Today Is Not My Birthday

And bonus in honor of the release of Book of Boba Fett! The return of Little Fang

I’m not dead! 

Part 6 of Star Wars actors AU, featuring very dramatic falls, the girls sharing a besalisk’s coat and Thrawn stopping Ezra from spoiling everything in interviews

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Divorce AU Fox being an absolute mastermind when it comes to the tabloid media and laying the groundwork for the divorce years before he starts it. Lots of very subtle comments that sound mostly innocent and romantic, but paint Palpatine in a very controlling light, offhand comments that are laughed off but just don’t sit quite right.

Even a year before he starts the divorce, people are questioning the bruises he didn’t get on patrol (because it’s a celeb relationship so come on people will be checking whether he was actually on patrol or not at the point where he got those injuries).

Long before he starts anything legal reporters start looking into the condition of the Coruscant barracks, because clones are very loyal to their siblings and maybe the commander of the Guard has a reason for staying with the Chancellor when it’s clearly causing him suffering. Maybe he’s staying because he has people to protect, and maybe the Chancellor is holding their lives and well-being over Fox’s head. He has the power to, and it would certainly explain a lot.

Hell, the common public who read the tabloid start being nice to the Guard, their opinions totally flipped by the engaging stories

Fox has to pretend to be outraged by the accusations that Palpatine is abusive when they first start, but he’s secretly overjoyed, because things are going better than he could have hoped.

Palpatine isn’t completely blindsided by the divorce, but he’s 100% blindsided by the overwhelming support that comes from the masses in support of Fox and the Corries.

Fox weaponised tabloid media. They practically build the case for him.

I'M DOING AN EXPERIMENT

To prove something to a friend, please

REBLOG IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

LIKE IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS DON’T BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

Echoくんは、新しいの“あれ”が欲しい🤚🏽♥️

Humans are peaceful, not harmless

If you are unable to fight you are not peaceful, you are harmless. Only when you have the capacity for violence and yet choose not to use it are you truly peaceful. This is an important lesson learned when humans encounter aliens who have never met a species like them before.

The new species to enter into negotiations with the Trade Federation were not wholly unlike many others.

They travelled in groups and were highly social, an important trait where cooperation was agreed as a universal requirement to gain technological advancement.

When the Ambassador and their entourage arrived they gave their official designation name to be Human and their planet of origin Earth, a word which our translators seem to think means something like ‘fertile ground’.

With the Ambassador came the priests, at least or so we thought. They carried talismans and wore ornate clothing, speaking little, and behaving in accordance with strict hierarchy, just like the monks of the ancient worlds. It spoke to us of a thoughtful and careful people, certainly the Ambassador consulted frequently with the senior priestess known by her title of General.

Our chosen negotiation centre was the planetoid of Jaril, close enough to Human territory to not put them too far out of their way and yet also not too far for us. We hoped it would become a good neutral trade site once we discovered what we held in common.

The grave mistake of ours was to assume it was also a site far enough from the Tarma for them to not take an interest. The Tarma are an unusual species in that they are evolved from apex predators, a situation we thought impossible until they first burst into our territory. What form of predator is social and cooperative enough to advance? It turns out some apex predators turn spare time between hunts into complex mating rituals requiring feats of intellect and ingenuity, for which family groups will band together to get the best bloodlines.

Still, the Tarma are a huge problem when most of us are the survivors of prey ancestors whose cooperation was essential to survival from predation.

When their ships were spotted we prepared to do as we have always done, to retreat and reconvene in a safer location at a later date.

Then the human Ambassador turned to the General and said, “I believe this is where I hand over to you.”

The General bared her teeth in the most disconcerting way as she smiled. “I believe it is.”

Before we could begin our evacuation, the human priests did what we at first mistook for a starburst escape. We were horrified when their tiny ships navigated towards the Tarma, we thought they were about to be slaughtered.

The Tarma were no more prepared for what happened next than we were.

The Human Ambassador was not travelling with priests, he was travelling with warriors. I will swear on my herd’s life, I saw the most peaceful and reserved creatures turn from monk to exterminator in moments and I was thoroughly shocked to my core.

In less than a Human hour the Tarma had fled and the General calmly returned command to the Ambassador.

“But, we thought you were a peaceful people.” My diplomacy, I fear, suffered for the stress of the situation.

“We are.” the Ambassador reassured us. “We come in peace to trade, to explore, and to learn. We mean no harm to anyone who does no harm to us.”

“How can you claim to be harmless when you did that?” I gestured to the debris still visible from the viewing window.

