Parkeryourefired

Never have I been so frustrated by anything. Kyudo is possibly the most difficult thing I've ever undertaken as a discipline. Guess it goes to show little control I have over my own movement and breathing.

Uhg... Why am I awake?

How are the meds going? How do you feel? ❤

Well, you were right about how they're supposed to work. They don't even help ease the sadness, anger. They're just supposed to give you more energy and help focus. Doesn't make sense why humans would even bother to invent such a useless medication. Medication is supposed to be coupled with therapy, but what good is that if my mind has hard-wired itself to be, well, me?I wish you could have another opportunity to try them. Maybe they would work for you. Maybe you'd run into an incredible doctor, counselor, or someone completely new, and you could start to piece back together. Medication doesn't necessarily work the same on everyone, but the right support is essential. Otherwise, it'll only make things, in a way, worse. It's only easier to focus on the dark now.Thanks for checking on me. You are an incredible person. I'm sure it's impossible to convince yourself, but there are a lot of us out there who think so about you.Hope you're having a good day/evening/night. Hope tomorrow brings at even one moment of clarity and stillness.

If the sentiment that sex workers of any kind cannot be raped because of their profession holds true, then is it also true infantrymen and cops cannot be shot, firefighters cannot burn, doctors cannot contract diseases, bankers cannot go bankrupt, racecar drivers cannot be run over, sea goers cannot drown, explosive ordnance disposal cannot blow up, aviators cannot crash, accountants cannot miscount, investigators cannot mishandle evidence, and judges cannot misjudge? Wish there was more I could do for Ms. Stoyadinovich than pose the above question. Though, I am glad she chose to come forward now, and I hope she has enough immediate support to help her through this.

If I have a tombstone, I want this on it. Or pepperoni and cheese. What would you like on your tombstone?

I haven't slept well since two nights during my junior year of high school. It's been twelve years of pain since, and of the things I've forgotten, those two nights are still with me. Would be nice to have those happen again.

I just learned there are truly people out there who don't believe the Sandy Hook shooting happened. I thought that was an Onion article gone awry. Huh. The funny thing is, the conspiracy theorists saying it was a government hoax to eliminate guns really don't get there is a much easier way to regulate guns. Why waste the money making something up when we could just repeal Selective Service? That ends the federal government "Militia" aside from screened and approved reservists and guard. That would put gun regulation squarely into the hands of each state. Unfortunately, the way the English language has been, the second amendment's "State" is not too clear. The way we think of it now is "State" equals country, "state" equals one of the fifty; however, as English mugged other languages in dark alleys and didn't have exceedingly cohesive conventions until the last hundred-thirty-ish years, we see a lot of nouns capitalized without any clear delineation as far as the Constitution is concerned. This brings us back to "State" as it is in the second amendment. If we say "State" defines the state's within the Union, then determining who belongs to the "Militia" is up to the states, ergo, states may dertermine who owns guns and what kinds. If we say "State" defines federal government, then the federal government need merely rescind Selective Service to completely remove the ability for any citizenry to justify the right to owning a firearm. The problem here is women are not held under Selective Service, so, unless a part of a guard or reserve, they, technically - I say that because it'd be impossible to actually execute this next part - could have all rights of gun ownership removed. This is why the morons who insist old, written documents be taken literally confuse me. I mean, I like my guns. I'd be really sad if someone had a legal basis to take my guns. That being said, a tragedy as relatively small in scope as Sandy Hook could never garner the backing of federally-mandated gun control across the country. Nothing short of a state-sized insurrection requiring the military to act against our own citizens could possibly do such a thing. Until then, there are much easier and quieter ways to repeal gun ownership. Now, litigation could go on forever as to whom the Founders' referred to when they said "State", but in the interest of the federal government's survival, it would likely choose itself (through the Supreme Court) as the object of the clause, thus removing any persons' ability to refute the legality of repossessing guns should the federal government choose to do so. Conspiracy theorists have an extreme narcissism problem, so they like to think they're smarter than the federal government, an amorphous entity with an unlimited amount of resources (it's still a cheap jerk 99% of the time) so compartmentalized, the President, itself (as a position, not person), actually does not have access to everything. These people think they've stuck it to the government and that one day, men in suits will show up to their door to say, "You found us out." Sorry to burst the bubble, but even state-sponsored hackers, who have discovered things worthwhile and we've physically found (well, CIA found) don't get that luxury. Sandy Hook happened. The Holocaust happened. The Russian Czars and Stalin massacring Russians happened. The Japanese destroying most of southern China happened. The Chinese dissenter massacres happened. The apartheid and genocides in Africa happened. The only thing that hasn't happened is conspiracy theorists stopped being basket-case assholes and started becoming actual investigators. Find us the Malaysian plane that disappeared. Find us that jewel from Titanic. Hell, if Sandy Hook didn't happen, physically find the kids who were involved. Find SOMETHING worth finding relating to any possibly-disputable subject. This arm-chair, tourist, know-it-all bullshit is exhausting. It's not helping anything or anyone; for the people affected by Sandy Hook, it's made it far, far worse in fact.

Favorite thing to do with spammers who pop up in my chat: Try to have a regular conversation and see how long it takes for them to get pushy. So far, I only average about four exchanges before these fuckers start talking about sex.

It's sad providing so little to anyone else, they never even bother to message you.