If You Respond To A Trans Person Discussing Their Experiences And Go “that’s Not True” You’re

When any word like this gains traction, there will always be a small number of people who use it to hurt others.

The important thing is to keep using it anyway, and to use it correctly! Because if you don't, a marginalized group of people loses a term that helps them discuss their oppression, and a few jackasses gain a new word they can use to bully people and smear the rest of the community.

Keep using transandrophobia, deplatform the ones using it to be a bigot, and ignore people like this. It's not a dogwhistle. Don't let them make it into one!

I wish you wouldn't use the term transandrophobia. I understand transmascs do deserve language to speak on their oppression, but the way the term transandrophobia in specific has been used has twisted it into a transmisogynistic dog whistle sadly. Transandromisia and androqueerphobia are much nicer terms that have the same meaning without the transmisogynistic connotations associated with the words, and I've seen you use those terms before, so it's disheartening to see you suddenly begin using transandrophobia instead.

People say the same thing about androqueerphobia and transandromisia. Not to mention androqueerphobia is a much broader term for prejudice against queer masculinity generally.

There's nothing transmisogynistic about the word transandrophobia. Yeah, some bigots are going to use it because it gained traction as a useful term in discussion. This is true of literally every useful word ever. I have seen people say the most vile intersexist shit in the name of 'fighting transmisogyny' and I don't sit here and call transfeminism 'transmisogyny theory' and insist it's inherently intersexist. Because I understand that individual assholes misuse useful terms all the damn time.

People who say the word transandrophobia is transmisogynistic aren't actually talking about the word, they're upset about transmascs talking about their lives. That's bigoted and is a perfect example of why the word transandrophobia should exist. If you even look at the people who argue against it, they're always saying that there is no unique experience with oppression caused by being a trans man- that trans men only experience 'just transphobia' and there is no oppression inherent to transmasculinity. That's dismissive and frankly rude as fuck. There's no word that will satisfy the people who think trans men/mascs are simply incapable of speaking for themselves/believe they are bigoted for doing so.

I think we should allow transmascs to have their own terms, for fuck's sake. If you're not transmasculine, you don't get a say in this at all. You can support a group of marginalized people and what they say or you can be a bigot against them, it's very simple.

women (including trans and/or queer women) have the capacity to be misogynistic towards trans men. we are being treated as if we are little girls on this app. the word "transmisogyny" is something i see a lot more than the word "transphobia" recently. while it's okay and encouraged to talk about transmisogyny, i feel like trans men are being excluded for no reason on many posts. experiences that are actually had by all/most trans people are said to be exclusive to trans women. so then we try for transandrophobia and get shut down because trans men can't be oppressed, apparently. usually, i try to educate myself and listen as much as possible, but it's been monthssssss of this on tumblr. i feel like i'm being spoon-fed lessons on my own oppression, and i can't get down from the high chair...

please vocally support the trans men/mascs in your lives

if you see someone say misandrist or transandrophobic shit, shut that shit down

i know it is so fucking difficult for us to voice our discomfort regarding those topics because we are afraid we will be told to shut the fuck up, to stop being misogynistic or transmisogynistic or whatever the fuck else to distract from the problem which is people feeling emboldened to freely voice these things that wound us even more than we've already been wounded by oppression and bigotry

shut that shit down whenever possible

make spaces that are safe for us to be in

it is so fucking important to do this right now

show us that you care about the feelings of the trans men/mascs in your life, show us that you value our safety, show us that we mean something to you, show us that you consider us human and deserving of basic human respect

dont let this hatred keep festering and driving us out or into the ground

I hope this isn’t rude, but can I add on to this?

Anon, I’m so fucking sorry that you’re dealing with this shit both online and offline. I can’t say much for what you’re going through at home- just know that it will pass, and one day you will be free of the people who are hurting you right now. It’s not your responsibility to educate them or justify your own existence; please just focus on keeping yourself safe and finding joy and gender euphoria where you can get it.

Online, we are obviously having a transandrophobia problem. It is rampant right now, yes, but the majority of the community does not hate trans men or transmascs. The hate I see all comes from a very vitriolic, hateful, and regrettably LOUD group of people. But this group is small. It may seem like they’re everywhere and everybody agrees with them, but nothing could be further from the truth. Hateful, angry people are more likely to leave comments and rude reblogs than the ones who sympathize, and this can make it seem like they outnumber those who care.

