It Was A Huge Disappointment As A Child To Fall In Love With The Stars And Then Find Out How Much Math

The signs as things my dad has said to me

Aries: “Tell the cops to wait, I’m playing Call of Duty.”

Taurus: “Fuck it, I’m going to Canada.”

Gemini: “COME HOME THIS INSTANT I ACCIDENTALLY MADE 144 COOKIES.”

Cancer:  (playing cod) “I can’t hear you over the sound of me kicking all these twelve-year-olds’ asses.”

Leo: (pointing to a bruise on my hand) “Is that a hickey?”

Virgo:  “Don’t tell your mom, but I’m happy for the gays.”

Libra: “Sad movies are dumb.  I don’t want to pay ten dollars to cry for two hours.  I do that every day for free.”

Scorpio: “I want the board to change my job title from CEO to supreme leader.”

Saggitarius: “The only reason I have a facebook is to embarass your mom.”

Capricorn: “I have a crush on Eric Dane.”

Aquarius: “I’m hiding from your mother because I just told her to fight me and I’m scared she’ll win.”

Pisces: “When I die, make sure I get a viking funeral.  If I’m getting cremated, I’m getting cremated like a badass.”

When there’s too much shit you need to get done at once

me at night: tomorrow i'm gonna wake up early and start with a run and then i'm gonna go over my notes and drink a super healthy protein shake and eat fruit and work on ME i'm gonna dress so nice and be extra kind and study hard tomorrow i am gonna OWN this :)

me in the morning: no.

SEX ROBOTS ARE BEING MADE TO REPLACE MEN BY 2025

Sex with a humanoid robot will become common practice by 2025, even overtaking sex between humans, says futurologist Ian Pearson. His report on the future o

I look at this headline, and in my head I imagine several of my robot-obsessed friends remarking, “So… where do I sign up?  Is there a waiting list or something?”

me:

‘Tsundoku: a pile of books waiting to be read’ #books #bookstagram #reading #words

“i’m in kind of a weird mental place right now” i say, as if there are times when i am not in a weird mental place

what i had to do today: lots of stuff

what i did today: nothing

how i feel: guilty

does this feeling make me wanna do something: no