Things that will make your computer meaningfully faster:
Replacing a HDD with an SSD
Adding RAM
Graphics cards if you're nasty
Uninstalling resource hogs like Norton or McAfee (if you're using Windows then the built-in Windows Security is perfectly fine; if you're using a mac consider bitdefender as a free antivirus or eset as a less resource intensive paid option)
Customizing what runs on startup for your computer
Things that are likely to make internet browsing specifically meaningfully faster:
Installing firefox and setting it up with ublock origin
adding the Auto Tab Discard extension to firefox to sleep unused tabs so that they aren't constantly reloading
Closing some fucking tabs bud I'm sorry I know it hurts I'm guilty of this too
Things that will make your computer faster if you are actually having a problem:
Running malwarebytes and shutting down any malicious programs it finds.
Correcting disk utilization errors
Things that will make your computer superficially faster and may slightly improve your user experience temporarily:
Clearing cache and cookies on your browser
Restarting the computer
Changing your screen resolution
Uninstalling unused browser extensions
Things that do not actually make your computer faster:
Deleting files
Registry cleaners
Defragging your drive
Passively wishing that your computer was faster instead of actually just adding more fucking RAM.
This post is brought to you by the lady with the 7-year-old laptop that she refuses to leave overnight for us to run scans on or take apart so that we can put RAM in it and who insists on coming by for 30-minute visits hoping we can make her computer faster.
Could you please verified this url
To evacuate my family from Gaza
https://www.gofundme.com/f/ej4d3-help-my-family-to-get-out-of-gaza
Hello this is a legitimate fundraiser!
Ahmad and his family need your help to evacuate Gaza. He has a wife and 4 children trying to shelter amid the rubble. And his father is severely injured with no available means of treating him.
Unfortunately this is not the first time the Al-Zaeem family has lost their home and belongings. As their home fell to Israeli airstrikes in 2021 as well. And in 2023 and now with the invasion into Rafah, they've lost their shelter again.
Their GoFundMe is only at $332 CAD out of $50,000 CAD. Please donate if you can and if you can't please share this!
⚠️First of all, I’ll be tagging this under DGM spoilers so if you have somehow stumbled upon this even if you’re avoiding spoilers for Chapter 254 (or the most recent DGM talks as a whole), this is your warning to turn back now!
All images from translated chapters are courtesy of Kougeki Scans, Mangainn and Mangastream. The raws for Chapter 254 have been kindly provided by a friend of mine 😌
In the most recent chapter, we get a glimpse of a good number of people within Allen's Helix - which also counts as Lavi Sr's Helix, since they have been combined, merged into one.
But who are these people? Interestingly enough, we've already seen some of them before.
Let's take the obvious ones out of the way first:
There's a reason why "The Earl" is stated in quotation marks, more on that in a bit.
We see the group divide into two sides - Nea's side and Lavi Sr's side. This gives us an idea of their allegiance - which clan they belonged to or partnered with, Noah or Bookman.
Another thing that's important to note is that since the Helix of Life is fueled by, as described by Lavi Sr, lives touching lives, this doesn't inherently mean all of these people are dead. While death intrinsically results in returning to the Helix, some of these people might have had their life energy sucked back into the Helix but managed to survive (similarly to what happened to Allen).
Which is very interesting when we take into account the oddities that surround Cross' aging. It's also surprising to see Road in there, given that she's the eldest Noah alive who hasn't reincarnated unlike the others who were all slain by Nea 35 years ago. Mana, too, is currently alive as the Millennium Earl.
I'm not here to discuss these details, especially with how little we know about how the Helix of Life works exactly as of now, but it's something interesting to have in mind.
The small person standing next to Lavi Sr could be none other than Bookman himself. Not only his adorably smol figure is very recognizable to us, he appears in the panel as he is remembered by Lavi Sr, his son.
(from The 253rd Night: If It Is Indeed Fate, We’ll Meet Again Someday, Part 1)
We've seen this appearance of Bookman many chapters ago, and while a lot of people theorized that was, indeed, a younger-looking Bookman, we had no canonical confirmation of his identity until recently.