Most people are ignorant, not malicious. I’ve found that if you diplomatically and frankly describe what’s going on and what you’ve been through, they are usually understanding. Most trans people care more about solidarity than nitpicking or denying transmasc oppression. The invisibility of your community just means they usually need to be reminded that you’re here and you’re hurting too.

The ones that react poorly simply aren’t worth your time. My advice would be to block literally everyone who’s pissing on the concept of transandrophobia. Block ANYONE who gives you the slightest hint of negativity. And if this discourse is hurting you, you do not have to participate. The burden of defending the entire community should not fall on your shoulders, especially if you’re dealing with enough bullshit at home. Don’t feel obligated to speak to people who have dedicated their lives to misunderstanding you.

Curate your dash and fill it with good people and trans positivity. Unfollow anyone who’s putting upsetting shit on your dash, even if they’re on the same “side.” Much of your Tumblr experience is what you make it, and I think a lot of people on here would benefit from using it as place to find solidarity.

I’m honestly so exhausted. I want to keep fighting, because I know the trans community is worth fighting for, but being on tumblr doesn’t feel like the place for that anymore. I already have to face transandrophobia every single day from my mum, and coming onto tumblr just for people to tell me it isn’t real when I’m dealing with the very physical and mental affects of having my body controlled and harassed to ensure it remains “female” is making me want to scream. I know it’s real. I know it happens. I know how violent it is. How dare people try to tell me that what I’m dealing with is just me being in the wrong place at the wrong time, that the violent misogyny and transphobia is really just meant for other people, rather than a targeted attack against me being a trans man. I know that me being a trans man is the reason my mum treats me like this. She says she loves all women, trans and cis alike, but not men. Not me. She hates trans men. She calls them traitors, and confused, and weird. Right in front of my face. I know it’s targeted.

I feel like deleting my tumblr, but I’m all on my own and I don’t have a community to reach out to. Besides, I don’t wanna just be another statistic. Another trans person ran off the site that no one cares about, because it was the community that did it this time. I don’t get why people hate us. We’re all dealing with the same shit, but I just wanna talk about the stuff that’s specific to ME and MY life.

Idk man, I’m sorry for venting in your inbox. I’m just feeling hopeless right now. The trans community already has so few people in our corner anyway, so being a trans man feels like it’s just me and other trans guys against the world, except when those trans guys also decide to turn on us and call us theyfab trenders for not passing correctly. I’m fucking tired. We deserve better than this.

its us trans guys and our allies against the world ✊😔

May I add that anybody with visible top surgery scars is at risk of being attacked?

Did we all collectively forget about that cis guy with gynecomastia scars who was assaulted because people thought he was a trans man?

It's not just about looking too manly, or having visible breasts. Any visible indicator that you're trans puts you at risk.

Trfs: "transandrobros keep making everything about trans women, even when it has nothing to do with trans women!"

Also trfs:

trans women, i love you.

you were a woman yesterday. you're a woman today. you're a woman tomorrow. you're a woman forever.

trans women have existed long before those stuffy bigots sitting in a court room have. trans women will continue to exist long after they're dead and rotting in the earth.

I’m not gonna lie, the whole “what if a big, hairy trans man started using the women’s bathroom? what are TERFs gonna do then?” thing kinda pisses me off being used as some checkmate, because it insinuates that passing trans men would have any kind of power in that situation. If a passing trans man is forced to use the women’s bathroom, you know what will happen? Security will be called on him, he’ll be thrown out, and he’ll be forced to out himself as trans in order to avoid punishment, which will put an even bigger target on his back. He’s still going to be harassed. He’s still going to be forced into an uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situation, and he probably won’t avoid punishment anyway because the current laws in place are never going to favour any trans person’s defence over a cis person’s.

It also completely ignores trans men who aren’t “big and hairy” and don’t pass enough to be mistaken for a cis man. Non-passing trans men (or even men who look or sound effeminate enough to be suspected) who are forced to use the women’s bathrooms are still at a huge risk of harassment or even violence, especially young trans boys who are forced into their assigned bathrooms at school. Nex Benedict was literally murdered in a girl’s bathroom. Girls and women aren’t these inherently non-violent, peaceful and submissive beings (for one thing, that’s misogynistic). Trans men and boys get beaten up by them too, because most of us pre-T aren’t considered a threat, and we fucking die.

That’s not even to mention the trouble we already have in men’s bathrooms, because if we don’t pass, cis men will interrogate us on whether or not we’re “real men” and then sexually assault us if they discover we’re trans. Corrective rapes that trans men face is not something to be ignored, and I have trans male friends that it’s happened to who are lucky to be alive right now.

