Pashfoxx - I Am A Disaster Of A Person, You Are Warned

i will die with my hotch headcanon being gay and marrying haley just because of his internalized homophobia and haley is a good friend and supports him when he admits to being gay, could i create a whole alternative universe about hotch dealing with his internalized homophobia while falling in love with reid and admits to being gay to the team? May be

hey ... here I am again you know the idiot who gave the idea of ​​an AU in which strickler was a magician and I made a drawing! If I was on pinterest and I saw a drawing that I felt would look pretty good with strickler using his magic so 4 hours later and with many doubts if I should upload this or not here is the strickler magician

(ps: this will be in all my publications I do not speak English this was translated with the Google translator if by any chance you speak Spanish I also do it and Tumblr is a lonely place if you do not speak English)

I'm bored and for some reason a video of Riverdale appeared on tik tok and I thought, how would the criminal minds team be like the Riverdale characters? So here you have me with my opinion of who would take the place of the other

Hotch = jughgead jones (may be heavily influenced by the fact that they are both my favorite characters)

Morgan = archie andrews (I have no proof, but also no doubts)

JJ = Betty cooper

Emily = veronica lodge

Reid = kevin keller

Rossi = FP jones

Gideon = Sheriff Keller

Elle = cheryl blossom (don't ask why, I don't know either)

Northwest Mansioooonnnnn!! manor?? Big house.

It was just supposed to be a sketch-

Anyway, the haunting proceeds as normal.

It’s gonna be a long one.

Stanley, Fiddleford, Carla, and Stanford are lounging about the living room when news about the Northwest Manor party is announced. Stanley and Stanford aren’t too impressed with the idea, but Fiddleford and Carla both seem quite excited about it. They explain to the twins what it is and just how extravagant it is, Stanley soon joins the excitement when he learns about all the free handouts, but is still unsure about all the stuck up rich people. Stanford stands his ground, saying that Preston Northwest is insufferable. Cue Preston knocking on the door asking for help and Stanford promptly slamming it in his face.

“Wait, Ford! Look, I know you hate Preston. I do, too! I punched him! But look at how excited Fiddleford and Carla are. This would be the best date ever! She’d like- marry me or something if I took her to this party!”

“Stanley, taking her to this party would only skyrocket her standards for your dates. The bar isn’t even that high currently and you still have to jump for it.”

“Yeah, yeah! It’s not just for Carla, though! Fidds would probably have a blast exploring with you when you’re done with your ghost thing!”

When Stanford peeks back into the living room, Fiddleford and Carla are chanting “Dreams! Dreams! Dreams!” with excitement and Ford let’s put a heavy sigh.

“Alright.” He smiles.

Stanford is able to squeeze 3 extra tickets from Preston and they celebrate by screaming at a volume that makes Mabel wonder if they are being murdered, not that she checks.

At the party, Preston introduces Ford to his parents when they catch a glimpse at the twins. Stanley is wearing a dress shirt rolled up to his elbows over his regular T-shirt and Stanford is in his usual clothes. Preston is ordered to make them change. Stanley goes out of his way to pick a blindingly white suit knowing that even one stain will guarantee him ownership over it. Stanford picks a blue tux, it’s definitely not practical for his line of work. He’s sure it will tear at some point or another by the end of the night.

“Well, have fun on your date, Stan.” Ford huffs when Preston impatiently insists they head to the problem room.

“Oh...yeah...my date...see, well, I...I haven’t asked Carla yet.”

“What- but we’re here already. You know you’re supposed ask beforehand right?”

“Of course I do! But when I tried to ask, we made eye contact and...and I dunno, I got...shy.” Stanley mumbles, looking at his feet.

“Then ask her now...or ask her to dance. Tell me how it goes, okay?” Stanford shouts as he is ushered away by Preston.