(from The 218th Night: Searching for A. W - "D")
It's curious that the Millennium Earl is seen here; because this isn't the Earl himself, but the golem suit. Thanks to an official DGM art exhibit, it's been known to us for a while now that this appearance of the Earl isn't his actual appearance but, rather, a suit that conceals his true body: Mana.
(from The 219th Night: Searching for A.W. - He Has Forgotten Love)
The suit and Mana are two separate entities, hence why it's important to note how both appear within the Helix as separate entities as well.
When empty, we usually see the suit and Mana separately (as in, Mana not being inside wearing it, as seen above).
Similarly to a puppet with no strings to control its limbs, the empty suit's most discerning feature is its long, dragging sleeves that omit its hands.
(from The 233rd Night: Saying Goodbye to A.W. - The way of the three)
Since Mana is there with his younger appearance, I can only assume this means Nea's side within this Helix has been affected by both Mana and the Millennium Earl, the suit representing the Earl whilst Mana represents himself the way Nea remembered him.
I've considered that golems can also have their energy sucked into the Helix since Timcanpy is there as well, but the Earl played a key role in Nea's death - it didn't happen out of Mana's own volition; it was the Millennium Earl's memory, Adam, that took over and killed (more like, consumed) Nea.
(from The 219th Night: Searching for A.W. - He Has Forgotten Love)
When we see it play from Mana's memories, he remembers the Earl as the empty suit even though the paneling suggests that the current Mana is inside, watching as his younger self holds a dying Nea in his arms, because he, Mana, and the Millennium Earl are one and the same even though their consciences are not.
Hoshino has consistently used the long, dragging sleeves omitting the hands as a visual, symbolic way to separate their consciences and identities apart: Mana, Nea's twin sibling and Mana, the Millennium Earl, host of Adam. Therefore, the suit being in the Helix together with Mana was to be expected - but it's still important to note that they represent two different entities in this context.
There are two people who were very familiar to me in this ensemble. Firstly, the person who's standing next to Bookman:
We have seen this person before; their back was facing us, but the braid, the ring tied to its end, the clothes and more importantly, the staff, confirm it's very much the same person.
(from The 253rd Night: If It Is Indeed Fate, We’ll Meet Again Someday, Part 1)
They were grouped with Nea, Mana, Bookman and Past!Allen in this panel, hinting that this character holds great importance to the plot. The fact that they're holding the staff previously seen in Lavi Sr's possession is no small detail either - this staff has been sneakily shown in the background more than once, and we all know Hoshino loves showing important details as if they're small, unimportant things until their actual relevance is revealed.
(from The 253rd Night: If It Is Indeed Fate, We’ll Meet Again Someday, Part 1. Note the staff conveniently there but still partially hidden by speech bubbles.)
We still don't know what this staff is - if it's a weapon, a heirloom, or just something that folks from the Bookman clan own in general. I'm more inclined to think it's a heirloom because it doesn't feel like mere coincidence that this person is always depicted with the staff, and Hoshino made a point on showing (albeit a tad secretively) that Lavi Sr. also had this same staff.
Interestingly enough, in Vol 26's Discussion Room, when asked about his fighting skills and what he's most skilled with, Lavi mentions bōjutsu - a martial art that consists of fighting with a short staff (a bō); the term translates literally to "staff technique". In Viz Media's English release, this has been incorrectly translated as "cudgels".
This seems to imply the staff is a weapon, but it's also possibly a heirloom passed from one Bookman Jr to another. If that's confirmed to be true in the future, this person might be the one who was the previous Bookman Jr before Lavi Sr, or equally as important as an apprentice of sorts for Bookman.
Looking at their silhouette at first, I believed it to be a male (wide shoulders, rectangular body), but after talking to my friends and observing the silhouette on the panel below, I'm more inclined to think it's a woman (curvy, thin waist in comparison to the men's wider silhouettes).
