Thoughts To Break The Cycle

Heres a reminder for you that being dissociated isn't limited to the common misconception where you are frozen in place, incapable of doing anything or even thinking, or experiencing a significant time gap,, those things.

And while its hard to spot the milder signs when you're dissociating, don't worry i got you covered by bringing awareness, im showing what those signs could look like:

Dazing/blanking out several times

Hands looking weird (depersonalization)

Surroundings also looking weird (derealization)

Feeling detached emotionally, physically, or both

Light-headedness

Less reactive in responding

Forget things more often

Unable to focus or keep concentration straight

When you have multiple of those signs at once, then chances are you are dissociating (extra note that it can also co-occur with derealization/depersonalization). While it can be caused by various factors, i would like to add that it may or may not get worse as time passes and no one wants that thing to snowball until it got too bad (remember, preventing now is better than dealing later) so having a few tips would help:

Grounding (sensory): listening to music, feeling different textures, paying attention to things in your surroundings, trying different fragrant or scents, have some snacks to occupy your senses

Grounding (physically): feel your chest as you breathe, get your body moving to redirect focus, splash some cold water, hold something you can squeeze (such as a stress ball)

Practice being mindful. As it can help you re-anchor back to reality faster, regulate better, building more resilience, increasing awareness of oneself's state

Sometimes we go do our day without giving a thought that were detached from reality, usually by going autopilot and scrolling through social medias without being aware (well, atleast for me) and forget lots of things while being dysregulated at the end. So by being aware of the mild signs and incorporating grounding skills im sure memory gaps and those funny aftermath stuffs won't be a problem anymore, have a good day peeps.

- j

Can you explain what a shell alter is and what their purpose is? /gen

Shell alters are a dissociated system member who is fronting all the time, or almost all the time. They often lack elaboration. Shells work as an interface between the rest of the system & the outside world by never leaving front, and having the rest of the system either blending with them temporariality or being forced into co-consciousness. This serves a few purposes; make the system more covert, mask inter-switch amnesia, blunt or filter out emotions/urges/etc. from the rest of the system, and more. It's uncommon, but there can be multiple shells one system, serving different subroles.

In some cases of OSDD-1a, the shell is the "unified" identity. Think like, if the system is made up of "angry Sarah", "scared Sarah", "work Sarah", etc., that shell would be the "Sarah" identity.

They're most commonly seen in OSDD-1a, but can come up in other forms of multiplicity, like DID, but typically when RAMCOA is in the picture. Although it can be daunting, healing with a shell is possible. You can reached out to them, they can be integrated, they gain more elaboration, etc etc. Whatever healing path works for you.

We don't have a shell, but I'm sure some pwDID/OSDD on this hellsite (affectionate) have talked about their experiences with them more in depth. There isn't a ton of research on them — many sites point to Alison Miller's books, but there's no actual like, raw data, just summations of what's she's found in her practice/case studies — so take that as you will.

Each shell is a different, and different systems may use slightly different definitions. Hopefully this was a good overview. -Aisling

Can people stop pushing the idea that you shouldn’t share information about RAMCOA at all? Yeah, sharing detailed information about programming publicly or with people who don’t need it can be dangerous, but it’s already such a taboo topic to the point where a lot of survivors feel like they can’t even speak up about what happened to them. And they have the right to, they endured it.

If you’re saying “be careful how much you share about programming” that’s valid. I’ve seen a lot of people saying that and that makes perfect sense. But “don’t talk about RAMCOA” do people not realize that’s what many of the perpetrators of this type of abuse want? They want total silence. They go to insane lengths just to ensure survivors can’t talk about this. They thrive off secrecy. They’re protected by people’s ignorance. This is a widespread issue that requires a societal effort to put a stop to. How will that happen if people aren’t educated on the fact that this happens, at the very least?

I know a lot of people can use this info to hurt people or get some sick pleasure from hearing about the abuse. But that doesn’t take away the need for the existence of this to be heard and known about. It happens, people need to know that part. They just shouldn’t go digging deeper if they don’t need to. Stop silencing survivors.