Carla and Fiddleford are stuck at the guest book, looking over and teasing the many billionaires who were invited. Stanley takes a deep breath and as he begins his walk towards his friends, he is cut in front of by another boy. Much to Stanley’s horror, he asks Carla if she wants to dance. She says no, to Stanley’s relief but then another boy swoops in cutting in front of Stanley! He huffs, feeling discouraged and decides to wait it out by getting lost in the cheese fountain. Little to his knowledge, Carla says no to each boy, peering to Stanley every once in a while, hoping for him to come over. Fiddleford is extremely unimpressed with Stanley’s inaction.

“Yinno, Stanley, she wants to dance with you.”

“No she doesn’t, she’s talkin to all those boys.” He grumbles.

“She’s rejecting all those boys. All those stupidly rich high class boys.”

“What? Huh, I wouldn’t.” Stanley laughs. Fiddleford nudges Stanley with his elbow.

“Don’t make her wait too long, Stanley. She’s not gonna wait forever.” He points out as he strides back to Carla. Stanley shoves a spoonful of cheese into his mouth.

Meanwhile, Stanford and Preston are having less fun than the townsfolk waiting outside. Ford is unsure about what the best course of action should be for a spirit as vengeful and powerful as this large fiery lumberjack. As he and Preston run from the ghost, they discover the hidden room where Ford fortunately discovers the silver mirror. Stanford wants to celebrate shortly with Preston when the ghost is caught but Preston seems in a rush to leave the hidden room. Outside the manor, the ghost reveals the truth about the curse on the Northwest’s and Stanford is immediately enraged. Inside, Stanford confronts the Northwest’s about the truth.

“You’re no better than your parents, Preston.” Stanford glares. Preston momentarily loses his composure, but recovers quickly. Ford wasn’t expecting much of a reaction, but he wasn’t expecting to be even more disappointed by Prestons response.

“Yes, well, no matter how horrible you think I am, as a Northwest, I will always be better than you.”

Stanford briefly considers shattering the mirror, but simply sighs as he walks away defeated. Preston his patted on his back by his father, but watches Ford walk away with regret. Outside, the lumberjack convinces Stanford to hold the mirror to the forest and uses his flames to make him drop and break the mirror.

“Oh, great.”

Carla is surprised she can bored at the best party in the world. It would be a lot more fun if Stanley would talk to her. Every time they make eye contact from across the room he either turns away or runs to the snack table. Frustrated, she huffs and pushes her way through the line of suitors that have blocked her view of her friend. Stanley sees her coming and freezes like a deer in headlights. She’s so scary when she’s mad, but in a way that makes Stan blush.

“H-h-hey! Hi! Y-you come here often?” He winks.

“Stanley, you have cheese on your face.” She says and he quickly wipes away at his face.

“Yes.”

“Stan, why have you been avoiding me? I thought we came here together but you’re more interested in the snack table than me! Is it me? You don’t wanna hang out with me?” She shouts, causing a small scene.

“Wh-what? No! Carla! I...I just thought...” Stanley let’s out a sigh, “Look, I was gonna ask you to be my date before we got here, but I got scared. Then, I was gonna ask ya to dance earlier but all these boys started talking to ya. I thought maybe...you’d like to dance with some prince than...well, a stupid boy with cheese on his face.” He confesses. Before Carla can respond, the hall breaks into chaos with plates and furniture flying over everyone’s head.

“Oh! Dangit, Stanford! I stayed in the hall to avoid the paranormal activity! This is why we can’t have nice things, Ford!” Fiddleford shouts, ducking as a several plates fly pass his head.

Soon, the curse begins to take hold as the people in the hall begin to turn to wood. Stanford is distressed to see his friends and brother stuck in the positions they were last holding before the woodsman struck them with the curse. He immediately begs the Northwest’s to open the gates, telling Preston that he can still fix everything. Stanford is struck and is turned into a wood statue and Preston is left to decide the fate of his family. He is conflicted, knowing his hard earned trust will be lost completely with one action. He opens the gates anyways and the party guests spring back to life, gasping for air.

As the townsfolk flood the manor, Stanford gives Preston his friendly nudge.