Nothing is set in stone yet since we're unable to take a better look at them and they could still be a man, but it would be very interesting to have a former female Bookman Jr or something of the sort. And even though we still don't know who this person is, we can tell for sure that they're very important.
On to the next person. Needless to say, from this point on, everything I say is entirely speculative so please don't take it as the ultimate truth.
This man almost last in line, to me, holds a significant resemblance to a man who was present during current Lavi's birth (seen on The 253rd Night: If It Is Indeed Fate, We’ll Meet Again Someday, Part 1).
His face was conveniently omitted and it feels like a deliberate panel layout construction choice from Hoshino rather than it being accidental. It was briefly seen in another panel, albeit rather obscured:
We know it's the same man because like in the panel where his face is hidden, there's a child next to him, holding onto his clothes.
That being said, the man in the Helix also resembles this other man, who also was present during Lavi's birth and next to the man whose face was hidden:
We see his face in the next panel, as he's the one standing next to another, elderly-looking man:
And his face was shown previously in the same panel that showed the other man's face as well:
I'm at a loss for this one because the man seen in the Helix wears a bandana with long straps tied at the back of his head. While the second man shown above does wear a bandana, there are no long straps at the back, whilst the first one seemingly does not wear one and we never see his back to know for sure.
However, the choice of having his face hidden from us raises way too many suspicions for me to let him pass, and their overall features like hair style look similar enough to talk about both men.
On to the next person: the man next to Road and Timcanpy.
This is of course just speculation since we have never seen his appearance, but my folks seem to theorize this man could be Cyrus, Katerina's brother. He's briefly mentioned in The 214th Night: Searching For A.W. - Awakening.
Not much else is known about him.
And then, to wrap it up: the person next to whom we believe to be Cyrus and Timcanpy.
From the clothes and silhouette, we can safely assume it's a female. We don't know who this woman might be, but considering she's standing on the side of Nea (the Noah/Campbell Mansion group), she could either be Mother, Cross's former patron, or Dr. Joe, part of the Campbell staff in the present day.
Even though the hairstyle is different from her current one, I'm inclined to think it's Mother because of the shawl, albeit somewhat younger due to the time this event takes place; she would have been in her 50~60s or so by then.
(from The 249th Night: Saying Goodbye to A.W.)
Mother seems to be intrinsically involved with the whole thing, seeing how she not only helped Cross care for Allen when he first took Allen in, but she also knew Allen should head to the Zoogle Bookstore for answers, and carries immense guilt for what's to come, indicating that she knows very important things that took place in the past.
(This one is still, to me, one of the most impactful sequences in the entire manga: Mother, the usually unfazed one, begging for God's divine retribution to befall her just as it did for Cross for what's about to befall Allen. From The 249th Night: Saying Goodbye to A.W.)
That woman in the shawl from the Helix might not be Mother after all, but with how major her involvement is, it feels odd not to have her present there; so this assumption is worth a shot in my opinion.
As for the other people not covered in this post, they just didn't feel as familiar, may or may not be "placeholders" without enough distinguishing features, or aren't people we'll get to know in due time. Everything is possible.
As always, any and all additions to this post are welcome since I'm not infallible and may have missed something; just please keep it civil and lighthearted. And here's a reminder to take the second half of this post with a grain of salt since it's all speculation on my part!
A big thanks to the folks in my friend group who spark the most interesting of discussions and to you for reading until this point! 😊
Long time no see, and let's all look forward to the next chapter in July.
please dont stop talking about palestine . i do not trust israel and there has been multiple ceasefires theyve completely ignored . if we do happen to see iof soldiers leave and no longer occupy palestine , they would still need to rebuild . this includes medical aid and addressing airborne diseases , finding displaced families and reuniting them , etc ... their entire infrastructure needs to be rebuilt so please do not forget about palestine and do not let the US take credit for their liberation .
