Sweet Nothings

Imagine you are Atsushi. You think you know a man. You think you see him for who he is- bleeding claws and all. You think that you are sure in his character and in his entirety. You think that after so many battles and so much death, there is nothing else for you to know.

You are wrong.

You think the two of you could not be more different or distant if you tried. You think that despite any change you may have brought, he is still someone you could never understand. You've come to terms with the idea that you both are simply two sides of the same coin.

You are wrong.

And it takes an unfeeling blade for you to finally learn how much so.

You learn that you only vaguely knew him- a shadow blurred across your vision. You learn his claws are not simply bloodied from pain caused but from pain given- from climbing a mountain insurmountable even to one as strong as him. You learn that you knew his surface but not his core- something no battle had ever taught you. There is so much you have yet to know.

So, you follow.

You learn the two of you are not so very different, the distance no more than a few steps. You learn that any change you brought in him was because, unknowingly, you were speaking a language that you didn't know he spoke right back. You learn that the hate that he held for you was born of a desire just as your own.

So, you follow.

And you learn that there was never a coin at all, just a mirror- a thing made of broken edges, bruised bones, and hateful words. And you learn there were never two sides, simply two caged and cornered animals staring back at the other- hearts bleeding and hands grasping.

Grasping for acknowledgment, for acceptance, for a reason, for permission, for someone to tell them they were finally enough.

You stare at the man in the mirror, a dark anger of a person- all sharp points and serrated defenses- and can see yourself in his eyes. Eyes that don't look at you the same way they used to.

You wonder: when he looks in this mirror, does he see the same?

You will simply have to ask him once you return.

Imagine you are Atsushi. You have seen the heart of a man. A man with whom you cannot accurately describe your relationship- no word seems precise enough nor powerful enough. You still don't fully understand him. He still confuses you, annoys you, and causes an itch you cannot seem to scratch.

But none of that matters because you have already decided he is worth sacrificing for. Becuase he is Ryuunosuke Akutagawa.

You have already made it to the door that- if done right -will guide you back to him, aided by the ghosts of his past and yours.

And so, you place your hands upon the entrance and push.

that one saying " to be loved is to be changed " but its akutagawa from the beginning of the manga slowly evolving to become way softer and loving and turning into what we saw in the last chapter, i love how the artstyle also changed, he looks so beautiful atsushi must be really jn love with him

AAA THANK YOU :0 will be immediately bookmarking that entire list, thank you @dancing-dawn for your kind contribution to this sskk fic amalgamation

I absolutely looooove your sskk posts, thank you for writing about them and analysing them so well. You’ve helped me understand them so much more❤️

For the ask, what are your favourite fics for them👀

I see so many people analyze Bsd characters and relationships (they're all amazing), glad I can contribute with some sskk analysations :> (I do do other analysations ofc, but they're mostly in rants to my friends about Bsd characters 😔)

I read a lot of fanfiction (it is the backbone of my sanity<3) so I skedaddled over to Ao3 to get a list of my favorite fics/oneshots for this ask :D

I won't go into detail about every oneshot/fic on this (bc then we'd be here all day lmao) so please read the tags of the fics once you look them up<33

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The Air we Breathe - by GiftedEcho

I love you more when you never hide your heart - by wowie_me

Weak Inhibitions - by StickyRice_94

i can taste it in your tears - by Sorry_I_Panicked

trapped in grief - by illiterate_hermit_crab

surprise birthday, birthday surprise - by space_ace00

all is finally quiet - by auroraheart

i want to be somebody to someone (somebody to you) - GhouliGhost (this fic is locked so only people with Ao3 accs can read it)

vienna waits for you - by nemui (ribbonelle) (this fic is locked so only people with Ao3 accs can read it)