Unless you’re uncomfortable with them having number names continue let them using their number name. It’s not disrespectful and they’re not exclusive. It’s not like a close practice. How many singlets do you know with the name zero, I know, at least three. Unlike close practises number names are just something that happens. There’s lots of reasons for them to exist, yes RAMCOA is one but there is many more. Our Ramcoa support group had talked about this and basically everybody there and a lot of other people I’ve talk to have a greed that it’s not exclusive, so unless you’re uncomfortable continue using them. If people are giving you shit about this redirect them to like people like me or switch case. 

i have a bit of a question regarding using number names as a non-RAMCOA survivor.

we have alters and many fragments who have numbers for/instead of names. we’ve been questioning being RAMCOA survivors for a while, but ultimately decided to simply drop it as it was damaging us and our mental health more than anything, and it really isn’t something we should’ve been looking into at all in the first place without the help of a therapist. i personally (jay) don’t believe we’re a RAMCOA survivor, but many others in the system genuinely do and it’s not exactly a debate we can settle easily.

my question is, what do we do about these alters and fragments? we don’t actually know whether we’re a survivor or not. do we just not let them front, or force them to pick names (something we have tried, but made them extremely upset/uncomfortable because according to them they had names, which were their numbers)? none of them front very often anyways, but right now anytime any of them have fronted they’ve essentially just been told they can’t talk anywhere publicly. we’re really stuck on what to do. we know it’s disrespectful, but we also don’t have any idea for sure if we can use them or not, and like i said we’ve completely dropped trying to figure it out because of how both damaging and potentially dangerous it was. what do we do?

Things endos/tulpas don’t talk about or romanticize about DID/OSDD

tw: mentions of trauma, csa, abuse, hallucinations, introject guilt, self harm

Not remembering/knowing seemingly common information (math, history, trivia, etc) because your trauma blocked it out.

Introjects of abusers.

Alters with opinions/beliefs that are generally harmful (homophobic, pro-MAP, sexist, etc.)

Introjects from harmful/problematic sources because of what you used to cope during trauma.

hallucinations and flashbacks

hypoarousal and tonic immobility

hypersexual littles from previous csa

introject guilt (feeling bad for being canon divergent, pressure to be “accurate”)

nobody wanting to front and feeling empty/hollow.

fear of not being taken seriously even by medical professionals

fear of being seen as evil

system responsibility even in horrible situations

alters that self harm the body, fronting only to see you are in immense pain

having to be covert and not knowing who to trust

fear of faking or that your trauma wasnt enough to cause this disorder

species dysphoria and age dysphoria not being taken seriously because of how non-systems appropriated it

feeling disgusting or unlovable because of your trauma

feeling rage because endos/tulpas appropriated this serious disorder.

Are there any RAMCOA-exclusive terms the system community needs to be aware of?

I know system hopping, system resets, and shell alters have had their meanings butchered, but then I see some debate about if "sidesystem" is RAMCOA-exclusive (or at least only experienced by RAMCOA survivors), as well as how gatekeeper and polyfragmentation aren't RAMCOA-exclusive but often have their meanings that tie back to that erased.

I... Can't think of any.

Terms being exclusive to RAMCOA¹ is kind of tricky as 1) most people who have gone through RAMCOA have little awareness of it, both in their own memory & not being aware of the terminology and community 2) RAMCOA is a continuum, meaning it's hard to define what is or isn't "enough" to qualify as RAMCOA, and 3) there are few rules as to how a system copes with stress & trauma. Further, a lot of the language around RAMCOA is community-based, or from specific high-control abuser groups; it's just damn hard to track where things come from. I can say though that sidesystem has its roots in the larger community and I know multiple "regular" systems with sidesystems⁠—hell, we were using "sidesystem" before we gained more awareness of our OA⁠— and shells exist in other forms of multiplicity, specifically some OSDD-1a presentations.

System hopping & system resets are weird as well, as they describe phenomena that is related to RAMCOA, and I'd argue really a facet of the control and shutdowns with systems who have survived RAMCOA, but we did not come up with those names at all. System hopping is often used as a threat by abusers (like used in combination with something like twin programming), and resets can be programmed-in "rotations" of fronters, but... They are what the wider plural community called them, and what some survivors have adopted because they're now recognizable terms.