Hello everyone,
As promised here is a sum-up (more of a transcription?) of the one hour livestream Hoshino Katsura did last Sunday, February 2nd, 2025. The livestream was about chapter 253.5, which came out on January 29th in the SQ. RISE WINTER 2025 issue.
This sum-up is very long and will be divided into three parts:
Part 1 about the context around chapter 253.5 (How she came to draw it, etc.)
Part 2 about the art style of chapter 253.5
Part 3 about the story itself and some details which will allow us to theorize about what’s coming next (this post)
Obviously, this sum-up is full of spoilers, please be careful if you haven’t read chapter 253.5!
This sum-up is not an exact transcription of what has been said: I skipped all the parts where she answered comments (except if it was relevant!) and I mixed some parts, because she has a tendency to repeat herself.
“This time, I didn’t draw people fighting. I wanted you to feel the atmosphere just by looking at the background. Because the belligerents are not the main characters, I felt no need to draw them. You might think: “Where does the stray bullet come from?” Well, I wanted the readers not to be able to guess where the bullet came from, that’s why I didn’t draw anything. (…)”
“Do any of you remember the fact Lavi got shot by a stray bullet? I think I’ve only mentioned it in the fan book, I remember it was even an extra page or something. I was a bit worried about people not remembering this anecdote, because you know, this chapter starts with Lavi getting shot, so I was wondering if the readers would understand the context."
"I’m happy I could show you what happened in Lavi’s past and besides, in the last chapter, I drew Lavi’s birth so I felt it was natural to keep on drawing Lavi’s past, it would be easier for the readers to understand. That’s one of the reasons I drew it this time. If I had drawn the Black Order members having fun, for instance, you would probably have been a bit puzzled right? Like “what’s going on?”.”
(A comment says they were expecting the stray bullet anecdote to be drawn at some point in the story): “Actually…Hummm..How should I put it? Lavi getting shot by a stray bullet, it’s not just a random idea I had. It has a meaning. I didn’t explain it in this chapter, but there is a reason why I came up with this idea. The fact Lavi got shot by a stray bullet is a very important anecdote for Lavi’s character. If you keep on reading D.Gray-man, I’m sure you will understand what it is about."
"I don’t know if you remember, but in the fourth volume, I said something like “If D.Gray-man keeps on going, I will have the opportunity to draw more about Bookman’s story”, well, it’s exactly the same here. If you keep reading D.Gray-man, in the future, you’ll understand the real meaning behind this episode.”
"When Lavi first appears in the story in volume 4, he just says “nice to meet you” with his fake smile, but I wanted to show that it was not simple as that: Lavi had something going through his mind at that time. That’s the point of the chapter: I wanted you to see through Lavi’s heart and to understand he was a bit surprised. He is not shocked or anything, but more like troubled. And the reason why Lavi says “nice to meet you” in katakana** well, it’s maybe because he actually feels it is not their first meeting, I’ll let you decide about this."
** It might be a bit long to explain, but in Japanese, we have several ways of writing, one being the hiragana, used for everyday Japanese words, and katakana, used for foreign words. The word “nice to meet you” is usually written in hiragana, because it’s a Japanese word, but in Lavi’s case, it’s written in katakana, which is bit odd. It gives a weird impression, like if it was a bit fake.
"The last page: “We’ll meet again”, those are Past Lavi’s words, those words are repeated here, at the end [He said it once in the chapter] Everyone, please remember this quote! Those words are not exclusive to this extra chapter, it has a lot of different meanings. Please remember those are not just words I came up with for Allen and Lavi’s meeting. It won’t be in the fanbook*** (!)"
***This is also very weird: what does she mean by fanbook? IIs there a new fanbook coming? Please remember as of today, nothing has been announced, and to be honest, a fanbook seems a bit weird for me: the last one was only in 2017, and covers up to chapter 225, so I would not be that optimistic about it.