The Last Time - by Nqnameiiis7

Love me all night long - by Funky_Unravel

In this darkness, light me - by Funky_Unravel

A Christmas Night of Firsts - by GojosFunkyBitchGlasses

(Zoo)Keeper of My Heart - by GojosFunkyBitchGlasses

Hushed secrets (keep the heart at bay) - by Funky_Unravel

Smile for the Camera! - by SadDetectives

If Our Love's Insanity (Why Are You My Clarity) - by BuryYourDoves

the memory of your name - by Sorry_I_Panicked

Broken Record - by illiterate_hermit_crab

I Say, Take Me Out! - by Thunderbirds_and_Lightning

i was lost within the darkness (but then i found you) - by EmeraldEclipse

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Sorry the list is kinda short 😭 I've read a lot more good fics and oneshots but these were some of the ones I found in my bookmarks (also I read on Ao3 for quite a long time before I got an account because I didn't really have any reason to get an account until I wanted to start posting [yes I'm an Ao3 author], so there's a lot of lost fics that I read but can't find again 😭🙏 it haunts me to this day)

Also if anyone seeing this post has any sskk fic and/or oneshot recs (even if it's your oneshot fic or oneshot lol), please comment bc I need more sskk content in my life :]

And I'm sorry there's not much angst on this fic and oneshot list, I can never find enough sskk angst 😔

Oh and here's some of my sskk works! (yes I will be shameless and put them here muahahaha);

My Heart Didn't Start Until I Met You - by MikayuuMouse

The Ring Reminds Me of You - by MikayuuMouse

Wrapped Up Like a Present - by MikayuuMouse

Shin Soukoku Oneshots— Open For Requests! - by MikayuuMouse

(I promise I'm gonna update the Requests sskk book soon 🙏🙏)

And thank you, anon, for asking this so I could share of Ao3's lovely sskk works with the Internet :> please support the authors and their wonderful fanfiction! (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

so. y'know the concepts of akutagawa with a neck scar post chapter 88.

WELL i'm starting to see atsushi ones, and given the side of his body atsushi gets the cut in, that would pass over the ones from the orpanage like. not covering them fully but crossing them. and i'm obsessed with that.

It's just all my current favorites on this list lol

Atsushi asked "why did you save me?"

Akutagawa wondered "why did you protect me?"

And that's just...sad

It's sad that they're so doubtful of the other's feelings. Atsushi doesn't feel like he deserves to be loved, and although he's connected to Akutagawa and they have a trust that runs deeper than words, I think he's scared that Akutagawa doesn't care for him, and he doubts and doubts and doubts

We don't know the full canon reason on why Akutagawa saved Atsushi, but we know it's because he *cares*, but Atsushi doesn't know that yet

I don't think that Atsushi doubts Akutagawa's strength or abilities, or his capacity to care for others. I think Atsushi doubts how lovable he himself is, he thinks he's not worth loving, not worth anything

And it's similar with Akutagawa, he probably thinks whatever he feels towards Atsushi is one-sided, and maybe he even fears that Atsushi hates him (although he obviously doesn't 😔)

They've been abused and traumatized emotionally so much that I think it's hard for them to realize how much they care for and about each other

I'm sure there will eventually be a chapter or two where Atsushi and Akutagawa can finally talk, and I can't wait for that because it'll really show their combined perspective on who are they are together

God they're so in love

Asagiri why do you do this to me

AAAJGKCDVKFHFHF SPEAK NOW X SKK

This is surely not what you thought it would be

I can't get over the connection that Atsushi and Akutagawa have in this recent chapter. "Feel strongly" - and Atsushi sees Akutagawa's past. His heart is just so thoroughly connected to Akutagawa that it is the first thing he focuses on.

And then Akutagawa recalls the meeting with Dazai the moment Atsushi experiences it. So at least while Atsushi is in the four-dimensional space, they are connected on a deeper level than before, it's something like a mind-meld even.

Atsushi seeing what Akutagawa went through. What drove him. What he thought, how that changed over time, culminating in sacrifice.

This manga keeps inventing SSKK being soulmates with every chapter and I'm insane over it.

This sounds like something Atsushi would say

I’m done begging people to hear me out on Akutagawa from BSD, I fear this is not a hear me out. This is one FINE man. I have no shame.

The Eras Tour, March 17th 2023 & December 8th 2024. It was the end of an era but the start of an age.