Oddityvvitch - Local Forest Witch

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

we are the daughters of parents who should not have had kids

one(1) person [ @theranciddwarf ] mentioned in the notes of my first blinkies post how they wanted goodneighbor blinkies and i am ASHAMED i forgot about goodneighbor because GOD i love hancock so

alt version for the hancock specific one

EXPLODESSSS please ask for more i do them free of charge i love these

reblog and credit if you use💥💥

Everytime I see hancock I go as feral as a ghoul in the metro station

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i went nonverbal, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

Stardew Valley Text-Posts

Please reblog haha you’re so sexy

laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!

Things The Raimon Team Is Not Allowed To Do

1. No one is allowed to call Sangoku ‘’Sangomom’’.

2. Sangoku does not have the power to disown any of you and Hamano is not allowed to convince him to do so.

3. None of you are blood related and therefore none of you can be disowned.

4. Hamano is not allowed to grab Hayami and break into hysterics about their lives being a lie when told they are not blood related.

5. It is forbidden to eat any lunches that are not yours.

6. Raimon does not believe in the right of conquest and therefore stealing a lunch and claiming it is now yours is not allowed either.

7. Tenma does not have the power to kick someone from the team and Hamano should not try to convince him to do so.

8. Kariya is not allowed to suggest that the captain position should be put to a vote.

9. Tenma is not allowed to suggest that the captain position should be put to a vote either.

10. No one is allowed to volunteer for the captain position.

11. Tenma is not allowed to hand over the captain band to someone else for any reason other than being benched during a match, and then it goes to Shindou.

12. No one is allowed to try and dismantle a microwave again. Twice was enough.

13. Hamano is not allowed to start food fights in the cafeteria.

14. It is not allowed to dye the uniform pink.

15. It is not allowed to dye the uniform any different color, especially not to help Tsurugi ‘’embrace his inner emo’’.

16. It is not allowed to come in through the window. The clubroom has a perfectly well-functioning door.

17. It is not allowed to stitch, embroider and/or in any other way modify the uniform.

18. Hamano is not allowed to start food fights during training.

19. Hamano is not allowed to start food fights, period.

20. It is not allowed to deflate all the training soccer balls in storage.

21. It is not allowed to suggest that Shinsuke is ‘’the right size to serve as a replacement soccer ball’’.

22. Hamano is not allowed to convince someone else to start food fights.

23. No one is allowed to get their teachers fired, no matter how rude they are.

24. Claiming that the team cannot be held responsible for their issues with authority, because all the adults in their immediate surroundings have encouraged them to actively fight authority, is not a valid excuse to get your teachers fired.

25. Hissatsu are only to be used during soccer matches.

26. Hissatsu are only to be used during soccer matches and dangerous situations.

27. It is not allowed to put yourself in danger to convince coach Endou to change or revoke any of these rules.

28. Kurumada is not allowed to recreate any of his hissatsu with real fire.

29. It is not allowed to say that Hikaru did not pass the ‘’egg vibe check’’ because he is allergic.

30. Under no circumstances is Kariya allowed to cook.

31. Neither is Tenma.

32. Tenma is, however, allowed to bake. Kariya is not.

33. From now on, Sangoku is in charge of any and all cooking events and must always be obeyed in the kitchen. Sangoku is only to be obeyed without question in the kitchen when food is actually being prepared, and he is not allowed to claim that his teammates should blindly follow his orders when they are in a kitchen otherwise.

34. It is forbidden to have sparring matches with Keshin outside of soccer.

35. Nishiki isn’t allowed to offer Midori a Snickers bar when she’s scolding someone because she’s ‘’not herself when she’s hungry’’.

36. The team is not allowed to start a new revolution to ‘’make sure they aren’t getting rusty’’.

37. The team is not allowed to start a revolution without first having both Endou and Kidou’s permission.

38. It is not allowed to pretend Shinsuke is not in the room because ‘’you didn’t see him there’’.

39. It is not allowed to look for Shinsuke in ridiculously small spaces that he cannot physically fit into.

40. It is considered mean to make fun of Shinsuke’s height.

41. It is forbidden to ask the Soul users on the team to turn into their Soul animal to support animal rights.

42. Shindou is not allowed to suggest they travel to the future to gain insight in next year's stock market.

43. The team doesn’t need a mascot, no matter how much Akane begs for one.

44. Amagi is not allowed to pick up any of his teammates and put them in ‘’air prison’’ if they annoy him too much.

45. No one is allowed to use Tsurugi to threaten others.

46. It is not allowed to bribe your teammates with donuts.

47. It is not allowed to bribe your coaches with donuts.

48. Bribery is not allowed, period.

49. Tsurugi is not allowed to turn into his Soul to threaten others. This includes his own teammates.

50. It is not allowed to bribe anyone from Raimon senior with donuts to get you out of practice, no matter how willing they are.

51. You guys seriously need to stop coming in through the window.

52. No one is allowed to use Midori to threaten others, either.

53. Tenma is not allowed to ‘’lose’’ the captain band.

54. ‘’Yes, but I’ve been to space’’ or any variation of it is not a valid argument.

55. Shindou is not allowed to advertise himself as a strategist for hire and sell personalized strategies.

56. No one is allowed to sell any of their teammates on the black market.

57. It is considered rude to ask someone with a Soul if you can take them to a pet spa. This includes your own teammates.

58. It is forbidden to imply that the Soul users on the team are ‘’technically classroom pets’’ and/or ‘’our furry team mascots’’.

59. It is forbidden to imply that the Soul users on the team have fleas.

60. You guys have to stop ordering ramen during training breaks, and claiming it is ‘’to help coach Endou relax and catch up with his friend from Rairaiken’’ is not a valid excuse.

61. Tenma is not allowed to fake amnesia to pretend he does not know he is the captain.

62. Aoyama and Ichino are not allowed to talk about their teammates in morse code.

63. We have a DOOR for a REASON.

64. Gardening tools may not be used as sparring weapons when inside.

65. It is not allowed to have a funeral for coach Endou’s taste buds, and his wife’s cooking skills shall not be discussed ever.

66. Haruna is not allowed to tell Raimon junior any embarrassing stories about Raimon senior.

67. If you see Tsurugi napping in Soul form, he is not to be disturbed.

68. Nishiki is not allowed to talk in Bee Movie quotes.

69. It is not allowed to create new hissatsu based on the Bee Movie.

70. Kirino is not allowed to suggest that sacrificing Kariya to the soccer gods will improve the chances at winning any matches, tournaments, or other competitions.

71. Kurama is not allowed to edit any Wikipedia pages to win an argument.

72. Demanding that Gouenji pays for you in any circumstance due to ‘’the childhood trauma he caused you’’ is considered rude and forbidden.

73. It is forbidden to discuss which teammate the people from the future might be descended from.

74. It is no longer allowed to say “don't worry, I have an alibi” when questioned why you're late to practice.

75. Tenma must stop bringing up that time Tsurugi got kidnapped and nearly married an alien.

This list shall be updated as necessary, and only by coach Endou.