The last panel is actually a very important scene. Whether it is the point of view, the quote itself, everything is important in this panel. I drew this panel with a special meaning. So, yes, It’s important. It is not just a final scene with a background and a dialogue, no, no. But, the thing is, you can definitely read the main story without having read this extra chapter, you’ll understand the plot anyways. It’s not necessary for your understanding. However, in the future, you might be like “Omg it’s like the extra chapter! It’s about that!”. Yes, and this extra chapter will be added in the next volume, so everyone will be able to read it."
"Everyone, the only scene you can forget is the cover with Lavi, there is no hint in the cover, otherwise, everything is important !"
Past Lavi is shining very brightly, but that’s only because it’s Lavi’s point of view,. It’s a bit funny, right? For Lavi, Past Lavi is almost dazzling.
(Comment: what was the most important when you drew Past Lavi shining in those panels?) I wanted to avoid making it look like a comical manga.
“I didn’t imagine I would ever be able to redraw the rewinding town or Allen injured by Road. It’s like a 20-year-timeslip (silence…) wait, 20 years?! (big laughs) I had never imagined I would redraw the rewinding town 20 years after…”
(A comment says: “I feel very emotional when I think about the fact the place where Past Lavi meets Lavi again, after having told him “we will meet again”, is the rewinding town”) Yes, I know, thank you.
“When I first drew the meeting scene in the hospital room in volume 4, I was very young and I didn’t have much time, so this time, I asked my assistants to change the room a bit. Obviously, it’s the same room but I just wanted to upgrade it with the current D.Gray-man art style. My assistant succeeded in keeping the same vibe for the room while adding a bit of detail.”
(Comment saying how happy they were to see Komui:) “Yes, it’s only a cameo but still… I tried to draw him more manly, comparatively to the way I used to draw him.”
(A comment asks if there was a carpet in the room in volume 4?) “No, I added it! Think about it please, I was like “If there is no carpet, the characters would be bare foot? And there is no slipper? And it's winter? They are going to be cold; it’s snowing outside!”, so yes, I asked my assistants to add a carpet. They told me “I’m sure no one will care about it, you know…” and I answered “Well, I DO care”. I’m sure I’m the worst mangaka out there, I’m telling my assistants “yes, we are going to reduce the backgrounds because we have no time” but at the same time, I’m asking them to add detail (laughs).”
There is Timcanpy! It’s not really important, there is no real meaning behind it, but he is here! It’s been a while since I drew him. He is so small, so easy to draw. He fitted perfectly in this panel (A comment said:“I was moved by Tim presence”) Yes, same here.
In this chapter, Lavi gets older and meets Allen. From reading D. Gray-man, I guess you’ve understood by now it’s pretty common for my characters to change hairstyle. Back then, at the end of the rewinding town ark, I decided to draw Allen with longer hair. It was a bit of an off-handed decision, to be honest, but at the same time, I thought in the back of my brain “Maybe it could be useful someday”. I really want to say “Good job” to my past self who drew Allen with longer hair back then (laughs).
I’m happy I didn’t draw him with short hair in volume 4. When Lavi and Allen meet, I wanted Allen to have longer hair, and I had decided back then Allen would have short hair again in Krory’s castle ark. However, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to use this small anecdote [about Allen’s hair length] for the story. In volume 4, I was worried I might never be able to explain why Allen has longer hair, but yes, I’m happy I respected the character settings I had in mind [I think she means she always knew Allen had a part of Past Lavi in him, it’s the essence of Allen as a character, but back then, she could not tell us about it]
You can see an older Lavi at the end of the chapter, but to be honest, I was so mad at my past self, the one who drew Lavi back in volume 4. I was like “What the hell? The scarf doesn’t look like a scarf at all! And what’s with the weird order uniform? It looks so weird”. Whether it’s the cover or within the chapter, it was so hard to draw Lavi with his first uniform.
"I wanted to draw it similarly, but I had to add some changes and variations. I was drawing while battling with my old self (laughs). I was calling my sister while working, screaming to her “I can’t draw Lavi! It’s impossible! What’s wrong with this uniform?”. When it comes to Allen, Lenalee or Kanda’s first uniform, it’s still a rather simple design, it’s easy to draw…but Lavi…why? And his belt?! I just can’t.”