“You did good, Preston.” He smiles.

“I know. These....people likely will be locked out next year, but...maybe that won’t be the case when I inherit the family fortune.” He shrugs as he walks back to his parents.

Stanford goes to find Fiddleford and does his best to calm him down, inviting him to explore the mansion only to be turned down. Fiddleford doesn’t want to run the risk of running into another ghost. Stanford opts for them to drown in the cider fountain instead and Fiddleford agrees happily. Meanwhile, Carla and Stanley are standing awkwardly side by side in the same place they had been since they were turned to wood.

“Wow, uh, we..uh...almost died.” Stanley bursts out.

“Yeaaahhh...we did.” Carla nods, looking away.

Stanley awkwardly and slowly reaches for her hand. “Do...you, uhm, do you..wanna dance?”

“Yeaaahhh...I do.” She says looking up at him and they both burst into giggles.

The four of them enjoy the rest of the party dancing, eating, and drawing on the occasional portrait. There is still more to come, however.

Yay, I finally created the humanizations of Gyro and Mad which I'm satisfied with

Gyro: I PROMISE, WHEN WE GET HOME, YOU'LL BE FUC-

Parallels and contrasts between Stan and Bill in the new book and website

Aka miscellaneous thoughts that I'm too lazy to condense into something comprehensible– what you see is what you get folks! (Book stuff, DVD commentaries! The website that came out when I was trying to write this out and is now making me pull my hair out! But in like a good way? That god damn poem!)

not necessarily same coin stuff but I sure am thinking about it.

It’s been said that a large part of Ford’s relationships with Bill, Fiddleford and Dipper was him trying to fill a hole that his estrangement with Stan had left, with none of them clicking in that same way. Dipper was directly compared to Fiddleford as someone who was completely charmed by Ford but is ultimately too anxious of a person to properly deal with the life he's offering nor pull him back when he starts going too far. Meanwhile, Bill is more analogous to Stan but to the extreme with all the doubts that Ford had been fed about Stan (that he was using him, he never grew up, he betrayed him, sabotaged the machine on purpose) turning out to be exactly true with Bill.

The book has Bill saying flat out that Ford wanted the charisma Bill had and then shows that at the peak of Ford's loneliness he was being envious of Stan's charisma, social skills and hands.

[STANLEY COULD HAVE MADE HER LAUGH]

(There’s an irony that Stan always thought that Ford was the popular twin even after doing embarrassing stuff like the kissing machine – if you haven’t seen the Swine Before Time Stan commentary get going, it’s great)

Then Bill swoops in with jokes and endless encouragement and the nickname only Stan used for him, all this in a way tailored for Ford to immediately like him while also reminding him of Stan but "better."

(The show rarely used it but Bill’s use of Sixer is extremely frequent in Journal 3 alone but the comics solidify it as being a pretty personal childhood nickname that kid!Stan used as his default way to call Ford.)

And then you see all of this working because Ford straight up writes Bill’s words using Stan's handwriting (and it turns out that Ford’s capital letter ‘for emphasis/angry’ font in general is the same as Stan’s handwriting too)

(It’s important to note that this is different from all the fonts that Bill uses for himself!)

All of this leads to the deja vu of Ford getting stabbed in the back by someone he was codependent on over a machine he thought was going to change his life for the better

Other things in the book that I’ve seen others point out and noticed myself:

Bill trying to reinforce that Ford would be alone without him, and threatening to tell Stan that Ford never loved him but the first thing Stan does in his letter is tell Ford that he loves him with their childhood code

Stan also only uses ‘Sixer’ in his letter when he normally tends to use a mix of nicknames post-Weirdmaggedon (sure it’s only twice but idk I find it noticeable)

Stan ripped a dollar in half when Bill taunted the reader earlier about how they wouldn’t do that

The promo photo vs the one in the book, Ford’s face being untouched vs Stan’s. While I initially interpreted this as “Bill’s book being a way to torment Ford” and then “him ending up having a meltdown at the thought of Stan”, the new poem kinda gives off an ominous vibe of "him moving on to focus on Stan instead whether he wants to or not"

