Some Advice On Learning How To Notice Transmisogyny.

If you respond to a trans person discussing their experiences and go “that’s not true” you’re just an asshole.

Since it was also said about a trans person’s experiences it’s also a transphobic statement, yeah. But sometimes I feel like we miss how much it’s just… a shitty thing to say to a person, regardless.

If someone says that something is their experience, telling them that isn’t true is asshole behaviour. It’s not how you should treat another human being.

it actively holds everyone back when you equate femininity and femmeness to weakness. whenever you imply that feminine people and femmes are inherently weak, in need of protection, inherently submissive, incapable of hurting others, and pathetic, you are holding everyone back: women, men, people of all kinds, trans, cis, intersex, non binary and beyond.

femmes do not inherently need to be protected. feminine people do not inherently need to be looked after. femmes are not incapable of defending themselves, of being strong, of being capable of protecting others, of being independent, of being masculine as well, or being assertive or dominant. femmes and feminine people are capable of being just as diverse as any other group of people and when you insinuate that femininity is inherently tied to weakness you fail everyone.

mascs and butches aren't inherently strong, and they don't have to be. femmes and feminine people aren't inherently weak and they don't have to be. perpetuating these cisheterosexual norms in the queer community does no one any favors.

I think maybe the trans community would benefit from not just internalizing "trans men are men" but also "trans men are trans". Some of you really haven't unlearned basic transphobia and you think it's okay cuz we're men.

"i feel like this 4chan screenshot is relevant to the antitransmasculinity discourse"

(Was sent this in an ask, the user asked not to publish it with their URL, forgetting to send it as anon, so I'll just publish it like this)

What sucks is that both nonbinary people and trans men are infantilized all the goddamn time, so using "child" at all would be transphobic as hell.

Also, I don't buy the “tumblr kept showing me your slop” bit. This person has been leaving snarky little comments on different posts of mine throughout the week. Pretty sure this was a hate-reading my blog situation, and if that's the case there's no way someone wouldn't see my pronouns.

But I guess misgendering me suited those arguments better!

Name a better couple than transphobic trans people/misgendering anybody they don't like, I'll wait

My posts are all: "Hey, don't talk over trans men when they want to discuss their oppression!" "Nonbinary people aren't being treated very well right now, and we're being erased by the rest of the community." "Trans men and trans women aren't enemies." "Care about identities that aren't your own, include other trans people in your advocacy."

Which is apparently a grave enough offense to misgender me and compare me to a nazi, go figures.

It goes to show that some people are really transphobic before they transition, and they refuse to address this after their egg cracks.

It definitely shouldn’t escape anyone’s notice that the majority of “transandrophobia isn’t real and tme/tma language is good actually” people are white. Like there is very much something to be said about a complete lack of awareness of non-white queer people existing, whether they acknowledge it or not. I know full well that everyone posting “trans men are just whiny little uwu soft babies complaining about nothing” are imagining a monolith of trans men/mascs who are all white and will not acknowledge the intersections of oppression that trans moc face. “All trans men have power over cis and trans women” even when the women in question are white. When asked about transphobia facing trans poc, they will mention maybe one or two black trans women they’re able to name to make themselves look like they care about black issues and never mention a single other trans person of colour. Quick, average white tumblr user, name a single black trans man. Name a single black trans male or non-binary artist right now.

idk guys i have 5 transfem friends irl and all of them wholeheartedly believe transadrophobia is real… maybe it’s because they aren’t in anti-transmasculinity rad fem echo chambers… maybe it’s because they actually are friends with multiple transmasc irl and see their struggles… guess we’ll never know though…

the problem with being an intersex nonbinary person is that you have experienced both uniquely transmasc and transfem things, but because you are neither you can join neither conversation without being told “you’re afab you can’t have experienced this!” or “you’ve not medically transitioned so this can’t happen to you!”

intersex trans people exist. intersex nonbinary people exist. regardless of what our “agab” is, or whether we’ve taken hormones or not, we have experiences that need to be included in your conversations. by gatekeeping these conversations you’re leaving vital voices out of the narrative.

Oh definitely. I've found that most online bullies are much less confident when they can't hide behind a screen, but some will continue their assholery in public. I'm genuinely so sorry that happened to you, that's fucked up.

I've met people who were proudly transmeds in the "Queer Friendly" dorms I stayed in in college. Had a guy tell me I was "just confused about my gender" to my face.

I've personally had an easier time rallying support in real life. Talking to other club members one-on-one and saying "hey, so-and-so made some really transphobic comments that upset me today, did you notice that happening?" usually worked. Sometimes calling out the behavior in front of everyone helped as well; chances are other people were upset by it but too afraid to speak up.

And if all that didn't fix it? The space wasn't worth it, and it was time to find a new one.

Can we take a moment to think about the younger trans men and mascs on tumblr right now?

I was a teenager when ace and transmed discourses were at their peaks, and I can’t exaggerate how badly it affected me then.

Now trans men are the latest target, and I’m terrified for trans kids.

It’s easy to say “intracommunity discourse is an online problem! Go talk to queer people irl!”, but people forget that so many kids and teenagers do not have safe or reliable access to IRL LGBT+ communities and support groups. For many, online spaces are the only option.

We need to make sure the younger members of our community are being heard, and block out the hateful voices with messages of support and encouragement. Things are bad enough for trans people right now, and it's easy to forget that trans minors are often the ones suffering the most.

To any younger trans men or transmasculine people reading this:

The hate you are experiencing isn’t normal, it hasn’t always been like this, and it won’t always be this way. It is bleeding out from a small, miserable group of self-absorbed jerks.

Don’t feel obligated to call them out, don’t feel like you have to interact with these people. Please don’t doomscroll through discourse tags; it will make you feel like everyone is out to get you.

If you want to speak up for your community, that’s fine, but please take a break if you feel like your mental health is worsening. Block anybody who so much as breathes rudely in your direction.

You’re just as trans as the rest of us. You are welcome here.

Oh, and if you want to seek out external resources and groups, PFLAG helped me a lot when I was younger. It is an American-based organization, however, so if anyone has recommendations for those living outside of the US, please let me know in the reblogs!

if your primary source of information on transmascs is by anyone else but a transmasc, it's not a reliable resource. it's currently viewed as perfectly okay for everyone BUT transmascs to talk about our experience- and in fact, it's encouraged for people to listen to everyone but us, because according to other people we're unreliable narrators, we "skew the truth," we "lie", that transmascs "already have too much space and too many people talking about transmasc issues", and that testosterone turns us into "irrational monsters".

i get it: people's internalized misogyny makes them treat us like we're too stupid to relay our own lived experiences because we're just "dumb, confused women." we get it- your misogyny is palpable. it morphs into a new, heinous experience- transandrophobia- once people begin telling us testosterone makes us evil, antimasculism begins to bleed into the misogyny that built this experience and turns it into something even more insideous.

people will do everything in their power to listen to everyone else talk about our experience, but when it comes to us advocating for ourselves, that's not allowed. everyone wants to speak for us, to tell us what their perception on transmasculinity is based off of a few passing experiences with transmascs so they "know what it's all about".

please seek out transmasculine people to listen to about our lived experience. everyone who attempts to speak for us has an agenda. don't listen to anyone but the source. outside speculation has no place when it comes to discussing the transmasculine experience, especially when it comes to saving young transmascs from feeling lost and totally alone

no one can tell our stories but us. stop being okay with people who aren't transmasc spreading lies about what we live through. our experiences need to be heard. let us speak for ourselves. stop putting words in our mouths and telling US how we live our lives