"Back then, I was doing my best to draw Lavi’s ahoge but my wrist was killing me, so I stopped it."
"I just drew the cover randomly, I was like “What should I draw…?” I was rereading the volume 4 and I found the scene when he destroyed akumas, I thought: “maybe I should just draw him from the back?” (laughs) My sister also praised me for the cover. But you know, I always feel troubled when someone praises a panel which I thought normal and without any specificity. [She means there are scenes or panels which she wants to draw in a way it creates emotions for the reader, for instance, the meeting between Allen and Lavi, but she drew the cover without thinking too much]
(Someone says small Lavi is cute) "Yes, I know, I thought the same while drawing him, I was like “you’re my only angel in this hell”. I was saying to myself “I’m dying because of all those oblique lines but small Lavi is so cute”. But the old Bookman is cute too.
"When it comes to the sky color, it’s a bright blue sky. You might think the sky is a bit dark, but that’s because of screen tones, it makes it look darker than it is. (…)"
"The volumes are actually smaller than the magazine, so they have to cut the sides a bit to make it fit in the volume. If there is a specific panel I absolutely do not want to be cut out, I can ask and they try to make it fit, otherwise, they have to cut out everything."
"My assistant is busy with his child so, for the next few chapters, you might feel the art style is becoming a bit messier, it’s because we are going to use a lot of oblique lines, so please understand."
(A comment says: “I wonder who will be the characters for the next Komui’s lounge…?”) : "Oh, so about this, I’m sorry but I don’t think there will be any Komui’s lounge in the next volume. We are going to add the extra-chapter, and I think we will run out of pages, so instead of Komui’s lounge, you’ll have the extra chapter. I think it’s the most probable. (…) I hope I’ll be able to make one another time, I’m sorry for this time. (Another comment says : Even though it has a very light atmosphere, Komui’s lounge is always full of spoilers and hints for the future) YES, exactly, you got it. My Komui’s Lounge are not just simple Q&A, those are hints, I’m trying to say as much as possible without going off-limit. I know some people could tell me: “don’t write such important things here” But I know, I’m playing with fire.
(Someone says: “I’ll read the extra chapter 100 times after this livestream has ended”) : Alright, you can read it but please, do not forget about the main plot (laughs) Please turn your head toward Allen?
"To conclude, I suffered a lot, I’m like “wasn’t I supposed to be on hiatus” but I’m satisfied with what I drew."
And that’s the end of this three parts transcription. As usual, thank you for reading !
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bsd 123 has some insane moments but i genuinely think this is the craziest.
like, yes, this is about how atsushi helped akutagawa realise that dazai’s word is not something he can rely on, and that dazai’s validation is not a reason to live—but it’s not the only thing to take away.
firstly, this is the first time that akutagawa has realised that somebody believes in him. this person hated him, didn’t get along with him, fought him to the death on more than one occasion, saw the worst of him, yet still believes in him. atsushi believes in him enough to bring back his consciousness, and to try and do it twice. atsushi believes in him enough to reassure him often, even if it doesn’t feel like reassurance all the time. atsushi believes in him enough to protect him, even though akutagawa has been the protector his entire life.
secondly, i don’t believe that atsushi has now become akutagawa’s reason to live from this panel. akutagawa thinks about two things after his epiphany that dazai’s words don’t hold the same weight anymore. the first is his promise to atsushi, and what that means to him. the second is atsushi’s words about true strength—which akutagawa realises he now has. it’s not about a reason to live anymore, but that akutagawa has someone who believes in him and because of that, he feels alive.
this panel isn’t about akutagawa’s mentality shifting. it’s about him finally finding his strength and fighting for something that he, and not anybody else, thinks is right. he’s hoping. he’s caring. he’s understanding. he’s strong. he’s alive.
I want to die in Gaza. I'm not very interested in my life, but please don't let me see my sisters and brothers die in front of me. Please help us evacuate them from Gaza. There isn't much money left to evacuate them. Please donate and share the campaign..