Ford writing “miss you” in the bro code soon after arriving at Backupsmore which is shown in the Fiddleford photo, then Bill taunting Ford that he misses him

Bill and Stan now have another parallel of losing everything because of a genuine mistake but only Stan was willing to work to make up for it while Bill doubled down and became far far worse

The utter hatred Bill has for Stan being able to win in the end and get back his family

Both of them being institutionalized, with Stan’s mentioned in Guide to Mystery and Nonstop Fun (which has references to Bill liking Mabel for her chaos, silly straws, etc. Also Dipper basically came up with the Author theory but slightly wrong from theorising about the ink blot like a year before the Ford reveal)

(saturn devouring his son perfectly depicts my emotions when reaching this part of the book)

(EDIT: I was thinking about how Bill giving Ford three days to open the portal striked me as odd for some reason... and then I remembered;

Stan gave Mabel 3 days for their bet as well. Both of them specifically say 72 hours too.)

And now for the stuff we know from the website:

Bill having severe family issues with daddy issues implied since only his mum is mentioned directly with her trying to comfort him as a kid vs Stan having severe family issues with a definite focus on his dad while his mum was the only one to ask about Stan during that meeting with the principal and her being the only one to show up to his funeral

Both of them wear their dad’s hat despite of all of this

Bill starting a billion cults and has a lawyer called Multilevel Mark, Stan having his Scientology-esque cult being shot down by irl Disney and as a kid having his “technically a pyramid scheme” comic being shot down by a publisher

(I doubt that Stanentology would’ve gotten far but also you can see that a trend that the main way Bill gathers followers is by reading minds and revealing secrets only the victim would know, so let's hope that Disney-let-him-start-a-cult AU Stan never gets mind reading abilities)

Despite how we know how Stan is traumatised as hell from losing Ford, it’s noticeably isn’t referred directly in the Wheel of Shame (like you can’t tell me that the time between pushing Ford into the portal and starting the Shack isn’t as rock bottom as it gets, Bill literally recognises Stan in the first place by thinking about his brand). This probably is because Bill knows that they managed to repair their relationship and he’s fucking pissed about it.

There's further parallels between Stanley and Bill in poem; with lies and redemption and home, and further association with fire for the both of them

“Saw his own dimension burn.

Misses home and can't return.”

“Always dragged his family down.

One mistake, disowned, denied,

Only thing to do was hide.”

“One way out: the open road.

Reinvent, retry, reload.

A girdle, eyepatch, fathers fez,

"I'm a new man!" so he says”

“One way to absolve his crime.

A different form, a different time”

“His big break, it finally came,

Redemption from a life of shame.”

“Says he's happy. He's a liar.”

“Truth is just whatever sells.

When you've lost track of your lies,”

“Lie until you aren’t lying anymore”

Bill in a rotting corpse of a snake oil salesman

This triangle can fit so much self-loathing projection while being a hater

(Also it's funny that Bill is so insistent that Ford had to be the one who came up with the plan

Like look at this

See ‘em cogs turning in Stan’s head while Ford has clearly given up hope)

“How dare he dress up fancy when his jokes suck!!”

There's a parallel of Ford projecting onto Dipper in a way that makes him feel like kindred spirits with his nephew but Stan projects on Dipper in a way that causes him to be more harsh even if he has good intentions. Meanwhile Bill projects onto Ford in a more positive light in comparison to Stan, who in this case Bill wants to rip him and himself into shreds whenever he thinks of the guy. Bill’s shared love for fun/chaos with Mabel (despite them being so different at their core) is why he likes her the most out of all the Pines but that doesn’t stop him from trying to murder her (although I think most folks don’t know about that interview where Alex was like “yeah, I think Bill would’ve burnt Ford alive the moment he got the equation, he’s done playing with his toys at that point”)

Other tidbits:

