then, how do I stay quiet? Every time I see them together, it feels like I’m lying to her by not saying anything. She deserves to know what kind of person he is. But telling her would mean breaking her heart and possibly being the reason her world falls apart.
I keep playing the scenarios in my head, and none of them end well. If I speak up, I might lose her. If I stay silent, I’m protecting a secret that’s eating me alive. How do you even choose between two terrible options like this?
I wish I had answers, but right now, all I have is this sinking feeling that no matter what I do, someone’s going to get hurt—and I might lose someone I care about either way.
Feeling queasy.
Lately, I've found myself turning to astrology more than I'd like to admit. It started as something fun and lighthearted—reading my horoscope for a little daily insight, checking my birth chart to see if the stars aligned with how I was feeling. But slowly, it became more than that. Now, I find myself looking to astrology for validation, seeking answers to questions I don't even fully understand.
The problem is, the more I rely on it, the more cynical I become. It's almost like I'm waiting for the universe to give me a sign that everything will work out, but it never quite happens the way I expect. Every time something doesn’t align with the "predictions," it throws me off. I start overthinking everything—why isn't my chart matching my reality? What does this mean for my future? Is something wrong with me or my choices?
In some ways, it feels like I'm losing trust in myself. Instead of taking charge of my life, I'm handing over the responsibility to something abstract, like the alignment of the stars. And honestly, it can be exhausting. I spend too much time analyzing and trying to piece together meaning from the cosmos, when maybe I just need to live my life, make decisions, and be okay with the uncertainty.
Astrology has its place—it can be a comforting lens to view the world through. But I’m realizing that relying on it for constant validation only traps me in a cycle of doubt and overthinking. I need to remind myself that while the stars can offer guidance, they don’t have all the answers. At the end of the day, it's up to me to trust my own instincts and make peace with the fact that life won’t always fit neatly into an astrological chart.
Maybe, instead of looking up at the stars for clarity, I need to start looking within.
hahahahahaha!
I’m not in a hurry but it’s just so fucked up lol
i miss going out.
Disconnect to Reconnect: Why social media detox is good for your mental health - A Personal Journey
In today's digital age, social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, offering us connectivity, entertainment, and a platform for self-expression. However, amidst the curated feeds and constant updates, there lies a hidden impact on our mental well-being that often goes unnoticed: the exacerbation of insecurities, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
The Allure and the Pitfalls
Social media presents an idealized version of reality, where filters and carefully crafted posts portray seemingly flawless lives. Scrolling through these feeds can unintentionally lead us down a path of comparison, triggering feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. We find ourselves unconsciously measuring our lives against highlight reels, forgetting that behind every perfect picture lies a story untold.
The Pressure to Conform
Platforms thrive on engagement, driving us to seek validation through likes, comments, and shares. This pursuit of approval can escalate into a cycle of seeking external validation, where our self-worth becomes intertwined with digital metrics. The fear of missing out (FOMO) further intensifies as we witness others seemingly living their best lives, fostering a sense of inadequacy if our own experiences don't measure up.
Impact on Mental Health
Research increasingly links heavy social media use to heightened levels of anxiety, depression, and diminished self-esteem. Constant exposure to filtered realities can distort our perception of normalcy, fostering unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. The pressure to maintain an online persona can lead to anxiety about image, performance, and social acceptance, detracting from genuine self-discovery and acceptance.
Rediscovering Authenticity and Self-Worth
Logging off social media offers a respite from the relentless noise of comparison and validation-seeking. It provides an opportunity to reconnect with our authentic selves, away from the pressures of digital expectations. By stepping back, we can recalibrate our perspectives, focusing on personal growth, real-life connections, and meaningful experiences that nurture genuine happiness and self-esteem.
Cultivating Healthy Digital Habits
Rather than abandoning social media entirely, cultivating mindful usage habits can promote a healthier relationship with digital platforms. Setting boundaries, such as limiting screen time, curating feeds that inspire rather than induce envy, and prioritizing offline activities can foster a balanced approach to social media consumption. Engaging intentionally and authentically can transform our digital interactions into sources of inspiration and connection, rather than triggers for insecurity and anxiety.
Embracing Self-Discovery and Growth
Ultimately, the journey towards combating insecurities, anxiety, and low self-esteem begins with self-awareness and self-compassion. It involves recognizing the influence of social media on our mental well-being and consciously choosing moments of digital detox to prioritize inner peace and self-discovery. By nurturing a positive self-image rooted in authenticity and resilience, we empower ourselves to navigate life's challenges with clarity, confidence, and genuine fulfillment.
In the quiet spaces between notifications and updates lies the opportunity to reclaim our sense of self-worth and embrace the beauty of our imperfect, yet extraordinary, lives. Logging off social media, even momentarily, can be the first step towards rediscovering the profound joy of being truly present in our own stories.
Life sucks.
And i wanna sleep.