That being said, I do think the community should be more aware of how the history of OSDD & DID is based in the study of RAMCOA. I see so many younger systems now ignore or even mocking the concept of RA, lumping the entire phenomenon in with the Satanic Panic (even though many of us survivors were literally born after that ended), or buying into False Memory Syndrome rhetoric. I've literally seen folks saying "there's no evidence that repressed memories exist" as if we haven't proven that scientifically over and over again. I think it's an issue of folks trying to distance themselves so far from stuff like the Satanic Panic & more modern iterations like Qanon that they leave survivors like me behind. It reeks of respectability politics, and victims are exhausted with the decades of fakeclaiming.

I think we should be less worried about if certain terms are exclusive to RAMCOA survivors and more concerned with actually meaningful support, like looking into the research on it, knowing the history of our fight for recognition and The Memory Wars era (for example: do you know where the RAMCOA acronym comes from? Do you know what the Grey Faction is? Can you recognize how misogyny was weaponized, and how social services were targeted by politicians by using us as a pawn?), and recognizing harmful rhetoric.

(Sorry for the huge dump of text!!!)

¹ For the record, there are certain terms that are exclusive to RAMCOA by means of, well, that being in the definition; programming, for example, is... Obviously RAMCOA specific. However, almost all forms of abuse require some kind of conditioning so saying "conditioning" is RAMCOA exclusive is false. See? It's tricky.

MD Glossary

Note: Some of the following were coined by the MD community and definitions may not be found via traditional sources. Some terms are defined by their relevance to MD(eg. kinesthetic activity), wider definitions may be found elsewhere.

Acronyms

AU Alternate Universe

CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

CF Compulsive Fantasy

ConLang Constructed Language

DD Daydream

ICMDR International Consortium for Maladaptive Daydreaming Research

ID Immersive Daydreaming

IDer Immersive Daydreamer

MaDD Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (this is a Tumblr tag which people sometimes use in place of ‘MD’)

MD Maladaptive Daydreaming

MDer Maladaptive Daydreamer

MDS Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale

OC Original Character

SelfDx Self Diagnosed

Note: MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) is sometimes mistakenly used as an acronym for Maladaptive Daydreaming.  

Adaptive [Behavior] (source) Actions, skills, and behaviors that humans develop and use in order to perform basic skills, be able to cope with novel situations.

Alternate Universe (source) A descriptor borrowed from fanfic communities used to characterize works which change one or more elements of the source work’s canon. An AU may transplant a given source work’s characters to a radically different setting, shift the genre in which their adventures occur, and/or alter one or more of their professions, goals, or backstories.

Behavioral Addiction (source) A non-substance addiction, related to Impulse Control Disorder, a repeated failure to resist an impulse, drive or urge to perform an act that is rewarding to the person, in the short-term, despite long-term harm to the individual or others. 

Benign Masochism (source) An enjoyment of negative sensations and feelings thought to be possible in the context of feeling safe and reflecting pleasure at mind over body.  MDers report actively seeking the experience of aversive emotions. See also hedonic reversal

Constructed Language (source) An artificial language, for example one invented for a film, TV series, or book.  

[Daydream] Binge (source) An occasion when an activity is done in an extreme way.

[Daydream] Block (citation needed) Term adapted from ‘writers block’.  A temporary state during which the MDer experiences an inability to create or proceed with their fantasy plot, sometimes resulting in a distressing failure to immerse themselves in daydreaming as they are accustomed to. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (source) A common type of talk therapy (psychotherapy aimed at helping you become aware of inaccurate or negative thinking so you can view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them in a more effective way. MD researchers currently recommend CBT to address problematic daydreaming behavior.

