The Queen Is Who We All Aspire To Be

My sincerest apologies to everyone I told that my allergies got worse after taking testosterone, turns out I just needed to buy a nose hair trimmer, my bad lol

*rolls that fucking cage full of ping pong balls or whatever* who had "missing teenager discovered to be hiding under trapdoor in bedroom closet" for 2020 Bingo?

Musical chairs? I thought you said Magical chairs

Well, there’s no un-summoning the demon now so we might as well play

SEA what i did there?

Now I can’t stop thinking of a vampire politely knocking on the bedroom window of a house whispering “can I come in please?”

I was thinking about how vampires need permission to enter a home and then immediately thought: Damn, vampires would make really bad house burglars.

i need to stop picking at my face but the problem is theres Textures On There and i would prefer if there Werent

Say it Ain’t So on infinite repeat in a Barnes & Nobel that never closes

Me: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!?!

My med student best friend who’s had 3 hours of sleep in the last 2 days: Aye aye captain!!

Several seconds of silence

Her: Wait...

Me, putting a hand on her shoulder: It’s okay