Me: Bitch I'm Learning Spells You Didn't Learn At My Age. I Have 20x The Homework. I Live On Coffee.

Me: *looks at Genie laws* Huh.... Okay looks like it's allowed. Master: I'm a lawyer Me: That explains it.

You are a genie. Predictably, your latest master uses their first wish to wish for infinite wishes, but you tell them you’re unable to give infinite wishes. What you didn’t expect was that they would instead use their first wish to wish that you were able to give infinite wishes.

I'm guess it's your birthday?

I LOVE BIRTHDAYS

you were BORN and you made it through ANOTHER YEAR and I'm excited for you so I'm gonna give you a gift that I think you'll like and you're gonna eat something delicious!!!!!! like cake or spaghetti or whatever, you get to choose!!!! birthdays fucking rule!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a recipe for cookies, They're hungry and need to eat food or else they'll eat something they shouldn't.

For reasons unknown, an immortal beast has been dropping off random trinkets at your ancestral home for generations. They’re all kept in storage; nobody dares throw them away. Today instead of a trinket, the beast leaves a note with instructions on it.

I was just reading this post, and then a door SLAMMED shut. It's only my grandma and me in my house right now. She just came into my room to ask which door slammed... I knew it was the bathroom door next to my room because when the window in that bathroom is open, the door can open or close randomly. But it still freaked me the fuck out

@writing-prompt-s I'm asking what witchcraft you know that made this happen

*holds up frying pan* Easy way or hard way

You're not the only one with insomnia, right?

Me and Leon are hashtag twinning with insomnia 💥

Me: All I asked was a bed time story! Not your dramatic past! The person telling me this: You get what you get and you don't get upset!

“When those armies came, they slaughtered the village and cornered me in my cottage. They said that they had me surrounded, but they didn’t seem to realise that the last thing you should let a necromancer have access to is fresh corpses.”

@chromeeeeeeeeee

They can't contain their silliness

Me: I don't blame you... Time to teach you how to use a gun.

You were terrified to Marry a non human spouse to keep the peace. It’s only when you meet them that you realize that they’re far more afraid of humans.

Me: BITCH YOU ARE DEAD! Them: NOT YET HOE! SUCK IT!

Your friend always said “I’ll rest when I’m dead,” so much that it became his catchphrase. He says it again today when he came into work, going about his daily routine. This normally wouldn’t be concerning, if not for the fact that you attended his funeral two weeks ago.

But please only do it if you are of age to do so and understand politics! Cause I KNOW JACK SHIT BOUT IT! So vote for Trump or Kamala! Whoever you chose!

I know this doesn't apply to everyone but if you were planning on voting in the 2024 US election, this is a reminder to register to vote if you haven't already, if that is something you can do