Me: Rui Sweetie, Just Go Make Some Spider Webs Okay?

Me: Yeah fuck that. I'M TRAUMATIZED AS FUCK SO I QUIT!!!

After being a superhero for decades and experiencing many awful events, you make a horrifying discovery: you don’t age and will never be able to retire

Me: I'll get the contract ready...

You’re a demon. One day, you’re summoned into a living room, and an exhausted woman quickly rambles about needing to get to work and being unable to find a sitter before flying out the door. Now, you stand in your summoning circle, a toddler staring wide eyed at you.

I just mash the buttons and somehow won against my cousin who knew the game better than I did

Wait go back to that last one- WHAT?!

It might seem crazy what I'm about to say.

Your brother left his newborn child with you so that he could go “find himself,” whatever that meant. Lacking the resources and unable to care for a child, you had no choice but to give them up for adoption. Years later, your brother finally returns and asks where his child is.

"You gotta train the damn thing! I've learned that werewolves are like dogs. I just hope this one isn't a chihuahua...."

“Noble monster hunter! Thank goodness you’re here! We’ve had to sacrifice a villager to this werewolf each month to keep it at bay!” “That is quite possibly the worst course of action your village could take.”

Hey... That's a good deal. I'm bisexual, I love Hades from greek mythology cause he's the nicest person. I'd be happy to date/marry his daughter.

You are perfectly immortal. You can’t age, you can’t get any wounds, you can survive anything, and even if the universe were to end you are immediately taken to another universe. Not because you are demi-god or a wizard, but because the god of death’s daughter is in love with you.

THANK YOU!!!!

Ain't he a fancy looking kitty

“It’s okay not to be perfect. Besides that’s cheese’s job anyway!” ~ Pudding 🧀

Not compared to the life spans elves have in "Keeper of the Lost Cities" they aren't

if you're 30 then you are NOT old. I cannot stress this enough. you're probably less than a third of the way through life. life is long as fuck you have so much time here