Life Sucks.

It was 2021, and I had just come out of a relationship with someone who was extremely possessive. It was like I could finally breathe again. For the first time in years, I felt free—free to hold my phone without constantly glancing over my shoulder, free to choose what I wanted to wear, free to spend time with friends, and attend parties without the weight of someone else’s control. It was empowering.

But that freedom didn’t come without its struggles. In the first few months of being on my own, I was hit with a wave of anxiety and uncertainty. I had been so used to someone else dictating my life that I didn’t know how to fully navigate it on my own. It was a strange feeling—after fighting so hard to get out of a relationship that stifled me, I found myself a little lost.

No longer having someone control me was a relief, but it also meant I had to adjust to taking responsibility for everything myself. The simple things I’d once been comfortable letting him handle were now on me. It was daunting, but I reminded myself that I’d fought for this freedom. I wasn’t going to let the discomfort pull me back into old habits.

One of the hardest parts was getting back online and socializing again. I had fallen off the radar for almost two years—no social media posts, no updates, nothing. So when I finally reappeared on Facebook, my friends were shocked. The first messages I received were along the lines of, "Wow, where have you been?!" They were right—two years is a long time to go dark.

Reconnecting wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I struggled to respond to messages and reach out to people. It was like I had forgotten how to socialize after being isolated for so long. I felt out of place, like I didn’t quite belong in the world I’d left behind. I wanted to rekindle friendships, but I was afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of the awkwardness, and afraid of not being the same person they used to know.

But little by little, I’m finding my way back. It hasn’t been smooth or easy, but I’m learning to embrace this new chapter of independence. Every day, I remind myself that this journey is mine to navigate, and no matter how slow the progress, I’m moving forward.

So this is how it feels when you have so much inside your head

Woke up with a blurry right eye

I mourn my youth

I mourn my youth with a sorrow that feels almost unbearable. Not because it’s gone but because I realize I never truly lived it.

I ache for all the moments I let slip by, the countless chances I ignored, thinking there’d always be more time. I regret the nights I should have spent out, surrounded by laughter and people who would have helped me feel alive. Instead, I stayed in the shadows, clinging to comfort and safety, only to find out too late that those things would cost me the memories I could never make.

I think of all the times I chose sleep over adventure, the days I kept my life small and predictable instead of going somewhere new. I missed the thrill of being spontaneous, of packing a bag and leaving without knowing where I’d end up. I missed places that could have shown me how vast and beautiful the world really is, places I’ll only ever know through the stories of others who dared to go.

And the people—I mourn them most of all. I wonder about the friendships that never had a chance to grow, the faces I never got to know because I was too scared to take a step toward them. There were probably kindred souls, people who would have understood me better than I understood myself, waiting somewhere in the world. But I kept to my familiar circle, never daring to reach out, and now they’re strangers I’ll never meet.

I look back, and it’s almost unbearable to realize how much I lost. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to be brave, to take the risks, to live as if these days would eventually run out. But all I have now is this ache, this haunting feeling of a life half-lived. And the hardest part is knowing that these missed moments will forever be just that—echoes of a life I could have had but never did.

I’m not in a hurry but it’s just so fucked up lol

my thoughts are messy.

I was watching a Netflix feature on the Old Testament book of Exodus today when my son burst in, looked at the screen, and asked, "What are you watching?" I told him, thinking that would be the end of it. Nope. A while later, he casually dropped some knowledge about Exodus 10:13 like a tiny theologian. I had to look it up just to keep up. Kid’s putting me to shame over here!

Healing for a Better Future: Why My Next Relationship Deserves a Fresh Start

Hey everyone,

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately and how our past can impact our future. I’ve come to realize that my next relationship shouldn’t be weighed down by what happened in my past. Instead, I need to heal and grow so that I can give my future partner the best version of myself.

We all have experiences that shape who we are. Some of these experiences are amazing, while others might be painful. It’s easy to let the negative ones cloud our judgment and affect how we treat new people in our lives. But that's not fair to them or to us. Each new person deserves a chance to be seen for who they really are, not through the lens of our past hurts.

Healing is super important. It means recognizing the pain, understanding how it affects us, and working to move past it. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It means learning from it and letting go of the negativity. By doing this, we can take the lessons we’ve learned and use them to become better people.

Part of healing is about growing as a person. It’s about seeing where we can improve, like being better at communicating, setting healthy boundaries, or just being more self-aware. By focusing on our growth, we make sure that we bring the best version of ourselves into our next relationship.

When we commit to healing and personal growth, we give our future partners the chance to be seen and loved for who they truly are, without the shadows of our past experiences. This fresh start is not only good for the new relationship but also freeing for us. It lets us experience love and connection in a more genuine and fulfilling way.

As I work on healing and growing, I feel hopeful for the future. By dealing with my past and focusing on myself, I believe I can create a healthier and more loving environment for my next relationship. It’s not about being perfect but about making progress, and each step I take brings me closer to being the person I want to be for my future partner.

In the end, our pasts might shape us, but they don’t have to define our future relationships. By committing to healing and personal growth, we can make sure our next relationship starts with mutual respect, understanding, and genuine love. Here’s to new beginnings and a brighter tomorrow. 🫶

Hope you all have a great day!

I'm honestly not feeling good lately. These past few days had been a roller coaster ride of emotions and I pushed a lot of people away. I put a barricade. I wanted to be alone.

But despite it all, as Hemingway quoted, “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."

I am still here. I am strong. I made it. I'm standing still.

What Was the Best Invention of the Last 50 Years?

When it comes to inventions that have completely transformed our lives over the past fifty years, the internet stands out as the best. Its impact on how we communicate, learn, shop, and live our daily lives is unmatched. Before the internet, staying in touch with people far away was a hassle. We had to write letters that took forever to arrive or make expensive long-distance phone calls. The internet changed all that by allowing us to communicate instantly, no matter where we are. Email, social media, and video calls make it easy to keep in touch with friends and family around the world.

The internet is like having the world’s biggest library at our fingertips. Whether we need information for school, want to learn how to fix something, or are looking for the latest news, it’s all online. With just a few clicks, we can find information on almost anything. This has made learning much more accessible for everyone, not just students, but anyone who wants to know more about the world. Online shopping is another game-changer. Instead of going to the mall, we can buy almost anything we need online. Websites like Amazon and eBay offer tons of products, often at better prices than physical stores. Plus, small businesses can sell their products online, reaching customers they never could have before.

Social media has also totally changed how we connect with others. Apps like Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter let us share our lives, keep up with friends, and even meet new people. These platforms have become places where people can come together to support causes, share ideas, and make their voices heard. The internet has also driven innovation by paving the way for new technologies like cloud computing, smart devices, and artificial intelligence. These advancements are changing industries like healthcare, education, and entertainment, making our lives easier and more connected.

Considering all the ways it has improved our lives, the internet is definitely the best invention of the last fifty years. It has brought us closer together, made learning and shopping more convenient, and inspired countless new ideas and technologies. As we move forward, the internet will continue to be a major part of our lives, shaping our future in ways we can’t even imagine yet.