Raised Off-the-grid In The Remote Oregon Wilderness, Artist Gypsie Raliegh Takes Inspiration From Anxiety,

How does one get a membership to this gym?

Knight at the Gym. The dude in the jousting armor cracks me up every time. LOLOL

Never have I been so frustrated by anything. Kyudo is possibly the most difficult thing I've ever undertaken as a discipline. Guess it goes to show little control I have over my own movement and breathing.

Work is hindering my ability to expand my Pokemon portfolio.

Is it guilt? What is it?

I have this weird, lingering... feeling...? Since we broke up about a year ago, we remained in contact, I have seen my ex gain at least thirty pounds. She was always insecure, depressed, anxious, etc. on top of being just downright lazy when it came to her physical well-being, and there was nothing I could say or do to get her to change that. She takes half a dozen medications to help her, and it seems to me they don't work. She refused to even eat better (A salad with ten ounces of ranch dressing is not healthy) when I gave up on offering to do walk-jog-run or something as simple as Wii-Fit. I didn't care she was overweight already or not as active as she should have been, I just wanted her to actually think for once instead of sitting on facebook all day eating junk food and looking (then, subsequently, complaining to me) at how all these "friends" kept getting married, engaged, blah, blah, blah. Eventually, the daily irony of being all these things on top of her going to nursing school was too much for me to bear. Few things make me angrier than people in health care, or trying to get into it, who can hardly make it up a flight of steps, much less have some semblance of mental/emotional stability. I don't care how smart a person is in a classroom (she is very book-smart, that much is true). If they think they are material for being in a position to possibly need to save people and have zero stability other than this illogical, masochistic idea that being in health care will mystically make themselves better (physically, mentally, emotionally), they're wrong. Thinking a job they will have huge responsibilities will magically make them take care of themselves, too, simply makes no sense at all when they have fits of depression or anxiety that keep them in bed all day. It makes me sad, too. It makes me sad because a part of me really, REALLY wanted to help her. I wanted to help her succeed, but she'd have nothing of it. A part of me also feels responsible for how she reacted to the breakup. Honestly, that's illogical, as well. Maybe even more so than her mindset. There was little worthwhile about that relationship, honestly. The relationship yielded little more than what a good friendship could have (sex has never been a strong selling point to me). Maybe if we'd been friends longer before dating, we could have circumvented the inevitable. She isn't a bad person, but she is too self-destructive for anyone less than psychiatrists to handle. Still... All-in-all, for whatever, ridiculous reason, I still feel bad... and I don't know why...

A psychologist asked me if I think about hurting myself or others. I said,"No." I lied.

Another perfectly good place ruined by people

How in the hell did even half the morons in this part of the state even get their driver's license? Driving in Texas is better than driving in northwest Florida.

Finding what you're looking for

Someone I know once told me his whole family holds the belief nothing good comes from introspection. As someone who has spent most of his life afraid of saying what I mean, doing what I want, and being what I want to be, this sounded like sage advice. Spending too much time worrying about nothings has taken its toll, and it's cost me more than one love so far. Was he right, though? Does cutting out self-consciousness totally do any good? Would it have helped me to be like that in those relationships I truly believed were better than I will ever have or deserve? Would that level of wanton ignorance be a blessing in the search for someone new? Is being how I am good enough? Were those really the perfect relationships I utterly fucked up? A part says I will never have love again, but another part rails against that notion because it all comes down to knowing what you want, having a goal, beginning at the end. Looking back, I never had those. I was so wrapped up in just getting into a relationship, I refused to see what truly was happening before my eyes. It almost killed me. Self-destructive, suicidal, depressed, angry, empty. Yet, because simply having someone meant more to me than being with them, I failed to turn away, and it hurt us both. I was too afraid to be me, so I settled with being a hideous visage of myself. Wearing different faces day-in day-out, and the longer it continued, the worse the relationships got. My relationship experience is little: Two, long-term things that turned into nightmares. Yet, both had several common denominators: 1) Me being an idiot; 2) Me not knowing what I wanted - which would have prevented both of those even starting in the first place. Sure, I liked them, but in the end, we didn't know each other fully. Looking back now, I can't believe we actually managed to get anywhere in the first place. We did like each other, but we settled. NEVER SETTLE FOR A WHOLE. Sure, once you know what you want, you may overlook certain aspects (physically, mentally, etc.), but NEVER give up everything for someone. If you're waking up irritated by being next to them, by having to call/text them, or by having to see them, you have overstayed your welcome in that relationship. Now, before arguing over the above, I mean irritated by everything they are for more than just a short time. People argue, disagree, fight, etc. Those do happen, but those aren't what I mean. If you either can't say "I love you," or it only feels like a hollow ring in your ears, things aren't working. It's time to change and find what you truly wanted all along. Finding that person or figuring out what they are is up to you. Like I said, I've only been in two, long-term relationships. Only ever been with five people total in a sexual sense. Taken me a long time to put much of any thought into why I messed up so bad. It would be nice to think myself as a person isn't terrible. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm as much of a monster as my exes accused me of being to them. Or, maybe we fit so poorly and fought it, we finally found we hated each other. Know what you want, take time to figure things out, be yourself, and don't let fear of anything push you away or pull you in. If a match is unlikely, don't rush. Save yourself and your other the loss down the road. Sure, feelings will likely be hurt, but you will only hurt more forcing a nightmare to continue. It's alright to walk away. It's alright to say "No." It's alright to be picky. Just be respectful.

I didn't steal this from Robocop, I swear.

It's all just a dream.