Bathroom laws will affect us just as much. The violence that trans women face is something that trans men can also relate to, and both need to be talked about without people categorising all trans men as “big, hairy, strong men able to beat up anyone who tries to threaten them” when that’s not the case like 90% of the time. Acting like passing trans men are just there to make TERFs look stupid, when TERFs are the ones who are violent towards us no matter how much we pass, is just diminishing our experiences.

I think we need to sit down and talk about malgendering.

Not misgendering, malgendering.

We all know what misgendering means. Misgendering is when a trans person (or to be honest, even a cis person) has their gender denied to them in some fashion by implying, suggesting or outright stating that their gender is actually Something Else and not the one they identify as.

e.g. A trans woman being told she cannot attend a certain class because it's 'just for women'.

Malgendering is when the trans persons gender is not questioned or denied and may even be affirmed - but only in a context in which it can be used against them in some fashion (to make judgements on them as a person, to exclude them from something, to incite bigotry towards them etc).

e.g. That same trans woman taking her shirt off on a hot day and being arrested for indecent exposure.

This is misgendering;- "You're not a woman, you're a man." This is malgendering;- "Trans women are women, so obviously they exist to serve men."* *obvs it is also transmisogyny and all malgendering is transphobia.

But what you don't want to hear is that malgendering is a form of transphobia mainly used against trans masculine people and nonbinary people.

Most people recognise malgendering when it's;

Using the term 'theyfab' to ridicule an agender person or making jokes about how an agender they/them user looks (to you) to be a completely cis woman.

But you need to look out for how;

Malgendering is treating trans men like their transition has turned them into women-hating predators because of your own predjudices towards men/trans man were always inherently women-hating predators because maleness is what makes you those things not your actual thoughts, words and actions.

Malgendering is not listening to how trans masc people are marginalised 'because men aren't oppressed though' as if that's not ignoring a huge part of their identity (the being trans part) and how that works.

Malgendering is telling trans men 'this is just what it's like to be a man, people treat you like shit and you have to take it or not transition'.

Malgendering is insisting that any trans man who calls any attention to the fact that he is indeed, trans, and has/had female anatomy and faces misogyny due to being raised and still perceived (by transphobes) as a woman is misgendering himself, all other trans men and 'weaponising his AFABness'

All of this is transphobia. All of this is bigotry. This kind of predjudice and bullying doesn't magically become 'OK' once you find the 'right' group to do it to. You either want to end bigotry and transphobia and identity-specific targetted hate or you want to perpetuate it. But you can't call yourself a trans ally, or escape the bigotry allegations whilst malgendering people. And no you're not being sneaky by slipping in your hateful predjudice comments and actions whilst validating their gender.

Malgendering is transphobia.

It is so annoying when people respond to "the queer community has an anti-masc problem" with "well society loves and praises masculinity!" Okay... yes... but that's not what we're talking about 😭 The queer community ≠ society as a whole. Also? The society that praises masculinity does NOT praise queer masculinity. Cishet society does not praise butches, masculine trans people, or anyone who is masc in a queer way. And unfortunately, many queer people have this same problem.

oh and also, trans women/fems should NOT be coining terms to describe the oppression that primarily trans men/mascs face. that is so incredibly fucking scummy on so many levels.

imagine i go "hm. actually, 'transmisogyny' is Bad and I Don't Like It so im going to decide on the word you should be using for yourselves because yall arent capable of meaningfully coming up with a word to describe your own oppression. i think 'transobjectification' is a better word for you all to use so stop using transmisogyny to describe your experiences now, thanks : ) "

that would be BEYOND disrespectful, it would be so extremely transmisogynistic of me to do that, so why is your coining of "transemasculation" not seen as RIGHTFULLY and DISGUSTINGLY transandrophobic.

AND THATS NOT EVEN MENTIONING HOW TRANS MEN/MASCS HAVE COINED SEVERAL TERMS TO TRY AND DISCUSS OUR OPPRESSION LIKE 'ISOMISOGYNY', 'TRANSMISANDRY', 'TRANSMASCPHOBIA', 'ANTI-TRANSMASCULINITY'. AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM HAS BEEN MET WITH THE SAME FUCKING RESPONSE. AT SOME POINT YOURE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO COME OUT AND SAY THAT YOU JUST DONT WANT US TO SPEAK ABOUT OUR OWN OPPRESSION AT ALL AND QUIT PLAYING THESE SHITTY SEMANTICS GAMES.