Compulsive Fantasy (source) Coined by researchers in one paper which asserted that Compulsive Fantasy was  a more accurate description of subjects experience than Maladaptive Daydreaming.  See also Maladaptive Daydreaming, Daydreaming Disorder (MD)

Coping Skill/Strategy/Mechanism (source) To invest one’s own conscious effort to solve personal and interpersonal problems, in order to try to master, minimize or tolerate stress and conflict. Can be adaptive or maladaptive.

[Daydream] Crash (source) When a person comes down from their daydream world or escapism and reality hits them.  Alternatively, when daydreams no longer have the same effect they used to, and the MDer has to prolong that good feeling by revisiting their escapism or face negative experiences associated with facing reality.

Daydream (source) Typically begins spontaneously and is experienced as an ongoing series of brief associated thoughts or images triggered by internal or external stimuli or cues and deals most often with current life concerns.

Daydreaming Disorder (MD) (source) Official name of Maladaptive Daydreaming; Extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning. See also Compulsive Fantasy, Maladaptive Daydreaming

Default Mode Network (source) A group of brain regions that show lower levels of activity when we are engaged in a particular task like paying attention, but higher levels of activity when we are awake and not involved in any specific mental exercise. It is during these times that we might be daydreaming.

Diminished Motivation (citation needed) Characterized by impairment in goal-directed behavior, thought, and emotion.

Dissociative Absorption (citation needed) A tendency to become absorbed in imagination or in an external stimulus to the point of obliviousness to one’s surroundings and reduced self-awareness. 

Distress (source) Occurs when we have excessive adaptive demands placed upon us; the demands upon us are so great that they lead to bodily and mental damage. Distress is damaging, excessive or pathogenic (disease producing) stress.  Required for a ‘diagnosis’ of MD. 

Faceclaim (source) A term used in role play games to describe a person used for the physical description of a character. Some MDers note that they used the faces of TV characters, actors or public figures to create their fantasies.

Fantasy (source) May be an elected pastime; elaborate and continuous, composed of pure imagination and directed at self-amusement, pleasure, distraction and escape.

Fantasy Prone Personality FPP (source) A unique constellation of personality traits and experiences that coalesced around a deep, profound and long-standing involvement in fantasy and imagination.

Hedonic Reversal (source) An enjoyment of negative sensations and feelings thought to be possible in the context of feeling safe and reflecting pleasure at mind over body.  MDers report actively seeking the experience of aversive emotions. See also benign masochism

Idealized-Self (source) An Idealized version of yourself created out of what you have learned from your life experiences, the demands of society, and what you admire in your role models.

International Consortium for Maladaptive Daydreaming Research (source) Website designed to promote scientific knowledge on MD by fostering studies on the developmental trajectories, phenomenology, psychopathology, brain function and treatment of MD. Also to understand the trait of immersive daydreaming, the non-pathological form of absorptive daydreaming, and its psychological and brain features.

Immersive Daydreaming (source) Fantasizing in a state of dissociative absorption, which is not inherently disordered or maladaptive. MD represents a subset of Immersive Daydreaming.

Kinesthetic Activity (source) Movement which stimulates or prolongs an MDer’s fantasy state.

Maladaptive [Behavior] (source) Actions or tendencies that don’t allow an individual to adjust well to certain situations. Typically disruptive and dysfunctional behaviors can range from mild to severe in scope, used as a means of reducing mental discomfort and anxiety but are not effective and can sometimes make it worse. 

Maladaptive Daydreaming (source) Extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning.

Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale MDS-16 (source) A 16-item self-report MD questionnaire that is rated on a 10-point Likert scale presented as percentages, designed to gauge abnormal fantasizing. 

Mind Wandering (source) A shift in attention that can occur without explicit or deliberate intention but which nonetheless incorporates goal-relevant internal information. 

Mindfulness (source)  A state of active, open attention on the present. MD researchers recommend mindfulness techniques to curb problematic daydreaming behavior. 

Original Character OC (source) Any character which is not infringing on a person or party’s copyright; a character who is not already in existence or an edit of an already existing character. 

Pace/Pacer (source) Walk at a steady and consistent speed, especially back and forth and as an expression of one’s anxiety or annoyance. Most common movement among MDers, other movements include jumping, swinging, hand movements etc. See also kinesthetic movement, stereotypic movement.