“If I may.” the General spoke softly. “We stated from the start we are a peaceful species, perhaps you simply mistranslated the meaning of our words. We are not evolved from prey, nor from apex predators. We are from a place in the middle, we are the hunted and the hunter. You mistook us for a harmless species, when in fact we can do a great deal of harm, we simply choose to reciprocate peace.”

We have a new and powerful ally now.

A species willing to trade combat for peace.

idea: scene with two characters eagerly stripping each other clearly about to bone, but they keep getting interrupted by finding carefully concealed weapons in each other’s clothing, so they keep just unholstering, revealing and unstrapping increasingly ludicrous amounts of hidden guns and knives as the clothes come off, and it’s lowkey killing the mood a little

For some reason, I wonder what aliens think of sky diving, I like to think like this (H is human) (A is alien)

A: human... I did some research, and I have a question

H: Sure, ask away

A: What is "sky diving"

H: Oh, it's a sport where we get in a plane, fly very high... And jump

A:YOU WHAT!?!

H: We jump, but don't worry, we can land safely

A: oh thank god... So, you use some kind of gravitation device? Or use some technological device to land slowly?

H: Uhhh, not exactly....

A: .... Human... What exactly do you use....

H: ...

A: Human, what... Exactly... Do you use?

H: a backpack with a bunch of fabric... Sometimes silk....

A: ...

H: ...

A: YOU USE CLOTHING, TO STOP YOUR FALL, AFTER JUMPING OFF SEVERAL THOUSAND FEET UP!?

H: Yeah, but it's a different kind of fabric you know...

A: ... Okay, but what do you do if the fabric breaks, or if it gets tangled

H: ... Enjoy the view?

A: ... I still don't know why you aren't extinct

The Taken

This story was written in response to this post. I hope you enjoy :)

Nihijb had always been scared and alone. But nothing quite scared her as much as the rumours whispered in passing every now and again. It’d started to be more frequent lately.

Humans. Deathworlders. Sentient life from the most dangerous, least habitable corner of the galaxy. Beings that liked to take the ones who no one kept an eye one. The outcasts and lonely were abducted by them. Every time one of them saw someone they could take without a protective being willing to take them on for this person’s sake, they would do just that.

People were not sure what happened to the Taken. They did not return to talk about it, and everyone only whispered about it - but everyone knew it was happening. No matter the planet, no matter the race, no one without strong backing was safe.

Nihijb was not safe either. She was right there, the perfect victim. That was why she was listening more closely to the speculations.

The Taken were probably forced to work for the humans. They might become test subjects or food - though humans apparently had officially claimed they would not condone such behaviour from anyone, that they would start a war to end that kind of thing.

Many suspected that the Taken were trained. Made into soldiers. A gigantic, brainwashed, interspecial army ready at the fingertips of those humans. But the human ambassadors emphasised that there was no army.

Nihijb shuddered at the thought that she might end up like that. That was the worst thing other children had taunted her with: That they hoped she would be taken and vanish as part of that gruesome mystery forever.

It was cold the night it happened. Cold and dark. Darker, actually, than her home planet with its midnight sun usually was. The clouds must have been rather thick.

The human was hurrying by the ally Nihijb was sitting in, her breath held anxiously to try and go unnoticed. The human, tall and clothed in a garment Nihijb recognised as a dress fluttering in the nightly winds, froze regardless. And as she could feel both her hearts to speed up in terror, she wondered whether this human’s ears were keen enough to hear it. She had heard they had creepily keen senses.

The human approached slowly, strangely enough keeping a polite, reassuring distance from the terrified Ne’av. They even sat down in a way Nihijb was sure they could not stand up from quickly.

Or maybe they just knew it looked like that and they were trying to lower her guard. Might be that, too.

The human flashed their teeth, and Nihijb nearly fainted. Before she could stutter out an apology for whatever offence she could have committed, they spoke with their strange, flown voice that sounded like the whispers of the winds: “Hi there, little one. What are you doing here all alone? Do you need help finding home?”

Nihijb had heard a rumor that humans could hear when one lied. So lying was futile. But if she spoke truthfully, she would be revealing herself as the perfect victim she was.

“I… I don’t want to leave this place.” That was not a good answer. But the winds had the words echoing through the ally, and she knew she could not take them back.

Yet the human did not answer to the defiance an unresponsiveness she’d shown them, looking around the ally instead. “It’s a nice ally. Seems… comfy? It’s warmer than right outside it, at least. And it’s clean… somewhat.”

Nihijb had not expected them to agree with her. She had expected many things, but none of them had been so… positive? Approachable?

