Tony: What The Hell Is That In Your Face?

Headcanon

Clint Barton is considered a very dumb genius. He creates his own arrows using the most complex math and science. to which even Tony Stark is impressed. 

He also tripped over his feet because he burned his tongue on his coffee that he was drinking from the pot. 

He can calculate trajectory without even looking over his shoulder. 

Can’t figure out how to work his DVD player. 

[ Someone says something 15/18+ ]

Steve: The children are here.

Kate: I'm twenty-fucking-three.

Wanda: I'm russian.

Tony: Peter is from Queens.

Peter: I've got nothing to say abt that.

Harley: I'm much worse then all of you.

Wade: You're not counting me as a child anymore.

Clint: Why the hell we adopted them?

Kate: *blink blink*

Clint: Oh yeah, nevermind.

Bonus

Sam: I thought the hawk girl is like, twelve.

Bucky: How they all ended up here?

Natasha: Since when there's so many kids?

Stephen: You slept only for few hours

Tony: I'll have a coffee and everything's gonna be ok

Stephen: You're locked in your lab for days, come on, let's go for a walk or something.

Tony: I'm not a dog.

Stephen: I haven't asked you anything. Go change, it's cold outside.

Loki was 16/17 in 2012.

(I still love Lokius, but everyone forget that)

As much unrealistic it is for the character, I’m really glad that Tom Hiddleston looks older than 13 years years ago because otherwise this:

Would have just been illegal …

Tony: Listen, I know I'm not your father-

Peter: I know.

Tony:

Peter: I know you're not my father Mr. Stark.

Tony: But-

Peter: Do you know?

Tony:

Peter: Do you know you're not my father?

Tony: Yes, I know.

Peter: You don't act like someone who is not my father, Mr. Stark.

Nobody:

Absolutely no one:

Kate just accidentally setting the training room on fire: Oops?

Clint, who just knew that special fire arrows are bad idea: Tony's gonna kill me.

Tony, being used to it because Peter blows up their lab every day: Kids.

I HAVE A FIC IDEA vol.10

Tony tries to get Peter to call him by his first name. Peter hits him with "the only way I'll ever call adults by their first name is adding "uncle/aunt" before that."

Tony somehow despises the idea. He also has no idea why that is.

Clint: (holding a penny-sized tracker) How are we supposed to put it on Kate without her noticing?

Yelena: Hey, Kate Bishop, I bet you five dollars that you can't swallow this.

Kate: (grabs the tracker and swallows it) Pay up, loser.

Clint: (eyes wide in shock) How. Why.

Yelena: It’s better not to question it. Now give her five dollars.

@ the TVA

Loki: ATTENTION: I HAVE BREACHED CONTAINMENT.

Loki: DO NOT PANIC, I AM SIMPLY GETTING A SNACK.

Nothing feels better than lying in bed with Sam. Nothing feels better than feeling just the silk sheets on his bare skin, the breath of his boyfriend by his ear, and a fingertip making lazy trails across his chest.

It could almost put Bucky to sleep, his eyelids droop lower as Sam loops his finger in a circle, then stops around his collarbone.

“This one’s new,” Sam says, voice barely above a whisper. 

“What?” Bucky mumbles, not fully paying attention.

“This freckle, here,” Sam says, pushing his fingertip deeper into the skin. “It’s new.”

The freckle Sam’s pointing to is too close to his neck. Bucky can’t look down and see it, he doesn’t try to move anyway.

“You probably just don’t remember that one," Bucky argues noncommittedly.

“Nope. I’m certain,” Sam says, resting his head down on the cushion of Bucky’s left pec. “I know all your freckles.”

Bucky huffs out a breathy laugh. Sam must register the disbelief in it.

“You don’t believe me,” Sam says.

“Course not, how can you remember every single freckle on my body?”

Sam picks his head up, stares straight into Bucky’s eyes.

“Cause I kiss them every night. I’ve counted them, all fourteen.”

“Fourteen?”

“Now fifteen,” Sam says and puts his finger back on the one by Bucky’s neck. The one he just discovered tonight.

And that’s when the moment hits Bucky. Sam’s studied his body, paid such close attention to each inch so carefully, he’s even counted the imperfections.

It hits Bucky unexpectedly, makes his eyes water a little too quickly because he’s only had very bad people pay that close attention to him. He’s only had insane people write down every detail of his existence so they can’t forget them and even they didn’t count his freckles.

Bucky closes his eyes slowly hoping the tears will dissipate and hugs Sam against his chest to get his boyfriend’s eyes off him. 

He considers for a moment whether he should admit that he’s touched by the sentiment. And he wants to believe he knows Sam’s body just as well, better than his own, but he fights the instinct instead.

“Stop counting my freckles,” Bucky murmurs.

He feels Sam smile against his skin, press a kiss to his collarbone, and then sigh. 

“Can’t.”

Bucky's mouth pulls into a smile and that only makes him want to cry more but he swallows through the tightness in his throat. He only hugs Sam tighter.

He won't say it, he can't, but he knows how lucky he is. To have a man who's counted all fifteen of his freckles.