Reblogging Cause Why Not

"Roomie, why are you threatening me? I do you're fucking laundry because you can't do it for the life of you. Ge the gun out of my face or else you'll somehow explode your clothes when they're in the dryer"

Today you just found out your roommate with strange hobbies, like knowing how to pick a lock, knows how every puzzle and cipher by heart, or how to commit tax fraud, and so many other things, wasn't a guy with ADHD, he was an ex-assassin and now you have a gun pointed at your face

❗Humanitarian appeal❗ Help me😭All donations were stolen without any mercy or compassion for my daughter's condition. She is dying. 🙏🏻The campaign was defrauded. The campaign founder seized the donation money after it became $6,000 and deprived her of the cost of treatment.Help us, don't leave my daughter fighting for her life. Time is running out before my eyes. The war has returned. We left without anything, no food or shelter. I have no money to buy what my children need. I apologize for sending my message directly. I know you are receivingSo many messages asking for help, but the truth is, my daughter is about to die if she doesn't get her medication. Kidney disease is a chronic, silent illness that will steal my joy. Please donate 😭🙏🏻 My daughter suffers from kidney failure and autism,Physically and mentally disabled. I'm asking for $25 or $50 🙏🏻💔 If you can, your support is a lifeline for her. If you can't, share so someone can give us even a little 😭 https://gofund.me/1812f270

I'm a minor so I can't do shit to help but hopefully others can! I'm sorry for what happened!

Me: Oh? So that's how it's going to be then.... fine. No more Mr. Nice genie.

After you gave your master the standard 3 wishes, you told him to leave the lamp in a place like a women’s shelter or a homeless camp. Instead he sold your lamp to the highest bidder and now you are determined to twist the 3 wishes to the detriment of both your current and former master.

*singing* "FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT!!! OOO!!!!"

You are a Class E hero. You show up to fight your Class E villain; as scheduled. Terror hits you as you see the a Class A supervillain standing there.

REBLOGGING NOW!!!!

And that's how I made the sun!

“Any spell can be enhanced by saying the incantation and waiting to use it. The longer you wait, the stronger it gets.” You prepared a Fireball immediately upon hearing this, and 20 years later you accidentally release it.

Now have fish cat defy physics

sometimes I feel like a little kitty cat

My cousins didn't come over today but I probably am the gay cousin since I'm bisexual.

if you don't have a gay cousin at your thanksgiving, I am your gay cousin for today. I'm wearing a croptop and I'm excited about cranberry sauce

Me: *internally to the alien mind* NO! MY DOGS ARE NOT FOOD!!!!

After a freak accident, you start experiencing strange abilities and visions of an alien world. You soon realize that an alien consciousness has merged with yours. How do you navigate this new existence, and what do the aliens want from Earth?

Me:.... I wish to break my bone! Genin:...WHAT?!

Me:Now the person won't be hurt! YAY!!! *bone breaks in their leg* OW OW OW!! WORTH IT!!! OWWWW!!!!! Genin: *calls the genin's association* Yeah... umm... I got either the world's nicest person, or a crazy person.... Me: It's the second one! OOOOOWWW!

“I will grant you a wish. BUT… your gain will be someone else’s loss. If you want riches, someone will be stripped of theirs. If you want health, someone will fall ill. If you want love, someone will get their heart broken. And whatever you choose, that someone will know your name.”