Para (source) Any character in a paracosm, typically one the MDer has an emotional attachment to.

Paracosm (source) A detailed imaginary world, often originating in childhood.  

Parame (source) The character one MDs as. May or may not also be the paraself.

Para(girlfriend/husband/brother/mother etc) (source)The girlfriend/husband/brother/mother etc of ones parame.

Paraself (source) The daydream version of the MDer’s self.

Reality Monitoring/Testing (source)  The psychotherapeutic function by which the objective or real world and one’s relationship to it are reflected on and evaluated by the observer. MDers retain intact reality monitoring and can easily distinguish fantasy from reality.

Self Diagnosed (source) the diagnosis of one’s own health problems, usually without direction or assistance from a physician. MD is not recognized as an official disorder, most MDers are self-diagnosed. 

Somer, Eli (source) The clinical psychologist who discovered MD and coined the term “maladaptive daydreaming”, director of the ICMDR. 

Stereotypic Movement (source) Repetitive, nonfunctional, motor behavior that markedly interferes with normal activities or results in bodily injury.

hey there! if you dont mind me asking, what does programmed mean coming from a traumagenic system? ive only ever seen endos use that one so im curious what it means to someone who Legitimately has DID. /gen thank you! :-)

Hi, I'll answer this the best I can.

Programmed means that someone has undergone trauma programming. It's not exclusive to dissociative systems either - a singlet can also be programmed.

If you've been trauma programmed it just means that somebody has purposely used a more "organised" form of abuse to change or control you, and it leaves an imprint on who you are.

In systems this can mean having alters who behave in a way / have an identity that suits an abuser's preference, but it can also be done to singlets in small ways such as an abuser programming you to have a phobia of something.

But essentially, it's when an abuser has purposely used abuse and/or stressors to change the way you think or behave.

Honestly I don't know how an endo could claim to be trauma programmed bc that would mean they're not endogenic. To be programmed you literally have to undergo immense trauma that's how it works. But that's what it means anyway.

- Leo

Things we as a RAMCOA survivor want non-survivors to know

This is going to be emotional but this has also been a long time coming. Most of our 34 drafts on this account have been on this topic and today something happened that was just the last straw for us. If you are not a survivor sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. It's our turn now. You are privileged comparatively on this regard- whether you like it or not.

Do not silence RAMCOA survivors in favor of people with "false memories"

I have no idea why this is something that needs to be said because you would assume it would be common decency but apparently a lot of non-RAMCOA survivors seem to be completely unaware of how fucked up it is to say.

Not only has false memory syndrome been thoroughly debunked- but the only time someone has anything close is when they have a disorder that makes them prone to delusions. In which case that is a delusion. Stop blaming survivors who are working to recover and possibly save the lives of others who currently as you read this are actively being tortured, for a disorder that most people are born with and has literally nothing to do with us. Stop using "some people have delusions" as a backhanded way to harm RAMCOA survivors.

I am sick and tired of people making it clear they care far more about people with "false memories" than they do for real torture survivors.

Do not tell a RAMCOA survivor to their face you have had false memories of the torture they actively endured. It is incredibly insensitive and is a mockery of the torture they experienced.

And if one more "person" makes the claim that RAMCOA survivors talking about our experiences, the things that were done to us and others, is putting people with a disorder we didn't cause in danger- I will snap. We didn't give anyone a disorder- we didn't manifest your fucking delusions. You can work through your delusions in therapy- we have physical and mental injuries that will never fully heal from our REAL experience. It is such a disgusting and selfish thing to do. You are not allies- you are harming all survivors.

Stop telling RAMCOA survivors to never look into things

It's funny how this is often done in order to try and aid and help us, considering not having the terminology almost got us killed.

Non-ramcoa survivors telling RAMCOA survivors that talking about RAMCOA is dangerous and they should never look into it are actively harming programmed systems by triggering silence programs and making them self-destruct and get less access to aid, community, and terminology to be able to explain experiences to a medical professional and there has been little to no proof that learning about RAMCOA has ever killed a RAMCOA survivor.

