I'll Tidy It Up, I Dont Mind Picking Up After Us - Clean By Noah Floersch

something something breaching containment

i was wondering if zeus has a good godussy and then i remembered the plot of percy jackson

It’s always “evil Superman!!!!” this, or “villain justice league!!!” that.

I want an AU of villain! Bruce who’s absolutely dog-shit at being evil.

Firstly: The worst thing he can think of doing is not donating to animal shelters or charities . immediately feels so guilty he throws up.

Secondly: The second a child cries because of him, he’d freeze up. Stand like a statue, unmoving and petrified. No more evil, but just today.

He ends up helping the city by accident more often than not, and to his immortal disappointment, Gotham loves both the Bat and Bruce Wayne.

“alfred come look at my evil plan”

“Yes, sir, “ Alfred is very indulgent. He does his best to pretend it’s actually good. “ ‘Don’t say please to the barista’. Getting bold, are we?”

EVERYTIME He and Clark meet and Bruce monologues about pulverizing him to dust, Clark (and the League) looks at him like this:

“I can make him worse,” GOOD FOR YOU!!! Clark can make him into his malewife and adopt his 7 evil sidekicks who actually know how to villain. Especially the little one.

I keep thinking of this concept where the Ghouls or whoever are trying to figure out if a boy has bad intentions when flirting with someone and they go to former playboy Kieran Valentine like an old sage warrior to ask for his opinion

Dick and Tim wanting desperately to connect and reconnect with Jason after he comes back as Red Hood and after 4 hours of gossiping and debating on the best way to convince him to hang out with them they decide to start getting kidnapped and held hostage as civilians in Hood’s territory, their thinking being that if it’s in Crime Alley he can’t ignore it and if it’s their civilian identities then they can’t ‘get themselves out of trouble’ and Jason KNOWS this so he’d have to show up and help them. so they just start throwing themselves into danger as often as possible to force Jason into interacting with them and try to trick him into having a conversation after the rescue in the hopes that he’ll start to like them eventually. the only problem is Hood is treating it as work he has to do, and so he literally just busts in, shoots the kidnappers, then silently unties them and leaves to go run his next errand/work his next case.

And then one day.

Dick, chained to a pillar: this time he’ll have to talk to us, i literally got tortured slightly! he HAS to ask if i’m ok

Tim, chained to the other side: yeah i still think letting them break your leg was a bit far.

*Red Hood and Robin bust in together*

Dick:

Tim:

Tim: hey you see him too right

Dick: why the fuck is Damian with him

*after they’ve been freed*

Damian: hurry up Todd, the imbeciles can get themselves home. our reservation is in ten minutes.

Jason: are you sure Dick can even walk-?

Dick, completely ignoring his injuries: WHY IS DAMIAN WITH YOU?!?!!

Damian and Jason: *look at each other confused*

Jason: …because we’re about to get lunch and then go to a museum?

Tim: why the fuck will you hang out with HIM and not US?!?!

Jason:

Damian: what on earth are you two talking about?

Jason: because he invited me? i mean, you guys could come if you want it’s just the reservation was made for two and it’s at this fancy ass place that doesn’t take changes closer than a month before-

Damian, nodding: we have been wanting to go there for a while-

Jason: -s’ really fancy-

Dick and Tim:

Dick: wait wait wait. if you’re fine hanging out with us, why do you always ignore us when we try to talk to you!!?!

Jason:

Jason: wdym?

Tim: we’ve been getting kidnapped in the alley like every week for the past three months and we don’t even have your number!

Jason:

Jason:

Jason, baffled:

Damian: did you ever actually ask for his number, Drake?

Tim:

Dick:

Tim and Dick: oh.

just everybody assuming that because Jason doesn’t wanna acknowledge Bruce’s existence that means he also hates his siblings, when in reality he thinks his relationship with his brothers is chill, and Damian’s the only one to really clock that no, Jason isn’t avoiding them, he’s just…. really antisocial and doesn’t think to do stuff with people unless they reach out to him explicitly clear that they Want To Spend Time Together so it’s literally just like

Dick, in tears: my little brother HATES ME

Jason: yeah me and Dick are real close. why haven’t i talked to him for two weeks? uh…. i mean. i just don’t have anything to say? nothing relevant to him has happened so i haven’t thought to. why?

Damian remembers that time when Talia presumed Jason dead after sending him off to train with a reminder to ‘keep her updated’ and then getting radio silence for four months. he finally shows back up one day all casual and is genuinely baffled when Talia yells at him

‘I SAID KEEP ME UPDATED JASON. WE ONLY JUST GOT YOU BACK I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD AGAIN’

‘oh my b. in my defence i was busy training and like. you already knew i was training. so it didn’t seem relevant?’

‘you can’t have ONLY trained’

‘i mean no i had evenings and weekends off. but i was just playing chess online- did you know you can play against the computer? it’s addictive as fuck-‘

Damian got to Gotham and his first priority was ‘text Todd because by GOD i know he won’t remember to text me.’

I like in Teen Titans that Robin’s mask is just as expressive as like cartoon spidey masks. Especially when they do this thing:

OR WHEN HE DOES THIS:

he’s so silly I love him lmao

im so down for cannibalism

It’s December.. uh oh..