The Way I Would Give Up My Life And My Soul And My Entire Being For Samira Wiley Should Be A Little Concerning-

My mom made me get out of bed to unlock my bedroom door half an hour before my alarm went off (at 9:20, my alarm was supposed to ring at 10AM), when I slept at 5:15AM ; I missed all of my classes because I slept through them; I started writing(bullshitting) the assignment which I had to submit at 3 PM at 2:20 or so because I was having mental breakdowns thinking about it yesterday and I submitted it at 4 ; I got my period today and I'm having cramps AND I haven't eaten one single thing since now and it's 4:30PM and I genuinely feel like absolute shit and want to die.

edit : //and now my head hurts\\

both Harry and Louis have BPD; no, you cannot change my mind. yes, you can fight me.

my bpd is acting up with my fucking kitten and I'm so fucking done with it.

I found a baby kitten Yada Yada, took care of it, gave it love and affection, my grandma gave it food then I had to leave to my dad's house and the kitty grew closer to her and now she's closer with her than with me and I'm unconsciously distancing myself from my fucking kitten as a self defense mechanism cause she doesn't need me anymore and she loves other people more and wonderful

I feel so frigging tired and I wanna cry and the thought of having to attend my online classes tomorrow and being a productive person makes me feel horrible and on top of that having to attend my online yoga class in the evening and everything is just URGH, I just want to sleep away my life, please

Ace/aro books coming out this year that I’m looking forward to!

Is Love the Answer by Uta Isaki - stand-alone manga about a college girl who discovers she is aroace. The same mangaka also did ‘Mine-kun is Asexual’ a couple of years ago which I liked, though it was much shorter, so I’m happy to see a full length release from them. This came out just last week, so I’m super excited to read it when it gets here!

I want to be a wall (Vol.2) by Honami Shirono - manga series - releasing 17th Jan. I already posted about how much I enjoyed Vol 1 of this series, but for recap it’s about an aroace woman and her lavender marriage to a gay man who is unrequitedly in love with his best friend. I’m really excited to see how their non-conventional relationship plays out :) it’s very slice of life and cozy!

I am Ace by Cody Daigle-Orians aka Ace Dad Advice - releasing 21 Feb 2023. I’m glad to see a book about a sexuality actually written for an ace audience, because I feel like a lot of aspec books/articles are aimed at raising awareness with allos. I’m excited to see how this one goes!

Sounds Fake But Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Anything Else - by Kayla Kaszyca and Sarah Costello - releasing 21 Feb 2023. I’ve listened to their podcast a bit over the years and I’m curious to see what they come up with in this book!

If you want to see a fuller list of all the ace and aro books coming out this year, check out this list HERE!

Unpopular opinion:

The whole "adults can't be friends with kids, it's just grooming lite™" is a product of adult supremacy. By saying that adults can't have healthy relationships with kids unless they're family/students, and adults can only be mentors not friends insinuate that children aren't individuals who have intellect, autonomy, agency, thoughts, and feelings of their own. It insinuates that adults always have to impart something, that kids never be equal, that kids can just *be* around adults.

When I was a 12th grader, i was friends with kids from kindergarten, 3rd grade, and 7th grade. How was i friends with them? I treated them as equals. I respected their opinions and views. I didn't advice them, didn't make things about me, didn't treat them like mindless dolls. I had discussions with them about religion and feminism that they initiated. I talked about their friends and my friends and the things we like. I never spoke down to them, never demanded that they speak to me in a certain way, never felt offended when they talked to me as an equal. Told them not to refer to me using age-based terms. I asked them doubts when I didn't know the meaning of certain words they used or what they were referring to. I respect boundaries - spoken and unspoken. Never told them certain things "aren't meant for children, you wouldn't understand", instead I told them that I didn't know how to explain certain things in a particular to help them understand. I changed the onus.

The first step to dismantling adult supremacy is realising that children have things to contribute, that they have a whole ass personality of their own. It's realising that all concepts such as boundaries, consent, peer pressure and so on that apply to adults apply to kids as well.

Remember: equal doesn't mean the same. I wouldn't talk about sex in front of my friend who's uncomfortable with sex related topics. I wouldn't talk about gorey R rated films with friends who get squicked out by them. So why would it be hard to not mention such topics around children?

Unless kids have examples of healthy relationships with adults, how can they identify unhealthy relationships? If what they see and learn is that relationships with adults mean listening to advice and preaching, always being treated as unequal, then how are they supposed to be empowered? How are they to believe that they are their own person and do have a voice and a place in this world?

I don't like this belief/practice where when one person does something they're uncomfortable with or sacrifice something, it's seen as an act of love or loyalty or whatever to the other - similarly, when person #2 expects person #1 to do the same to "prove" / "show" their love for them; and not sacrificing something or not putting themselves in a difficult/uncomfortable situation is portrayed as not loving the other person enough - "you love me right, so why won't you do this for me" is emotional manipulation and T O X I C. You don't have to make yourself uncomfortable, you do not have to sacrifice something that makes you happy, you do not have to do any of this to prove your love to your loved one. I don't understand from when or where or how people started romanticizing the idea of sacrifice. From wives sacrificing their hobbies and their occupation for their husband or family and expecting all girls to do the same for their husband/boyfriend (cishet relationships in this context) to expecting close friends to attend parties to give you company eventhough they've made it perfectly clear that they're uncomfortable with doing so, this entire concept is normalised to the point that now it's considered not-true love, not strong enough love when others don't sacrifice/don't get out of their comfort zones/don't do things that makes them feel uncomfortable for others.

In case someone is reading this, just a trigger warning for death and stuff okay

yo, since I was a small kid whenever people were angry at me, they'd say that I was a burden and that they'd never met a child like me and they they wish they were gone/dead instead of having to deal with me and whenever I did or took something (like food for example) when it wasn't eating time without asking they'd ask me why I was eating during such a time and if I finished the last piece of something they'd be like oh you didn't ask anybody else if they want it, you're so selfish and y'know stuff lkek that, they'd never let me have complete freedom y'know, and now whenever I ask if I can eat something or like finish something or like ask permission or when I can't make decisions on my own properly or when I don't do something, like take a class or whatever because I feel like I'd be wasting their money or do tiny tiny stuff so that I'd seem invisible or not want them to do some things for me, they'd be like why aren't you doing that - like why are you asking permission for such tiny things, you should know to make your own decisions and like not to worry about other stuff and do the things you're interested but now, at present, at this age, I literally cannot, and they just don't get it that the things they've told me when I was a kid have been conditioned and engraved into my brain and it's difficult to heal from that.

difference between shipping and queerbaiting, you ask?

Drarry = Shipping

Sterek = Queerbaiting

usually for the most part, if someone doesn't reply to me or sends short replies, i can try and rationalize - takes a lot of effort, but I can do it. But lately, many people have been doing it and my brain is deducting that as a pattern and my bpd is acting up and i feel upset and betrayed and abandoned and hurt and rageeee and this pressure in my head to start fights which is so fucking difficult to manage/control, and i just want to scream at everyone and punch myself