I find it interesting that the full version of the Wheel of Shame has blue sparks and fades to grey scale (which automatically reminded me of his mindscape)

Stan signing off as Stanley in the book – this ain’t anything huge to chew on I'm just very over emotional about this… but also there’s Bill being called Billy by his family/in the codes

Ford thinking of Stan as childish/someone who never grew up and then we get hit by “yeah Ford always had some part of himself stuck at 18” oof

Ford underestimating Stan’s control over the mindscape, not knowing that he’s able to hide memories in Dreamscaperers, manipulate the layout of his mindscape enough to trick Bill and memory!Stan telling Dipper how to use the mindscape which Bill was genuinely surprised by

I'm headcanoning that Stan doing so bad at that history test is due to some latent bs from what Bill knows which is all crazy conspiracy level stuff

I think it's also intensely funny that all of the Pines promise that they'll murder Bill if they ever see him again and then they immediately turn to Stan and go “now it's your turn to write a letter! :D!!”

(I feel like the main requirement that the Theraprism has for Bill before he can reincarnate is mainly acknowledging his family idk which honestly would fit even better if his soul becomes Stan’s)

EDIT: I FORGOT TO MENTION THE OUROBOROS PASSWORD (or... uh oroborous which is a typo when theres a suspicious amount on the site which may mean somethng but i digress) anyway that leads to the Shack Axolotl lore where it bluntly states that Ford released it despite it showing up 30 years later anyway

and theres....

Percy weasley headcanons

He has heterochromia, while the eyes of the rest of the Weasleys are blue or brown, those of Percy are bluish in color quite close to looking gray.

You started smoking because of stress. But he is very careful about hiding his tobacco smell

Prefers coffee over tea especially because it will help you stay awake longer

He's bisexual but he spent a lot of time in the closet and when I say a lot I mean that his internalized homophobia was the size of Hogwarts

He is the tallest weasley, he is 6.5, the second tallest is Ron with 6.2, which bothered the rest of the brothers a lot, why did Percy and Ron have to be favored by genetics?

When he goes out with his brothers, more than one girl has told him that his eyes are very pretty, this makes him turn red and stutter a thank you. Bill, charlie and ginny find it quite funny, on the other hand fred and George don't understand what the girls see Percy and Ron just ignores him

He made some pranks during Hogwarts he was never caught because who would think that the perfect prefect that is percy weasley would prank someone?

When percy was 13, Arthur came home with a walkman that did not work, percy managed to fix it and kept the cassette which had the complete album of queen's she heart attack so his taste for muggle music began

His clothing style is usually loose jeans, shirts and sweaters but Oliver once convinced him to wear a black shirt, a leather jacket and jeans. Needless to say, Oliver took him to a muggle disco? And percy probably never got so many phone numbers in one night

Yes, he knows how to use a telephone, he was the one who was in charge of teaching Ron how to use it.

He is damn good at flying a broomstick, he probably could have played Quidditch professionally but when he was 10 he read the statistics of accidents in Quidditch matches and he didn't like them since then he usually avoided playing the sport

he chose his first glasses because they looked like Arthur's

his eyesight is equal to or worse than harry's, why does his 6-year-old's me think it was a good idea to read at night?

He had the same glasses since he was 7 they just used an enlargement spell when they started to get small

The first thing he did when he received his first salary from him was go get his eyesight checked and buy some new glasses

his patronus is a German Shepherd

He has insomnia, normally he would spend all night watching TV until he had to go to work and then he would live on coffee for the rest of the day and that would be his routine until Oliver went to see him and realized how little he I was sleeping percy

Of the 6 brothers percy is the one that most resembles the prewett twins

so ... what do you think about the deaf hotch? but with the difference that Hotch was always partially deaf, finally when the New York thing happens, Hotch completely loses his hearing

oh god, thank you very much really my life has been very hectic lately but in my country it is already summer holidays and I would like to re-post things on tumblr especially from criminal minds I have some ideas about the hotch vampire that I do not want to let go thank you very much for the message sarah