"Say, little one, this… isn't where you live. Right?"

The weird windy voice was soft, compassionate. Nihijb did not know how to feel about that. But for now, she decided to answer truthfully since that ought to be better than angering the beast in front of her: "I just… Don't want to go back there."

The human's face-fur did something funny. Their eyebrows, was it? Since when was fur supposed to move around your face? Was it sentient? Nihijb hoped not, that'd be beyond terrifying.

"That's not good… What made you not wanna go back?"

Nihijb shuddered, pressing against the hard wall behind her and lowering her eyes sadly. She did not want to say it, didn't want herself to admit it out loud. As if that'd make a difference. She knew it didn't, and she knew she should not defy a human, but…

No. Defiance was let go once before, surely that must've been the worse decision. "I am" - Nihijb sighed - "hated. By the gods. The missing limb I was born without is proof of that. That's why they… I don't… I promise I wasn't… But…"

Somehow the human must have understood her absolute gibberish response that Nihijb herself didn't fully know the meaning of. At least the human… summed? Hummed? Something like that. A response, maybe in their home world language.

"So they abuse you at home. Because you were born missing an arm and are considered hated by your gods now?"

Nihijb nodded, sadness sounding inside her heart like the ever present rustling of the leaves on the fertile ground. The human pressed their lips together, and she was not sure what it meant, but that was the moment the fear installed by the rumours came back with a vengeance. There was only one direction this could go, and it was not a good one.

"You can say no if you don't want to."

A sentence Nihijb had not expected to be directer at her ever, much less by a human. But one that reassured her nevertheless. A lot.

"But I would like to offer you a way out of this life." They reached forward, their claw stopping a decent distance away from Nihijb, talons turned to face towards the earth. Showing their wrist. A strangely pacifistic gesture to come from a deathworlder.

"Come with me? I have a lot of blue-ra- uh… movies we can watch. There's a few other kids like you staying with me, too. I know goind with a stranger isn't ideal. And I'm no therapist or educationalist, but I oughta be able to do better than those people. I promise you can go any time you want, so…"

Nihijb was not sure what it was. Maybe the way the human sounded so nervous. Or the safe distance they had kept the entire time. Or their compassionate gaze. But as she contemplated the deathworlder before her, who'd been the first one to talk to her like an actual person, she suddenly couldn't help but feel that they were right. Maybe the brainwashing had begun already, but she somehow believed this human that her life would be better with the deathworlder than her homeworlders.

Nihijb ended up taking the human's hand.

On the ship, she found about seven other people waiting for the human. A blind ocheraha and an ocheraha she could not see anything wrong with that looked very similar to the first one. A kjek'kr covered in scars. A sethuzu without any glowing marks. A rorrlchra with purple feathers. An adult hehehit making weird motions with his hands with a questioning look on his face. And another human, this one with red fur on their head and clothed in what appeared like one of those "suits"?

"This child will stay with us for now. Everyone, please be nice to her." The human in a dress turned to Nihijb, bearing their teeth a bit again. "Welcome to the Neverland - Fahijet chose the ship's name based on her favorite movie." The hehehit grew red, so Nihijb supposed that was Fahijet.

The other human let out a sigh, though, statling Nihijb. "Honey, we have to stop adopting homeless alien children now." Their green eyes took in Nihijb and suddenly the human made a chocked sound. "… Right after this one. Hello, my precious little friend. I'm sure my big idiot of a wife forgot to do the introductions, so allow me to do it! Welcome to the family, princess."

"I am not a princess?" That was all Nihijb could answer, because… Wow. Just, wow.

"Well, to me you are. You're my little princess now, so that's that." The human bared their teeth too, and Nihijb suspected it was actually some kind of friendly gesture.

For some reason, it felt as though she would not regret her choice.

A very happy week later, she asked Fahijet why the humans were not simply revealing the truth about the Taken. She answered with her hands - hand speech, that was what it was, she was mute - that the humans said it was too bothersome. "But I think they do it to protect us. The rorrolchra and many others wouldn't let people like Ruirem, people like us go otherwise."

Nihijb had lost count of the how many-th time it was that she started crying since entering the Neverland with her new mom. But not once had those tears been sad.

Nihijb didn't have to be scared nor alone anymore.

What if Aurebesh but with my calligraphy pen?

I hope you don't mind that I borrowed Chad, Purse and Ellys for quick practice @chadism-101 @fooolisher and @puirell

Thank you Technoblade for being a comfort in a time when things were moving so slow yet changing so fast. Thank you Alex for making such an amazing community. Technoblade never dies, and never will.