More art I did for hktkparody1week!
Themes: Magician / Musicians / Ancient China
i'm obsessed with these lines because they speak so much to ciel's faith in own worldview - and there's this moment of doubt, where he recognises that what he thinks isn't necessarily fact, but belief
not only does it say a lot about his character, i think it majorly contributes to the events that occur later in the arc
🚫under the cut for being way longer than intended MAJOR spoilers, both for the rest of the emerald witch arc and chapter 126+🚫
faith and higher power
ciel doesn't just lose his faith once - he loses it twice. the first time is after he is tortured by the cult, when he denounces the christian god. but his faith in the protection of a higher power isn't actually gone, it just transfers to r!ciel.
it's only when r!ciel is sacrificed that his belief in higher power is truly broken, leaving a vacuum for a demon to exploit.
ciel never looks outside himself for strength after this. not to a god that he now has good reason to believe exists, and not to sebastian, the most powerful tool he has. he only trusts himself. it's worth noting here that he sees sebastian's power as something he owns the rights to, at least until his revenge is complete. it is his, gained not only through sacrifice, but through his own intellect.
through the terms of the contract, he believes he has successfully collared the demon without falling for it's tricks. he now views his intellect as the one power with which he can navigate the world - there is no higher power that is safe to rely on.
christianity and doubt
ciel doesn't believe in witches, not only because it isn't 'logical', but because without realising it, he still views the world through the lense of a christian upbringing. he 'knows' that witches and curses are pagan nonsense - at most, witches are humans that worship demons, a power that christianity recognises and one that's been confirmed to him as real. he converses with sebastian about it, but he doesn't consider sebastian's perspective above his own. ciel is the mastermind, and he trusts in his own logic above everything - sebastian is only a chess piece.
but there is a seed of doubt in ciel's mind that he might not know as much about the rules of this world as he thinks. and the second seed of doubt comes right after;
this is new information, and it has the potential to reframe the circumstances under which he made the contract. he brushes it off, choosing not to pursue that line of enquiry - deep down, i think he's scared of what the answer might be. it challenges the knowledge with which he negotiated the contract, and so it challenges his sense of control, and the strength of sebastian's collar.
whilst this conversation isn't what triggers his ptsd episode later in the arc, imo it does have a role to play in the severity of it.
the curse
when his ptsd is triggered and he passes out, he dreams of the moment he lost r!ciel. the last time he lost his faith.
he wakes up blind - he has quite literally lost his sight. to me, that is representative of the fact that he doesn't trust his own mind anymore. in a way, it's the third time he loses his faith. he held himself and his intelligence above everything, but the situation is perhaps not what he thought it was. he could overlook those two tiny cracks in his worldview, but with his ptsd delivering a final blow, he's stuck doubting every move he has ever made.
he doesn't know the rules of this world anymore, a world with witches and curses. he doesn't even know if sebastian told the truth about why he appeared that night. did he outwit the devil, or did he make a terrible mistake? with all these doubts, he can't be 'ciel phantomhive' any more. he can only be himself as he last left him - the weak, frightened twin.
and it's sebastian that frightens him the most. his demon suddenly feels much less like a tool, and much more like an active player.
it's only when sebastian forces him into a life-or-death decision that he decides to move back into play. these are the same dire circumstances under which the contract was made - and ever the opportunist, sebastian manipulates ciel all over again, even more thoroughly than before.
imo, the whole scene with ciel and r!ciel on the chessboard? it's sebastian. he's using the face of his twin to reiterate that it was ciel who sacrificed his soul, he's using the faces of the people tied to his deepest regrets to drive home that ciel is a selfish, greedy human being.
he must make his opening move all over again, this time for himself alone. he must disregard all the other circumstances that coaxed him into the first bargain, all the grief and love for his brother, and all the hatred for himself, who dared to survive. it's only with this new clarity in purpose that he is able to function again, to trust in himself and make the next move.
He’s So Cute 😍