People who push this idea that "it's too dangerous for you :((" and shut down all ramcoa survivors and then try to destroy our community terms like HC-DID (highly complex; this is used to described programmed systems that are polyfragmented and their complex structures) because of some idea of being a glorious savior to us- are just being incredibly selfish and insensitive. It has never been about helping us, not ever. It has been about you and people like you wanting to feel like you're oh so cool and good and special. That you "really care" about the likes of the poor weak incapable RAMCOA survivors.

We don't need to be babied. We fucking crawled out of the bowels of hell itself and have been through things that people often don't survive. Some of us have to fight programs every day- before and after knowing about our survivor status. Omega programming didn't start when we learned about RAMCOA- it first kicked off when we were nine years old. You failing to educate yourselves on the way programming functions yet insisting on speaking for us and people like us is infuriating. We are not children and even the ones that are do not fucking need you to baby them.

The only people we have ever seen proclaim talking about how "speaking on RAMCOA is bad and dangerous!!!!" are one of two groups; Non ramcoa-survivors speaking for us, and RAMCOA survivors with a program actively causing them to say this. In case you don't know much about programming, there is programs that make you try and silence both yourself and other people. This is one of the most well known types of programs. I am sorry to say this but we genuinely believe that most if not all RAMCOA survivors saying this are having a program run.

People pushing this message onto us literally triggered our silence program for so long we couldn't say much to our therapist until we learned terminology. It took that for us to be put on a disappearance watch list. This community idea could have gotten us killed. We were in literal danger because we could not manage to tell our therapist about our experiences because others had said the very same words our abusers did. "Don't tell anyone."

RAMCOA perpetrators do fucking everything they can to make sure we never speak. You are aiding abusers by contributing to our silence and you are possibly sending people to die. This is not a thing I can be lighthearted about. This is something that has made our system have alters that deeply hate and despise anyone who contributed to it with us and the same to anyone who may have done so to others.

Edit: For those who struggle to interpret this- no we never said you should randomly spur of the moment look into RAMCOA with no safety nets. That should be common sense. We also literally never said that anywhere. I don't know why people are so incapable to read what we say. We're autistic we say what we mean.

Halloween has rolled around, and that means an inevitable rise in “Halloween is bad because of SRA” stuff, and while the temptation to joke about and poke fun at that type of content is overwhelming, I think it is a great opportunity to draw attention to how many RA awareness efforts center around a Christian narrative. People see RA as a spiritual issue and not a physical one. RA is an issue that comes from a need to control people through brutal methods as other people in power selfishly turn their backs on the well-being of children and abuse victims. The guilty protect the guilty, and this involves a lot of people who are powerful, wealthy, and well-respected (although it is important to avoid baseless accusations against anyone – looking at those of you who find random Democrats to shit on and decide they are Satanic ritual abusers because their pupils looked weird in a video). But the rise in SRA accusations in the 80s and 90s poured fuel on an already existing widespread panic about Satanism, leading to everything from Dungeons and Dragons to furbies being declared as part of the problem. Instead of focusing on the pervasiveness of institutional and cult abuse as well as the corruption of people in power as the problems that are central to RA, Christians began to view Satanic and occult influence as the problem. They heard the “Satan” in Satanic ritual abuse and decided that was the main issue. Essentially, Christians were using the problem of ritual abuse as a tool to push their own religious beliefs, as they do with many other things.

And this pattern continues to this day, with people deciding that Satanism and the occult are the main sources of danger, not the systems that were built by and for abusers and actively work against victims. Instead of fearing abusers, they fear Halloween, heavy metal, and plastic devil horns from costume stores. All of which are pretty fucking awesome.

If the people who were targeting Satanism targeted these issues instead, more people would be aware of and care about RA, and so many victims wouldn’t go unheard. Make no mistake, it is Satan they fear, not child abuse. And the way they are fixated on Halloween and Satanic imagery in music videos instead of bringing about real systemic change and drawing attention to evidence…that is proof.

**This is not at people who genuinely struggle on Halloween or are triggered by the holiday**